bratty children misbehaving, no discipline

[dies-l]

Spanking might also (depending on context) involve charges of sexual harassment as well. For adults, spanking is potentially worse than hitting.

That's true. In my state, spanking an adult that you don't like could garner 4th degree CSC charges. Spanking a child that is not your own could garner 2nd degree CSC charges. But, when it's your own kid, apparently it's un-PC to acknowledge that it is, by definition, a form of hitting -- even whilst saying that that does not necessarily make it abusive or inappropriate.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

And of course, spanking someone because you don't like them would be an incorrect use of that particular discipline. We are talking about children here, as well, not adults.

Either you're purposefully ignoring my point or you're just trying to make an argument.

Spanking, when done correctly, involves control, is not done in anger and is done to discourage behavior. Hitting, on the other hand, does not involve these things. Hitting often involves anger and being out of control.

Do some parents hit their children? Yes, of course. But I would not say that those who spank their children are hitting them.

 

[dies-l]

And of course, spanking someone because you don't like them would be an incorrect use of that particular discipline. We are talking about children here, as well, not adults.

Either you're purposefully ignoring my point or you're just trying to make an argument.

Spanking, when done correctly, involves control, is not done in anger and is done to discourage behavior. Hitting, on the other hand, does not involve these things. Hitting often involves anger and being out of control.

Do some parents hit their children? Yes, of course. But I would not say that those who spank their children are hitting them.

I understand your point, and I disagree with it. Spanking is a form of hitting. That fact should not be ignored or denied by parents who are trying to decide whether it is an appropriate form of discipline for their children. If knowing and understanding that, a reasonable parent decides that it is okay to hit their kids, albeit in a limited fashion, then that is perhaps a reasonable decision. However, let's not get all PC so that parents who spank can pretend that spanking is something different than what it is.

Perhaps, we need to agree to disagree on this one. But, I will continue to refer to spanking as hitting one's kids, because that's what it is. This does not imply that I believe that all parents who spank are abusive, out of control, angry or that they do not hit their kids in a self-controlled manner meant to correct behavior. It just means that I am using words according to their definition and not pretending they mean something different to avoid hurting someone's feelings. (Hint: if the fact that spanking is a form of hitting bothers you, then perhaps you ought not spank your kids).

 

[Mling]

So I Hit Him | The Path Less Taken (Feel free to mentally replace the word "hit" with "spank," if you object to defining "swinging one's arm so that the hand forcefully impacts another person, with the goal of causing pain," as hitting.)

Parenting | The Path Less Taken

 

[Mling]

http://www.jennifermcgrail.com/2011/06/so-i-hit-him/double post.

 

[wanderingone]

I understand this works in some households. But I think you should be careful over the use of the word 'hit'.

My children are also gentle and kind and compassionate, and while they may act up now and then it's a rarity. None of them bite, none of them hit other children and they are very polite with everyone. And yes, we spank - although rarely. But we do not 'hit' our children.

Hitting implies abuse in my opinion.

I will not be "careful" with the word hit. The words are the same to me. You hit your children and choose to use the word spank because you think it's okay to hit small people who belong to you as long as you apply it some specific "controlled" way. I don't want my children to hit, so I don't hit them.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I got kids. They do not scream or act up in public. If they do, I promise and deliver a butt whoopin when we get home. Only had to do that a couple of times and just a change in voice tone with a "one more time" warning does the trick.

People who spank correctly, usually do not do it often. I can't tell you the last time I spanked my kids....AND they don't scream in Wal-Mart.

I take screaming means crying.I comfort a screaming child,since I don't think a crying child is being bad. I've never have problems of them screaming in a store.Kids might talk a little loud,but I also don't think of it,as bad behavior.

 

[Chajara]

I'm really glad to see others calling spanking what it is in this thread. It IS hitting, and if someone did it to me now without my consent it'd be sexual assault. I cannot fathom how anyone can reconcile something that is sexual assault to an adult being okay if done to a child.

 

[ebia]

I'm really glad to see others calling spanking what it is in this thread. It IS hitting, and if someone did it to me now without my consent it'd be sexual assault. I cannot fathom how anyone can reconcile something that is sexual assault to an adult being okay if done to a child.

It's okay to hit people as long as they are small, vulnerable and can't defend themselves.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Then, whenever i was in the check out lane, the lady behind me had this bratty little baby/toddler that screamed so loud he startled both me and my mother, nearly gave my poor mother a heart attack, made her jump.

babies/toddlers scream cry,whatever.That's typicle weater u dissapline or not.If your that sinsitive,mabey u shouldn't be in public.

Then, this kid, about 1 or 2 years old, started putting his dirty hands all over our stuff on the check out counter, the stuff we were buying.

The 2 yearold insn't being bad,but the mother should have kept him away from your stuff.Also u should tell the mother,that u don't want people putting there hands on your stuff and block him from doing it.That's your personal prorety.

he touched my back, now when they start touching you it gets bad. But what can you say without making yourself look like the bad guy?

Please keep your hands to your self,look at the mom.

he drooled and got the book we were buying dirty, mother made no apologizes,

How is this kid able to do all this.Maybe move your cart or something.Anyways this isn't bad behavior for a toddler,but the mom doesn't seem to care about others.To allow her child to continue to touch your stuff.

she said to the little boy, "when are you going to behave yourself?" well, it will be when you teach him to, lady, how do you expect your kid to know how to behave in society if you never teach them?

aGREED,IT DOESN'T SOULD LIKE THIS PARENT HAS A CLUE.

CHildren are born bad, knowing how to misbehave and throw tantrums, scream, cry, kick, hit , punch bite, scratch, pinch break things, and behave terribly, they need to be taught how to behave decently in society, that's called discpline.

Toddlers often do these thing,because they can't express there selfs properly,since they don't talk good or understand..

The cashier reinfocred the toddler's bad behavior, she said, "oh, he's cute."

The cashiers busy doing her job,They don't have time to babysit someones child.It her job to pleasent.

No, bad behavior is not cute. Babies that misbehave are not cute. I'm not sure how old he was, looked about 2 years old, he was at least over 1 year old, old enough to start learning how to behave, it should start right away, teaching kids to behave good and have some manners.

i DON'T THE 2 YEAROLD WAS MIS BEHAVING,BUT i THINK THE MOTHER SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE HE WASN'T TOUCHING EVERYONES STUFF.

So, my mom and I couldn't say anything to the woman and her child, but next time somthing like this happens, I will say something, I will defend myself and my rights. I will say something like, "your child is misbehaving," or "you need to teach your child to behave," or

Or u can ask them not to put there hand on your stuff.

"tell your kid to stop screaming," whatever, something like that, beacuse i am really sick of having to put up with screaming misbeahving children in public.

Maybe u should shop where there no kids or something.I think some stores shop for customers.Maybe look into that.I see kids scream and cry all the time,parents try to stop it,but it can be impossible.I've seen kids spanked in stores for screaming and crying.It doesn't stop them,so parents try to ignore it.That's why I believe in comforting a crying child,since crying isn't bad behavior.

 

[jpcedotal]

I understand your point, and I disagree with it. Spanking is a form of hitting. That fact should not be ignored or denied by parents who are trying to decide whether it is an appropriate form of discipline for their children. If knowing and understanding that, a reasonable parent decides that it is okay to hit their kids, albeit in a limited fashion, then that is perhaps a reasonable decision. However, let's not get all PC so that parents who spank can pretend that spanking is something different than what it is.

Perhaps, we need to agree to disagree on this one. But, I will continue to refer to spanking as hitting one's kids, because that's what it is. This does not imply that I believe that all parents who spank are abusive, out of control, angry or that they do not hit their kids in a self-controlled manner meant to correct behavior. It just means that I am using words according to their definition and not pretending they mean something different to avoid hurting someone's feelings. (Hint: if the fact that spanking is a form of hitting bothers you, then perhaps you ought not spank your kids).

I respectfully disagree with this entire post. There is nothing wrong with spanking a child, if done correctly and with love. My children respect and love thier parents and they also know there are certain things, such as lying, that gets automatic spankings...so they don't do it as often.

 

[Skaloop]

I respectfully disagree with this entire post. There is nothing wrong with spanking a child, if done correctly and with love. My children respect and love thier parents and they also know there are certain things, such as lying, that gets automatic spankings...so they don't do it as often.

They don't do it as often in front of you.

Personally, "spanking a child with love" is an oxymoron.

 

[rturner76]

I don't have children but I was told by a psychologist that striking your child teaches them that violence is the way to solve problems. The same psychologist admitted to striking her child during an incident concerning an electrical outlet.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

I don't have children but I was told by a psychologist that striking your child teaches them that violence is the way to solve problems. The same psychologist admitted to striking her child during an incident concerning an electrical outlet.

I have always found this argument interesting. On a purely theoretical psychological basis, I can see it. But from what I have experienced (personally as well as observing others), it doesn't actually pan out that way very often.

For instance, I was "spanked" (call it "hit" "whoop" whatever, it doesn't matter really), but am a fervent pacifist, for instance. My close friend, who I mentioned previously as "getting the backhand" was far from thinking violence solved anything - which is good, because I have seen him in one fight and he is no good at it.

Can it break down along the given lines of the argument? Sure. I had an acquaintance, let us call him K. K was smacked and abused by his mother on such a regular basis growing up that it no longer affected him, tangibly at least. He would act out as a teen regardless, knowing he would be hit whether he was god or not. He could have quite the violent streak as well, if provoked even somewhat. Good guy on the whole, but rather emotionally damaged.

I go back to holding my distinction between abusive hitting and "spanking", as it is frequently put.


-Also, frankly, I find the argument of "hitting" versus "spanking" a pointless semantic issue. Does it really matter what one terms it, so long as it is done "correctly" - aka, not abusive, not excessive, etc.?-

 

[rturner76]

That was the other thing the same shrink said. It is not an exact science. How many swats? 5? 8? Until they cry? There is no formula to follow. I'm not saying I'm for or against just what I was told when I asked a teacher in a family in contemporary society class. My sister never spanked and she spoiled her kids on top of it to the point where they can't effectively function as adults. She let them yell at her because they were "expressing their anger" and all that. I never understood it. I started to get my nephew because I couldn't stand to see my sister disrespected but she made me promise not to. He looked afraid though when I came at him and she screamed Noooo Dooon't! That was good enough for me.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

That was the other thing the same shrink said. It is not an exact science. How many swats? 5? 8? Until they cry? There is no formula to follow. I'm not saying I'm for or against just what I was told when I asked a teacher in a family in contemporary society class. My sister never spanked and she spoiled her kids on top of it to the point where they can't effectively function as adults. She let them yell at her because they were "expressing their anger" and all that. I never understood it. I started to get my nephew because I couldn't stand to see my sister disrespected but she made me promise not to. He looked afraid though when I came at him and she screamed Noooo Dooon't! That was good enough for me.

There is no formula, and id does, indeed, depend mostly on the child what is effective. Some you would never even have to actually touch to get the point across.

And, while I reserve my belief that "spanking" can be useful for some, for many I have found in recent years [watching my nephew, kids at the church, etc.] that simply directly talking to them about it does as much or more good most of the time.

My nephew was rather whiny, and rather spoiled because his grandmother, who had helped raise him as his mother was "too young to really handle it", refused to discipline him in any way. I was watching him and my niece (his sister) for a time, while the mother was out at a job interview and my brother (the father figure at the time) was at work. She wanted to go outside and play, he had already been allowed to play his video games for as long as he was allowed for the day. But he wanted to continue doing so regardless and began to whine before we went out.

Honestly, simply telling him "no, no video games, we are going outside, you don't want to start that" was more than enough. He stopped. We went outside, across the street to the school playground, and had fun. And this seems to work most often when children misbehave. But, in the instance that it does not, "spanking" does the trick.

Also, from what I have seen, so long as it is not done frequently and in excess, one quick smack tot he leg or such is enough to get them to stop. This is neither enough to hurt them or do much other than show them you meant it when you said to stop.

 

[dies-l]

I respectfully disagree with this entire post.

You disagree that "hitting a child on the bottom with an open hand as a form of discipline" (you know, the definition of spanking) is a form of hitting?

There is nothing wrong with spanking a child, if done correctly and with love.

I didn't say that there was. I choose not to, but I leave room for other parents to make their own decisions. I just ask people who do spank to be honest about what spanking is.

My children respect and love thier parents

Part of the reason I don't spank. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that by doing something that seems to me to be a form of assault and battery.

and they also know there are certain things, such as lying, that gets automatic spankings...so they don't do it as often.

Well, they don't do it in your presence anyway, or at least they get better at not getting caught.

The point is that good parents who don't spank could say the same thing about their disciplinary techniques. But, a better measure of how well a particular disciplinary style is working is not compliance, but rather character.

 

[jpcedotal]

They don't do it as often in front of you.

That is a weak argument. There is no evidence saying that children who are spanked "act out" more when they are away from their parents than those who are not spanked.

I can only speak for my two. And time after time after time, I get compliments on how well-behaved and respectful they are. Sure my two are FAR from perfect, but they know who the parent/adult is.

 

[jpcedotal]

You disagree that "hitting a child on the bottom with an open hand as a form of discipline" (you know, the definition of spanking) is a form of hitting?

Yes I do, because you are attaching negative connotations to the word "hitting".

Spanking is spanking, slapping is slapping, punching is punching, and hitting is hitting.

Only one is a form of parent-to-child discipline.

 

[dies-l]

Yes I do, because you are attaching negative connotations to the word "hitting".

Spanking is spanking, slapping is slapping, punching is punching, and hitting is hitting.

Only one is a form of parent-to-child discipline.

But, all are forms of hitting. To say otherwise is just a semantics game and an attempt at being PC.