How should a husband and wife intereact.

[pfcreed]

Ive only recently began educating my self about GOD and JESUS due to constant issues I had been having in my marriage and being constantly knocked down to my knees because of it. A couple days ago me and my wife kept arguing it lasted three days and for some reason Jesus put it in my heart to just do nothing which isn't like me. So that's what I did. When things were a their worst and final plans were being made for a separation my wife on her own just came out and said this is a mistake. I was so relieved. For the first time I really started talking to her about how I felt our relationship had had all the faith stripped away. The faith in GOD (she is atheist) and our faith in each other. I then started talking about how we were constantly being tested and how I have constantly been answering the test wrong. Then I told her, soon I know Ill be tested again in the form of another woman and I have to start arming myself for it. Then she came way out of left field with something I didnt even consider and it blindsided me. She said what if I am the test. (meaning my wife) I never even considered it. It literally woke me from my sleep just now because I feel so unprepared for it. Ive been with my wife for 14 years. It really illustrated how asymmetrical my approach to life is. What does the bible say on the interaction between husband and wife. Ive just started reading the bible and im in Leviticus so I might be a long ways away from stumbling into the words.

 

[motherprayer]

Maybe start reading with John?

There really isn't a set "guideline" for how husband and wife should interact. But I LOVE your post. The humility shines through, and it is a beautiful testimony that you are no longer getting separated (praying I read that right!).

But, there IS hope. Paul said a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Often in the NT the church is referred to as "the Bride of Christ" which makes me believe that a marriage should be a mirror of the church-Christ relationship. BUT there really isn't a set way to define it.

My friend, I truly recommend you start reading from the NT, and use the footnotes in your Bible to understand the OT references. It will help in your studies, and the NT will help you understand the OT better.

But just pray about your situation, and He will reveal to you what you are supposed to do. Be kind to your wife, show her the love Christ showed us by dying for us on the Cross. Give her all of yourself. How you do that is between you and God, and He will never lead you astray.

I pray this helped. Be abundantly blessed in all that you do!

 

[seeingeyes]

Ive only recently began educating my self about GOD and JESUS due to constant issues I had been having in my marriage and being constantly knocked down to my knees because of it. A couple days ago me and my wife kept arguing it lasted three days and for some reason Jesus put it in my heart to just do nothing which isn't like me. So that's what I did. When things were a their worst and final plans were being made for a separation my wife on her own just came out and said this is a mistake. I was so relieved. For the first time I really started talking to her about how I felt our relationship had had all the faith stripped away. The faith in GOD (she is atheist) and our faith in each other. I then started talking about how we were constantly being tested and how I have constantly been answering the test wrong. Then I told her, soon I know Ill be tested again in the form of another woman and I have to start arming myself for it. Then she came way out of left field with something I didnt even consider and it blindsided me. She said what if I am the test. (meaning my wife) I never even considered it. It literally woke me from my sleep just now because I feel so unprepared for it. Ive been with my wife for 14 years. It really illustrated how asymmetrical my approach to life is. What does the bible say on the interaction between husband and wife. Ive just started reading the bible and im in Leviticus so I might be a long ways away from stumbling into the words.

Ooo, brother. The word of God from the mouth of a foreigner, right there. Just like in Isaiah. Chin up! Our Lord is working on you.

For reading the Scriptures, I'm gonna second motherprayer's recommendation on the New Testament, and specifically the Gospels. Not that the Old Testament is less important, but it is harder reading in some spots without historical background (they are not in chronological order, for example).

And for questions to ponder, ask yourself this: Do I love my wife the way Christ loved the church? How does Christ love the church anyway?

 

[LinkH]

Ephesians 5 has a great passage to read on the subject.

Her comment about what if she is the test is probably an indication that she thinks she was wrong for giving you so much grief.

 

[Hetta]

Then I told her, soon I know Ill be tested again in the form of another woman and I have to start arming myself for it.

Really? Do you have a particular woman in mind for this 'test'? Not exactly a positive or loving thing to say to your spouse.

 

[pfcreed]

Thank you everyone. In response to what I said not being a loving statement to my wife, your right but it was a sobering one. I've spent alot of time "painting pictures" for my wife using loving words as lies. I literally have painted myself into a image that I'm not. If she saw me glancing at another woman and asked me about it. I would lie. If she caught me doing something on appropriate with another female I would lie. And lie by lie all the faith my wife had in me was stripped away. Someone a few weeks ago on here told me I would continually be tested until it becomes clear to me the true path I should take in my actions. So I truly beleive one day a beautiful woman is gunna be presented to me and she's gunna be everything I remember my wife as being. And I will have the choice to get involved with her. I pray everyday for the health of my marriage and I can't pray for one thing and then act like I want something totally diffrent. My wife deserves a realistic veiw of who I am. And I am a person I get tempted I make mistakes and I'm at the point where I would rather talk about them with her rather then create this illusion that I'm perfect. Sorry if there's misspellings but I'm doing this on a phone. It's just been on the front of my mind all day.

 

[Hetta]

Thank you everyone. In response to what I said not being a loving statement to my wife, your right but it was a sobering one. I've spent alot of time "painting pictures" for my wife using loving words as lies. I literally have painted myself into a image that I'm not. If she saw me glancing at another woman and asked me about it. I would lie. If she caught me doing something on appropriate with another female I would lie. And lie by lie all the faith my wife had in me was stripped away. Someone a few weeks ago on here told me I would continually be tested until it becomes clear to me the true path I should take in my actions. So I truly beleive one day a beautiful woman is gunna be presented to me and she's gunna be everything I remember my wife as being. And I will have the choice to get involved with her. I pray everyday for the health of my marriage and I can't pray for one thing and then act like I want something totally diffrent. My wife deserves a realistic veiw of who I am. And I am a person I get tempted I make mistakes and I'm at the point where I would rather talk about them with her rather then create this illusion that I'm perfect. Sorry if there's misspellings but I'm doing this on a phone. It's just been on the front of my mind all day.

So, you destroyed your wife's faith in you by looking at other women, and "doing inappropriate things" with other women, and now you think you should be presented with a beautiful woman, who is just like your wife was before you destroyed her faith in you? Wow. That sounds mightly like wish fulfillment to me.

How about you model/portray the love of Christ, keep your eyes and whatever other body parts away from other women, and ignore what some stranger on an internet forum has "told" you? You might find that your godliness impresses your wife and she regains her faith in you.

 

[pfcreed]

Hetta, maybe im not coming explaining it correctly. I do not feel I should be presented with a beautiful woman. I hope I become blind to a flirtation from other women while im married. I hope I never flirt while being married. Unless those wishes come true I have to address the fact that I don't think my wife is the only beautiful woman in the world. I dont think the fact that i think other women are pretty is whats hurting the situation. I think the hurt comes from me lying about it. although it is disrespectful to be oogling at a woman its not something that I do but my wife is perceptible so she knows when a glance might be a little too long. I think my wife is pretty, I think other women are pretty. the difference is I want to be with my wife and love my wife.

this test with some other woman might be the same as an alcoholic being tempted to have a beer but knowing its wrong and going through the process of making the choice not to. (im not addicted to women i just used that reference and i don't have anyone in mind because i didn't mean it that way)

Also, I do appreciate everyone's opinion, I think its important to learn from what others have been through but I definitely did not ask for advise. I am trying to model my life after Christ that's why I asked for scripture so I can read and make my own interpretation and if I have questions after that then I would ask for opinions on that.

Im not going to ignore what this stranger on the internet told me. I felt like what he/she said was aplicable to my situation and something I can derive encouragment from when I need it.

Also Hetta i truly beleive that people have to accept Jesus in order to be on that right path. I also think I need to work on my relationship with god before I can make good headway in my relationship with my wife and that's why I want to model my actions and thinking by what the bible says. My wife is an atheist and im not trying to simply impress her with my godliness. I saw another persons godliness and was inspired by it so much that I asked for a sign and that saved my soul. im praying to have the same effect on my wife so that we can be in heaven together. I can impress her many other ways but if I love her and truly believe, shouldn't I show her the way to salvation by walking the path of salvation.

 

[motherprayer]

Hetta, maybe im not coming explaining it correctly. I do not feel I should be presented with a beautiful woman. I hope I become blind to a flirtation from other women while im married. I hope I never flirt while being married. Unless those wishes come true I have to adress the fact that I don't think my wife is the only beautiful woman in the world. It dont think the fact that i think other women are pretty is whats hurting the situation. I think the hurt comes from me lying about it. although it is disrespectful to be googling at a woman its not something that I do but my wife is perceptible so she knows when a glance might be a little too long. I think my wife is pretty, I think other women are pretty. the difference is I want to be with my wife and love my wife. this temptation might be the same as an alcholic being tempted to have a beer but knowing its wrong and going through the process of making the choice not to. (im not addicted to women i just used that reference)

Also, I do appreciate everyones opinion, I think its important to learn from what others have been through but I definitly did not ask for advise. I am trying to model my life after Christ that's why I asked for scripture so I can read and make my own interpretation and if I have questions after that then I would ask for opinons on that.

Im not going to ignore what this stranger on the internet told me. I felt like what he/she said was aplicable to my situation and something I can derive encouragment from when I need it.

Also Hetta i truly beleive that people have to accept Jesus in order to be on that right path. I also think I need to work on my relationship with god before I can make good headway in my relationship with my wife and that's why I want to model my actions and thinking by what the bible says. My wife is an atheist and im not trying to simply impress her with my godliness. I saw another persons godliness and was inspired by it so much that I asked for a sign and that saved my soul. im praying to have the same effect on my wife so that we can be in heaven together. I can impress her many other ways but if I love her and truly believe, shouldn't I show her the way to salvation by walking the path of salvation.

This is a quite beautiful post, brother. Keep walking by faith, persevere.

 

[pfcreed]

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


In case someone else needed the reference. Thank you

 

[Hetta]

Hetta, maybe im not coming explaining it correctly. I do not feel I should be presented with a beautiful woman. I hope I become blind to a flirtation from other women while im married. I hope I never flirt while being married. Unless those wishes come true I have to address the fact that I don't think my wife is the only beautiful woman in the world. I dont think the fact that i think other women are pretty is whats hurting the situation. I think the hurt comes from me lying about it. although it is disrespectful to be oogling at a woman its not something that I do but my wife is perceptible so she knows when a glance might be a little too long. I think my wife is pretty, I think other women are pretty. the difference is I want to be with my wife and love my wife.

The problem I see here is that these are "hopes" and "wishes". You can resolve not to ever respond to flirtation. You can resolve not to flirt when you are married, and you can resolve and pray that you also stand by these resolutions: I am not talking about "New Year resolutions" here, but steadfast, rock hard decisions that you will not do these things. My, my, if I had gone into marriage hoping and wishing I would not cheat, I don't know how far I would have gone, but it was always my resolve to obey my marriage vows, and to hold only to my husband until death parts us. Nothing has rocked that. It's not anywhere - not even within a million miles - that I would worry about flirting with men. These are decisions you have to make. Not wishes.

I can impress her many other ways but if I love her and truly believe, shouldn't I show her the way to salvation by walking the path of salvation.

Yes. And that includes not flirting with women, and not lying.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi pfcreed, welcome to CF.
I agree with others, to read the NT, not that you should not read the OT, but spend some of your time reading the Bible by reading the NT.

I think its wise that you tell your wife about the real you, don't like about who you are. This was one of the mistakes I made in my marriage, I didn't speak to my wife who I was so she didn't really know who I was on the inside.

I'm thinking you and your wife need to find a way to work as a team to understand and solve the issues you are having. Learn to communicate in a non challenging way. Take time to let each talk without interruption while the other is just listening, not working on a counter argument. Thank each other for sharing their point of view. Speak in I statements this is how I feel, this is what I feel etc. Don't be saying you need to do this or that. Your wrong about that.

Sounds like you need to do some work to bring intimacy back into your relationship. I'd recommend standing, holding hands and looking into each others eyes for 2 mins morning and night to start. No talking, just gaze into each others eyes.

 

[danr62]

13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Cor 10:13)

If you are tempted by other women, keep this scripture in mind. You do not need to live in fear that you will fail. By God's promise, you know that you stand against temptation if you trust in Him and look to Him.

 

[Romanseight2005]

The problem I see here is that these are "hopes" and "wishes". You can resolve not to ever respond to flirtation. You can resolve not to flirt when you are married, and you can resolve and pray that you also stand by these resolutions: I am not talking about "New Year resolutions" here, but steadfast, rock hard decisions that you will not do these things. My, my, if I had gone into marriage hoping and wishing I would not cheat, I don't know how far I would have gone, but it was always my resolve to obey my marriage vows, and to hold only to my husband until death parts us. Nothing has rocked that. It's not anywhere - not even within a million miles - that I would worry about flirting with men. These are decisions you have to make. Not wishes.

Yes. And that includes not flirting with women, and not lying.

Exactly! You are faithful in your heart and mind first. You guard your heart, period.

 

[Romanseight2005]

So, you destroyed your wife's faith in you by looking at other women, and "doing inappropriate things" with other women, and now you think you should be presented with a beautiful woman, who is just like your wife was before you destroyed her faith in you? Wow. That sounds mightly like wish fulfillment to me.

How about you model/portray the love of Christ, keep your eyes and whatever other body parts away from other women, and ignore what some stranger on an internet forum has "told" you? You might find that your godliness impresses your wife and she regains her faith in you.

I heard a saying once that reminds me of this. It goes something like this.

" People say that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but in reality, the grass is always greener where it's watered, weeded, fertilized, and taken care of."

 

[mandelduke]

Ive only recently began educating my self about GOD and JESUS due to constant issues I had been having in my marriage and being constantly knocked down to my knees because of it. A couple days ago me and my wife kept arguing it lasted three days and for some reason Jesus put it in my heart to just do nothing which isn't like me. So that's what I did. When things were a their worst and final plans were being made for a separation my wife on her own just came out and said this is a mistake. I was so relieved. For the first time I really started talking to her about how I felt our relationship had had all the faith stripped away. The faith in GOD (she is atheist) and our faith in each other. I then started talking about how we were constantly being tested and how I have constantly been answering the test wrong. Then I told her, soon I know Ill be tested again in the form of another woman and I have to start arming myself for it. Then she came way out of left field with something I didnt even consider and it blindsided me. She said what if I am the test. (meaning my wife) I never even considered it. It literally woke me from my sleep just now because I feel so unprepared for it. Ive been with my wife for 14 years. It really illustrated how asymmetrical my approach to life is. What does the bible say on the interaction between husband and wife. Ive just started reading the bible and im in Leviticus so I might be a long ways away from stumbling into the words.

So what you are saying is you have been married for 14teen years and lust after other woman in front of your wife? After 14teen, years if she says something you are busted, of course lie and say you was not looking. However, the answer is you need to man enough not to let that happen.

 

[Kaitlyn]

So what you are saying is you have been married for 14teen years and lust after other woman in front of your wife? After 14teen, years if she says something you are busted, of course lie and say you was not looking. However, the answer is you need to man enough not to let that happen.

 

[akmom]

I don't know a lot of verses about marital interaction either. Perhaps that is because it is not one-size-fits-all, and aside from a few basic principles, there are diverse ways that married couples interact. Loving your wife as yourself, according to Ephesians 5:22-33, sounds like a great way to demonstrate God's work in your life to her.

The temptations you worry about are common. Whether you share these concerns openly with your wife, or keep the fear of temptation a secret just depends on what kind of marriage you have. Some spouses are very sensitive and would not want to hear these things. Others are very supportive and willing to tackle these issues as a team. To assume that you are immune to temptation, or have a resolve stronger than your sin nature, would be arrogant. While some people may not struggle with certain sins, they do struggle with others, and I think your post is just being honest about what kinds of temptations you might struggle with. And yes, I think your wife can appreciate your honesty in that matter, and see how important it is to you to obey God.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I guess the question is what do pretty or beautiful women mean to you? It's not about whether or not you know that your wife isn't the only pretty woman out there, is whether or not you think that means something more than just that. For instance, to me, my husband is the most attractive man in the world, but not because no other man has beautiful eyes, etc. But because he's all I dwell on. Does that make sense? By dwelling on the beauty of others, you are making a value decision within yourself. You are actually saying to yourself that you are entitled to desire other women, and frankly, you simply are not. You can choose to cultivate your desire for your wife, or you can choose to cultivate desire for others. It's really a value judgement.

 

[Puffinstuff]

[QUOTE So I truly beleive one day a beautiful woman is gunna be presented to me and she's gunna be everything I remember my wife as being. And I will have the choice to get involved with her. I pray everyday for the health of my marriage and I can't pray for one thing and then act like I want something totally diffrent. My wife deserves a realistic veiw of who I am. And I am a person I get tempted I make mistakes and I'm at the point where I would rather talk about them with her rather then create this illusion that I'm perfect.][/QUOTE]

Why in the world would you think you have to be perfect to not be the way you are?No offense but that is quite far from "perfect".That's like saying.I need to tell my spouse I'm a thief steeling from them they have the right to know I'm "not perfect".Just who I am?A thief"?Yes it is honest and yes its better to let her know.But do not expect that means you are in her life anymore.Because frankly she deserves better.And would be a fool to continue to let you steal from her.