Are 'White Lies' ever okay?

[Clint Edwards]

I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

Sure !, easy. " That was such a wonderful gift you bought me, I appreciate it very much ! Thank you ! No lies, absolute truth.

 

[Martyr's Crown]

If asked about hiding Jews in your attic in Nazi Germany, would you answer yes or no? Love would answer No. But legalism would answer Yes.

My husband just told me now that one preacher had said one time that if you didn't wanted to lie nor betray the ones you were hiding, it would be better to not respond at all.

That's sure not such a bad advice as well.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

Had to think like a little child on this one ---
a 3 year old son raised in the way he should live ,
mom gets him a tricycle for his birthday, and
not knowing this,
a cousin also brings over a tricycle later for his birthday ---

the little child without any self-consciousness and with radiant face and big open eyes looks right at the cousin face to face
and simply says
THANKS ! Mom bought me one too,
then rides either one with no conflict at all (in the little child raised to trust his Father God and to rely on Him)....

the cousin might , if not raised right himself, be upset, hurt, embarrassed, or whatever,
or best case scenario could be simply honest , with no remorse nor shame at all, not worried at all about the double gifts.

The little birthday boy also could joyously give the new 2nd tricycle to a friend with no hindrance nor selfishness nor shame at all even occurring in his righteous soul or heart or mind.

 

[Loren T.]

If asked about hiding Jews in your attic in Nazi Germany, would you answer yes or no? Love would answer No. But legalism would answer Yes.

I would answer no without a twinge of conciense. But those kinds of lies aren't the problem in our culture. Most people I'm convinced, lie all the time out of convenience.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Ken brings up a fantastic point- excluding white lies to preserve feelings, we still lie all the time to kids. Is that okay?

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy are all blatant lies, yet we seem to accept these. Most people tell their kids that these things exist, but if we should never lie, then we would be sinning by telling children that they're real.

No.
"we" do not lie to the kids, not all the time, not some times, no, never.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I would answer no without a twinge of conciense. But those kinds of lies aren't the problem in our culture. Most people I'm convinced, lie all the time out of convenience.

This was the main "lesson" about 20 years ago in many groups -
every body lies all the time, EVEN IN COURT (both sides "know" everyone is lying, just don't get caught is their thoughts).

As written ALSO IN SCRIPTURE "all men are liars" (except the elect),
and Yahweh (God) is NOT a man that He should lie..... such a contrast with the whole world....

Ekklesia tell the simple , undevious truth, so they are able to stand with a perfectly clear conscience before Yahweh's Throne at any moment, every moment (today , in this life)
praising Him with no fear of judgment,
and requesting anything they need at any moment,
directly from Yahweh the Sovereign Creator Father of Jesus Savior Messiah King of the Jews...

as written clearly in Scripture.

 

[Drought of the Heart]

No, let your yes be yes and your no be no

 

[th1bill]

You have given the correct answer but I know few that try to live by this truth.. This is always true but if it were necessary and after, say you protected 3 children and their mother from an angry husband because of Black Eyes and Bruises, I do not believe YHWH would not forgive that planed sin as soon as you prayed for forgiveness. Yhwh is a very Practical Elohim and He loves you if you have professed Him to be your LORD and you live 7 days a week to Glorify His Holy Name.

 

[fat wee robin]

Jesus never lied. He's our example.

Lots of others did, and at least one I can think of for a noble purpose (Rahab), but my guess is that it comes from weakness and a lack of faith.

Can you show me where the bible says don't lie? Please don't grab "bearing false witness" because that is not the same and I can explain why if you need me to. Remember, Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife.

Now, I am not advocating lying folks... but if you are going to say "we can never lie" then I would suggest, especially if you are a parent, that you are already a liar. A lie is telling a untruth, and so if you lied to your child because the content of something they were about to see was beyond their years and you wanted to protect them from it... you still lied. If you told them Santa Claus was real, you lied. If you told them the zit on their face didn't look bad when you knew it did, you lied.

What if a Nazi came to your door almost 80 years ago and asked if you had Jews hiding in your basement? If you said no, when you did have them, you lied EVEN THOUGH the lie protected life because you knew the real question was, "are you hiding Jews we can kill?"

It seems that those who say never lie ,are doing just that ,but are unaware that they are doing so .
I just checked the 10 commandments .The NINETH says " Do not bear false witness against your neighbour ". Just that , no more .

 

[PaulCyp1]

Why is lying a sin? Because is may hurt the other person or cause other other damage. In a situation where lying will do no harm, and telling the truth may hurt someone, there is no requirement to go ahead and hurt the other person. A more obvious example - a woman asks "how do you like my new hair style?". You can "tell the truth" and say it looks hideous, or you can "lie" and tell her it looks nice.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

If asked about hiding Jews in your attic in Nazi Germany, would you answer yes or no? Love would answer No. But legalism would answer Yes.

Remember the testimony of Corrie ten Boom about just that.

The gestapo were in the kitchen questioning them
where a boy was that they were looking for.
One of the family's daughters replied "he's under the table" (which is where he was hiding, btw).

The gestapo left without looking (SHEER GRACE! YAHWEH'S PERFECT PROTECTION at that moment, as they saw very frequently, daily, through the war (even though many were caught and killed, yes) ) ....

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Why is lying a sin? Because is may hurt the other person or cause other other damage. In a situation where lying will do no harm, and telling the truth may hurt someone, there is no requirement to go ahead and hurt the other person. A more obvious example - a woman asks "how do you like my new hair style?". You can "tell the truth" and say it looks hideous, or you can "lie" and tell her it looks nice.

Telling the TRUTH may (and often does) hurt the other person or cause other damage,
so that is not the reason lying is a sin (realize it is not always a sin).

 

[fat wee robin]

Considering what is told about Abraham, we really don't know about whether pharao would have killed him if he did tell the truth about Sarah being his wife.

Also keep in mind; Since he was considered a righteous man before God's eyes, don't you believe God would have protected him from getting killed and instead made pharao showing favour towards Abraham? He has done this before with one of his prophets, he made the king show him favour when he came to his kingdom.

"this Ezra came up from Babylon: and was a skilled scribe in the Law of Moses, which the Lord God of Israel had given. The king granted him all his request, according to the hand of the Lord his God upon him". (Ezra 7:6)

I don't think God was pleased with Abraham lying to pharao, as he could also have trusted God instead of lying at this time. This does show us Abraham was a fellow human who got frightened for his life and maybe doubted a bit in God's protection being over him and his wife? It still doesn't mean it was right, and it doesn't show God approved of this as fine either.

In the 10 Commandments it also tells us that we shouldn't "Lie", so this makes it clear for us that God isn't pleased with anyone who lies. He is also the Truth.

Well you have just 'lied ' , as it does not say that at all !!

 

[DamianWarS]

I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

a lot of these white lies are a matter of culture and often our culture gives a lot of liberties to "lie" because it is socially awkward or unacceptable to tell the truth. The perfect example is when you're asked "How are you?" the reply is typically "fine" regardless how you actually feel. The asker actually doesn't want to know how you are and the person who responds doesn't actually say how they are feeling but rather these are social small talk behaviours that have rules and is more akin to a greeting than a sincere question of how you're feeling.

So if someone is asking "did you use my gift?" you need to interpret socially and culturally what they are actually asking and what they want to hear. What they are probably looking for is affirmation that you liked the gift so responding in a way that indicates that you enjoy the gift will make them feel happy.

Westerns don't do well with this but it is a strong eastern cultural behaviour where what is more valued in a dialog is honour and respect to the other person and it is a greater wrong to disrespect then it is to lie. So if you are asked a direct question that is untrue you don't point out the wrong you reply in a way that answers the spirit of the question and what they are actually wantain a way that shows them respect. Most times this ends in a lie. This is eastern cultural points that don't transfer well to western culture but some points still overlap.

 

[fat wee robin]

Why is lying a sin? Because is may hurt the other person or cause other other damage. In a situation where lying will do no harm, and telling the truth may hurt someone, there is no requirement to go ahead and hurt the other person. A more obvious example - a woman asks "how do you like my new hair style?". You can "tell the truth" and say it looks hideous, or you can "lie" and tell her it looks nice.

It seems to me some people here do not live in the real world .
Hairstyles !!!

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Well you have just 'lied ' , as it does not say that at all !!

Maybe not on purpose - there are a lot of schools over the last 2000 (and more ) years that pretend to teach the truth and are not even close nor honest.
Multitudes have been taught false teachings and have no idea if not delivered from them that they are false teachings, since the teacher (often) just teaches what they are told/required to teach (often)
and few ever learn to distinguish the Truth from what is false.

i.e. "little", or any size, "lies" tend to grow and grow and grow
as written:
the wicked are being becoming more wicked,
and the righteous are being becoming more righteous.

 

[Dave L]

Remember the testimony of Corrie ten Boom about just that.

The gestapo were in the kitchen questioning them
where a boy was that they were looking for.
One of the family's daughters replied "he's under the table" (which is where he was hiding, btw).

The gestapo left without looking (SHEER GRACE! YAHWEH'S PERFECT PROTECTION at that moment, as they saw very frequently, daily, through the war (even though many were caught and killed, yes) ) ....

This is great. But what about David acting crazy to deceive King Achish 1 Samuel 21:12–13.

Or God sending lying spirits to deceive Ahab?

“and the Lord said, ‘Who will entice Ahab, that he may go up and fall at Ramoth-gilead?’ And one said one thing, and another said another. Then a spirit came forward and stood before the Lord, saying, ‘I will entice him.’ And the Lord said to him, ‘By what means?’ And he said, ‘I will go out, and will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets.’ And he said, ‘You are to entice him, and you shall succeed; go out and do so.’ Now therefore behold, the Lord has put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these your prophets; the Lord has declared disaster for you.”” (1 Kings 22:20–23)

 

[fat wee robin]

a lot of these white lies are a matter of culture and often out culture gives a lot of liberties to "lie" because it is social awkward or unacceptable to tell the truth. The perfect example is when you're asked "How are you?" the reply is typically "fine" regardless how you actually feel. The asker actually doesn't want to know how you are and the person who responds doesn't actually say how they are feeling but rather these are social small talk behaviours that have rules and is more akin to a greeting than a sincere question of how you're feeling.

So if someone is asking "did you use my gift?" you need to interpret socially and culturally what they are actually asking and what they want to hear. What they are probably looking for is affirmation that you liked the gift so responding in a way that indicates that you enjoy the gift will make them feel happy.

Westerns don't do well with this but it is a strong eastern cultural behaviour where what is more values in a dialog is honour and respect to the other person and it is a greater wrong to disrespect then it is to make them feel honoured. So if you are asked a direct question that is untrue you don't point out the wrong you reply in a way that answers the spirit of the question and why they are actually asking about plus in a way that shows them respect. This is eastern cultural points that don't transfer well to western culture but some points still overlap.

And Westerners lie all the time about serious matters ,like a little fiddle of the taxes ,about other cultures because of ignorance ,of other religions for the same reasons ,about themselves and how others see them . Seeing themselves as truthful ,all the time when it is impossible to be like Jesus ,as He could see ALL TRUTH ,when they cannot .
Sorry I agree with your post as I believe 'self delusion ' is a huge LIE and is most common among those who think they never lie .

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

This is great. But what about David acting crazy to deceive King Achish 1 Samuel 21:12–13.

Or God sending lying spirits to deceive Ahab?

“and the Lord said, ‘Who will entice Ahab, that he may go up and fall at Ramoth-gilead?’ And one said one thing, and another said another. Then a spirit came forward and stood before the Lord, saying, ‘I will entice him.’ And the Lord said to him, ‘By what means?’ And he said, ‘I will go out, and will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets.’ And he said, ‘You are to entice him, and you shall succeed; go out and do so.’ Now therefore behold, the Lord has put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these your prophets; the Lord has declared disaster for you.”” (1 Kings 22:20–23)

ALL GOOD ! (and similar scenarios repeated more often than realized, good!)

 

[Dave L]

I would answer no without a twinge of conciense. But those kinds of lies aren't the problem in our culture. Most people I'm convinced, lie all the time out of convenience.

So getting people killed is better than showing them love? You would be guilty of murder so doing.