When did you remove your wedding ring?

[JPSousa]

It's only been a month since she's gone after 52 years together. I stare at my wedding ring and think 'what does this mean now?' I'm in no rush to remove it but I am curious about how others have dealt with/deal with this symbol of commitment.

 

[blackribbon]

For a lot of practical reasons, my husband and I seldom wore our rings during our marriage. I coached gymnastics and it scratched the kids. He found he was "hit on" more at work when he wore it (how sad is that?). So we just pulled them out for special occasions. After the funeral, I wore his and mine for about 6 months. I ended up taking them off for an evening to bowl...and the next morning, I decided not to put them back on. It didn't really change how I felt because I felt plenty married even though I didn't wear mine while he was alive but it was easier and I didn't have to worry about losing any of them.

Wear the ring as long as YOU want to...if that means forever, so be it. I know people who got remarried and they just moved this wedding ring to the other hand. Other people are like me and just found a day where it felt right to stop wearing it. Do not let anyone pressure you to take it off or keep it on any longer than what is right for you.

I will say for the period of time I did wear mine, I added a band of black stones to "complete the story". There are also rings called "Widow's rings" that can be worn with or instead of the wedding rings...they can help with that naked hand feel if you have always worn a ring on that hand.

Here is one source. Widows Rings http://www.expressionsofgrief.com/

 

[JPSousa]

That's the sort of practical stuff I need now as I struggle with the tears and sobs. Seems reasonable; just wait 'til it feels right.

 

[JPSousa]

That's interesting. Something to bear in mind. Does anyone else recognize them as such?

 

[blackribbon]

No...but I knew what it was for...and for me, it completed the story.

 

[Ritz]

Mine is around my neck. I began wearing it on a chain this summer.

 

[pdudgeon]

I have not removed mine, nor will i.
Granted, i am only 2 months widowed (and it still seems very strange to me to identify myself as a widow). This is my first post here in this forum.

I'm at a point in my grief where I'm just beginning to deal with the paperwork a little bit at a time, but one thing i have settled and that is that I personally feel that my marriage vows are forever.

Whether my husband is here in this life with me, in another room, another physical place, or whether there is a curtain of time and space that separates us, we are still bound.

I'm not saying that there is scripture to prove that, but i do know that it works for me. Forever married, forever faithful.

 

[Adelyn Woodcock]

I'm not saying that there is scripture to prove that, but i do know that it works for me. Forever married, forever faithful.

Beautifully said. I felt it in my heart.

 

[suzeequeue]

to the OP, God bless you, brother. i am so very truly sorry for the loss of your dear wife. i cannot even imagine 52 years--what a wonderful blessing. i think you should wear your wedding ring until you feel it's time to remove it, or just keep wearing it if you like...

for me, i know i still feel married and probably always will. my beloved husband went to be with Jesus on August 1, 2009, and i still miss him every moment of every day... he is still my husband and i cannot wait to be reunited with him again in heaven. i realize many folks go on to remarry, and that is wonderful for them, but it's not for me. he was my husband and my best friend, next to Jesus, and no one could ever take his place in my heart. yes, i still wear the precious ring he put on my finger on our wedding day, and i thank Jesus that he was in my life, if only for 26 short years.

God's continued blessings on you, sister pdudgeon... my heart feels the same as you so beautifully expressed. i'm so very sorry for your loss, sweetheart.

 

[pdudgeon]

thank you suzeequeue! like you I also can't wait to be reunited with my husband. I miss him every day.
I know he's with Jesus and that's a comfort, but yep, I'm still married to him!

 

[suzeequeue]

you're welcome, dear. i know how you feel.

...and the two shall become one... and we did. how does one cope with losing half of oneself?

someone said to me that when they were widowed, they likened it to an old boat tied to a dock--and then someone severs the mooring, and suddenly you are just adrift... floating all alone. i thought that really described how i felt and still feel...

 

[blackribbon]

I think it is more like Christmas lights. You know the ones that get so intertangled that you don't know where one starts and the other ends. Trying to figure out who I am (sometimes still a battle) separate from him feels like an impossible task. Even now 6 years later, I still make many decisions concerning the kids with thinking what he would have thought. I will always be married to him but that doesn't mean I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I have more than enough love for another person. Just like when you have a additional children, you don't divide your love but rather it grows and multiples. That is what I have learned about this road. It doesn't betray him one bit to love another. In fact, it is because he taught me to love that I have so much more love left to give while on this earth.

 

[suzeequeue]

that is a great analogy too, blackribbon, the intertwined Christmas lights. i can surely relate to that. i have been six years without my beloved also. well, in a few months i will be. it has gotten easier, some days, but other times it is still like a fresh open wound to me...

i don't think it would be betraying Michael if i loved another man, it's just that i have no desire for that, at least at this time. certainly, i cannot predict the future, but i do not foresee having another husband, except i am the bride of Christ, so there's always that .

it is beautiful what you said about your husband teaching you to love... i am so sorry you lost him. God bless you and your family.

 

[pdudgeon]

and almost 6 months into widowhood my wounds are still way too fresh to even consider another husband.
Also i don't want to go through another earth-shattering loss like this one, and i don't want to jeopardize the financial support that i have now.
I know that widows and widowers re-marry for a variety of reasons--- companionship, physical and emotional support, and financial considerations being the three major ones.
But for me none of those is reason enough to risk loosing what i already have, and i don't want to be in a position of marrying or having to marry just to fulfill those needs.

For younger women, yes re-marriage is a good choice for many reasons. but for older women i think most would advise them to consider everything carefully before leaping into that frying pan.
I'm not saying that it can't work but that it might be more difficult to make it work than they realize.

 

[Catherineanne]

It's only been a month since she's gone after 52 years together. I stare at my wedding ring and think 'what does this mean now?' I'm in no rush to remove it but I am curious about how others have dealt with/deal with this symbol of commitment.

Mine was stolen in a burglary some years ago. I wear a silver ring instead on the same finger, and have no plans to remove it.

 

[suzeequeue]

i'm so sorry to hear that your wedding ring was stolen, Catherineanne. i realize they are just earthly treasures, but they hold a lot of heart value as well. one day we will see our husbands again when we worship the LORD together in heaven. i eagerly await that day...

 

[Catherineanne]

i'm so sorry to hear that your wedding ring was stolen, Catherineanne. i realize they are just earthly treasures, but they hold a lot of heart value as well. one day we will see our husbands again when we worship the LORD together in heaven. i eagerly await that day...

Thank you; yes, it was a terrible loss and I still miss it. I have thought of buying another, but silver was all I could afford.

David is waiting for me, I know that. It is partly why I won't marry again.

I haven't got his wedding ring either, but I have my engagement ring, and the signet ring I bought for him at the same time. They are better than nothing.

 

[suzeequeue]

yes, i can imagine you do miss it (((huggs))). i feel 'naked' without mine, always worrying it on my finger, twisting it around... i'm not sure why i do that..lol. still, we have our memories, and they are precious indeed. i still thank the good Lord every day that i was blessed to be married to Michael.

 

[Catherineanne]

yes, i can imagine you do miss it (((huggs))). i feel 'naked' without mine, always worrying it on my finger, twisting it around... i'm not sure why i do that..lol. still, we have our memories, and they are precious indeed. i still thank the good Lord every day that i was blessed to be married to Michael.

: ) I have a photograph of David outside the church before our wedding, waiting for me to come, and looking at his watch. I wasn't late; it was just a set picture. But that is how I see him now; not excluded from heaven exactly, but waiting for me at the door. When we go in, we will go in together.

 

[suzeequeue]

now that made me cry. what a beautiful picture.