God has seemed to open my eyes to two of my chief sins in my life.
The LORD cast me down with guilt after I barked at two people for endorsing a Bethel Redding church event and how I behaved was inexcusable.
I also struggle with sexual temptation and can really be carried away at the slightest impulse... It's been a result of a 5 year inappropriate contentography addiction that only has been recently remedied by the Holy Spirit and still lingers, even thought it is starting to wane...
I need much prayers. God bless.
I went thru something similar years ago. I thought I would never be free. Here is what happened.
I was sure God could no longer love me, my sins so great.
So let me tell you of two break throughs on the way to where I am now.
Years ago I was invited to a church, the guest speaker was from Poland, his English was OK, but it was with a heavy accent.
After the service he invited people up for prayer, so I went forward.
He prayed for me and as he did, he whispered my secret sins into my ear.
Now I knew he was hearing from God. Then he speaks in first person to me and, he says "I see your sin, but I also see your heart, I have not forsaken you, nor have I rejected you".
I started to weep, and praised God for his mercy. But this troubled me too. How could Jesus say these things when it was my sin that sent him to the cross?
Now one more example, this happened many years later…
I always had a very high sex drive. This troubled me despite what God said above it was a problem for me.
So one day I'm driving, and lusting. I cry out to God, where are you, why aren't you helping me with this!
All of a sudden I hear this statement "why don't you tell me the truth". I say "what truth"…Then my understanding is opened and I SEE!
I say OK Lord… "I don't want you to interfere, I love my sin and while I'm troubled about it, I don't want you to interfere".
Do you know what happened? I somehow forgot all those thoughts about sin and lust, if they came back I would confess this new found truth and somehow my mind would be distracted again.
This went on for a few days, and then I found myself free.
This reminds me of a guy named Tommy Williams from the 70's…A brother walks up to Tommy complaining that he can't stop smoking.
Tommy says "brother when Jesus is ready for you to stop, then you will. A few days later that brother was so excited, because he found himself free a few days later.
NOW what does all of this show me…
It shows me we do NOT know truth UNTIL it is revealed to us, and most importantly "Truth is a person", and that person makes us free.