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Best way to overcome an unrequited love?
- Thread starter Alexander1982
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lunalinda
Random. Raw. Real
- Aug 18, 2003
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I like Alexander's answer. It's the one I'm most leaning on with my own situation. I don't have an unrequited love (thank goodness), but mine is unrequited feelings in general. I simply had stronger feelings for him, and more of them. He's not stuck in my mind as much as before, but he still lingers. So far, what does the trick is keeping myself distracted and occupied. Sometimes it doesn't work though. I'd still cry every now and then (not about him, mind you, but about the situation...liking someone who doesn't feel as strongly about it).
But yeah honestly, I think what will really work is just to think of the things that got me liking him in the first place and dwell on why it might not...no, why it WOULD not have worked if something more happened. Hmm...in fact, let me try it right now. What'd I like? Looks, personality, voice, attitude in general. He made me laugh so much. Why wouldn't it have worked? Not a Christian most importantly. He used fowl language A LOT. Too young. He's a fibber/jokester and can make up stories on the spot, so it was very difficult to take him seriously. But at least it showed he had a wild imagination and should probably write a book.
Yeah see, already the cons outnumber the pros doing it that way. So yeah, I'd say that's the ultimate method. Either way, though, it's such a sucky situation. How I hate unrequited ANYTHING with relationships!
But yeah honestly, I think what will really work is just to think of the things that got me liking him in the first place and dwell on why it might not...no, why it WOULD not have worked if something more happened. Hmm...in fact, let me try it right now. What'd I like? Looks, personality, voice, attitude in general. He made me laugh so much. Why wouldn't it have worked? Not a Christian most importantly. He used fowl language A LOT. Too young. He's a fibber/jokester and can make up stories on the spot, so it was very difficult to take him seriously. But at least it showed he had a wild imagination and should probably write a book.
Yeah see, already the cons outnumber the pros doing it that way. So yeah, I'd say that's the ultimate method. Either way, though, it's such a sucky situation. How I hate unrequited ANYTHING with relationships!
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Q
Quoth
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There are always at least two extremes that can be seen in human reactions to any situation: fight or flight. In the case of the emotional pain caused by unrequited love, I have experienced both. In fighting unrequited love, I have experienced (firsthand) a great deal of anger and resentment.
I pursued a woman that I foolishly gave my heart to. Four years of my life were spent in admiring her from afar in a very adolescent and naive understanding of what it meant to love someone. For my part, I honored and respected her in my mind, but with the expectation that doing so would cause her to love me back. When that expectation was decidedly ripped into metaphorical shreds, I went postal.
"That dirty little..." and so on were anthems that I wrote about her in my mind. I immediately lost any love I had for her, which shows that I truly did not love her in the way that God asks us to love (in any sense of the word). I also took a great deal of abuse out on myself.
In the other extreme, I found a different woman that I fell in love with. At the time I fell in love with her, I focused on how God would have me love her, so when the love was not returned, I was better prepared, in a spiritual sense. Instead of the love falling apart, I found that I cut her off from my life. I still see her ever so occasionally, but I do not let her into my mind and heart on the same level I used to, and in a sense, I am dead to her. The practice of this "flight" is not as emotionally immature as the theory sounds, but it is still an extreme that does not feel like the idyllic answer.
In a biblical sense, I believe that God would have us love others unconditionally, but when romantic love (as defined in the Scriptures) is not reciprocated, God would have us take what lessons we can from our experience. I believe that our emotions are important, but we were not initially designed to live based solely on our emotions, nor were we designed to be as emotionally volatile as we are. God is a God of logic and order, and even in the midst of emotionally painful situations, God Himself in human form was able to maintain logic and order.
There is a great deal of debate concerning whether or not Christ experienced romantic love, but we know for certain that He experienced unconditional and brotherly love for His fellow human beings. At His trial and execution, notice that His questions and statements were decidedly logical, not emotionally reactive. Even when we see Christ in emotional pain, His statements are still logical, even if they appeal to human comfort.
"God, let this cup pass from Me. However, I'll do what You want, not what I want."
"Father, why have You forsaken Me?"
"Forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing."
The best way to deal with any emotional pain (in my opinion) is to seek the Lord in the best way you know how. When we are in fear or sadness, it helps to admit to the Lord that we don't know why things are the way they are, but we trust Him to know what is best. It is in seeking the Lord in our pain that we find comfort, if we are open to it.
That's just my thoughts.
I pursued a woman that I foolishly gave my heart to. Four years of my life were spent in admiring her from afar in a very adolescent and naive understanding of what it meant to love someone. For my part, I honored and respected her in my mind, but with the expectation that doing so would cause her to love me back. When that expectation was decidedly ripped into metaphorical shreds, I went postal.
"That dirty little..." and so on were anthems that I wrote about her in my mind. I immediately lost any love I had for her, which shows that I truly did not love her in the way that God asks us to love (in any sense of the word). I also took a great deal of abuse out on myself.
In the other extreme, I found a different woman that I fell in love with. At the time I fell in love with her, I focused on how God would have me love her, so when the love was not returned, I was better prepared, in a spiritual sense. Instead of the love falling apart, I found that I cut her off from my life. I still see her ever so occasionally, but I do not let her into my mind and heart on the same level I used to, and in a sense, I am dead to her. The practice of this "flight" is not as emotionally immature as the theory sounds, but it is still an extreme that does not feel like the idyllic answer.
In a biblical sense, I believe that God would have us love others unconditionally, but when romantic love (as defined in the Scriptures) is not reciprocated, God would have us take what lessons we can from our experience. I believe that our emotions are important, but we were not initially designed to live based solely on our emotions, nor were we designed to be as emotionally volatile as we are. God is a God of logic and order, and even in the midst of emotionally painful situations, God Himself in human form was able to maintain logic and order.
There is a great deal of debate concerning whether or not Christ experienced romantic love, but we know for certain that He experienced unconditional and brotherly love for His fellow human beings. At His trial and execution, notice that His questions and statements were decidedly logical, not emotionally reactive. Even when we see Christ in emotional pain, His statements are still logical, even if they appeal to human comfort.
"God, let this cup pass from Me. However, I'll do what You want, not what I want."
"Father, why have You forsaken Me?"
"Forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing."
The best way to deal with any emotional pain (in my opinion) is to seek the Lord in the best way you know how. When we are in fear or sadness, it helps to admit to the Lord that we don't know why things are the way they are, but we trust Him to know what is best. It is in seeking the Lord in our pain that we find comfort, if we are open to it.
That's just my thoughts.
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I find life to be more relaxing and easier if you really didn't have any desire for a girlfriend or boyfriend at all because you would be focussing on your own life and be comfortable with yourself.......and hence unrequited love is going to happen anyway since you're not pursuing anybody.
But then once again some attractive and interesting so and so comes in and all of a sudden you start to feel something in your heart. So how to kill off that feeling in your heart that's likely to lead to the dreaded - there has been talk of "seek the will of God" or "pursue a relationship with God." How does one exactly do that?
I believe it takes more then just going to church and pray. Being active is my opinion. I seriously believe God wants us to get up and do something i do remember the bible saying something along the lines of that. I think the Father wants us to develop ourselves, and see the person we can become. I strongly believe He gave each and everyone of us a talent and wants us to develop a talent....and use that talent to do His will. However that just "preventing" unrequited love to occur
But you just suffered an unrequited nightmare - how does having a talent quenches our deep pain? From my experience our talents (whether it be musical, literacy, artistic, dancing or whatever creative) becomes our own world, our own refugee away from that pain of rejection - a world where you feel invincible, peaceful and more significantly beautiful where nothing can bring you down
But then once again some attractive and interesting so and so comes in and all of a sudden you start to feel something in your heart. So how to kill off that feeling in your heart that's likely to lead to the dreaded - there has been talk of "seek the will of God" or "pursue a relationship with God." How does one exactly do that?
I believe it takes more then just going to church and pray. Being active is my opinion. I seriously believe God wants us to get up and do something i do remember the bible saying something along the lines of that. I think the Father wants us to develop ourselves, and see the person we can become. I strongly believe He gave each and everyone of us a talent and wants us to develop a talent....and use that talent to do His will. However that just "preventing" unrequited love to occur
But you just suffered an unrequited nightmare - how does having a talent quenches our deep pain? From my experience our talents (whether it be musical, literacy, artistic, dancing or whatever creative) becomes our own world, our own refugee away from that pain of rejection - a world where you feel invincible, peaceful and more significantly beautiful where nothing can bring you down
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Didn't you see this bit Chris in my first post?
I do not think unrequited love is something that can be treated lightly nor a 'move on' is going to work. Because what unrequited love does is placing doubt and fear within you. You don't trust yourself anymore and more specifically you don't trust your heart. Even if somehow you do manage to cease to have feelings for that person or move on from the unreciprocated love, you are still doubtful about your own heart and hesitant with the next person you're interested in....fearing that the same thing will happen again
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face the problem better. she doesn't want you. move on. learn to move on, forget about the petty selfish emotions you have, because at that point when she doesn't want you and you have feelings left and with it being at only stage 1, your feelings are still just selfish and petty. face that fact, and also face the fact that you let you feelings grow prematurely. she doesn't want you for a friend, you deserve better than that.
realize your situation, and then move on from it. its not that hard don't know why people have to make it hard, by looking back on a plow that they shouldn't be because all it does is ruin their ability to make a step forward.
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djdavey
Regular Member
Been there but it was kind if a funny crush as we started working together both new at the same time and first day she kind of took a shine to me, so after a few weeks we were talking online to each other and I thought she was great, nice looking girl and seemed like a nice person.
We had loads in common etc when we talked online and sometimes it would be for hours until the early hours of the morning etc.
One day I was working in another area in work to help out for cover and this lad said to me "are you so and so" I was like yeah and he said oh "so and so likes you she never stops talking about you" at that time I could not believe it as I felt the same way as she said she did about me to this lad, so I was a bit gob smacked at first and went to get a drink in the staffroom lol.
So anyway we carried on talking online and she was dropping hints in at work etc that she liked me saying to people "Oh me and myself will do that together" and more etc.
So one night we were talking online and my friend was round and he said you should ask her out and I was like no she could say no etc. So he said I will ask her for you so I said go on then and walked out the room shaking like a leaf when he asked her.
So he said she said no she is seeing someone else but did like me etc bla bla, So the next day I was ok fair enough and I was in work but she was off that day or so I thought untill she popped in to talk to her mates who we worked with, so I kind of just said hi and walked off to the stockroom lol to wait till she went.
Anyway to cut a long story short I suddenly left work shortley after and we did not talk much online since etc but I still think about year a few years later and wonder how she is getting on and we have each other on these networking sites but we did not talk much apart from how are you etc and she is seeing someone else now.
My family are like oh he is no were near as good looking as me and with out being big headed he is probs not etc.
I would not say I'm still mad on her but I still think of her a few times now and then.
We had loads in common etc when we talked online and sometimes it would be for hours until the early hours of the morning etc.
One day I was working in another area in work to help out for cover and this lad said to me "are you so and so" I was like yeah and he said oh "so and so likes you she never stops talking about you" at that time I could not believe it as I felt the same way as she said she did about me to this lad, so I was a bit gob smacked at first and went to get a drink in the staffroom lol.
So anyway we carried on talking online and she was dropping hints in at work etc that she liked me saying to people "Oh me and myself will do that together" and more etc.
So one night we were talking online and my friend was round and he said you should ask her out and I was like no she could say no etc. So he said I will ask her for you so I said go on then and walked out the room shaking like a leaf when he asked her.
So he said she said no she is seeing someone else but did like me etc bla bla, So the next day I was ok fair enough and I was in work but she was off that day or so I thought untill she popped in to talk to her mates who we worked with, so I kind of just said hi and walked off to the stockroom lol to wait till she went.
Anyway to cut a long story short I suddenly left work shortley after and we did not talk much online since etc but I still think about year a few years later and wonder how she is getting on and we have each other on these networking sites but we did not talk much apart from how are you etc and she is seeing someone else now.
My family are like oh he is no were near as good looking as me and with out being big headed he is probs not etc.
I would not say I'm still mad on her but I still think of her a few times now and then.
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willard3
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djdavey:
Probably not the girl for you. If she's willing to toy with your feelings and actually tell other people that she "likes you likes you" WHEN SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE, what's to stop her from doing it if she gets together with you?
Sorry for the yelling; just something to think about.
Probably not the girl for you. If she's willing to toy with your feelings and actually tell other people that she "likes you likes you" WHEN SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE, what's to stop her from doing it if she gets together with you?
Sorry for the yelling; just something to think about.
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H
HollyDoris
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I have the exact same problem right now. My ex boyfriend and I dated a year and we broke up a about a month and a half ago because we felt God wasn't a part of our relationship and we both wanted to follow God's will. However, I'm still deeply in love with him and I know I shouldn't be. He wasn't a strong enough Christian for me and I need someone who can lead me. Plus, a lot of secular stuff damaged our relationship, like sexual temptations and such. However, I justified everything because, as juvenile as it sounds, I was convinced we were meant to be together forever. Last week he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and that when we were together he never dated me with the intention of marriage and that he thought I loved him a lot more than he loved me.
It ripped me apart, I'm still really upset.
But the best thing to do is lift it all up to God and trust that He has someone absolutely perfect for you. Also, try to distance yourself as much as possible. Resist the urge to send emails...I struggle with that.
It ripped me apart, I'm still really upset.
But the best thing to do is lift it all up to God and trust that He has someone absolutely perfect for you. Also, try to distance yourself as much as possible. Resist the urge to send emails...I struggle with that.
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