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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
My Growing Struggle...
- Thread starter JoeBradley
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that's the first caveat. How many are single?
Secondly, that whole article is something that annoys me, quite personally. I dislike the chastity movement very much. I think it is displaced. A lot can be said about developing healthy relationships and a healthy attitude about marriage, for those who are "into" marriage, but no one's talking about that.
Third, even if 80% of "evangelicals" are having premarital sex(and that's 80% who do this in romantic relationships, not just casual sex), which, in (quickly) reviewing the study, I am still skeptical of, that indicates two things: NOT everyone is doing it, and it doesn't mean that all is lost.
Some people who profess to be evangelicals don't practice. Some do. Some of each category have sex. For me, I somewhat followed my parent's faith until I was 19. Then I started looking for my own. It took a long time, because I had a considerable number of hitches on the way. I can tell you that for a little while, I was not very strong. I was so, so tempted. Whether I gave in or not is irrelevant. I feel sort of scattered...this may not be clear. But you are not alone. People are looking for people who are committed to, for their own sakes, not having sex before marriage.
ETS: Ok, so in reviewing the article, it does say: "For conservative Protestants in relationships and active in their faith, it's almost 80 percent." My bad on the non-practicing thing. But I was also involved with MULTIPLE ministries and even helped lead people to Christ while being totally hollow on the inside.
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Niels
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Maybe I'm mistaken, but I have a hunch that this is about more than just virginity. It's about feeling let down by others. There comes a time in each of our lives when we realize that we can't always rely on others for support, and we must chart our own course. If we are to remain true to our personal convictions, then we must become psychologically independent. You will see hypocrisy, dishonesty, hatred, greed, and all kinds of things from people that you wouldn't expect... but that's their problem, not yours. Don't let them get you down. The trick is to stop focusing on their lives, deal with your own problems, and take solace in God. That way, if/when others mess up, it won't impact your life as much. Likewise, if/when you experience difficulties, you will be slow to blame others for your own mistakes. I suppose the point that I am making is that it's between you and God, not you and your neighbor. Caring about others is required, but conformity is not.
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If you wait until marriage, here are the some benefits
-Not having past memories of sexual encounters burned into your brain, ruining moments with your spouse on your wedding night or other nights
-Not worrying if you will pass on an STD to your sweetheart because you are clean
-Being able to share a part of yourself that no one else has had access to - it will bond the two of you because no one else will have had that experience with you, only your spouse on your wedding night.
-Being able to look at your spouse and say that "I loved you enough to wait for you, I was patient enough to wait for you."
-Being able to honestly look at your future children and when they ask "Did you and Mom have sex before you were married?", you will honestly be able to tell your son or daughter "No, we did not."
-Not risking getting someone pregnant that you don't want to spend your entire life with. When you wait until you're married, you'll know that if you do experience an unplanned pregnancy, you'll be able to deal with it because it's with the person you want to spend your whole life with.
-Being able to make better decisions in your dating relationships because you're choosing to date someone based on their personality, not based on just sex (which all too often keeps people together when they should break up, because they're not good matches for each other)
-Building the virtue of delaying your instant gratification - for you and your future spouse, because your sexual desires won't go away after marriage. You will need to resist the desire to hook up with others when you're married. If you haven't learned to control your desires as a single person, when you're married, you're more likely to cheat on your spouse. Control your body, wait until marriage so you can be a more trustworthy marriage partner, and if you marry someone else who has the same self-discipline, they will be less likely to cheat, because they have self-discipline as well. It will bond the two of you together in a common pursuit.
-Your virginity also makes you a person that stands out, it increases your value. It's something that you only have once. You give it to someone who is most important to you. Once it's gone, it's gone. It's the ultimate test of true love- make him wait for marriage, and it is sure to show whether or not he loves you. That's not being manipulative- that is reality.
-Not having past memories of sexual encounters burned into your brain, ruining moments with your spouse on your wedding night or other nights
-Not worrying if you will pass on an STD to your sweetheart because you are clean
-Being able to share a part of yourself that no one else has had access to - it will bond the two of you because no one else will have had that experience with you, only your spouse on your wedding night.
-Being able to look at your spouse and say that "I loved you enough to wait for you, I was patient enough to wait for you."
-Being able to honestly look at your future children and when they ask "Did you and Mom have sex before you were married?", you will honestly be able to tell your son or daughter "No, we did not."
-Not risking getting someone pregnant that you don't want to spend your entire life with. When you wait until you're married, you'll know that if you do experience an unplanned pregnancy, you'll be able to deal with it because it's with the person you want to spend your whole life with.
-Being able to make better decisions in your dating relationships because you're choosing to date someone based on their personality, not based on just sex (which all too often keeps people together when they should break up, because they're not good matches for each other)
-Building the virtue of delaying your instant gratification - for you and your future spouse, because your sexual desires won't go away after marriage. You will need to resist the desire to hook up with others when you're married. If you haven't learned to control your desires as a single person, when you're married, you're more likely to cheat on your spouse. Control your body, wait until marriage so you can be a more trustworthy marriage partner, and if you marry someone else who has the same self-discipline, they will be less likely to cheat, because they have self-discipline as well. It will bond the two of you together in a common pursuit.
-Your virginity also makes you a person that stands out, it increases your value. It's something that you only have once. You give it to someone who is most important to you. Once it's gone, it's gone. It's the ultimate test of true love- make him wait for marriage, and it is sure to show whether or not he loves you. That's not being manipulative- that is reality.
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Inkachu
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Hey Joe,
What it boils down to is this:
1) What do you believe is right and wrong?
and
2) What are you going to do?
If you believe that being celibate is right, who cares what other people think or say or do? Peer pressure only affects you if you allow it to.
What it boils down to is this:
1) What do you believe is right and wrong?
and
2) What are you going to do?
If you believe that being celibate is right, who cares what other people think or say or do? Peer pressure only affects you if you allow it to.
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PeculiarTreasure
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Well, first of all I commend you for standing your ground for as long as you have! Kudos to you! Praise the Lord for you! I'm sorry your "friends" are giving you a hard time. Like someone else said I think it's time to find some new friends. Ones that will build you up and encourage you and NOT bring you down. You deserve better than that!
Don't worry about what others think. It doesn't matter what the world thinks. It only matters what GOD thinks! He asks us to save ourselves for marriage because He knows that's what's best for us! He doesn't want to see his children hurt, depressed and full of guilt over something that could've been prevented in the first place. God knows what He's doing my friend. I've never known somebody to say "I just hate that I waited till marriage to have sex". You just don't hear that. You hear the opposite of that!
When temptation arises flee! God always provides a way OUT of temptation! Temptation in itself isn't a sin it's what you do with the temptation that is or isn't a sin. Also, think of your future wife whenever you get tempted. Imagine having to tell her that you didn't wait. . .just something to think about.
By the way, I'm 26 and still a virgin. We do exist!
Don't worry about what others think. It doesn't matter what the world thinks. It only matters what GOD thinks! He asks us to save ourselves for marriage because He knows that's what's best for us! He doesn't want to see his children hurt, depressed and full of guilt over something that could've been prevented in the first place. God knows what He's doing my friend. I've never known somebody to say "I just hate that I waited till marriage to have sex". You just don't hear that. You hear the opposite of that!
When temptation arises flee! God always provides a way OUT of temptation! Temptation in itself isn't a sin it's what you do with the temptation that is or isn't a sin. Also, think of your future wife whenever you get tempted. Imagine having to tell her that you didn't wait. . .just something to think about.
By the way, I'm 26 and still a virgin. We do exist!
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I'm reminded often of my uncle's wedding when they announced how they both waited until marriage and everybody was speechless. I can't wait to do the same.
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PeculiarTreasure
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ImperatorWall
Veteran
<staff edit>
I'm a 24 year old from Michigan, hey I'm a virgin too!
Small world.
I'm a 24 year old from Michigan, hey I'm a virgin too!
Small world.
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GQ Chris
ooey gooey is for brownies, not Bible teachers
its crazy, I used to think it was just the younger folks that thought premarital sex all the time is normal and nothing wrong with it; but even people who are older and should know better and are professed Christians still choose the promiscuity.
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S
StarryEyes
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Hi Joe. You are not alone in this struggle, believe you me!
But can I tell you that I am so, so, so proud of you for making this decision!!!!!! I really admire that, ok? And, need I say again, you are not alone.
Years ago I actually promised, yes promised, God that I would not have sex until I'm married. So that doesn't give me much of a choice, does it? Not that I regret the decision or anything.. it's just... soooo..... hard.
But hey.. I live in a small town, roughly 5,000 people, and I know of me plus two others who are around our age and haven't had sex yet
However, they've also never been in a relationship but I have.
Also, some people have had sex before marriage and then they realize that it was the wrong thing to do, and they repent (change their thinking) and remain abstinant until they are married.. sometimes we humans learn the hard way.
But hang in there... just because "everybody else is doing it" doesn't give you any excuse to do it too. You answer to God, not man. And I know it's difficult.. if you ever want to talk my PM's are open.
But can I tell you that I am so, so, so proud of you for making this decision!!!!!! I really admire that, ok? And, need I say again, you are not alone.
Years ago I actually promised, yes promised, God that I would not have sex until I'm married. So that doesn't give me much of a choice, does it? Not that I regret the decision or anything.. it's just... soooo..... hard.
But hey.. I live in a small town, roughly 5,000 people, and I know of me plus two others who are around our age and haven't had sex yet
However, they've also never been in a relationship but I have.Also, some people have had sex before marriage and then they realize that it was the wrong thing to do, and they repent (change their thinking) and remain abstinant until they are married.. sometimes we humans learn the hard way.
But hang in there... just because "everybody else is doing it" doesn't give you any excuse to do it too. You answer to God, not man. And I know it's difficult.. if you ever want to talk my PM's are open.
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And here I was thinking I was the only 27 year old virgin here.
Someone lied to me. ;_;
*Is no longer a beautiful and unique snowflake. Just like everyone else*
)':
I'd hug you if the technology allowed me to reach through the screen and let me give you one of those big ol' Texas hugs.
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Ever heard of the saying, "You don't know what your missing?" Since your a virgin, its kind of true but there's a flip side to it. You really don't know what your missing so since you don't know why not hold to your own personal convictions instead of worrying about what others are doing?
I'm not trying to be mean to you here. I have felt the same thing for the past several years of refraining from sex.
I'm a non-Christian so why in the hell am I holding out from some good 'action' with some good looking girl? Why not listen to the other head? Why didn't I bury what happened quite a few years ago inside someone? I could die on my way to work tomorrow so why not live it up right? I'm not convinced of any god, any ancient scripture that is so called 'ultimate truth'. I scoff at the idea of 'ultimate truth'. I have no belief in a moral dictator or creator besides what you see everyday...human beings and that's not a sure shot to find some perfect moral belief system is it?
Yet I refrain. Yet I keep away from women that may put me in a situation to where I have to make a choice because one thing I learned before I lost my virginity, don't even mess with the chance of it because no one can ever truly answer a hypothetical question in the future and I gurantee you, 'God', anyone...if I have sex with someone I meet, it will not be for their heart, it will not be for their personality, it will be because they turn me on, maybe I'll have too much to drink, their figure and I will wake up the next morning not committed to them but with a torn heart because of what I just did with them. I won't use them to get over some past of mine because there's nothing to get over anymore, but I will use them to climax...simple enough and I do not want that and I do not want to do that to someone for only those reasons.
I don't kid myself around with the idea of good/bad guy anymore. Everyone is a good and a bad person. I don't kid myself around with the idea that it is possible to meet someone, we have sex the first or several times we meet and it is something worthwhile. I've done it(even though we 'knew' each other before, but it wasn't enough to justify it but I suppose that is all hindsight 20/20 which to me hindsight 20/20 is nonsense but I'll continue discussing this anyways) and it led to that relationship to go no where to where our hopes were hoping for and I seriously consider that it did more harm than good and it was a long relationship that even went to engagement. It is just a meaningless consideration because it was such a long time ago, thoughts come in and out over the years.
So all I'll say is, keep to your convictions. I cannot answer exactly why I'm holding out. Maybe God does exist and maybe God is working in me. Maybe my standards have changed more now so I am just waiting for something to convince me it is more real than what I've had before before I give my body to someone again or I'm just waiting for that I have never had. I don't regret anything I've done but I would say to you, don't give up your convictions because everyone else is getting some action or because you are frustrated or whatever.
If you give in then that means you gave up a way of life your living towards then normally that means your not giving yourself the fullest to the deed that is the sign of you giving up the way of life you lived, and nine times out of ten you just end up hurting yourself and/or someone else and is releasing blood pressure on a body part really worth that hassel?
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*yells out from the crowd at Im_A* BECAUSE HE HAS WRITTEN HIS WILL IN YOUR HEART AND YOU KNOW HE'S RIGHT!!
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