feeling sad

[kitty1]

I have been hurt emotionally by hurtful words from my husband I approached him to let him know it was unacceptable and it hurt me I received a cold response like he has no remorse for his actions he became aggressive and handled me wrongly. though he made reason in his own mind, of his frustration that turned aggressive. I feel unrespected. Three days later he still chooses not to acknowledge that I am hurt by his actions. This is creating so much tension and distance between us. I cannot continue to have him thinking that I will accept his behaviour I know he is waiting for me again to act like everything is ok. I know I should forgive, I always do though this time I feel confused. Could you please just be there for me I am so sad. I surrendered to my God. though do I continue to surrender to my husband I am not receiving comfort and respect in this relationship and feeling so empty. He doesnt seem to understand how I am feeling or chooses to ignore me.

 

[CheshireMark3]

Hey Kitty! First of all, welcome to CF

Secondly; the way you've described his treatment of you is unfair, and I'm glad you've voiced your discontent to your Husband. You deserve better than that.
I'm only 18, and know very little about marriage dynamics so there's not really much advice I can give you, I hope someone on this forum can give you some great advice which you can implement.

However, I can offer my presence and prayer.
if you ever need to talk to someone about this issue, or any other issue that makes you 'sad' my inbox is always open!

God bless.

 

[kitty1]

thankyou CheshireMark its nice to know someone cares enough to comment

 

[ChristianGolfer]

I have been hurt emotionally by hurtful words from my husband I approached him to let him know it was unacceptable and it hurt me I received a cold response like he has no remorse for his actions he became aggressive and handled me wrongly. though he made reason in his own mind, of his frustration that turned aggressive. I feel unrespected. Three days later he still chooses not to acknowledge that I am hurt by his actions. This is creating so much tension and distance between us. I cannot continue to have him thinking that I will accept his behaviour I know he is waiting for me again to act like everything is ok. I know I should forgive, I always do though this time I feel confused. Could you please just be there for me I am so sad. I surrendered to my God. though do I continue to surrender to my husband I am not receiving comfort and respect in this relationship and feeling so empty. He doesnt seem to understand how I am feeling or chooses to ignore me.

Hi kitty. Can you please give us some more context? What did he say to you that hurt you? What do you mean when you say he "handled you wrongly?" Did he hit you?

How long have his aggressive and/or hurtful actions been going on?

 

[Autumnleaf]

You holding a grudge for 3 days? Let me guess. He works during the day and comes home stressed. You stay at home and during the day you think of reasons to be angry at him.

 

[CheshireMark3]

You holding a grudge for 3 days? Let me guess. He works during the day and comes home stressed. You stay at home and during the day you think of reasons to be angry at him.

Although it's good to look at differing perspectives, you can CLEARLY tell this woman is stressed and upset, you don't know the FULL story so be a little less accusational ! She is looking for HELP not judgement.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Although it's good to look at differing perspectives, you can CLEARLY tell this woman is stressed and upset, you don't know the FULL story so be a little less accusational ! She is looking for HELP not judgement.

Oh, my bad.

OP, I feel so bad for you. Whatever did he do to make you angry at him for so long? I hope God sets him straight and he finally sees the error of his ways and begs your forgiveness for whatever he did.

 

[ValleyGal]

Kitty, if you have been abused (handled wrongly), please contact the police, a social worker, or a woman's shelter/resource centre. If you let him get away with it once, he will think it's okay to keep doing this to you, and it's not okay.

Do you have anyone irl who is able to be there for you, to talk to, such as an older woman you can trust, a pastor or family member who can help you?

 

[CheshireMark3]

Kitty, if you have been abused (handled wrongly), please contact the police, a social worker, or a woman's shelter/resource centre. If you let him get away with it once, he will think it's okay to keep doing this to you, and it's not okay.

Do you have anyone irl who is able to be there for you, to talk to, such as an older woman you can trust, a pastor or family member who can help you?

Don't suffer in silence, if this is the case; there's NO shame in seeking help!!

 

[cerette]

Hi Kitty,
please listen to advice given above. If he abused you, please seek help.
Perhaps if you tell us a bit more about what happened, we could support you with advice..?
God bless you.

 

[kitty1]

I have come on here for respect and a little sincere advise from CHRISTIANS not to be attacked judgement has been passed by some and I dont feel I need to be any more explantary about my emotions at the moment as it is written quite self explanatary of how I am feeling at the moment. Autumleaf I noticed you are a married man also and you passed judgement on me and I am not like that at all. Its sad that you feel this way to write back to me are you having any problems in your personal life as you sound quite bitter I would suggest turn to god as I have though I am asking for some comfort from the flesh as well kind regards

 

[kitty1]

I dont think I am holding a grudge towards him, I am just tired of his aggressive behaviour and he will not get help to take some of the responsibility and weight off our shoulders. he prefers to ignore what has happened and this is tying me up in knots. I have not been injured physically only emotionally. I know my husband has an anger problem but will not seek help. I have been to counsellors and used many techniqes to assert myself and also when to walk away. I am not holding a grudge dear sir I am so lost and saddened to know what to do now. Iam questioning myself if I should walk away though feel this is not the christian thing to do. oh my god I am so mixed up emotionally at the moment. Please be kind. I took my vows for better or worse

 

[Observer]

Autumnleaf seems judgemental to married women. Like the other person said, it's one thing to offer a different perspective, but when it's done with a really bitter judgemental spirit, with harsh words to a woman who's really upset, that's really not appropriate...

Some men don't know the importance of simply being kind to their wife. A man could be saying something totally understandable to his wife, but if he says it harsh and nasty, she is going to feel that he doesn't care about her. Because we are women, and if you're in a Christian marriage, you expect and crave your husband to be gentle and kind to you. I have a 6'3 250+ lbs husband and I can tell you that it's absolutely devstating if he yells at me, intimidates or gets aggressive. It's like the opposite of what you'd ever want or need from a husband. Of course we all get angry, no one is perfect, but when a husband is like this regularly, it's devstating for a wife.

Colossians 3:19 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

It's very important to a wife.

 

[kitty1]

thankyou observer. Being female we just want to talk about it and feel some comfort thankyou again. I wish I could take this demon out of our life right now and we can be contented with each other again. Though how do I explain this to him so that he understands that this behaviour is destroying our relationship and want it gone as I have tried though I dont think he understands what I am saying and being defensive I am not wanting to hurt him in anyway I just want our relationship to be happy again.

 

[Avniel]

I don't think anyone can really give even one sided advice at the time due to the lack of information and the vague wording used. When you say aggressive it could mean so many different things from physical assault to him just saying how he feels and you not liking his thoughts. So it makes it very hard to say anything in regards to that. Also a bit where I was very confused was when you approached him about something he did to hurt your feelings, I think this is key in understanding his response to you. Without it one could say anything from emotional and mental abuse or simple an issue he believed you were wrong and he told you his feelings and it upset you so he doesn't want to talk about it again.

There is a wide range of advice that could be given here due to the lack of information no one can really help you with your situation.

I am not saying he was right or that you were right I am simple saying it's hard to advise on such a vague topic.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Autumnleaf seems judgemental to married women. Like the other person said, it's one thing to offer a different perspective, but when it's done with a really bitter judgemental spirit, with harsh words to a woman who's really upset, that's really not appropriate...

I'd say the same thing about telling a woman to call the police on her husband because she said she feels sad because of her husband and won't say why. Its a knee jerk hostility towards a guy you don't know who may or may not have done something worthy of her feeling sad. Everyone is an authority about a situation after they have heard one side of an argument... until they hear the other side of the argument.

In our rush to share sympathy tears maybe we should seek to understand the specifics prior to offering judgement either way. All I did was make a guess the OP neither confirmed or denied. Actually, she lashed out at me instead.

 

[ValleyGal]

AL, I was addressing this OP and her perceived safety, and she was looking for support, not for answers about why he might be acting that way towards her. If you have something against the way I respond and post to an OP, then address me....don't take it out on an OP who is obviously hurting.

 

[kitty1]

I'd say the same thing about telling a woman to call the police on her husband because she said she feels sad because of her husband and won't say why. Its a knee jerk hostility towards a guy you don't know who may or may not have done something worthy of her feeling sad. Everyone is an authority about a situation after they have heard one side of an argument... until they hear the other side of the argument.

In our rush to share sympathy tears maybe we should seek to understand the specifics prior to offering judgement either way. All I did was make a guess the OP neither confirmed or denied. Actually, she lashed out at me instead.

I choose to ignore your thoughts and behaviour as you have passed judgement over my first post to this site. My God knows what has happened and I feel I have done no harm to anyone by posting for support. I am sorry that your comprehensiion is that I lashed out at you I read that you passed judgement on me

 

[kitty1]

I choose to ignore your behaviour AL as you judged me by not understanding it would have been best possibly if you did not make any comment because I believe if you cannot say something nice dont say anything at all. I am not asking for counselling advise as some seem to expect of me to be more explicit, I am a fairly private person and have used this type of forum only once for the first time. and excuse me to the gentleman that was VERY CONFUSED why bother making a post. I dont play the whos right who wrong game with any person

 

[kitty1]

You holding a grudge for 3 days? Let me guess. He works during the day and comes home stressed. You stay at home and during the day you think of reasons to be angry at him.

SO SO incorrect now be nice