"Abstinence isn't realistic"

[Thomas1984]

I do not believe that is the case here in the U.S.

Red, conservative States have more cases of teenage pregnancy, and stds but fewer sex partners and fewer abortions.. but obviously more teen moms.

Blue, liberal States have fewer cases of teenage pregnancy, and stds but more sex partners and more abortions... and fewer teen moms.

What's better? Depends on who you ask

Depends on if you trust them or not, too.

Seriously though, I don't have all the answers, and I think that some problems will continue for a long time, although as society's message changes, so will the direction of the flock.

 

[JonMiller]

If people return to God, their fruit will change.

Trying to change the actions, without a change of heart, is not only useless... it won't be successful!

JM

 

[Xen_Antares]

It does my heart good to see so many people saying abstinence only education is stupid, I agree. I fully believe when a child begins asking questions regarding sex, that is the time to start talking with him/her about it.

As far as if it is unrealistic or not, no it is not, it is however a choice. Some people can do it, others can not. I had made that vow myself when I was younger, broke it though, broke if after my ex and I broke up, that was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. But I do believe it can be done, though it is hard to do going into your mid 20s and early 30's, and I'm sure beyond but it can be done.

 

[Tamara224]

I think it's a question of, "Who do you serve?", Is it God, or yourself? I think it's safe to say that the majority of people aren't Christians, and so we can't expect non-believers to adhere to God's commandments, whichever one we're discussing.

I agree with what Inka said, about Abstinance not being hard, if you have a strong belief in its merit, and in God's truth. If you don't, then it must seem pointless.

As for sex education, it has been reported in England also, that as the amount of education increases, so does the number of underage pregancies. Now I know that's a bit vague, and I'm not saying it's completely related or unrelated, but one thing that struck me when I was in school sex ed, was that there was never any discussion on what makes sex special. It was all about the physical aspect; pregancy, disease, infections, contraceptives etc. Nothing about the emotional/spiritual experience, or it's meaning as an act of love, or how and why love, marriage, and sex are all linked together, and have been throughout history.

Of course, that doesn't change the fact that fornication has been around for just about as long as mankind, and I'm not saying that we should ignore any negative aspects of sex. In order to offer a balanced discussion/education, we can't. What we can do is say, "Society says and does xyz, but here's another way (God's way), a choice that has practical, emotional, and spiritual benefits. After that, it's up to the individual to make a choice.

That's how I see it, anyway.

QFT!


I've been thinking about this a bit lately and I've noticed a woeful lack of teaching in Churches on the subject of sex. I think teenagers should be getting "Godly sex-ed" in youth group or Sunday school. (I've actually been thinking about approaching the youth pastor and asking him if he'd be interested in getting such a class going).

Let's face it... the schools don't need to teach a lot of what they do in sex education. Our society is so ridiculously over-sexualized and over-sexed that kids already know much more than is good for them about some aspects of sex. They're doing much more than is good for them. At the same, they are woefully ignorant in the other aspects - such as those mentioned by Thomas.

I don't think we can try to force non-Christians to behave as Christians. That's not the way things work and it would be a waste of time. Nor do I think it's the government's job to teach our children morality. And sex and sexuality are issues of morality.

The Church needs to step up and start getting realistic with its youth. We need to teach them the real life facts about sex, the consequences of sex - emotional, spiritual and physical, and give them good, solid, Bible-based reasons why abstinence is God's way and the best way. The "because God said so, full-stop" reason doesn't give kids enough and, in fact, may create a "forbidden-fruit" desire.

Some churches do this. Most don't. I know all I got in youth group was "don't have sex, don't kiss, don't even hold hands cuz that's a form of sex." At the same time knowing that my friends in youth group were having sex (or everything but).

Abstinence is very realistic. But I do think it is more difficult in our modern culture than in past times. Historically speaking, when has there ever been a time when so many unwed teenagers were having babies and/or abortions? The answer is never. Never has extramarital sex been practiced so freely and wantonly by both men and women as it is in our society.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I agree with what you said. It's not unrealistic because a lot ppl CAN abstain. But teaching only that can result in problems as well. Assuming that people just need to abstain is unrealistic.

I sorta read about that, but I'm not sure what context she said it in. Was she speaking about herself or was she saying that abstinence itself was unrealistic (INO no one can)? Or was she saying the ideals that are usually taught is unrealistic (or too idealistic)?

Everyone can abstain, except those who have been sexually assaulted.

 

[godsbassist]

Everyone can abstain, except those who have been sexually assaulted.

+1

 

[* kittie *]

Everyone can abstain, except those who have been sexually assaulted.

But not everyone wants to and not everyone will was my point.

 

[ido]

It does my heart good to see so many people saying abstinence only education is stupid, I agree. I fully believe when a child begins asking questions regarding sex, that is the time to start talking with him/her about it.

This is a misconception - perhaps a common one - that teaching abstinence means you don't openly discuss sex. I have no problem answering any questions my kids might have about sex itself, but that doesn't mean I have to teach them that it's OK to have it before they are married.

 

[Rosalila]

It's so much harder to remain abstinent in the US these days. Society has it set up in such a way that one can't get a good job without at least a Bachelors degree and sometimes not even then, depending on the field. 50 years ago, people got married straight out of high school and started their independent lives. Now, this is impossible as a BA is equivalent to a HS diploma. It's ridiculous. 100 years ago, people were getting married younger than that. The further you go back, the age for marriage becomes lesser. In Biblical times, people got married as soon as they hit adolescence so it was so much easier to abstain from sex. It's not easy today because one must become established before getting married. This, in most cases, requires a BA. By the time that's acquired, you're in you're mid 20's. The harder things get and the more time progresses the marriage age is being pushed further and further.

 

[Qyöt27]

It's so much harder to remain abstinent in the US these days. Society has it set up in such a way that one can't get a good job without at least a Bachelors degree and sometimes not even then, depending on the field. 50 years ago, people got married straight out of high school and started their independent lives. Now, this is impossible as a BA is equivalent to a HS diploma. It's ridiculous. 100 years ago, people were getting married younger than that. The further you go back, the age for marriage becomes lesser. In Biblical times, people got married as soon as they hit adolescence so it was so much easier to abstain from sex. It's not easy today because one must become established before getting married. This, in most cases, requires a BA. By the time that's acquired, you're in you're mid 20's. The harder things get and the more time progresses the marriage age is being pushed further and further.

In Biblical times marriages were arranged 99% of the time (yay for made-up-on-the-spot statistics) and grown men often had a bunch of concubines, too. Where is it exactly that says that a man can either have a cow and one wife or no cow and several wives, but not a cow and several wives?

About the larger point, though, in a way this is a double-edged sword - the marriage age is being pushed back because of growing demands on a person's educational and work status, but that is partially to blame because society-at-large has implemented a certain view of human development that the masses have adopted and stuck to nearly without question. Imposing limits on what is proper development for a certain age, which by all means is usually also a product of the environment they're raised in, and that in turn perpetuates the cycle.

Kids a few hundred years ago had more real-life responsibilities than today's kids do, which is partially why the idea that they aren't mature enough to handle certain topics or relationships has changed and continually is pushed back. 50-60 years ago it wasn't considered weird or 'too soon' for 18 or 19 year olds to get married - and this is purely from a relational standpoint, not a societal (education+work) one. Now, though, eyebrows get raised and even though the rates are still pretty common for that age range in regard to marriage, there are still higher levels of doubt about the longevity or the reasons preceding it.

In addition, the better health standards that we live under today are responsible for the younger onset of puberty - I don't believe that there's anything *wrong* with that, because I think that the mind and body develop at roughly the same rate, given optimal circumstances. The problem is, the circumstances are not optimal because people continue to have the mindset that an arbitrary age determines the level of one's maturity. Society still treats 10 and 11 year olds as it did roughly 40 years ago, when that was still a rather young age for puberty to come (on average). Some argue that it's 'making our children grow up too fast', but with the examples of previous generations, that's sort of a Peter Pan fantasy - we want to give our idea of an ideal childhood to our kids, and keep them there for as long as we think is appropriate, but our ideas on how long is appropriate often run contrary to how reality turns out (there's also a certain romanticism about times past, where people imagine that kids had more of a childhood than historical evidence supports). Which sticks the child in a tug-of-war between what their parents want for them, how society treats them, and what they simply have to start dealing with on their own.

 

[thekwizzitiveone]

This has been a while back, but I was watching the Bristol Palin interview with Greta Van Susteren and Greta asked her why she didn't wait for marriage to have sex. Bristol's response was, "It's not realistic."

So, I was interested in hearing your opinions about it. Is abstinence unrealistic? I think that abstinence only education is not necessarily a good thing as it doesn't take into account the fact that some teens do stray. But, abstinence in and of itself in not unrealistic.

What are your thoughts?

Well... I know that, so far, it hasn't been hard for me to remain abstinent. Of course, I've never been in a situation where I was tempted to do anything. Anyway, abstinence is a choice I've made and if I ever broke that promise I've made to myself, I would feel soooooo guilty.
... Anyway, I think abstinence is definitely realistic.

 

[CCinoklahoma87]

I personally believe abstinence should be taught as well as normal sexual education, that warns teens and preteens about the dangers of unprotected as well as *cough* premarital sex, as The Bible explicitly states sex out of marriage is a sin. I choose to remain absitinent til marriage..and I enjoy being a virgin..I'm not ashamed to admit I'm pure! in order to have smart well informed children both forms of sex-ed must be taught. It helps to know implications from both sides. We all will face temptation, but its how we handle that temptation that matters.

 

[Crankitup]

If you're determined to have sex, of course you're going to say that abstinence is "unrealistic". If you're determined NOT to have sex, it's completely realistic; moreoever, it's sensible, wise, and practical.

I've been abstinent for years, and have no problem remaining abstinent, even though I'm not a virgin and I'm in my supposedly "peak" years. It's perfectly "realistic" for me.

Well said.

 

[Julina]

This has been a while back, but I was watching the Bristol Palin interview with Greta Van Susteren and Greta asked her why she didn't wait for marriage to have sex. Bristol's response was, "It's not realistic."

So, I was interested in hearing your opinions about it. Is abstinence unrealistic? I think that abstinence only education is not necessarily a good thing as it doesn't take into account the fact that some teens do stray. But, abstinence in and of itself in not unrealistic.

What are your thoughts?

it's been realistic for me so far

 

[atuck00]

I actually view abstinence as one of the ideals that is incredibly realistic. I'm not saying that it is right nor easy for everyone, but I do think that it is definitely something that with faith, persistence, communication, and support can be achieved.

 

[Sketcher]

It's been done countless times, so I'd say it's realistic.

 

[Sketcher]

Everyone can abstain, except those who have been sexually assaulted.

I disagree with this, abstinence has everything to do with your choices and your will. People who are sexually assaulted don't have a choice in the matter. These people can abstain too.

 

[stan1472]

These days you can do so much without ever having sex. Because of that, I don't think abstinence is unrealistic.

Abstinence is abstaining from any sexual-related contact right? I thought that was the definition, but I never looked it up. : ) But, I guess if people are defining what sex is in their own minds (like me), then it looks like we will be forming our own definition of abstinence means as well.

 

[nbiol]

Semi-blind post:

Everyone can abstain. Will everyone? No. It's unrealistic to teach kids that _everyone_ is signing the TLW cards. It's unrealistic to teach your children that they won't be faced with temptations. the best semi-sex talk I ever got was from my sister when she warned me, "Watch out Lisa, cause when you're with someone you really like, it's going to be hard to say no."

I only wish that I'd been told by my mom that she had been tempted in her dating relationships, so that I didn't feel so alone when I was messing up because I was giving into temptation.

Virginity is one thing I have. Purity...well, i'm working on getting purity of mind back, but I feel as if I've been too far to call myself "pure". Can I remain abstinent? Yes. Did I want to 2 years ago? No.

The other really good semi-sex talk I had was in my college group at church. We all fessed up to messing up, and it was good to realize I'm not the only one that has struggled and messed up. Almost an accountability thing.

Do I struggle now? No. And I'm fairly confident that abstinence will no longer be a hard thing to keep. But it's certainly not unrealistic.

I mean, not EVERYONE is "doing it" ....

 

[Sketcher]

Everyone can abstain. Will everyone? No. It's unrealistic to teach kids that _everyone_ is signing the TLW cards.

I just wanted to say, abstinence was around well before signing those cards. Which don't really amount to anything anyway. If I have kids, I'm not going to teach them abstinence that way.