Nagging is the wife sin. Again we are adults and are responsible for our actions. A husband does not cause his wife to nag, she makes that choice.
I can understand why women do it, though. Take a husband who refuses to get a job even though he is perfectly capable of getting one and maintaining it, and yet he either procrastinates or thinks he doesn't need to. I can see how eventually, she would start to nag because it is a need only he can fill. I'm not saying nagging is right, but it might be a natural response to extensive procrastination, laziness, etc on the part of the one nagged. That makes both of them wrong, not just the nagging wife. No wife would ever have to nag if husbands did what is necessary in their marriage. Just like no husband would have to nag if his wife did what is necessary in their marriage. Wives are not the only ones who nag.
I hate this narrative that is so prevalent in today's society that if the wife is unhappy its always the husband's fault. The he did not do everything she asked, didn't make her feel happy, didn't make her feel listened too, etc. Women are adults and responsible for their own feelings. They can be just as much the problem in a marriage as the husband.
I don't think there are many people at all who blame their spouse for their own unhappiness. Those ones who blame their spouses are likely in very unhealthy relationships. After all, blaming others is a character defect.
However, the interaction between a husband and wife is mutually influential. If my husband is happy, I would like to think I had a part in creating that happiness. That comes at a price, though. If he is unhappy, I need to ask myself - and often, him - if I had any part in his unhappiness. But knowing that I can influence how my husband feels does not absolve him of taking responsibility for his own happiness. It is up to him to be honest with me if I ask him whether I've done anything to upset him. It is up to him to have good boundaries where if I'm doing something he doesn't like and it's unlikely to change, then he needs to figure out how to best respond to it. It is up to him to communicate with me about the things that are going on in his life so we can create a mutually happy life together. This also goes both ways.
Happiness - we have a genetic baseline for happiness, which accounts for 50% of our happiness level. It's our default level of perceived happiness. Another 10% of our happiness level is based on circumstances and is therefore fluid. Iow, I can cook my husband's favourite meal and that increases his happiness by say 2% for the rest of the evening, but then by morning he returns to his baseline. So far, that's 60% of our happiness level. This means we can control the other 40%. That dinner I cooked for my husband - he has the internal power to say "she made my favourite meal; therefore, she loves me" OR he can say "she made my favourite meal; therefore, she must want something from me" and be all suspicious. One thought will make him happy and the other thought will not. But that does not change the fact that I made his favourite meal and he is going to enjoy it. There are several factors in how we can increase our overall sense of happiness, btw:
Optimistic
Savor life
Spiritual
Have goals
Helpful
Have good social support
Gratitude
If being helpful increases happiness, then if a husband helps around the house, does things for his wife, etc, then the term "happy wife, happy life" is actually true! Why? Because not only is it helpful, but in turn, she will likely be a good social support for him, he will be more optimistic, etc.... see how it is all mutually influential? Not only is it mutually influential, but he has then taken responsibility for his own happiness by helping his wife in the first place, and she will not feel like she has to nag.
It may not be our responsibility to make our spouse happy, but I believe it IS my responsibility to be a factor in his happiness, even if it is a small amount. I also believe it is partly our responsibility to not make our spouse UNhappy. Iow, if you care about someone, you care about their happiness and well being more than your own. If my husband doesn't feel heard, then it's up to him to communicate that to me, and up to me to work on my listening skills. If my husband feels neglected, he needs to communicate that to me and up to me to spend time with him. Etc. I would work on those areas for no other reason than I care about my spouse and want the best for him. It is not in his best interest to feel neglected or unheard. Same goes for men towards their wives... it is mutual, and yes, we do have some influence over our spouse's feelings.
Probably---that increase of clandestine mail, you know.
