Sick Of This

[chaoticfirefly]

I spent a few hours on the suicide hotline instead of trying to sleep and I still feel unstable. I don't think I can handle winter much longer. Last year, winter went until May. It kept snowing and there were blizzards and I don't think I can handle it again. Moving isn't an option--I tried that. I got homesick and quickly.

And now I can't tell if I'm sad or crazy.

I just want to die. I'm so envious of my step uncle and my friends and my dog.

But no, because then what would the youth group I help lead think and do? I try to set up a positive image and help them with learning to like themselves as they are. I try to be an example but

I don't think I can anymore. The church I go to is such a blessing, they don't holler hate speech, they accept people as they are and it surprised me when they didn't kick out the homeless man or anyone they didn't like. It's very open and liberal. There's no politics. Just warmth.

But I still just want to die. Checking myself into a psych ward isn't an option, I don't get paid livable wage and people would be disappointed in me.

I'm just sick of all of this.

 

[RuthD]

I am sick of the Winter, too. But I'm going to try to get through it by taking one day at a time and one minute at a time and one moment at a time and one thing at a time.

 

[xTx]

I spent a few hours on the suicide hotline instead of trying to sleep and I still feel unstable. I don't think I can handle winter much longer. Last year, winter went until May. It kept snowing and there were blizzards and I don't think I can handle it again. Moving isn't an option--I tried that. I got homesick and quickly.

And now I can't tell if I'm sad or crazy.

I just want to die. I'm so envious of my step uncle and my friends and my dog.

But no, because then what would the youth group I help lead think and do? I try to set up a positive image and help them with learning to like themselves as they are. I try to be an example but

I don't think I can anymore. The church I go to is such a blessing, they don't holler hate speech, they accept people as they are and it surprised me when they didn't kick out the homeless man or anyone they didn't like. It's very open and liberal. There's no politics. Just warmth.

But I still just want to die. Checking myself into a psych ward isn't an option, I don't get paid livable wage and people would be disappointed in me.

I'm just sick of all of this.

Sometimes I feel like this too. I am envious of you because you have a dog. I want a dog but I am unable to keep one. What kind of dog is it? If I ever get the chance to own a dog, I would like to get a mix anything with schnauzer from the doggie shelter not breeders. Not possible in the near and far future.

I love dogs. What is your dog's name?

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Sometimes I feel like this too. I am envious of you because you have a dog. I want a dog but I am unable to keep one. What kind of dog is it? If I ever get the chance to own a dog, I would like to get a mix anything with schnauzer from the doggie shelter not breeders. Not possible in the near and far future.

I love dogs. What is your dog's name?

We put him down last week. He was a sheperd, lab and pieranese mixed. I prefer cats.

Schnauzers are cute.

 

[Okano]

Humble yourself by asking your church for help. Ask for a few people to support you. It's hard to do, but it's completely okay and it's what we're supposed to do. What do you think people did before psych wards, meds, and technology were around? They asked the families at church for help and support.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Humble yourself by asking your church for help. Ask for a few people to support you. It's hard to do, but it's completely okay and it's what we're supposed to do. What do you think people did before psych wards, meds, and technology were around? They asked the families at church for help and support.

They were put in asylums, or killed or experimented on. The church never helped. If you were mentally ill, you were considered a witch or someone who practiced witchcraft or even possessed. Where do you think all of this stigma comes from?

The church burned them, or stoned them. Mental illness wasn't understood or studied.

And then come 1800's-1900's, until the dawn of understanding the brain, they were put into mental hospitals where they were experimented on, given shock therapy, brains cut up. A lot died. Needlessly.

So no, church did not help back then because wow, SATAN and DEVIL. You were possessed, so you were stoned.

I'm supposed to be an example for the teens I help anyways, so I can't really talk to the church.

 

[WithLoveFromAlyssa]

Ive been to a mental hospital.
they don't let you leave till you take pills for a number of days... and they expect you to continue the pills.
(That was my experience at least)

Ive called the suicide hotline too. It was nice.
I Had a nice chat.

Depression eats at you.
I know , Trust me...
But you know.. Winter DOES actually cause depression in some people.

I live in California.. the constant sun can get tiring also my friend.
want to message me?

 

[2sparrows]

Oh only if they hadn't outlawed ephedra.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Oh only if they hadn't outlawed ephedra.

what's ephedra have anything to do with this?