Good guys or bad guys?

[Ajoj]

Do girls really love "bad guys", i always thought this is crap, i acted perfectly with this girl, and it was not to gain something from her, its because she deserved it, and because im wired that way. But after some time and in the end, she said there was no sparks, and that im great guy. Do girls not know that this is not a compliment, if you say that to a guy when you are leaving him.
The feeling of heartbreak is devastating...

 

[blackribbon]

To group "all" anyones is sort of ridiculous. Some women must like bad guys. Plenty of others, myself included, prefer men with character and ethics.

I think the feeling of heartbreak is there regardless of what the woman says when she realizes that a relationship isn't working for her. Is there some other way to say it if it is true? Finding sparks is very independent of whether or not the man is a good guy or a bad guy.

 

[Paulie079]

First of all, sorry that it didn't work out. I know it's always a tough thing to deal with that. You do have to remember that there is no easy way to break up with someone, so you at least have to appreciate the fact that she was trying to preserve your dignity in the process. And at least she was honest with you early on rather than dragging it out any longer.

And just as an aside, I do think there is something attractive to women about "bad guys," but it's not entirely the "badness." There definitely are some who are attracted to the badness as it is something unfamiliar to be explored and can have an air of rebellion to it. A lot of people have phases where they are attracted to the thrill of rebellion. But I think what women are most attracted to is that "bad guys" tend to be more forward and more persistent and they hide their insecurities well. Also, I think there's a misconception among a lot of *cough* Christian *cough* guys that women want to be ogled over, and that they want a man who is going to spread a red, silk carpet down for them wherever they go when the reality is that they just want someone who is going to be their best friend and treat them as an equal. Not more or less than that--just equal. The really attractive acts of service are much more subtle and thoughtful than the red carpet treatment.

 

[Grace2022]

Do girls really love "bad guys", i always thought this is crap, i acted perfectly with this girl, and it was not to gain something from her, its because she deserved it, and because im wired that way. But after some time and in the end, she said there was no sparks, and that im great guy. Do girls not know that this is not a compliment, if you say that to a guy when you are leaving him.
The feeling of heartbreak is devastating...

As a woman i say to you nice guys are the best. You keep being you. Be nice, be the best you can be with high principles. Tjen and only then will you find the girl who truly deserves YOU. If indeed you decide she is good for you. Be confident. We like a strong.quiet confident man. A good man.

 

[Ajoj]

Yeah i know, its just that im highly emotional person, so its hard to deal with, especially, when its the second time being heartbroken by same person, i just started to move on, when she texted me, i was hoping it was something that could bring us together again, but based from her messages it looks like she just wanted to stay good.
First time it was so hard that i felt into state of emotional numbness because feelings were so strong,and i was surpressing them, so im posting stupid questions on internet now, in order to let my emotions out, because it hurts, and so it does not happen again.

 

[Ajoj]

As a woman i say to you nice guys are the best. You keep being you. Be nice, be the best you can be with high principles. Tjen and only then will you find the girl who truly deserves YOU. If indeed you decide she is good for you. Be confident. We like a strong.quiet confident man. A good man.

Thanks a lot for this message

 

[Senkaku]

I hate bringing this up but in order to shatter the illusions, I must. I was the "good romantic guy" before. I got nothing in return for it except for the occasional "he's a great guy" and of course the friend zoning. Then, I got involved in PUA and the girls started flocking to me. I did manage to ask a girl about this in which she said that it feels forced or fake when a guy does those things, like an expectation on women just because you are good. like you "earned them", it makes them feel like some kind of object. Women don't owe anything to a man just cause he's "good". Some guys are sincerely good guys, others use that as a tool to get things and guys must be aware that this can come off to people as "fake".

that being said, you have to understand that at the end of the day what people want from you is the "real" you. stop pretending and trying so hard to be a "bad boy" or a "good boy" just be you. if you are good, be good. if you are bad, be bad. the point is honesty. girls don't simply "fall" for the bad guy, its a perception of honesty, they perceive them to be honest, especially if they have a past with guys who pretended to be nice cause they wanted something from them only to use them.

bottom line, just be you. stop trying to control things. by being you, you push away those who don't belong in your life anyway and also draw in those who do. You are not responsible for the way people perceive what you do, its called subjective reality, everyone does it.

 

[Ajoj]

Offcourse, that was not the question, i was me, i wasnt planing to become bad guy so more girls would like me.
What is PUA?

 

[Grace2022]

Yeah i know, its just that im highly emotional person, so its hard to deal with, especially, when its the second time being heartbroken by same person, i just started to move on, when she texted me, i was hoping it was something that could bring us together again, but based from her messages it looks like she just wanted to stay good.
First time it was so hard that i felt into state of emotional numbness because feelings were so strong,and i was surpressing them, so im posting stupid questions on internet now, in order to let my emotions out, because it hurts, and so it does not happen again.

Not at all stupid. You are a good man. It is hard but pray for the right girl. It will happen if you ask the Lord. How do i know? Because God brought me the right man after i spent years in misery. It's wonderful when it happens! Worth waiting for.
Cut all ties with that girl. Clean break if it is never going to work. But your choice not hers.

 

[Senkaku]

Offcourse, that was not the question, i was me, i wasnt planing to become bad guy so more girls would like me.
What is PUA?

well, then you have nothing to worry about. You probably shouldn't waste your time being hurt by something that was never yours in the first place, life's too short for that and there's much more to life then that as well.

PUA stands for pick up artist. its a community of people who try to understand the dynamics of relationships between humans. there are a lot of facets to it but it is most known for its "pick up" techniques. They try out different types of techniques to see what works. There are different avenues of it, some more darker than others. if you are interested, i would say to stay away from the darker stuff, but the lighter stuff is harmless and usually aims to build the confidence in the individual when dealing with the opposite sex. its great for people who are shy, timid or introverted. Example of a technique would be what is called "peacocking" where the person tries to dress in a way that makes them stand out from others, this is one of the more harmless ones.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Women want to feel something. If you acted too perfect its possible thats why she didn't feel anything.

 

[Miles]

It's normal to feel disappointed when feelings aren't reciprocated, but it isn't your problem. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or that she's into bad guys. I'll bet there are women who like you, but you aren't attracted to them. That doesn't mean that they're defective, or that you're into bad girls. It sounds like you just aren't compatible.

 

[Grandpa2390]

Offcourse, that was not the question, i was me, i wasnt planing to become bad guy so more girls would like me.
What is PUA?

PickUp Artist.

 

[Grandpa2390]

well, then you have nothing to worry about. You probably shouldn't waste your time being hurt by something that was never yours in the first place, life's too short for that and there's much more to life then that as well.

PUA stands for pick up artist. its a community of people who try to understand the dynamics of relationships between humans. there are a lot of facets to it but it is most known for its "pick up" techniques. They try out different types of techniques to see what works. There are different avenues of it, some more darker than others. if you are interested, i would say to stay away from the darker stuff, but the lighter stuff is harmless and usually aims to build the confidence in the individual when dealing with the opposite sex. its great for people who are shy, timid or introverted. Example of a technique would be what is called "peacocking" where the person tries to dress in a way that makes them stand out from others, this is one of the more harmless ones.

You make it sound kind. But PUA tends to be more sinister than just a community of people trying to understand...
These are people that include groups like the red pills and so forth. their intents tend to be, not about understanding relationships to have one. but trying to understand tricks and techniques to better themselves at taking advantage of women.

 

[Elliewaves]

She shouldn't continue to date you if she's not attracted to you. That's wasting both of your time. And it does not mean that she likes "bad guys". You probably know several girls that you think are "great" or "nice" but you aren't attracted enough to want to date them.

 

[Ajoj]

Not at all stupid. You are a good man. It is hard but pray for the right girl. It will happen if you ask the Lord. How do i know? Because God brought me the right man after i spent years in misery. It's wonderful when it happens! Worth waiting for.
Cut all ties with that girl. Clean break if it is never going to work. But your choice not hers.

I do i pray, ever since my priest told me. The problem is i thought it was her,
to met a girl my age, who is Christian, kind to people, pretty, and to.met her on a place, where i never thought i would meet someone like that, and guess i didnt mentioned, she liked me at begining much more than i liked her, so i decided to let my guard down, so to me all the signs were pointing to what you mentioned above fod your husband, its like she started being in love and fell out of it, and i went the other way, and when we crossed in beetween for fee days it was great few days, and one prfect romantic day, but i dont know why with time she lost the feelings, and my grew stronger, thats way it was and its so hard to move on. If it was unreturned love from begining it wouldnt hurt that much, its like she tricked me, than backed off.. althought she is great person, and i dont believe she did it intentionaly.

 

[Ajoj]

well, then you have nothing to worry about. You probably shouldn't waste your time being hurt by something that was never yours in the first place, life's too short for that and there's much more to life then that as well.

PUA stands for pick up artist. its a community of people who try to understand the dynamics of relationships between humans. there are a lot of facets to it but it is most known for its "pick up" techniques. They try out different types of techniques to see what works. There are different avenues of it, some more darker than others. if you are interested, i would say to stay away from the darker stuff, but the lighter stuff is harmless and usually aims to build the confidence in the individual when dealing with the opposite sex. its great for people who are shy, timid or introverted. Example of a technique would be what is called "peacocking" where the person tries to dress in a way that makes them stand out from others, this is one of the more harmless ones.

Well we were together, and it was great thats why it hurts. And its not im choosing to feel this way and waste my time with it, its the consenquense of love, when you loose it, cant have good feelings without bad, if i didnt cared that much when we were together it wouldnt hurt so much now...
through pain and cross we learn.
And im not interested in PUA, that sounds gross.
I would never do that to another person.
I guess i am good guy

 

[Senkaku]

You make it sound kind. But PUA tends to be more sinister than just a community of people trying to understand...
These are people that include groups like the red pills and so forth. their intents tend to be, not about understanding relationships to have one. but trying to understand tricks and techniques to better themselves at taking advantage of women.

I hate sounding like a broken record but...I'm guessing you have no experience in the community and simply read something online, based on your response. There are many facets to it and frankly, it's something you'd have to be a part of to understand fully. its like the news, they never point out the good stories, that's too boring, gotta point out the freaks and bad peoples if you want the good stuff. Don't believe what everyone says, try it yourself.

 

[Senkaku]

Well we were together, and it was great thats why it hurts. And its not im choosing to feel this way and waste my time with it, its the consenquense of love, when you loose it, cant have good feelings without bad, if i didnt cared that much when we were together it wouldnt hurt so much now...
through pain and cross we learn.
And im not interested in PUA, that sounds gross.
I would never do that to another person.
I guess i am good guy

getting involved with PUA has nothing to do with being a "good guy" or "bad guy". Just because someone rejects PUA stuff doesn't automatically make them a good person, neither does it make someone a bad person by getting involved. It's probably difficult for you to understand from a distance so I don't blame you. many people see the label and judge it prematurely. not all PUA stuff are manipulative in nature, though there is the darker more manipulative stuff, that's not all there is to it. Its something you have to experience to understand fully. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't judge a book by its cover.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

A lot do. But in the long run it's not worth staying in relationship with them because underneath all that veneer are fragile souls that have a host of issues that need to be dealt with. imo
love them as friends? sure. but engaging in a romantic relationship with? i don't think so.