- Jul 15, 2014
- 11,509
- 12,577
- 41
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
Feel like I have been working too much lately. 55 hours last week and 57 or 58 just this past week, with me not getting home until 5 this morning. And that ain't counting break time. I hope I don't turn into my father when it comes to workaholic ways. If I were to ever marry like he did, becoming a workaholic could be disastrous, as it pretty much did with him. I don't think it was really his fault, though, like he WANTED to become that, working 50 to 60 hours every week as the norm. It just ... seemed to happen without him realizing it, and besides, when the job demands it, do you just say no? But there I was last night in the lab, six more hours after everyone else's lines had finished early and they were long gone.
What also slightly worried me is that working alone in the lab for that long seemed to suit me, as it used to long ago during my time at Norit, instead of being around others. And yet, it was right there that fateful morning in the lab at Norit five years ago that my horrid ocd sickness first struck me and I spent the next year in pure hell, and while I did not realize it was simply a little-known known form of OCD at the time (I had instead unfortunately taken it as either demon posssession and/or permanent condemnation from God for an unforgivable sun to hell; how wrong I was to think God hated me that much!), one of its symptoms was my becoming afraid to be alone because of my intrusive thoughts, and I desperately clung to my friends I had worked with in the lab (who indeed had proven their worth as Christian friends by how they beared with me through this terrible struggle, always concerned for me). I was afraid to be alone in that place. ... But now I feel kind of hypocritical, for lack of a better term, for desiring solitude often again now that my sickness has long passed. Like I was just using them all - family and friends - who were in my life at that time and knew about what I was going through. I know that I was not doing so willfully, of course, if at all, but still, why is it that I now desire to be alone so much again as I had done nearly all of my life before that moment five years ago that changed my life, my character, and what I believe about God and the Christian faith forever?
What also slightly worried me is that working alone in the lab for that long seemed to suit me, as it used to long ago during my time at Norit, instead of being around others. And yet, it was right there that fateful morning in the lab at Norit five years ago that my horrid ocd sickness first struck me and I spent the next year in pure hell, and while I did not realize it was simply a little-known known form of OCD at the time (I had instead unfortunately taken it as either demon posssession and/or permanent condemnation from God for an unforgivable sun to hell; how wrong I was to think God hated me that much!), one of its symptoms was my becoming afraid to be alone because of my intrusive thoughts, and I desperately clung to my friends I had worked with in the lab (who indeed had proven their worth as Christian friends by how they beared with me through this terrible struggle, always concerned for me). I was afraid to be alone in that place. ... But now I feel kind of hypocritical, for lack of a better term, for desiring solitude often again now that my sickness has long passed. Like I was just using them all - family and friends - who were in my life at that time and knew about what I was going through. I know that I was not doing so willfully, of course, if at all, but still, why is it that I now desire to be alone so much again as I had done nearly all of my life before that moment five years ago that changed my life, my character, and what I believe about God and the Christian faith forever?
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