A question for my CF friends

[RINO 72]

Someone at my church is a youth leader,she has moved in with another youth leader, both single/strait. No problem there, however now, another member of the youth ministry has moved in with them, he is single/strait. Obviously the issue here is can a single male move in with two single females and all remain youth leads? The youth pastor and lead pastor have gone to all of them separately and asked that he not move in with them and they all lied to them and said he wouldn't, all the while he has been living with them for months. I have no reason to think anything is going on but can see how it could give off the appearance of something kinda funky. Many in the ministry have offered this young man a place to stay but he has refused. So a little feedback would be great. Thanks

 

[saffron park]

Someone at my church is a youth leader,she has moved in with another youth leader, both single/strait. No problem there, however now, another member of the youth ministry has moved in with them, he is single/strait. Obviously the issue here is can a single male move in with two single females and all remain youth leads? The youth pastor and lead pastor have gone to all of them separately and asked that he not move in with them and they all lied to them and said he wouldn't, all the while he has been living with them for months. I have no reason to think anything is going on but can see how it could give off the appearance of something kinda funky. Many in the ministry have offered this young man a place to stay but he has refused. So a little feedback would be great. Thanks

I think, while moving in with two females would be suspicious, there's nothing inherently wrong with it. However, there is a problem here.

The youth pastor and lead pastor have gone to all of them separately and asked that he not move in with them and they all lied to them and said he wouldn't, all the while he has been living with them for months.

...

Many in the ministry have offered this young man a place to stay but he has refused. So a little feedback would be great. Thanks

That's an issue. I would recommend re-evaluating his role as youth leader based on these two things.

 

[dysert]

A guy moving in with two girls looks bad, and a leader especially needs to be careful to "avoid all appearance of evil". Not only that, but since he's a leader, he could very well influence the kids under his charge that this kind of living arrangement is ok.

Add to this the fact that he's living a lie and you've got a very bad situation. He needs to repent and move out or be dismissed as a leader.

 

[seeingeyes]

This sounds like the first episode of 'Three's Company'. lol

Nothing wrong with having roommates.

 

[back2thebible]

I believe this would be seen as gossip

 

[1watchman]

The Word of God is very instructive about "avoiding the appearance of evil", and this surely is a bad appearance, I believe, as would most church elders.

 

[thesunisout]

Someone at my church is a youth leader,she has moved in with another youth leader, both single/strait. No problem there, however now, another member of the youth ministry has moved in with them, he is single/strait. Obviously the issue here is can a single male move in with two single females and all remain youth leads? The youth pastor and lead pastor have gone to all of them separately and asked that he not move in with them and they all lied to them and said he wouldn't, all the while he has been living with them for months. I have no reason to think anything is going on but can see how it could give off the appearance of something kinda funky. Many in the ministry have offered this young man a place to stay but he has refused. So a little feedback would be great. Thanks

If they were willing to lie to the pastors face about it, you can be sure there is something wrong going on there. Unmarried men and women should not be living together. My pastor won't even visit a woman without a male escort. As some in this thread have said, Christians need to avoid even the appearance of evil. However, since they lied you are dealing with actual evil. The pastor should stop asking them and start telling them; it sounds like church discipline is necessary in this case.

 

[SearchingStudent]

So...people have dirty minds and don't believe that men and women can have celibate relationships. If these young people are just sharing a place, then that's their business. There's no real evidence other than gossip and innuendo that there's something beyond going on. So...until there's evidence I think everyone else needs to mind their own business.

 

[thesunisout]

So...people have dirty minds and don't believe that men and women can have celibate relationships. If these young people are just sharing a place, then that's their business. There's no real evidence other than gossip and innuendo that there's something beyond going on. So...until there's evidence I think everyone else needs to mind their own business.

It's fine for men and women to have celibate relationships, but it is wrong for them to live together. There doesn't need to be any evidence in the first place because doing this is giving a place to the devil, and it has the appearance of evil. I think all of them lying to their pastors face is pretty good evidence of there being something wrong, however.

People shouldn't fool themselves into thinking they are so strong that this temptation will never phase them. Our flesh is corrupt and the mind is always too willing to justify it. Satan will be working every day to break the people foolish enough to put themselves in that situation, and if they think they can handle it on their own strength, they're wrong. We need to be submitted to Jesus and led by the Holy Spirit at all times, and I don't think the Holy Spirit led these people to live together. In fact, I am sure He didn't.

 

[versesvsvices]

It's fine for men and women to have celibate relationships, but it is wrong for them to live together. There doesn't need to be any evidence in the first place because doing this is giving a place to the devil, and it has the appearance of evil.

If you feel this way, then don't live with someone of the opposite sex. It's inappropriate to try and force your moral code into the personal lives of others.

I think all of them lying to their pastors face is pretty good evidence of there being something wrong, however.

Or pretty good evidence that they wanted to avoid all the gossip and judgment that's now going on in their church.

People shouldn't fool themselves into thinking they are so strong that this temptation will never phase them. Our flesh is corrupt and the mind is always too willing to justify it. Satan will be working every day to break the people foolish enough to put themselves in that situation, and if they think they can handle it on their own strength, they're wrong. We need to be submitted to Jesus and led by the Holy Spirit at all times, and I don't think the Holy Spirit led these people to live together. In fact, I am sure He didn't.

You're judging people that you have never met in your life. All you know about them is that they're roommates, and you see fit to judge them. I implore you to reflect on that.

 

[thesunisout]

If you feel this way, then don't live with someone of the opposite sex. It's inappropriate to try and force your moral code into the personal lives of others.


Or pretty good evidence that they wanted to avoid all the gossip and judgment that's now going on in their church.


You're judging people that you have never met in your life. All you know about them is that they're roommates, and you see fit to judge them. I implore you to reflect on that.

You're not supposed to be posting here and inserting your secular opinions into a christian dialogue. It's against the rules:

House Rules-
All posts within this faith community must adhere to the site wide rules found here (Community Rules). In addition, if you are not a member of this faith group, you may not debate issues or teach against it's theology. You may post in fellowship. Active promotion of views contrary to the established teachings of this group will be considered off topic.

http://www.christianforums.com/t7396062/

If you would like to continue this conversation in messages, I'd be happy to talk more about this. However, it is wrong to derail the thread with this kind of dialogue.

 

[SearchingStudent]

It's fine for men and women to have celibate relationships, but it is wrong for them to live together. There doesn't need to be any evidence in the first place because doing this is giving a place to the devil, and it has the appearance of evil. I think all of them lying to their pastors face is pretty good evidence of there being something wrong, however.

People shouldn't fool themselves into thinking they are so strong that this temptation will never phase them. Our flesh is corrupt and the mind is always too willing to justify it. Satan will be working every day to break the people foolish enough to put themselves in that situation, and if they think they can handle it on their own strength, they're wrong. We need to be submitted to Jesus and led by the Holy Spirit at all times, and I don't think the Holy Spirit led these people to live together. In fact, I am sure He didn't.

I beg to differ...my best friend is a straight man. He and I go places, hang out, even shared a hotel room. Guess what...NOTHING HAPPENED! Heck, my best friend's wife and my husband used to go hang out together too, and NOTHING HAPPENED...not even tempted.

If you are so weak that you can be tempted just by the presence of a member of the opposite gender in the same room, then you are the one with the sin problem.

Why do people automatically think that two straight people of opposite genders hanging out or even sharing a dwelling will lead to out of control hormonal issues? Isn't that one of the fruits of the Spirit? Self-control?

In this case, all that is happening is gossip, innuendo and judgment. None of those things are qualities that a Christian should demonstrate. So...once again, mind your business and let them mind theirs.

 

[thesunisout]

I beg to differ...my best friend is a straight man. He and I go places, hang out, even shared a hotel room. Guess what...NOTHING HAPPENED! Heck, my best friend's wife and my husband used to go hang out together too, and NOTHING HAPPENED...not even tempted.

If you are so weak that you can be tempted just by the presence of a member of the opposite gender in the same room, then you are the one with the sin problem.

Why do people automatically think that two straight people of opposite genders hanging out or even sharing a dwelling will lead to out of control hormonal issues? Isn't that one of the fruits of the Spirit? Self-control?

In this case, all that is happening is gossip, innuendo and judgment. None of those things are qualities that a Christian should demonstrate. So...once again, mind your business and let them mind theirs.

This is exactly what I mean. You think you can do it under your own strength. Then you say this:

"If you are so weak that you can be tempted just by the presence of a member of the opposite gender in the same room, then you are the one with the sin problem."

I have some news for you. We are all weak and we all have a sin problem. It's only through Christ Jesus and His strength that we can overcome temptations and take our stand against the devil. So, your entire premise is entirely flawed at the outset. Yes, self-control is a good thing to have, but scripture teaches us to avoid the things which test our self-control. That's what 'give no place to the devil' means.

Scripture also teaches very plainly that we should avoid all appearance of evil. Sleeping in the same hotel room is doing both things, and so is rooming with members of the opposite sex. You're simply setting a terrible example for Jesus and putting a stumbling block in front of your brothers and sisters in Christ, and nonbelievers as well.

 

[SearchingStudent]

And as far as I am concerned, people need to mind their own business and quit minding everyone else's. And, if you see a slightly chubby chick hanging out with a short guy with a beard, that's me and my best buddy hanging out and enjoying life. Funny after 25 years of friendship we've never once crossed the line...EVER. Not even been tempted.

 

[Inhiskingdom]

Someone at my church is a youth leader,she has moved in with another youth leader, both single/strait. No problem there, however now, another member of the youth ministry has moved in with them, he is single/strait. Obviously the issue here is can a single male move in with two single females and all remain youth leads? The youth pastor and lead pastor have gone to all of them separately and asked that he not move in with them and they all lied to them and said he wouldn't, all the while he has been living with them for months. I have no reason to think anything is going on but can see how it could give off the appearance of something kinda funky. Many in the ministry have offered this young man a place to stay but he has refused. So a little feedback would be great. Thanks

The general rule is this, if you do anything that would offend someone in your church then that is a no no. Paul said if eating meat offend my brother, then I shall eat meat no more. Paul also explained that he was free to do all things, however he would not come under the power of any. Doing anything is not the sin, but the offense to others is the Sin. Leaders of churches should not put themselves in any situation that could offend others, especially what Paul called weaker minded babes in Christ, for they have not come to the full understanding of what sin is and may become either offended by this, or it will be to them a stumbling block.

Now if two people live together and plan on getting married that is no sin, for did not Paul teach this.

1 Corinthians 7:36(KJV)
"But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry."

Like Paul said, he sinneth not but let them marry. However, I must come back to my first point, and that is not to offend others. I wish more churches really understood what sin was. Too many people have yoked themselves with natural and carnal laws that they believe are sin, and this belief will bring self condemnation if these laws are broken. They burden themselves with unnecessary laws and beliefs of what sin is.

 

[thesunisout]

And as far as I am concerned, people need to mind their own business and quit minding everyone else's. And, if you see a slightly chubby chick hanging out with a short guy with a beard, that's me and my best buddy hanging out and enjoying life. Funny after 25 years of friendship we've never once crossed the line...EVER. Not even been tempted.

So, it basically comes down to the fact that you do this yourself, and therefore you don't think it's wrong because you've never had a problem. Well, that would be great except it doesn't match up to Gods word. And just because you've never had a problem there doesn't mean you never will. You also don't know what has been going on in your friends heart, or how he has been tempted.

 

[seeingeyes]

So, it basically comes down to the fact that you do this yourself, and therefore you don't think it's wrong because you've never had a problem. Well, that would be great except it doesn't match up to Gods word. And just because you've never had a problem there doesn't mean you never will. You also don't know what has been going on in your friends heart, or how he has been tempted.

Or maybe it's because it's not wrong? Just a thought.

Why do people always wanna make up new sins? Don't we have enough to contend with?

 

[versesvsvices]

You're not supposed to be posting here and inserting your secular opinions into a christian dialogue. It's against the rules:

House Rules-
All posts within this faith community must adhere to the site wide rules found here (Community Rules). In addition, if you are not a member of this faith group, you may not debate issues or teach against it's theology. You may post in fellowship. Active promotion of views contrary to the established teachings of this group will be considered off topic.

http://www.christianforums.com/t7396062/

If you would like to continue this conversation in messages, I'd be happy to talk more about this. However, it is wrong to derail the thread with this kind of dialogue.

My statements were based on Christian teachings, not my secular opinion. It's not derailing the thread--this thread concerns gossip and judgment, which I see as a problem, so I'm pointing it out.

 

[thesunisout]

My statements were based on Christian teachings, not my secular opinion. It's not derailing the thread--this thread concerns gossip and judgment, which I see as a problem, so I'm pointing it out.

"In addition, if you are not a member of this faith group, you may not debate issues or teach against it's theology"

 

[thesunisout]

Or maybe it's because it's not wrong? Just a thought.

Why do people always wanna make up new sins? Don't we have enough to contend with?

I'm not making up new sins..the word of God says it is wrong. If you don't agree, then you'll need to correct me on my interpretation of these scriptures:

1 Thessalonians 5:22

Abstain from all appearance of evil.

A situation of an unmarried man and woman living together gives the appearance of evil. Many people are going to look at that and assume they have a sexual relationship. Whether it is true or not makes no difference; according to this scripture, we must avoid doing anything that even seems like it could be morally questionable.

Ephesians 4:27

and give no opportunity to the devil.

Living with roommates of the opposite sex has so much potential to lead to sin that it scarcely needs to be explained. Living together with someone is intimate, and you see and experience the intimate details of peoples lives. No matter how careful you are, you will end up seeing things you shouldn't see, and hearing things you shouldn't hear. When you become so intimately familiar with someone, temptation to sin will never be far behind. This is giving enormous opportunity to the devil.

1 Corinthians 8:9

Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.

Regardless of your amount of self-control, there are plenty of Christian brothers and sisters who do not possess the fortitude necessary to handle that kind of temptation to sin. You set up a stumbling block for such Christians who might see you doing this and think its okay.

Let's deal with the scripture. As Christians we are called a higher standard; to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. We must discern everything to see if it matches up to the word of God. If it doesn't, we should walk away. God says be holy as I am holy, and to do that we have to follow His word and not our own desires, or what we think is right.