Why are priests so unapproachable?

[MikeK]

We address our priest as Father, and that is what they are supposed to be to us, they are supposed to to be Shepards attending to the flock. If they are not fulfilling this role, then they are not fulfilling their roles. Look at the Apostles,they left families, faced persecution, hunger, lonliness, even death.

Lets look at the flock. We get up and go to work,raise families, deal with births, deaths and whatever comes our way.

If a Priest feels he doesn't have time to engage his flock,then he shoud move on, because he is not fulfilling his role in Christ.

I am not indicting the priesthood, because there are many good shepards, but I am tired of the cop out that Priest are overworked as an excuse to not engage the flock.

My mother raised 9 kids, put supper on the table every night and dealt with a lot of tragedy.
We should not be making excuses for priest who are not fulfilling their roles.

I think it's fine to not accept "excuses for Priests who are not fulfilling their roles" as long as we know that we are doing everything we can to live out the commands God has issued to us. So long as we're serving God and loving our neighbor to the best of our abilities we have every right to criticize Priests who we think, in our incomplete assesment of them, could do more. If we are failing to live out the commands that God has issued us we would be wise to look inward before we point fingers.

 

[bill5]

They are taught that way, to think they are better, more separate than other people. It is not their fault.

That's an inaccurate and frankly ridiculous statement. Maybe you were taught to believe that, so I guess it's not your fault. (I have no idea what "more separate" even means.....)

remember that priests are human beings like you and me.

I think that bears repeating. Some seem to think they don't have worries or fears or pressures (or simply bad days) that all human beings have.

We address our priest as Father, and that is what they are supposed to be to us,

OK. Let's think about fathers then. Are they perfect? Do they always give their children or "flock" exactly as much attention as they need (and consider that a priest's "flock" is easily in the hundreds if not thousands, not just a few like an actual father)?

I am not indicting the priesthood, because there are many good shepards, but I am tired of the cop out that Priest are overworked as an excuse to not engage the flock.

It's not an excuse (generally speaking), but a fact. Although I'm not sure what "engage the flock" means.....certainly they should be able to connect with people personally as much as possible and at the very least be cordial, no argument there.

My mother raised 9 kids, put supper on the table every night and dealt with a lot of tragedy.

Very sorry to hear that

 

[stray bullet]

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[Fantine]

Human relationships. Women tend to communicate more effectively than men, focusing on how to create a solution that works for the group, talking through issues, and utilizes non-verbal cues such as tone, emotion, and empathy whereas men tend to be more task-oriented, less talkative, and more isolated. Men have a more difficult time understanding emotions that are not explicitly verbalized, while women tend to intuit emotions and emotional cues. These differences explain why men and women sometimes have difficulty communicating and why men-to-men friendships look different from friendships among women.

Emotions. Women typically have a larger deep limbic system than men, which allows them to be more in touch with their feelings and better able to express them, which promotes bonding with others. Because of this ability to connect, more women serve as caregivers for children. The down side to this larger deep limbic system is that it also opens women up to depression, especially during times of hormonal shifts such as after childbirth or during a woman’s menstrual cycle.

10 Big Differences Between Men’s and Women’s Brains | Masters of Healthcare

It could also be a drawback of the all-male priesthood...but since we seem to be stuck with it, we have to find creative ways to work around this disadvantage.

 

[Antigone]

Sorry unable to Edit Title of Post....I live in a tri-state area that encompasses Eastern KY, Southern West Virginia and Southern Ohio....and this has been my experience with priests. I converted because I believe this is the one true Church...but I hear all the time that Catholicism is not a me and Jesus religion, it is a fellowship, a community of believers, a family. I have just never experienced the fellowship that is claimed. Once again, I feel posting in a forum was a mistake...maybe one of the priests that I met was right...not everyone should be Catholic.

First of all, I'm sorry this has been your experience. I also think this might be due to a priest shortage. We have over here as well. I happen to have a retired priest for a next-door neighbour, and for a retired man he sure keeps busy, taking over for everyone here and there. Fortunately he likes his job, but I wouldn't exactly call it an easy retirement. He's very friendly and approchable and we do go go over there a couple of times a year for a cup of coffe and a chat, but a quick hi and a nod of the head is as far as we get most of the time.

Sorry you had a bad experience, but again what I said above holds. And sorry for any offense, but this is frankly poor and irresponsible advice. Just because you had a bad experience that means everyone should avoid their priest like the plague? Again I can understand you feeling that way in your situation, but that's a rather bizarre approach to tout universally.

It also struck me as strange. There's a vast difference between expecting your priest to acknowledge you and asking him to hold your hand 24/7.

 

[bill5]

It also struck me as strange. There's a vast difference between expecting your priest to acknowledge you and asking him to hold your hand 24/7.

Exactly......although I don't think that's what the OP was necessarily expecting. Sounds like a misfortune of the particular area that person lives in that there isn't a friendly (or at least courteous) priest in the nearby churches. That would be frustrating to me too.

One possible course of action would be to write an anonymous letter to the church, or even the local bishop....not nasty or anything, just saying basically hey this or that priest (or all of them in a given town? yikes) couldn't even be bothered to say hello to me when I greeted him, he's very unfriendly and therefore not displaying a "Christianly" attitude, or whatever. I would check myself first though and make sure it was him being clearly unfriendly and not that he is overworked, or try to greet many others and may have missed ther person, or is just more quiet/stand-offish (that in itself isn't necessarily rude), or was maybe just having a bad day (etc).

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

I think it's fine to not accept "excuses for Priests who are not fulfilling their roles" as long as we know that we are doing everything we can to live out the commands God has issued to us. So long as we're serving God and loving our neighbor to the best of our abilities we have every right to criticize Priests who we think, in our incomplete assesment of them, could do more. If we are failing to live out the commands that God has issued us we would be wise to look inward before we point fingers.

If it wasn't fr the imperfect flock, the sex abuse of countless children would have never been exposed. According to the standards you set forth ee should have minded our busniness?

I am like every catholic and "super Catholic" in that I fall short of the glory of God. But the difference is that I Understand that.

 

[sylverpiano]

Thankfully, this has not been my experience. My parish is very small and almost entirely Hispanic. there is a really great sense of community.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Priests are busy when you see them at church around Mass time. Go to confession when it is scheduled and talk to them then when they don't have five million petty duties to attend to at once.

 

[Starlightsobright]

Priests are busy when you see them at church around Mass time. Go to confession when it is scheduled and talk to them then when they don't have five million petty duties to attend to at once.

I agree. It is better to male an appointment if you have something important to discuss.

 

[houseofsaul]

So pretty much Go to Mass, smile, be anonymous. Speak only to priest in confession (which is generally anonymously) or if in need of Spiritual Guidance. Forgive me but I have a problem getting guidance from a total stranger. I'm certainly not looking for a BFF, but at least someone who will acknowledge a Hello Father in passing. I also understand they are busy, but too busy too show a little kindness to their flock, c'mon. I have come to realize too that maybe it's who puts more money into the coffers. I joined the Church not for the fellowship but because I believe she has Truth. While I am not looking for "family" but would like to at least be a familiar acquaintance. Where I come from one should practice what they preach, whether they are in the "pulpit" or not. I cannot remain in a parish where I will still be a wandering stranger in 10 years, even if that means jumping ship and swimming to another shore. A choice I need to make soon as we are expecting a baby in June. thanks for everyone's replies, kind and otherwise. Peace. Stacy

 

[Rhamiel]

So pretty much Go to Mass, smile, be anonymous. Speak only to priest in confession (which is generally anonymously) or if in need of Spiritual Guidance. Forgive me but I have a problem getting guidance from a total stranger. I'm certainly not looking for a BFF, but at least someone who will acknowledge a Hello Father in passing. I also understand they are busy, but too busy too show a little kindness to their flock, c'mon. I have come to realize too that maybe it's who puts more money into the coffers. I joined the Church not for the fellowship but because I believe she has Truth. While I am not looking for "family" but would like to at least be a familiar acquaintance. Where I come from one should practice what they preach, whether they are in the "pulpit" or not. I cannot remain in a parish where I will still be a wandering stranger in 10 years, even if that means jumping ship and swimming to another shore. A choice I need to make soon as we are expecting a baby in June. thanks for everyone's replies, kind and otherwise. Peace. Stacy

you make perfect sense

 

[Mike_001]

Trying to fit into a parish and live out the faith is hard enough in and of itself. But when leadership is unapproachable, it makes for an even tougher time. Yes, I know priests are busy but is not part of their job to tend the flock? Most priests I have met seem put out if you attempt a conversation past "Hello Father", and have even had a priest not even respond well to a hello greeting. I am a convert who is really struggling. Not comparing Protestantism to Catholicism, but truly miss friendly fellowship with my Spiritual Leaders and the ability to approach same leaders for guidance.

I happen to be a priest, and I might say the same thing about a lot of parishioners. I've been in my present assignment for almost two years, try to be very friendly, but find that a lot of the folks don't go beyond a "Hello Father," "Nice homily, Father," "Have a good week, Father." Some say absolutely nothing in return week after week after week. I don't lose sleep over it, but I do appreciate those who take the time to talk with me!

 

[bill5]

Forgive me but I have a problem getting guidance from a total stranger.

Why? As you say, this isn't a "BFF," this is your priest. His ability to provide spiritual guidance doesn't come from being chummy with you, and certainly waving hi now and then won't make a diff in that way either, IMO (though I agree he should of course).

Sorry it hasn't worked out yet. Hope you can resolve it one way or other.

 

[bill5]

I happen to be a priest, and I might say the same thing about a lot of parishioners. I've been in my present assignment for almost two years, try to be very friendly, but find that a lot of the folks don't go beyond a "Hello Father," "Nice homily, Father," "Have a good week, Father." Some say absolutely nothing in return week after week after week. I don't lose sleep over it, but I do appreciate those who take the time to talk with me!

I hope you're not referring to as they walk out after service. I would find it rude if they said much more than that because oh btw there are all those other people standing behind them waiting to shake your hand or say something similar. In fact I've been behind people like that and finally gave up because they were jabbering on and on (and on...and....). You should be glad they're there week after week.

That said, you make a good point that it cuts both ways. A lack of friendliness or at least common courtesy is bad form regardless, and not very Christian.

 

[Mike_001]

You should be glad they're there week after week.

I'm not sure why I "should be glad they're there week after week." That's sort of like saying to a person who finds their priest to be unapproachable that they should be glad they have a priest, even if he is unapproachable, which is the OP's concern.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I'm at a point in my life where I truly have misgivings about getting spiritual advice from priests. As a Catholic, I had one priest blast my wife and I for using contraception when we first got married. We used NFP (that's a topic for a whole other talk show!) for a few years, and we had another priest at our parish (very,very,very well-respected!) tell us that we can use ANY type of artificial birth control anytime, and not to listen to EWTN or Catholic radio or any thing like that. He said the Church is "out of touch" with "real life" with couples. He said he didn't want us to confess that we had broken down and used some birth control. I had a priest one time tell me that the Anglican Church's sacraments are perfectly valid in his opinion, so when we were away from Catholicism as Anglicans, we were just fine sacramentally and shouldn't even confess having left!

Then I had other priests say the opposite.

As an Orthodox Christian I had my priest positively BLAST the idea of putting one's child in a Lutheran private school. He swore up and down the moral thing to do was public school!!! (this is the same priest who gossips and talks trash behind people's backs). Then our friends at that same parish moved to the Midwest where their priest advised them (I kid you not!), "DEFINITELY SEND YOUR KIDS TO PRIVATE!" and get this!..."and of all the private schools, avoid the Baptist ones and some of the more non-denoms. Go LUTHERAN!"

I've heard so much contradictory advice, heard so many Catholic priests give advice contrary to the faith, so many Orthodox priests with different takes on things, that frankly I'm at a point in my life where building relationships with priests and getting their advice is low on my food chain. You can see why.

Now I'll duck and prepare for the tomatoes and rotten heads of lettuce to come flying my way....

So pretty much Go to Mass, smile, be anonymous. Speak only to priest in confession (which is generally anonymously) or if in need of Spiritual Guidance. Forgive me but I have a problem getting guidance from a total stranger. I'm certainly not looking for a BFF, but at least someone who will acknowledge a Hello Father in passing. I also understand they are busy, but too busy too show a little kindness to their flock, c'mon. I have come to realize too that maybe it's who puts more money into the coffers. I joined the Church not for the fellowship but because I believe she has Truth. While I am not looking for "family" but would like to at least be a familiar acquaintance. Where I come from one should practice what they preach, whether they are in the "pulpit" or not. I cannot remain in a parish where I will still be a wandering stranger in 10 years, even if that means jumping ship and swimming to another shore. A choice I need to make soon as we are expecting a baby in June. thanks for everyone's replies, kind and otherwise. Peace. Stacy

 

[Mike_001]

Now I'll duck and prepare for the tomatoes and rotten heads of lettuce to come flying my way....

No tomatoes or heads of lettuce from me!

I always look at the Church teachings as being ideal in which the bar is set pretty high, since it was Christ who said to his disciples "Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Yet, we live in a world in which Christ has come to not only become One with us, but to journey with us as well.

In a sense, priests are like physicians of the soul: they want what is best for us. Just like physicians of the body, there will be all sorts of advice, recommendations; "Do this, don't do that!"; etc. etc.

All of us as Christians have a long way to go. On a whole, I look to those, both ordained and lay, who are strong pillars of faith in the world to journey with me in this life realizing that the perfection that Christ calls me to probably won't happen until I reach the gates of heaven!

 

[MikeK]

We invite our Priests over for cocktails and campfires or parties with some regularity. One is trying to get me to take him out fishing. In my experience Priests need an occasional respite from constant religious discussion to kick back with a cigar and an Old Fashioned and talk about sports, or go skiing, or hunting, or whatever. I think that too often when Priests are invited into someone's home it is with strings attached, to back into some deep theological discussion that 5 minutes of Catechism study could have prevented. Kind of like asking your builder friend over for dinner and proceeding to spend the night showing him your rotting drywall and asking for advice. I guess what I'm saying (to nobody in particular) is, if you invite a Priest over as a friend, keep it light. If you have a theological discussion you need to have, ask the Parish secretary to put it on his calendar.

 

[Mike_001]

Absolutely!