Robert,
I know those type feelings all too well ,I felt disconected,damned and without hope , an empty shell and everything seemed dark,dark dark and my memories of that whole time,seem dark.I thought I had died the second death,even while my empty shell of a body was still walking.I thought Jesus was furious with me and would never have mercy on me again or ever help me again.
This was all so totally totally wrong,it was all terror and ocd.It was not the truth.
I was in the palm of Jesus hand being protected by Him the whole time.
I was decieved and since I thought Jesus was furious with me and always would be for eternity,and I was helpless and hopeless and alone in the world, with the wrath of God on me,naturally my brain could not hold up under all this terror ,so things in the natural were reflecting what was going on in my brain, feeling dead and an empty shell,extreme darkness,disconnected and feeling unreal,this all seemed to confirm my terror,But But Robert I was wrong , I was deceived.
In truth Jesus had not cast me out,instead He was protecting me.Even my body was not holding up under the weight of it all.But I was wrong, and you are wrong.Jesus was with me .He had not cast me out.
My flesh was in terror , my brain was in terror,but my spirit was safe.
My mind had to be renewed.The ocd had deceived me.
I posted this in another thread for you Robert but I will post it here as well because I really want it to help you,I want you to know that I went through hell, living hell and came out of it and you will too Robert,God is going to bring you out of this.Just keep hold of the tiniest hope that you are wrong,hold onto that hope.The bible says now abideth faith hope and love ,but the greatest of these is love.So hope abides,so keep hoping, and healing will come.
Robert,
I know that feeling unforgivable every day is horrible, I think it is the worst thing a person can go through.The feelings seem insurmountable.
However God can and will heal you from those feelings.
Even though the feelings made the scripture verses so hard to understand and ocd tried to find reasons why the verses did not apply,yet the verse Jesus said that all that the Father gives to Me will come to Me and He that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out stands true without conditions and will never pass away or become null and void.
The tormenting feelings are horrible and excruitating I know but they will pass away.
Also Jesus said all things are possible with God and come to Me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.
Jesus also said He that believeth in Me hath everlasting life, no conditions, and Jesus is Truth, Jesus said I am the Way and the truth and the life.
Jesus can and will heal your feelings and emotions and your memories and your heart,Jesus makes all things new and Jesus heals the broken hearted and Jesus sets at liberty them who are bruised and Jesus sets the captives free and Jesus promised to give good things to those who ask Him.
My heart goes out to you Robert ,I suffered with terror and torment for over two years and it nearly totally wiped me out and was ruining and destroying me and I thought I was ruined and destroyed forever, but Jesus is healing me, putting me back together and making all things new.
I was not halfway in hell and fighting to keep myself out like some people had told me , and which had me so scared becuase I thought I did not have the ability ,or strength ,or faith to keep myself out,nor did I have the abilty to fight this on my own,or to make the terror and suffering end nor to get back up on my own ,nor to restore my own soul, or give myself faith.The truth was Jesus had already died for me and was holding me in the palm of His hand and protecting me the whole time,I was not halfway to hell,I was in the loving hands of Jesus.
I was holding on to the the teeniest tiniest hope that I was wrong and Jesus would restore me, I would just weep and say Jesus help me,Jesus please heal me,or Jesus please help my unbelief.
But Jesus was holding me in the palm of His hand all along.
Jesus takes us under His wings and protects us.
Jesus restores our soul and heals the broken hearted.
Jesus never crushes a bruised reed or snuffs out a smoking flax.
Jesus makes all things new.
Only Jesus
Jesus invites all to come and promises rest.
Jesus will never let you go Robert ,never cast you out,never never never.
Jesus blessyou
annrobert