Your own post might reveal the issue. Christians are actually supposed to be very gung ho over Jesus. I actually consider myself to be one of very few people who has had periods in my life where I completely believed Christianity was true, yet would rather watch paint dry than be Christian. When you say that your life was simply better without the faith (if I'm reading you right about 'Making progress') you sound like somebody who is actually gung ho about Jesus taking a hike. Let's be honest, a better paying job and being lonely isn't a better life than a lower paying job with the best friend or wife that you could ever ask for. Have you ever seen how ecstatic some Christians are over Jesus?? It's right up there on the level of a great friend or wife. Tell them that life is better without Jesus but with a few pay raises.
You can't not want it, then say "Where's the transformation??" Honestly, I'm not that different from you though, emotionally wanting it is definitely my worst quality as being a believer (and sadly it's supposed to be the foundation piece of being a Christian, it's actually supposed to be the pleasure zone of Christianity). The reason that I can talk about transformational moving Jesus moments in this forum is because I have experienced them and I mean convincingly! However, I have experienced them just in drips & drabs in my life. Now do I sound like a strong Christian to you, with a term like 'In Drips & Drabs'?? Lol not exactly.
I know all too well what it's like to intellectually believe yet not desire it. And it's easy to blame Jesus. Strangely, and again in drips & drabs, there have been times where I've emotionally thrown the towel in and fully committed, and the desire part actually strengthened inside of me as a result (but boy was I good at switching gears and turning back in the other direction). Intellectual belief still dominates my emotional desire. It's a very interesting fine line. It's not about checking off 'I'm living like a Christian' boxes, it's about being overjoyed about being a Jesus follower. Hmm, who am I lecturing here you or me?? Lol, probably both.