You have asked some very good questions. Please allow me to share my experience and thoughts.
First, understand that faith is a gift from God given through His Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 2:8-9. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves;
it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.
Second, you can ask for this gift.
Matthew 7:7-8. Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
That is a promise from God. And since God is perfect and therefore cannot lie, He will do it.
My Journey
I was in your position once. I have written about my journey to saving faith. You can read about it at the link below.
http://hyper-wired.blogspot.com/2015/06/evangelizing-mr-data.html
I did not write the following, but I am including it because it also shows the "logic" of my faith in Jesus.
The Romans Road to Salvation
There are many people who believe that they will gain entrance into Heaven because they were "good" people during their lives. The problem arises when we ask, "Good compared to whom? Compared to Charles Manson - who isn't? Compared to God? Who could be?" In fact, most of us would fail the "compared to Mother Teresa" test!
The 10 commandments were given as a tutor to lead us to Christ. Think about it. Who could possibly obey just these 10 commandments perfectly? You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not murder. You shall not steal. You shall not covet. These are impossible to obey - especially when Jesus points out that it isn't just the actual act, but what goes on inside us as well. An example is when Jesus speaks of murder in Matthew 5:21,22. He says that to be angry with another without cause has murdered him. It's our heart attitudes that get us into trouble and will ultimately prevent us from entering into Heaven.
Fortunately for us, God knew this and made provisions in advance. Here's what the Bible has to say about this matter:
Romans 3:10 . There is none righteous, not even one. **Everyone has done something wrong during their lifetime - no matter how small it might seem, wrong is wrong. God does not have degrees of sin. Doing any one of them is enough to keep us out of Heaven.
Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. **No matter how "good" we've been during our lifetime, none of us has lived perfectly. This lack of perfection prevents us from being able to enter the presence of a perfect God.
Romans 6:23 for the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. **The payment for sin - any sin - is death. Eternal separation from God, but through His death on the cross, Jesus offers eternal life as a gift! We don't have to do anything to deserve it - we never could!
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. **God knew every wrong thing we would ever do, every wrong thought we would ever have, long before He created us. He loved us anyway and sent Christ to die for us before we were ever born. Every sin we would ever commit - and every sin we have yet to commit - was paid for that day on the cross.
The statement, "It is finished!" as recorded in John 19:30 is the Greek word tetelestai. It is the same word they used when prisoners had paid their debt to society. While in prison, there was a letter posted on the door of each prisoner's cell that stated what crime he was being punished for. When he had completed his sentence, they would write "tetelestai" on this paper and give it to the prisoner. The word means "paid in full" and prevented him from ever being tried and sentenced for the same crime (AKA Double Jeopardy). This was the final statement Jesus made from the cross before He died. At that moment every wrong you or I would ever commit was yet future, but they were all paid for when He uttered this word.
Romans 10:9 .if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved. **To receive this free gift, we have to do nothing more than believe that it's ours for the taking.
Romans 10:13 for whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved. **Note that it says "will call upon the name." Note that it does not say, "will call upon the name and teach a Sunday School class, read his Bible every day, etc." It's not Jesus "and".......it's just Jesus.
Romans 11:6 but if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works, otherwise grace is no longer grace. **Again, it's not Jesus plus something else. Remember the thief on the cross. When he asked Jesus to remember Him when He came into His kingdom, Jesus replied, "THIS DAY shall you be in Paradise with Me." The thief did not have to survive his crucifixion, then go out and feed the poor, preach on the street corners, have lots of "converts" to the faith before he would be accepted by God. The moment he asked, the thief became a member of the family of God.
John 14:6 I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but by Me. **There is no other way to eternal life, but through Christ. The way is narrow - it's only as wide as the cross on which He died.
Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works that no one should boast. **There are going to be a lot of disappointed people who stand at the throne with their long list of good deeds, insisting that these are adequate payment for entrance into Heaven. Had there been any other way other than the death of His Son, God would have done it. If we were able to buy our way into Heaven through good works, then Jesus died for no reason.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. **As Hallmark so eloquently put it, God cared enough to give the very best - His own Son.
II Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. **Up until the moment of our death, God holds out this offer to everyone. He longs for every one of us to accept His gift.
There are many things happening in the world right now that point to the immanent return of Jesus Christ for His church. It could be any second - literally. There are no more prophecies to be fulfilled before the Rapture. I fully expect to see it in my lifetime.
I do not know where you stand with all of this. Perhaps you've taken care of this important piece of business long ago. If not, it is my prayer that you would take this moment to thank our Father for this precious gift He has so freely given. Eternity is such a long time to spend separated from God - the Giver of all that is good. Without any good thing, eternity is too horrible to imagine.
Jeremiah 29:13 says, " 'I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for good and not for evil to give you a future and a hope."**And what a future it will be! It is my prayer that you will be there to share in it.
Ask God to forgive you for your sins. "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23 Say this: "Dear God, I know I am a sinner. Please forgive me."
Believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for your sins. "And he himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness, for by his wounds you were healed." I Peter 2:24 Say this: "I know that Jesus died on the cross for me."
Turn your back on sin, and ask God to take over. "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." II Corinthians 5:17 Say this: "Father, help me turn away from sinning. Come into my life and make me what You want me to be."
Thank God, because as soon as you ask, He gives. "Ask, and you will be given what you ask for. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Anyone who seeks, finds. If only you will knock, the door will open." Matthew 7:7,8 Say this: "Thank You, Father."
Pray in the name of Jesus, as we are told to do. "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son." John 14:13. Say this: "This I ask in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
Now tell someone you did this. Jesus does not have any secret friends. We are told that "Whosoever confesses me before men, him will I confess before my Father in Heaven."
When you have done this, you are saved. You have gone through the trapdoor are now safe on the other side, and neither death nor Tribulation can have any terror for you. "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: and I give unto them eternal life: and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand." John 10:27
"Blessed are those servants, whom the Lord when He cometh shall find watching" Luke 12:37