Bartek Swierczek
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- Jul 15, 2018
- 28
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- Sri Lanka
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- Male
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- Non-Denom
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- Private
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I'd say you got extremely, extremely lucky.
Obviously, I wasn't all that important to the body of the church I worked in and others I paid tithes to. I left and no one called, no one wrote asking where I went. I wasn't shocked. I remember the great experience I had at two other churches. Went to the big shot pastors for counseling. Told one I was suicidal, and he said, "there is nothing I can do for you." Another one told me, "you just need to see your doctor" and wanted me, the person with Bipolar, out of his office (and probably the building) as fast as possible. That same church had the singles minister and the select group, the main clique, having private prayer meetings only a few were invited to. I used to see some of them in public and they would act like they didn't know me from Adam when I said hello. It got around and many of us left the church over it and the singles minister was fired for playing favorites. He left for "other opportunities" and it was all hush-hush. God forbid their throng of ministers getting paid fancy salaries actually reach out to the ones their minister screwed over when they saw almost a third the singles group quit. Of course, when their music minister got caught...let's just say he was a closet gay and propped a cop in a park...it was all over the local news. They couldn't quietly fire him. Yeah, I'd say churches have been so wonderful. As soon as church was over, the only people happy to see me was my car.
You know, I was saved at home not in church.
I was telling someone at work about my experiences, he works with kids who have been burned out on churches like I have been, and he pretty much agreed, "churches have become country clubs" where friendship is rarely offered....unless you are a professional or married w/kids.
I hear ya. It's when we look at others and their mistreatment that quenches the Spirit within us, imo.
Part of my past and testimony is that I was a preacher's wife and a volunteer with the huge church organization, being a region director for young women at the time... and of course went to the wive's groups etc... but when my then spouse wanted a divorce, insisted I divorce him so he could stay in the ministry.... NOT A SINGLE PERSON CALLED ME. I can only look back and wonder what lies he had told about me to make them side with him and not encourage me. Of course if I had gossipped and all that, they might have changed their minds??? I was ostracized from them entirely, was removed from my volunteer position... and mind you, I was ministering to women in maybe 50 churches...not a single call or contact. Now THAT could have stopped me from serving Christ forever...but I simply cannot allow the devil to use the misbehavior of others to stop me from sharing Jesus' love!
[PS I was disabled in an industrial accident 30 years ago and have PTSd from the harrowing event, and subsequent stalking of the insurance company.... ]
I do miss the fellowship as well, as others have shared. I miss church in the sense of an organized worship, unity etc. But I miss the fellowship of other believers... but at this point how do I know it's real for them? It's real for me...and that has to be enough for me until Jesus returns!
Short staffed is more like it (Matthew 13:26, Luke 10:2), but also it sounds like the imbalance of representation has taken it's toll on your attitude (1 Corinthians 15:33), that is manifesting now in a type of depression - that actually is reinforcing a fear of trusting. I just wish the truth of the apostasy wasn't so deep and widespread that people would naturally think it is some conspiracy theory. This is the real truth of what has happened! (Look carefully at Luke 19:14).I guess he's busy.
Hebrews 2.3 describes it as so great a salvation.It's amazing to be saved. Not everybody is. What a privilege and what a wonderful thing to recieve. And you have the Holy Spirit within you - He doesn't have to show up - He's right there all the time. I also take medication which totally dulls feeling. I think.....Who cares? The Bible tells me that 'I KNOW whom I have believed'. It doesn't say 'I feel good about whom I have believed'. So I accept with my mind and get on with the job!
Christianity is all about building a deeper and deeper relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It's a bit like a theatre - when you accept salvation, you come in off the street into the foyer. Then you begin to grow with prayer, reading the Bible and fellowship. This is like coming inside and watching the performance, while making your way gradually to the front. Then you keep praying, reading and growing......and One day, when Jesus returns, you can choose to be right there on the stage with Him. It's going to be the most wonderful thing we can imagine, but yep, there's some commitment and hard graft in having relationship - else you just stay out in the foyer and miss all the fun and rewards.
I'm curious when you say you 'don't understand the Bible' because of your childhood? Reading or listening to the Bible is VITAL to your growing relationship with God, so that's something to work on as soon as you can. My husband didn't learn to read till he was 27 - when he became a Christian and needed to read it. If you just don't get what it's all about, join a study group. Small groups are also much easier to start fellowshiping in, as you get to know the people better, faster.
God does love you, and really really wants to have a real relationship with you, but you gotta put in the work. Keep trying. It's worth it in the end.
Ok I'd probably use other words and terms... but have come to the conclusion that he is someone who is incapable of truly being saved. So sad. You are correct in your assessment, however, he was a part time Coasty/sailor
So... how do we feel fulfilled as Christians when there's no one with which to fellowship? I mean, we both know that GOD is enough...but again "no man is an island" and God created Eve because even Adam, whom walked and talked with God daily in the garden, was lonely!!! Why are WE required to be this way when GOD knows we cannot be fully happy this way??? Ok. Rant over.![]()
This part simply isn't true! .. you have said yourself that you have given up the search, plus, you seem to have become discouraged because you have been looking in all the wrong places (can you pick a fig from a thorn bush?). Consider what it means to say that God does not show favouritism: Romans 10:19-21, Matthew 9:38. Why not go into the streets and start asking people for their thoughts on God? This is what we do as evangelists when we have something to share with people - but you can be just as much a seeker in the same waywhen there's no one with which to fellowship?
I didn't ask that question. Drjean did.This part simply isn't true! .. you have said yourself that you have given up the search, plus, you seem to have become discouraged because you have been looking in all the wrong places (can you pick a fig from a thorn bush?). Consider what it means to say that God does not show favouritism: Romans 10:19-21, Matthew 9:38. Why not go into the streets and start asking people for their thoughts on God? This is what we do as evangelists when we have something to share with people - but you can be just as much a seeker in the same wayeither way you are giving Him the chance to manifest and do His work in your midst (Matthew 18:20), and you are more likely to not be giving the devil a foothold (Matthew 6:23).
The pastor that tossed me into darkness when I was suicidal is still the big shot. The 2nd pastor is dead. The 2nd one was pastor a long, long time. He was a good man, but clearly cared nothing about me when I needed to talk and wanted me out of his office as fast as possible. You know what really ticks me off about both? I paid their church tithes faithfully. Scrimped and saved. Did without. And, when I needed them, I got the finger. Neither were stupid rubes, either. They were learned men. The second definitely had people in his congregation with mental health issues.Also, just so that there is no mincing of words, Jesus does require disciples that are bold enough to quote Matthew 8:11-12 against churches when it is appropriate.. or else, what does He gain by having ransomed us?
Just hold up there.. now you are asking me to manufacture a deep sincere passion of caring that you also assume is not a natural thing for me - it's not a realistic thing to ask for, so all it is reflecting is that you feel as though I am lacking a level of compassion that you expect. It is an expression of pain, and yet from my perspective it is not a fair accusation to lodge at me. So I cannot allow that spirit to continue in you without bringing it into the open for confrontation. I am going to show you something to back this up:Serving Zion, maybe you should find some compassion for people like me and DrJean?
This is absolutely not true at all, and I recognise this, the spirit that speaks to me through you is not the spirit of truth - I cannot allow you to address me in that way.I'm glad you've had it soooooo easy and have been soooooo blessed in the churches you've attended and apparently had a wonderful childhood free from abuse.
I actually have not had it easy as you would suggest, and where you speak of abuse in a past tense, that is a luxory that I desire.
Well hold on here a minute. What exactly do you think church is? It's not a building it's really a people. Don't you find a lot of people on here talking to you always seeking to encourage you? From what I've seen that's the case. This is church here too you know. No matter what you're thinking of places you go to geographically in your car to a building that can't be defined by no means in totality as the church. Yes there's problem with institutional buildings of churches and their formats of doing services sometimes gets in the way of believers being put in a place where they have to be interactive.I still walk on eggshells day by day at times. I still feel worthless--I don't think that will ever go away totally. The church certainly has not been an uplifting experience.
Well get in their face and tell them they need to repent then!I'm definitely the rebel because I've always existed on the fringes of society. Church, for 25 years, offered me no friendships beyond the acquaintance stage. Too bad.
1993 for me and I didn't feel loved and accepted, however, the deep dark quality of my loneliness disappeared and has never returned. Baptised in the spirit about 3 years later.Honestly, I got saved way back in 1991 and finally felt loved and accepted. Got the baptism of the Holy Spirit six months later.
I've had significant depression and bipolar disorder II since 1998. I suffered significantly for 20 years, 10 of which could definitely be referred to as "hell." I've had other mental illness-related pain for 25 more years in addition to those 20. You aren't alone. There are a number of people that participate in these forums who have been through similar things, as well. Some people find support groups valuable. You get to see people worse off than you and you are thankful you don't have that, and you get to see people who are better off than you, which gives you hope. It is also an opportunity to talk with people that have some understanding of what you've been through.Six months into, know I know what happened but didn't for 25 years, the Holy Spirit deeply triggered my Bipolar and my past. Things went haywire. No longer felt loved and accepted. I lived in hell for 25+ years. Never thought I was good enough or worth anything. I thought God talked to me for years. Listen for the "still, small voice" thing. It was just my brain making things up. God maybe talked to me two or three times in 25 years.
He is certainly not a taskmaster, and he loves you enormously. How much does God the Father love Jesus? That's exactly how much he loves you. It is not dependent on what's right or wrong with you, it is dependent on the love that is in his heart. (However, feeling his love is an entirely different matter.)Finally, someone told me God is not a taskmaster and is not just tolerating me. For a few days I felt better, but, honestly, it just felt empty. I told God, "I don't feel loved." I know it my head, but not anywhere else. The Holy Spirit, if he ever shows up, which is rare, I immediately am fearful and wonder endlessly why he's there--what bad did I do now? type thing.
Same as the majority of my church years, although I still like going to hear the sermon. I'm hearing impaired so it's not just a social problem at church, I also just can't have a casual conversation with anybody because it is so noisy. Most humans are struggling to overcome conflict, anxiety, and pain, every moment of their lives (even if they don't recognize that they are in distress because of being separated from God). It is a rare person that both perceives your need and will focus on you for long. And even if they do, in my USA subculture, it is difficult to approach someone with something helpful in mind, and also difficult to accept someone approaching you with something helpful in mind. We do not have a culture where suffering is accepted. It's not happy news and it reminds people of their own pain as well as—sometimes—their own inability to help others as much as their moral code dictates (causing them to feel ashamed).Honestly, church over the last 25 years has been one lonely place. People are friendly but they don't want anything to do with you outside of church. Much of that I think is because I'm single and not a professional, and/or not married with kids. I worked in the tv ministry at the last church, and when I decided, why am I going? It's just lonely. I quit. No one ever called or ask why I left. It was like I didn't exist. So, honestly, I have no desire for church anymore. There's no offer of friendship or community to belong to so what's the point?
You are generous! I figure it is more like 10%, and a only a tiny fraction of those are reasonably fulfilling the first and greatest commandment (Mark 12:30).I actually do believe on 20% in churches are saved anyway. Half probably go because it is the right thing to do. Another group go for signs and wonders (they followed Jesus around when he was here, too). And, some go because they like the singing (or the "show" as I call it in some churches).
Yeah, meds do that. I can't remember what unbounded happiness or joy is anymore, although I suspect most of that is the natural result of being jaded by pain and false expections for my life and the world's behavior. However, there is much, much more God has for every individual in this life.I told God. I don't feel loved. With meds, it's hard to feel anything sometimes anyway, and mine blocks a lot of emotion since that is what it works on. Other than salvation, what is there?
I do not think you meant Acts 16:13, but I am curious what the correct reference is. You can read some recently written thoughts I had about what it takes to be saved here, if you are interested.I actually believe now when you are saved, you are saved. You don't have to do a thing. You are under Grace (ask forgiveness once and day and don't worry about sin). God can't take away from you. Satan can't steal it. Believe in ACTS 16:13 and that's it. I personally think it is the most important scripture, along with John 3:16, in the Bible. And, yes, I realize very few people really understand salvation and Grace. Both are constants. They can't change or Jesus's crucifixation, death and resurrection is all a lie.
First off, if you have not irrevocably chosen Jesus, the Son of the living God, and God himself, as your God (1 Corinthians 8:5-6), then that is one hindrance from you receiving from him. Another hindrance is sin, which pushes God away whenever you do it. If you want to overtly receive from God frequently, it usually requires a purity of heart that comes from sincere commitment to live as Jesus did, and obedience to him that necessarily follows that.Jesus was only out of contact with God once. On the cross when he became sin. Other than that, I guess they always were together. I just feel like, besides salvation, there really is nothing. I'm still lonely. God loves me. So? He loves everybody. I've never felt God was interested in me much. I wrote my first book. God never said a thing. I was like, some friend you are. You can't say one word? LOL I thought seriously about that after finishing my 2nd book. God never said a thing.
I love God, but I really don't get what is so great about Christianity. It seems as empty as everything else. How God talks to us is beyond me. Dreams, an actual voice, impressions, the Bible, which I don't understand due to my horrible childhood. We never went to Sunday School.
I love God, but I really don't get what is so great about Christianity.
@seekingmuch >I only miss fellowship with other believers, chatting, praying together and Bible study. I guess that's why I registered here two days ago... So far CF is an interesting place to be![]()