Hi,
This is my first post so please be gently.
I am not very articulate so will try and say exactly what I mean.
My marriage is in crisis. I think it was doomed from the beginning.
Before marriage
Hubby and I got married because we were told by a prophet in the church that God said we had to get married within the next 3 months. We had only been talking for 2 months prior to that and when I say talking, I mean meeting up sporadically and texting/calling each other. It wasnt even a relationship, let alone anything serious but we came from a church where, if you even starting fancying someone, you were told to get married.
It was a charismatic Pentecostal church with several "prophets" (most of whom have now died or been struck with sickness now due to their false prophecies but that is just my opinion). Anyhoo, we were young and had no clue what marriage was and just went with the flow as we were excited. The church had a lot of influence over us and looking back, can only be described as a cult.
I was a young christian and wasnt spiritually mature enough to question what the prophet had said. I blame myself as I should have sort an answer from God myself but at that time, was so brainwashed by the church that I thought the only way to accurately hear from him was through a "prophet".
Fast forward, 10 years and the differences between us are very real and evident. Our personalities are very different, we hardly interact and when we do, its so awkward, there's no chemistry, we don't have sex (I can't stand him touching me in that way), we don't hang out or even talk. We are basically housemates.
People may ask "but you have been married 10 years there must be something there?". No, there isn't. During those years, I have been just pretending to myself and to others. We dont interact much anyway so I just learned to live with it, secretly dying inside.
Over the past year or two, I have come to see that what/who I was taught that God/Christianity is, isn't the truth. Its been a wake up call and it's only now that I have mustered any strength to face up to my wreck of a marriage and leave, if necessary.
As the post title says, my husband quit his permanent job 3 months ago to become a contractor/self employed because God said it was the right time. There was no discussion between us about this. I was merely informed as according to my husband "we dont need to agree on it because God told him he could quit". Don't get me wrong, he had been talking about it for a while and during this time, I implored him to try and secure a contract before he quit his job.
When I saw that he was willing to quit before securing employment, I suggested that we sit down and discuss tightening our budgets as he may not be bringing in money for a while. My suggestion was met with an angry husband telling me that I dont have faith and that we dont need to save/budget because God would provide.
Is this right? Can one of us just make a decision that will affect both of us and not obtain the agreement of the other, because God told them to do it? Don't ask me how God told him. Apparently, he felt it in his spirit that it was his time to quit.
I am not very sure of my communication with God and can't say if God did tell him to quit.
Anyway, fast forward 3 months and he isnt making any money. We have large debts that need servicing every month and the rent is due in exactly 8 days and he has no money to contribute.
Last month, he informs me two days before the rent is due that he has no money so I paid all rent and bills. I am sick of bailing him out especially when I didnt agree to him quitting his job. Yes, I know I sound like an unsupportive wife because that is exactly what I am. There's a lot of background to this.
He has done this exact same thing before...three years ago he quit a permanent job to become self-employed, he didnt pay his taxes and work dried up and he had no money coming in for 8 months because he wouldnt look for permanent employment. Why?....."because God hadn't told him to stop being self-employed and look for another job". Can you see a pattern here?
On top of that, he is selfish with his money and time, is emotionally unavailable, doesnt help out around the house at all and I just generally do not like him. There is a lot more to it but I can't go into it right now.
I think he is taking advantage of me because he knows that I dont like paying rent/bills late and I have the means to pay it.
I am thinking of just paying my half as usual and telling him to sort the rest out. If the rent is late or doesnt get paid, then so be it.
I have always been the one to take the lead and I think this is why he has never learned to take responsibility in our family. I have allowed him to do as he pleases whilst I fix his mess ups.
This is my first post so please be gently.
I am not very articulate so will try and say exactly what I mean.
My marriage is in crisis. I think it was doomed from the beginning.
Before marriage
Hubby and I got married because we were told by a prophet in the church that God said we had to get married within the next 3 months. We had only been talking for 2 months prior to that and when I say talking, I mean meeting up sporadically and texting/calling each other. It wasnt even a relationship, let alone anything serious but we came from a church where, if you even starting fancying someone, you were told to get married.
It was a charismatic Pentecostal church with several "prophets" (most of whom have now died or been struck with sickness now due to their false prophecies but that is just my opinion). Anyhoo, we were young and had no clue what marriage was and just went with the flow as we were excited. The church had a lot of influence over us and looking back, can only be described as a cult.
I was a young christian and wasnt spiritually mature enough to question what the prophet had said. I blame myself as I should have sort an answer from God myself but at that time, was so brainwashed by the church that I thought the only way to accurately hear from him was through a "prophet".
Fast forward, 10 years and the differences between us are very real and evident. Our personalities are very different, we hardly interact and when we do, its so awkward, there's no chemistry, we don't have sex (I can't stand him touching me in that way), we don't hang out or even talk. We are basically housemates.
People may ask "but you have been married 10 years there must be something there?". No, there isn't. During those years, I have been just pretending to myself and to others. We dont interact much anyway so I just learned to live with it, secretly dying inside.
Over the past year or two, I have come to see that what/who I was taught that God/Christianity is, isn't the truth. Its been a wake up call and it's only now that I have mustered any strength to face up to my wreck of a marriage and leave, if necessary.
As the post title says, my husband quit his permanent job 3 months ago to become a contractor/self employed because God said it was the right time. There was no discussion between us about this. I was merely informed as according to my husband "we dont need to agree on it because God told him he could quit". Don't get me wrong, he had been talking about it for a while and during this time, I implored him to try and secure a contract before he quit his job.
When I saw that he was willing to quit before securing employment, I suggested that we sit down and discuss tightening our budgets as he may not be bringing in money for a while. My suggestion was met with an angry husband telling me that I dont have faith and that we dont need to save/budget because God would provide.
Is this right? Can one of us just make a decision that will affect both of us and not obtain the agreement of the other, because God told them to do it? Don't ask me how God told him. Apparently, he felt it in his spirit that it was his time to quit.
I am not very sure of my communication with God and can't say if God did tell him to quit.
Anyway, fast forward 3 months and he isnt making any money. We have large debts that need servicing every month and the rent is due in exactly 8 days and he has no money to contribute.
Last month, he informs me two days before the rent is due that he has no money so I paid all rent and bills. I am sick of bailing him out especially when I didnt agree to him quitting his job. Yes, I know I sound like an unsupportive wife because that is exactly what I am. There's a lot of background to this.
He has done this exact same thing before...three years ago he quit a permanent job to become self-employed, he didnt pay his taxes and work dried up and he had no money coming in for 8 months because he wouldnt look for permanent employment. Why?....."because God hadn't told him to stop being self-employed and look for another job". Can you see a pattern here?
On top of that, he is selfish with his money and time, is emotionally unavailable, doesnt help out around the house at all and I just generally do not like him. There is a lot more to it but I can't go into it right now.
I think he is taking advantage of me because he knows that I dont like paying rent/bills late and I have the means to pay it.
I am thinking of just paying my half as usual and telling him to sort the rest out. If the rent is late or doesnt get paid, then so be it.
I have always been the one to take the lead and I think this is why he has never learned to take responsibility in our family. I have allowed him to do as he pleases whilst I fix his mess ups.
