Fighting lust

[Alex1234567890]

Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I can see that working.

 

[Blueforest]

Ahem... I hear castration works wonders in this area. /leaves

 

[ks777]

Be careful, some people around here think fantasizing about an imaginary wife is still lust . It's a heavy topic, but I think there's a big difference between imagining a female body, heck, even looking at a naked female body, contrasted to looking at a sexualised depiction of a women. The latter is made specifically for the purpose of lust. I don't believe you can look at an outline of a female body and 'lust' over it, I can't imagine that's what Yahshua was talking about.

Sorry for the ramble, and I probably just started another debate... but thanks for the ideas, and keep trying your darndest not to give into temptation! I can't talk for women, but I know it's not easy being a guy, especially if you're young and almost everything you see makes you aroused. Girls probably aren't completely aware, but men in general are extremely horny beings and being a Christian doesn't miraculously fix that. It only makes it harder knowing that it's sinful to act on such urges. Lust and temptation is a hard battle indeed...

 

[Nooj]

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

Er, that defeats lust?

 

[Verve]

Girls probably aren't completely aware, but men in general are extremely horny beings and being a Christian doesn't miraculously fix that. It only makes it harder knowing that it's sinful to act on such urges. Lust and temptation is a hard battle indeed...

I think too often Christian culture gets so caught up in saying.
"Don't do that!"
That we don't take the time to sit down and discuss what having a healthy sexual nature looks like.

Often it's just so repressed and people are taught that the slightest thing is wrong. I've read about Christians who have had difficulty creating a healthy sexual relationship with their spouses because the idea that their sexual nature was wrong was so ingrained in them.

I've joked with my female friends that if I ever get married the poor guy is in trouble. Women are very much sexual creatures too, I think we just express it differently.

Some women really love the idea of dressing or acting in a way to tempt men, they desire to be lusted after by men. Which might be part of the gender differences. Often that's how I've seen women unhealthily express their sexuality, consciously or subconsciously, and it's almost expected in American culture. Sure, most of us are out looking for that one guy...but how many men do we tempt along the way?

 

[ks777]

Yeah, good post.

Some women really love the idea of dressing or acting in a way to tempt men, they desire to be lusted after by men.
Sure, most of us are out looking for that one guy...but how many men do we tempt along the way?

I think so too, just like how I think there's a correlation between that and girls who often take 'sexy' photo's of themself and upload them to their favorite networking sites, as if to seek approval and praise. Either that or it's narcissisim.

One of my friends gf is in a loving relationship with him and has no intention of splitting up, although she still uploads provocative photo's as her display pictures because, and this is her words, even though she's in a relationship she still likes to have guys call her hot. So I'd say you're entirely correct.

 

[Inkachu]

If the point is "not to lust" then the OP's suggestion seems pointless to me. You aren't avoiding lust, you're simply encouraging it in a way that you've rationalized to be acceptable. Dangerous ground.

 

[MacFall]

How so, Vicky? Lust is improper desire. Desire for one's own spouse is proper. As long as you aren't filling in that position with a real person who isn't actually your husband or wife, then it is turning lust aside. I don't think it's the best way, but it's certainly not giving in to lust.

 

[Rose of Eden]

Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.

If the point is "not to lust" then the OP's suggestion seems pointless to me. You aren't avoiding lust, you're simply encouraging it in a way that you've rationalized to be acceptable. Dangerous ground.

How so, Vicky? Lust is improper desire. Desire for one's own spouse is proper. As long as you aren't filling in that position with a real person who isn't actually your husband or wife, then it is turning lust aside. I don't think it's the best way, but it's certainly not giving in to lust.

I can't speak for everyone, especially for men; I can only speak for myself. And for me, personally, the OP's suggestion does not help. Not only does it not help me, it actually makes the problem worse. Much worse.

We all struggle with lust, both men and women. I think that men probably have a more difficult struggle than we, as women, have. But still, women do struggle with lust, just a little differently, and like Caitlin said, I think we express it a little differently as well.

What helps me personally is, first, to stay grounded in God's word and pray about it constantly. When I'm really struggling I find that it helps me to be totally open and honest with the Lord about it in prayer and to TRUST Him. God created us as sexual beings and declared us as "good." These desires and urges are not wrong. They are good, beautiful, and a part of who we are; we need to accept this and be okay with it. But we also need to understand that these desires were meant to be expressed in God's way and in God's timing. So what is wrong, IMO, is to act on them and fantasize about them outside of the boundaries of marriage. It helps me tremendously to just lay down all of my struggles with lust and hand it over it to God...and most importantly to stay focused on Him and to TRUST Him, that He will help me, strengthen me, and provide a wonderful, Godly husband for me one day if that is His will.

 

[mr73140]

Dear Alex: when a lustful thought pops into your head, you should began to pray and ask the Lord for strength to endure. Replace the lustful thoughts with praise and worship. The lust (enermy) will flee. Amen and so be it.

 

[Inkachu]

How so, Vicky? Lust is improper desire. Desire for one's own spouse is proper. As long as you aren't filling in that position with a real person who isn't actually your husband or wife, then it is turning lust aside. I don't think it's the best way, but it's certainly not giving in to lust.

A figment of your imagination is not your spouse. You can lust after an imagined person just as much as a real person. The OBJECT of the lust isn't the problem; the LUSTING is the problem. "Desire" and "lust" aren't the same thing. You don't lust after your spouse, because lust is desire for something you don't/can't have, and your spouse is yours to desire all day long.

 

[Nooj]

I've never tried praying before, but I suppose that could work. Here's what I recommend.

Make yourself busy. By doing a job or working on something, you shift your attention to that and not sex. The thing about lust or sexual desire is that it's strong, but temporary. It goes away and comes back again. So just go with the flow. Accept that sex will enter your head, but don't make too much of a fuss about it. And that's that.

But that's not to say sex isn't a valuable and natural part of being human. You shouldn't ignore it, that's unhealthy. It's only when it's become obsessive or interferes with your life that you need to start taking active effort. All things in moderation, whether it be eating junk food or sex.

 

[Tamara224]

Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.

I'm a little confused. You create an imaginary wife and think about her in what way? Are you imagining sex with your imaginary wife? Or are you thinking about something else to do with your imaginary wife? If you are not imagining having sex with your imaginary wife, then what's the point of thinking about her to distract you from sex thoughts? If you are not imagining having sex, then why do you need a fake spouse to distract you? Surely there are a plethora of subjects you could find interesting enough to dwell on instead?

And if you are imagining having sex with your imaginary wife, then how has that kept you from giving in to lust? Isn't it, rather, encouraging such lust?


The problem I see with your solution is that it is a temporary measure with unintended consequences that are possibly more harmful than just giving into lust in the first place.

By creating an imaginary object of your desires and affections, you build in your head unrealistic expectations and preclude future opportunities. Will a real human woman ever measure up to your fantasy wife? Do you really want a wife that is formed from your imagination? Wouldn't you rather get to know a real person, a complex and interesting creation of God, made in God's image (rather than in your imagination)?

When you do find a real flesh-and-blood woman, she's not going to measure up to your fantasy wife. She won't be as pleasing to you, she won't anticipate your desires the way your imaginary wife did, and she might not like doing the things you've imagined doing.

Let me ask you (general you) this.... when you're imagining sex with your imaginary wife.... whose pleasure are you concerned about? An imaginary woman doesn't experience pain or pleasure - you need not concern yourself with whether she's receiving the same amount of pleasure from the experience as you are. You are free to ignore her needs and wants (i.e. foreplay) and proceed directly to satisfy your own.

If you take that habit into your marriage bed, you're going to have an extremely unsatisfied wife on your hands. Your relationship will suffer from it.

How much such a thing causes damage is probably relative. But I don't think that we can bypass the natural law of cause and effect so easily. If you are investing emotionally into an imaginary relationship, your real relationships will suffer for it. Cause and effect.

 

[HazelWings]

Be careful, some people around here think fantasizing about an imaginary wife is still lust . It's a heavy topic, but I think there's a big difference between imagining a female body, heck, even looking at a naked female body, contrasted to looking at a sexualised depiction of a women. The latter is made specifically for the purpose of lust. I don't believe you can look at an outline of a female body and 'lust' over it, I can't imagine that's what Yahshua was talking about.

Sorry for the ramble, and I probably just started another debate... but thanks for the ideas, and keep trying your darndest not to give into temptation! I can't talk for women, but I know it's not easy being a guy, especially if you're young and almost everything you see makes you aroused. Girls probably aren't completely aware, but men in general are extremely horny beings and being a Christian doesn't miraculously fix that. It only makes it harder knowing that it's sinful to act on such urges. Lust and temptation is a hard battle indeed...

I think too often Christian culture gets so caught up in saying.
"Don't do that!"
That we don't take the time to sit down and discuss what having a healthy sexual nature looks like.

Often it's just so repressed and people are taught that the slightest thing is wrong. I've read about Christians who have had difficulty creating a healthy sexual relationship with their spouses because the idea that their sexual nature was wrong was so ingrained in them.

I've joked with my female friends that if I ever get married the poor guy is in trouble. Women are very much sexual creatures too, I think we just express it differently.

Some women really love the idea of dressing or acting in a way to tempt men, they desire to be lusted after by men. Which might be part of the gender differences. Often that's how I've seen women unhealthily express their sexuality, consciously or subconsciously, and it's almost expected in American culture. Sure, most of us are out looking for that one guy...but how many men do we tempt along the way?

A figment of your imagination is not your spouse. You can lust after an imagined person just as much as a real person. The OBJECT of the lust isn't the problem; the LUSTING is the problem. "Desire" and "lust" aren't the same thing. You don't lust after your spouse, because lust is desire for something you don't/can't have, and your spouse is yours to desire all day long.

^^This

We're all human with natural desires. I personally don't think it's sinful to simply feel lust, but the sin happens when your mind or actions pursue those feelings. I agree completely with Thankful that we've been conditioned to think so many things are "wrong" and it leaves us with a warped view of what's natural.

 

[MacFall]

The OBJECT of the lust isn't the problem; the LUSTING is the problem. "Desire" and "lust" aren't the same thing.

The latter statement contradicts the former.

The object of desire is precisely what makes it proper or improper - is it something you should have, or shouldn't? Wanting sexual intimacy with a person is not wrong. Wanting it with a specific person can be.

Although I do agree with those who point out that this doesn't really address the problem. I don't see this as a solution; only as a quick fix. However, as far as quick fixes go, it's relatively harmless. I've used similar tactics in the past while dealing with the problem in the long term by other means. But one of the things that helped me deal with it in the long term was realizing that sexual desire isn't a bad thing, and that I shouldn't be ashamed of it.

The worst years of my life, in spiritual terms, were those during which I spent the majority of my energy trying to suppress those dirty, dirty feelings rather than just accepting them as biological facts - and by not obsessing over them so much, eventually becoming able to ignore them. So if someone tells me that what they're doing to fight lust in their own life "works", I'm not going to tell them to stop. My only advice would be not to focus on short-term treatments to the neglect of long-term solutions.

 

[acropolis]

Whenever you feel lust, just hate yourself as much as you can, until sexual attraction and self-loathing become so entwined that you will never be able to have a healthy, adult relationship then die alone and ashamed.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Understanding how God designed women and having a healthy view of them is really imperative, at least in my opinion. When you look at women the way God sees them you think less about what they can offer you sexually and more about what you can offer them as a man of God.

That's not to say that a sex drive is bad; we all have one to some degree and viewing it as the enemy doesn't solve anything. The key is to channel and refocus it through God's lens and understand it within His plan for marriage. It's up to you to stay focused on His word and allow Him to help you in this area. The more you try to do on your own the harder it will be.

I was kind of a late-bloomer in this area so I'm probably not the best source of advice. Just like every other area of your life, it's all about converting your heart and mind around what God wants.

 

[iambren]

"By creating an imaginary object of your desires and affections, you build in your head unrealistic expectations and preclude future opportunities. Will a real human woman ever measure up to your fantasy wife? Do you really want a wife that is formed from your imagination? Wouldn't you rather get to know a real person, a complex and interesting creation of God, made in God's image (rather than in your imagination)?

When you do find a real flesh-and-blood woman, she's not going to measure up to your fantasy wife. She won't be as pleasing to you, she won't anticipate your desires the way your imaginary wife did, and she might not like doing the things you've imagined doing."

SO,So,so this. Tamara, you write well and make a lot of sense (and my sister is named Tamara too!).

My pastor when I was a teen said "You'll be fighting that thing your whole life", TRUE! Sexual temptation will be part of us before AND after marriage. It helps to be married but boundaries and self-control have to rule the day.

My 2 cents is that I don't think most gals have a CLUE how consuming/miserable this is for the guy, especially the Christian guy that wants to live a pure life. I'm the eldest of 4 brothers and we are so relieved to be older. My one brother said he mb'd sometimes 5X a day! Praying, staying active and distracted, and marry as soon as you find a suitable mate are the best remedies IMHO.

 

[MehGuy]

Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.

Maybe someday with technology we can bring this imaginary woman to LIFE! And she will roam around the city disintegrating men as she passes by. I can see like 3 or 4 blockbuster movies being made trying to destroy this thing. HAHAHAHA!

Alright seriously.... your idea is genius.