My boyfriend and I are both Christians and both desiring to honour God. We have vowed to not have sex until we get married. When we are cuddling together he gets pretty physical. I have talked about boundaries with my boyfriend and he explained to me that everything he does to me is done out of love and not lust... and that is how he justifies being so physical I think. However, I feel we have gone too far. We have been naked together. He touches me down there. He grinds against me (with his boxers on, but still!). I have asked him about this before and we discussed how the bible does not say anything against such acts, and that the only act that is a sin is lust and sex. But I still feel that we are not honouring God by what we are doing...my boyfriend would say otherwise though. He thinks I’m on the same page as him currently but I am now coming to the conclusion that we need to take a step back until we get married. Am I right in trying to take a step back physically? How do I approach talking to him about this respectfully and nicely? I need help and assurance, people.
Oh and can someone point out some Bible verses regarding boundaries I can use when talking to him? I appreciate all the advice I can get thanks
Take a step back - by your description above you are entering dangerous territory with how close you two have already become. I know how hard it can be to say “no” and/or “stop” to a man whom you love so much but, allowing him to get that close to you is only intensifying his desire to do more. Don’t lay down with him, absolutely do not take your clothes off with him and do not put yourself in ANY position where his hormones and yours could get the better of either of you; even if this means eliminating kissing and/or touching in any way.
Deception is a slow fade—meaning this- what seems “harmless enough” or “not all the way” can lead to more and more with each step coming closer to what you do not want to happen. (Which you have already experienced). Your conscience is clearly bothering you and you need to pay attention to God's leading. You have to practice self-control and more than that it’s ultimately YOUR decision and no amount of scripture quoting or otherwise is going to convince another person what not to do.
Your boyfriend will clearly debate you on every side -he already has- by what you have said above in his previous responses to you. Those are warning flags honey and you need to pay attention to that. This is not necessarily because he’s a bad guy but, because he is young, immature in his faith and speaking out of his fleshly desire. Every time you allow him close to you in the manners you have described above you are tempting that (for both of you). Don’t tempt him or yourself. You absolutely can control that- simply say no and mean it – regardless of his reaction to your boundaries. You have to be firm in who YOU are in Christ and what YOU believe.
With regard to the scriptures, you asked for- I think what would help you more is if you yourself read these scriptures as opposed to trying to use them to convince his heart – you need to make sure they are part of YOUR heart and in this way, you will become stronger.
Also, it would be a good idea to talk to a woman who is older than you (your mom, a pastor’s wife etc.) someone who is experienced in their walk, someone you trust, but, ensure they are a solid Christian woman who can help you, encourage you and lead you wisely with advice. Another suggestion is to read a few of the books listed below they too will help you.
Be strong and make this a priority in your relationship. If this young man does not go “with you” on this path of learning and resistance to temptation then no matter how much you love him he is not the boy for you.
Stay blessed my friend!
Suggested Scriptures: Proverbs 31: 10-31; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:3
Suggested Books: (You can purchase all these on Amazon )
1. Purity Under Pressure: A Young Woman's Guide To Staying Pure
2. Every Young Woman's Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World
3. Perfectly Unique: Praising God from Head to Foot
4. Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship
5. Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control
6. When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Guide to Guy/Girl Relationships
7. Set-Apart Femininity: God's Sacred Intent for Every Young Woman