Stuck between a rock and a hard place

[Amy-Rebekah]

TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSULT.



basically my church is very conservative and as a result expects women to be virgins and have hymens etc except they don’t know that prior to coming to the church I was raped multiple times by a friend and I have gynae issues which have resulted in scans, surgery etc. And the NHS doesn’t care much about virginity in women with BPD as they assume we all sleep around. I was accused by the NHS of lying about rape and had a lecture on consent and I knew more than the doctor! Problem is the NHs won’t fund surgery I DESPERATELY need to feel normal again instead they’re telling me to leave my friends and not understanding these are the only family I really have. The only people in the church who know I was raped include the pastor and his wife and they have been fantastic and supportive it’s the rest of the congregation who are judgemental. I didn’t ask for my friend to rape me he was drunk and wasn’t in control of his actions furthermore I’m never going to be able to get justice for him because the defence would use my mental health against me.

 

[Theodoric]

Wow. I'm glad you have the support of your pastor and his wife. As to the congregation, the problem is, it's made up of people. Some would be supportive, some would just feel uncomfortable and not know what to say, some would judge. For which reason, oversharing often causes difficulties whereas you should be able to go to your brothers and sisters for support and comfort.

From what you've said, I would suggest you look to your pastor and his wife for guidance. Surely there are support groups you could be referred to where you could talk this out without it getting back to the people in your home church?

 

[Amy-Rebekah]

The thing is some of the men lookfor blood... I won’t have that I know the stats etc but for them it’s not enough.... also I want to return my body to its pre damaged state.

Wow. I'm glad you have the support of your pastor and his wife. As to the congregation, the problem is, it's made up of people. Some would be supportive, some would just feel uncomfortable and not know what to say, some would judge. For which reason, oversharing often causes difficulties whereas you should be able to go to your brothers and sisters for support and comfort.

From what you've said, I would suggest you look to your pastor and his wife for guidance. Surely there are support groups you could be referred to where you could talk this out without it getting back to the people in your home church?

 

[Sam91]

The thing is some of the men lookfor blood... I won’t have that I know the stats etc but for them it’s not enough.... also I want to return my body to its pre damaged state.

Hi I am sorry for all you have been through.

Your whole Church doesn't need to know what you have been through. Only share with those you trust. Not because you have anything to feel ashamed for, but because people can be careless with comments and it can hurt.

You know, as for worrying about blood etc, surely that might be needless worrying? When you find someone you want to marry I would hope it was someone you could confide in. If you don't say what happened before the marriage you would be living a lie. It would be harder to say after because you would have been guilty of not being forthcoming.

Let the Lord take away the burden of any misplaced shame. Let Him set you free from that. Your Father in Heaven knows your heart. Let Him heal it.

God bless you

(PS Rape in the UK is much more common than you think. It is drastically under reported. I think the statistics can run as high as 1 in 3.5 women if the article I read in 2010 was correct)

 

[JAM2b]

HUGS!

First, a woman's hymen is nobody else's business. Second, not everyones is the same and it can be damaged or "broken" in a variety of ways: horse riding, pap smears, and tampon use. I understand that your church and social group find it to be very important, however, in reality -and to God- your hymen doesn't mean anything.

But most importantly, you need to begin seeking people who are understanding, compassionate, and accepting. It can take a while, so don't waste time. Don't dump your current social circle or church, but don't let them make you feel bad for something that is not their business. And if they did know about your business, their attitude should be compassionate and unconditional love.

As far as a future husband, there are men out there who would not care, except for to feel sadness and anger on your behalf for what someone else did to you that was beyond your control. Seek someone who is kind and understanding, and loves you for who you are, not your hymen.

 

[Dave-W]

The thing is some of the men lookfor blood... I won’t have that I know the stats etc but for them it’s not enough...

Those men do not need to know ANYTHING about your medical issues.

ZERO.

 

[Dave-W]

As far as a future husband, there are men out there who would not care, except for to feel sadness and anger on your behalf for what someone else did to you that was beyond your control. Seek someone who is kind and understanding, and loves you for who you are, not your hymen.

Amen and amen.

 

[Southernscotty]

So sorry for you. It is a cruel world and I would suggest you see a good christian counselor {that is usually free} Talk with them and let them help you. Let God be the one to lead you to your future husband, He always has your best interest at heart and He loves you so much. Bless you Sister.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Your health and medical concerns are none of the church's business. It sounds like their judgment is re-traumatizing you. You deserve to be treated with respect and care. I'm so sorry.