Best way to overcome an unrequited love?

[Alexander1982]

Have you liked someone or was infatuated with someone for a while but once you plucked up the courage to ask him/her out or even just talk to them they just go defensive on you? Or if you were friends with someone for a very long time and then you start to develop feelings for them however they hit you with "I'd rather be friends" and then your friendship is destroyed?

And everyone around you tells you to 'get over it' or move on as if it is an easy thing to do? But deep inside you're facing an uphill battle? You struggle to live your life as normal but your heart starts to 'bleed', your soul feels agitated....and all of a sudden you feel your world around you now looks different? Older people think "Tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" but you sarcastically tell them "yeah that's so going to make me feel better"

I do not think unrequited love is something that can be treated lightly nor a 'move on' is going to work. Because what unrequited love does is placing doubt and fear within you. You don't trust yourself anymore and more specifically you don't trust your heart. Even if somehow you do manage to cease to have feelings for that person or move on from the unreciprocated love, you are still doubtful about your own heart and hesitant with the next person you're interested in....fearing that the same thing will happen again

I seriously despise unrequited love and see no need for it to happen. However as the title reads, this thread is about fiiguring how to overcome the unciprocated love and the pain that comes with it. If God allowed us to experience this sort of pain (the problem) because He wants us to embrace the 'solution' to it. So that what this thread about - finding the solution. They say 'time is a great healer' but as a person who likes to get up and do something, I prefer an active 'to do' solution

 

[eyndyel]

move on by having fun with friends and family.
give more time to your studies or work.
and most of all pray to God. it would help you alot.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

hmmm....oddly enough, I'm in the opposite situation at this very moment. I just sent a message to someone interested in me that I was not feeling the same way basically. I've been on the other side (the side of this thread) more times than I care to count. I totally understand the 'being hard to move on' and 'not trusting your heart'. One thing I'm in the process of doing is exploring my heart/my mind/my experiences and making a list of what I think I truly want in a person. If I look back on those that I had crushes on in the past, I realize that there were some things about them that I see NOW that I didn't see THEN that made me thankful that nothing ever came about between us. God does know what he's doing even though it doesn't seem that way. Heck...I'm usually the doubting queen! Anywhoo...prayers for you cuz I know your pain. Very Well.

 

[Fremdin]

Alcohol
Just Kidding!

 

[Sketcher]

I can tell you the fastest, but it's far from the best.

 

[Fremdin]

Get a glass of wine
A sad record
and cry it out

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Have you liked someone or was infatuated with someone for a while but once you plucked up the courage to ask him/her out or even just talk to them they just go defensive on you? Or if you were friends with someone for a very long time and then you start to develop feelings for them however they hit you with "I'd rather be friends" and then your friendship is destroyed?

And everyone around you tells you to 'get over it' or move on as if it is an easy thing to do? But deep inside you're facing an uphill battle? You struggle to live your life as normal but your heart starts to 'bleed', your soul feels agitated....and all of a sudden you feel your world around you now looks different? Older people think "Tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" but you sarcastically tell them "yeah that's so going to make me feel better"

I do not think unrequited love is something that can be treated lightly nor a 'move on' is going to work. Because what unrequited love does is placing doubt and fear within you. You don't trust yourself anymore and more specifically you don't trust your heart. Even if somehow you do manage to cease to have feelings for that person or move on from the unreciprocated love, you are still doubtful about your own heart and hesitant with the next person you're interested in....fearing that the same thing will happen again

I seriously despise unrequited love and see no need for it to happen. However as the title reads, this thread is about fiiguring how to overcome the unciprocated love and the pain that comes with it. If God allowed us to experience this sort of pain (the problem) because He wants us to embrace the 'solution' to it. So that what this thread about - finding the solution. They say 'time is a great healer' but as a person who likes to get up and do something, I prefer an active 'to do' solution

I was infatuated with someone once, for years, until I finally figured out that to get over them I had to stop talking to them. That was a hard thing to do because there were many reasons why I was afraid to let that person go (one of those reasons was that the person was my best friend for about 6 years). After I stopped talking to them I went through a period of grief. It lasted for a few months. I pulled myself out of that grieving period by concentrating on other things: school, volunteering and helping others, family, making new friends, getting more involved in church, etc.

IMO, my infatuation was a form of idolism. I am not going to go into the details but I know that during that time I was putting that person above God in some ways and sinning. That is why I went through the pain that I did. I learned a valueable lesson: do not put anything above God.

The solution to this problem, for me, was to try to live for God and make life revolve around Him. (Before, it had revolved around the person I was infatuated with.) I can tell you that life is a lot more joyful when it revolves around God instead of some person that doesn't care about you nearly as much as you care about them. You will never have that problem with the Lord.

I may elaborate more later but I have to go right now.

 

[mina]

stop spending any sort of time with them

 

[HoosierCanuck]

what's worked for me is to avoid them like the plague. Eventually...outta sight...outta mind.

 

[Alexander1982]

Get a glass of wine
A sad record
and cry it out

I seriously doubt the Father wanted us to embrace alcohol as a way to deal with our problems

 

[Fremdin]

Or pop music

 

[willard3]

Believe me, I've had my share of unrequited crushes/love.

In my experience, forcing yourself to re-evaluate what you like about that person can do it.

I had a major crush on a girl one year lower than me in college, ever since band camp her freshman year. We were in the same major and everything, but I never got up the courage to talk to her...and when we finally had a class together (orchestra), she was the one who talked to me, and I freaked out and barely said anything back. I asked her out late the following year, and definitely overplayed my hand too much...she just wanted to be "acquaintances", and stressed that she had no feelings for me.

After a (relatively) short period of kicking myself, I looked back and thought about why I liked her so much. It basically came down to that she was good-looking and musically-inclined...and that was it. I still think she is a very nice, funny person and is still very good-looking, but I've moved on because she wants nothing to do with me. We're still acquaintances, and at least smiled and said hi when we passed each other, but that's about it (we're both quiet people).

Find something that wouldn't have worked out if you had in fact gotten into a relationship, and reassure yourself that it would have ended badly anyway.

 

[Alexander1982]

Believe me, I've had my share of unrequited crushes/love.

In my experience, forcing yourself to re-evaluate what you like about that person can do it.

I had a major crush on a girl one year lower than me in college, ever since band camp her freshman year. We were in the same major and everything, but I never got up the courage to talk to her...and when we finally had a class together (orchestra), she was the one who talked to me, and I freaked out and barely said anything back. I asked her out late the following year, and definitely overplayed my hand too much...she just wanted to be "acquaintances", and stressed that she had no feelings for me.

After a (relatively) short period of kicking myself, I looked back and thought about why I liked her so much. It basically came down to that she was good-looking and musically-inclined...and that was it. I still think she is a very nice, funny person and is still very good-looking, but I've moved on because she wants nothing to do with me. We're still acquaintances, and at least smiled and said hi when we passed each other, but that's about it (we're both quiet people).

Find something that wouldn't have worked out if you had in fact gotten into a relationship, and reassure yourself that it would have ended badly anyway.

*big smile* there we go! that one of the answer we want

 

[.Mikha'el.]

For me, the key has always been rederfining my relationship to the crush.

I had a huge crush on a girl in the ninth and tenth grades. The crush did end, but I still thought of her as a girl that I had a crush on. I knew that was very healthy to be thinking of her in that way. So, in my last semster of high school, she showed up in my psychology class. This caused me to interact with her more frequently, and really helped me think of her once again as a classmate, and no longer as a former crush.

I am very glad for that. A couple of months ago, she stopped by the grocery store where I now work, the first time I had actually laid eyes on her since graduation. I would swear that she now has an eating disorder. She looked SO emaciated. Had I not been able to redefine her in my own mind before graduation, I would be more likely to feel badly about having crushed on her.

 

[Alexander1982]

stop spending any sort of time with them

Maybe but also think what else can you do (actively) while you stop spending time with them. What I am getting at is what can you do to improve yourself?

For me, the key has always been rederfining my relationship to the crush.

I had a huge crush on a girl in the ninth and tenth grades. The crush did end, but I still thought of her as a girl that I had a crush on. I knew that was very healthy to be thinking of her in that way. So, in my last semster of high school, she showed up in my psychology class. This caused me to interact with her more frequently, and really helped me think of her once again as a classmate, and no longer as a former crush.

I am very glad for that. A couple of months ago, she stopped by the grocery store where I now work, the first time I had actually laid eyes on her since graduation. I would swear that she now has an eating disorder. She looked SO emaciated. Had I not been able to redefine her in my own mind before graduation, I would be more likely to feel badly about having crushed on her.

This is almost a similar scenario as Willard3

 

[GQ Chris]

'Tis the human experience my friend. Life is no bed of roses; Jesus said that we would have Tribulation, and he knew all of our ways being a Man acquainted with grief himself. He was Rejected, he knows what we have felt.

 

[GQ Chris]

The answer as far as Solution is to find out who you are in Jesus Christ.

At least this was what the solution was for me. Don't ever seek your approval from another person, be who you are, and that will mean that not everybody will like you.

When it came down to relationships, I used to be the kind of guy that would always be the first one to care, only to have my heart trampled, but this was all before I knew Christ. Everything has changed for me now, and what I used to look for in a relationship were all the wrong things. But now I would never compromise my beliefs, and my convictions, and it means that I must separate myself from women if they don't match me in serving the Lord as the number one priority.

 

[radhead]

Get involved in a ministry. Focus on your relationship with God.

Meet new people.

Understand that, as a young person, you are still growing and maturing. Otherwise you would have met someone who was as interested in you as you were in her. This means that you are still going to grow, which means your preferences will change also.

 

[rifle5k]

Or pop music

no no go emo

push play to some "swing swing" by all-american rejects


ughhhhhh.

 

[radhead]

Also, realize that the guys you know who are divorced now, raising a child on their own or paying child support. They were "winners" in a sense. Or, they thought they had found true love. But that was in the past and it didn't work out.