NavyReb~
It still just sounds like OCD to me. The fact of the matter is that I don't believe that you in any real way want to blaspheme as this scripture mentions. And yes, OCD, will always tell you but yes, it was different
this time. I know also that if someone is battling OCD and this is your current obsession, my reassurance or anyone else's is not going to help you in any kind of permanent way or if it does with this particular obsession, the OCD will likely morph into another area. I can't remember if you are treating the OCD with meds or counseling or anything, but if not, please get some help that way. In other words, when dealing with OCD, we have to ultimately treat the "root" (the OCD) and not just the "fruit."(the obsessions)
Really, when the OCD dies down, the obsession can lessen to the point that you can then correctly
see the situation for what it is. Until then, we have trouble seeing the "forest for the trees." We tend to go over and over various scriptures analyzing down to the finest point, what exactly was meant by this and also analyzing over and over our thoughts and feelings to see if this scripture could pertain to us. That is the nature of religious OCD. Often, we can even recognize that someone's elses obsession is not reality-based at the same time we're dealing with our different own obsession on another front. In fact, I myself do that here in fact. Many times I can speak to someone else about their obsession
while battling my own different one.
What I mean by that is this~ when we are OCD-obsessing about something, it's hard to see the truth. Others may, but we can't. Hope this makes some sense to you.
And yes, you asked for prayer. I will pray for you in this.
And by the way, it is not uncommon to feel anger towards God when you're dealing with something like this. Not that we should. Obviously, we shouldn't, but it's common. You're certainly not alone in feeling that way when dealing with this kind of stuff.
And another by the way, you're not alone thing~ When I was seeing a counselor, (She is a licensed professional counselor, but she is also a strong Christian.) I had never told her that I had the fear of blaspheming the Holy Spirit obsession because it wasnt my
current obsession. But she happened to mention to me that she was surprised I never had that one because she said in her experience
almost every Christian who battles OCD has dealt with that particular obsession at one time or another. I had to kinda laugh at that point and say, well, don't be surprised because I
had that one in the past too! Of course, I know OCD and how it talks~ it will say yes, but all her other clients hadn't done, thought or said what I have!
OCD wil always find some "reason" why our case is different when really, it isn't.