How harshly is the age gap judged?

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

... "great show"?... um, nice mindless humor when nothing else is on maybe but not great....I probably don't even pause for it when flipping through the channels (and Betty White is still alive so she still cracks a good joke). I was in college when it first came out so didn't watch it much then either.

Roasteddddddd!

 

[Sketcher]

Only a year together? How long do you think it takes to learn a person's character and decide if you love them enough to get married? I think a year to two years max is the best time to decide if you want to marry someone. Anything much less, and you still maybe be in love with an idea. Anything more and you really don't love them enough to marry them.

Maybe a couple or three years. I have known people who divorced and attributed part of that to marrying too soon, as opposed to dating for 2.5 years or whatever.

 

[redblue22]

It is a normal problem for parents who see their son or daughter grow up. Their children might remind them of what their husband or wife looked like at that age.

 

[blackribbon]

But if he didn't meet the woman until after she is an adult, is that really a problem?

Yes....she is still the same age as his kids and they have lived different lives. My stepdad (after my mother & him got divorced) married a woman my age and only slightly older than my step-sisters. It totally creeps me out still.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

It is a normal problem for parents who see their son or daughter grow up. Their children might remind them of what their husband or wife looked like at that age.

YIKES!

 

[redblue22]

And so they shouldn't feel guilty as if they were some perv.

 

[blackribbon]

It is a normal problem for parents who see their son or daughter grow up. Their children might remind them of what their husband or wife looked like at that age.

EWWWW! His daughters probably look more like his wife at that age.... and I don't want to even go there.

Just like kindergarteners are attracted to other kindergarteners and not seniors in high school or the other way around. Your tastes should age with you to some extent. If you really feel like you are a peer to someone 20 years younger than you are, I would wonder if you forgot to grow up and mature over the years.

 

[Grandpa2390]

Only a year together? How long do you think it takes to learn a person's character and decide if you love them enough to get married? I think a year to two years max is the best time to decide if you want to marry someone. Anything much less, and you still maybe be in love with an idea. Anything more and you really don't love them enough to marry them.

I don't think so. I think some people need a year, some need 2. Others may only need 6 months. I wouldn't put a time limit on it and would leave to the counselors (such as the pastor) to decide on a case-by-case whether or not the couple is ready.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

EWWWW! His daughters probably look more like his wife at that age.... and I don't want to even go there.

Just like kindergarteners are attracted to other kindergarteners and not seniors in high school or the other way around. Your tastes should age with you to some extent. If you really feel like you are a peer to someone 20 years younger than you are, I would wonder if you forgot to grow up and mature over the years.

Older men don't marry younger women because they are looking for someone who they feel is their peer. But I'm sure you knew that already.

 

[blackribbon]

Actually, when I see huge age differences the first thing that runs through my mind is that someone was having a mid-life crises .... or an office affair.

 

[Grandpa2390]

Actually, when I see huge age differences the first thing that runs through my mind is that someone was having a mid-life crises .... or an office affair.

or both...?

 

[blackribbon]

I don't think so. I think some people need a year, some need 2. Others may only need 6 months. I wouldn't put a time limit on it and would leave to the counselors (such as the pastor) to decide on a case-by-case whether or not the couple is ready.

Why would a counselor or pastor be a judge of this? At six months, people still aren't usually being "real"...they are just coming to the end of the puppy love stage ... (usually). I said 1-2 years ... but if you have been dating someone exclusively for over 2 years and still don't feel the urge to make it permanent, then you really don't love them enough to want to marry them.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Actually, when I see huge age differences the first thing that runs through my mind is that someone was having a mid-life crises .... or an office affair.

So you would never date someone 10-15 years younger than you? Because of the reasons(Assumptions) you stated earlier? Things like maturity, lack of things in common. Will someone 10-15 years younger than you get your references from the 70s or 80s? Probably not but love runs deeper than just commonality. Also some men 10-15 years younger than you are more mature than some men your age this I'm sure you could agree with that at least.

 

[blackribbon]

Older men don't marry younger women because they are looking for someone who they feel is their peer. But I'm sure you knew that already.

They are looking for verification that they are still young. However, you don't feel so young when you are taking your 10 year old to baseball practice in your 50s and all the other days are barely 30.

 

[Grandpa2390]

Why would a counselor or pastor be a judge of this? At six months, people still aren't usually being "real"...they are just coming to the end of the puppy love stage ... (usually).

don't you think that a young couple should seek counseling before marriage from someone older and wiser than they are?... Well I do.

I said 1-2 years ... but if you have been dating someone exclusively for over 2 years and still don't feel the urge to make it permanent, then you really don't love them enough to want to marry them.

the key word there is usually. Not all people need longer than 6 months. I know a lot of people successfully married after dating for a short period of time. and I know a lot of people successfully married after dating for a long period of time due to commitment issues. Some people come out of their shell quicker, or enter the relationship with much more realistic expectations. And I would think that holds even truer for older men and women.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

They are looking for verification that they are still young. However, you don't feel so young when you are taking your 10 year old to baseball practice in your 50s and all the other days are barely 30.

This is kind of an irrelevant example because who cares if other dads are younger. And that is a huge assumption to assume that some man marrying a younger woman is doing it for verification. Since we are making assumptions here. It sounds to me like you just don't like the idea of a potential mate going with someone 15 years younger than you?

 

[blackribbon]

So you would never date someone 10-15 years younger than you? Because of the reasons(Assumptions) you stated earlier? Things like maturity, lack of things in common. Will someone 10-15 years younger than you get your references from the 70s or 80s? Probably not but love runs deeper than just commonality. Also some men 10-15 years younger than you are more mature than some men your age this I'm sure you could agree with that at least.

No, I don't agree that very men at 35 to 40 are more mature than men in their late 40s to 50s. All ages have there share of stupid immature men (as well as stupid, shallow women).

No, I wouldn't date someone that much younger than me. Be friends, absolutely, but not date. I wouldn't date a man that much older than me either. I want to grow old WITH someone...not have them watch me grow old or watch them grow old separately.

 

[MehGuy]

This is kind of an irrelevant example because who cares if other dads are younger. And that is a huge assumption to assume that some man marrying a younger woman is doing it for verification. Since we are making assumptions here. It sounds to me like you just don't like the idea of a potential mate going with someone 15 years younger than you?

Yeah..

Seems more like a mistake of using female psychology to judge male psychology.

Again, I wouldn't care so much if women didn't make such a big thing about height. When it comes to literature on what the sexes find attractive, youthfulness is pretty much the equivalent of tallness for women.

 

[blackribbon]

don't you think that a young couple should seek counseling before marriage from someone older and wiser than they are?... Well I do.


the key word there is usually. Not all people need longer than 6 months. I know a lot of people successfully married after dating for a short period of time. and I know a lot of people successfully married after dating for a long period of time due to commitment issues. Some people come out of their shell quicker, or enter the relationship with much more realistic expectations. And I would think that holds even truer for older men and women.

Umm...someone older and wiser?....no, not at this age. Maybe if you are still a kid of 20. I did it right the first time and have always shown good judgement when it came to men.

I know someone who got married after knowing each other a week. It was a good solid marriage. Would I use them as a reason to say it was okay, no. They wouldn't either.

I would never marry a man who couldn't make up his time in 2 years. Life is too short to waste on people that don't value you more than that. I have also learned that people don't really know a person that well in 6 months...so unless you have known each other for a long time before dating, I think that it is a bad idea. Universal standard, no...but a good guideline. There are always the exceptions but most people are not the exceptions and that is why the divorce rate is so high.

 

[blackribbon]

This is kind of an irrelevant example because who cares if other dads are younger. And that is a huge assumption to assume that some man marrying a younger woman is doing it for verification. Since we are making assumptions here. It sounds to me like you just don't like the idea of a potential mate going with someone 15 years younger than you?

I remember a dad struggling to keep up with the other dads on my son's baseball team...except his wife was his age and the boy was a late in life happy surprise. Poor guy was very successful in business and did things like hire people to come out and do his volunteer hours when we cleaned up the baseball fields. He struggled to fit in finally keeping the score book while the other dads served a assistant coaches. He was a good guy but he looked like he was the boy's grandpa and I am sure he spent his life clarifying that. (He was in his mid 50s but to me as one of the older moms being in my late 30s, that seemed old at the time).

Why else would a man marry someone young enough to be his child?