Dating = One person at a time OR Multiple people at a time

[dluvs2trvl]

I tend to be a one man at a time girl...even in the beginning stages without any sort of commitment...that's just who I am...I tend to just put my energy and focus into one guy at a time. I like it when guys are that way too. I don't like feeling like I'm having to compete for his time and attention when, for the majority of us, our time and attention to devote to dating is sparse anyways due to other life commitments.

Also, I don't really think you can get to truly know a person if you are always "comparing" them to someone else. Peope are all so unique and different I don't think it is fair to put someone in a position of being compared.

So do you like to date one person at a time or multiple people at a time?

If you date multiple people, at what point do you decide to just date one?

 

[BoarderDave]

Voted..... Dating? What's that?

Because to be honest with you.. I have never really "dated" too many people. I've gone on a date here and there. Couple times in life.. but I usually skip that whole thing and jump into the real "relationship."

Im a fan of being the one for the girl, and she being the one for me. Not having to SHARE a girl I like with other guys whilst I hope that she picks me for more dates.

Dating for the lose.
Relationships for the win.

 

[deliciousBass]

One woman at a time. I did that dating multiple women thing when I was younger and let's just say I got someone's name wrong at a very inappopriate time

 

[Niels]

I only date one woman at a time, but I am open to the idea of going on dates with a variety of women until I find one to be in a dating relationship with. I'm not talking about a rotating list of women I consider girlfriends, but getting out there and meeting people... something I don't do often enough. A date, in and of itself, should be a low pressure thing. IMO, it is a way to be friends first, with the purpose of figuring out if there is any romantic chemistry. A dating relationship, on the other hand, should be an exclusive thing, if that makes sense.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

thanks for the responses

Dating for the lose.
Relationships for the win.

One woman at a time. I did that dating multiple women thing when I was younger and let's just say I got someone's name wrong at a very inappopriate time

I only date one woman at a time, but I am open to the idea of going on dates with a variety of women until I find one to be in a dating relationship with. I'm not talking about a rotating list of women I consider girlfriends, but getting out there and meeting people... something I don't do often enough. A date, in and of itself, should be a low pressure thing. IMO, it is a way to be friends first, with the purpose of figuring out if there is any romantic chemistry. A dating relationship, on the other hand, should be an exclusive thing, if that makes sense.

Hmmm...I think I get what you're saying...so in other words it would probably only take you a few dates to feel that romantic chemistry and then you would probably focus on dating that one woman...is that what you mean?

 

[CoachR64]

I agree with Miles. A date is just a date. It's a change to go out and get to know someone to see if there is something there worth pursuing. I would have no problem with have dates scheduled with more than one woman. If there was one of those women that I really hit it off with and we both wanted ti move into a relationship, then I would no longer go on dates with anyone else. It would be exclusive.

I look at it this way: When you go on a date, it's a coin flip that things are going to go well and move into a relationship from there. I am not going to pass up setting up a date with a girl that I am attracted to because I already have Friday night plans with another girl. If the Friday night girl thing doesn't work, and I turned down the Saturday night girl because I refuse to go out with multiple women, I may have just lost an opportunity to be with someone amazing.

Coach

 

[Markus6]

Dating more than one person seems to be an American thing and is certainly not that popular in the UK. That said I do see the benefit in it in that it can help keep you grounded and give you perspective in the early stages of a relationship. However, I don't think I'll be able to get over my cultural programming to actually do it.

 

[kingoffools13]

One woman at a time. I did that dating multiple women thing when I was younger and let's just say I got someone's name wrong at a very inappopriate time

*plays david hollister's One Woman Man for DB*

I personally only date one girl at a time but i do understand the difference between dating and a date ... you can go on a date or two with a person .. find out that they aren't what you are looking for and turn around on go on a date with someone else ... but dating long term side by side is a no no ... even the first example is kinda pushing it at times ... just depends on the situation

K
O
f

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I agree with Miles. A date is just a date. It's a change to go out and get to know someone to see if there is something there worth pursuing. I would have no problem with have dates scheduled with more than one woman. If there was one of those women that I really hit it off with and we both wanted ti move into a relationship, then I would no longer go on dates with anyone else. It would be exclusive.

I look at it this way: When you go on a date, it's a coin flip that things are going to go well and move into a relationship from there. I am not going to pass up setting up a date with a girl that I am attracted to because I already have Friday night plans with another girl. If the Friday night girl thing doesn't work, and I turned down the Saturday night girl because I refuse to go out with multiple women, I may have just lost an opportunity to be with someone amazing.

Coach

I think I get what you're saying too...it would just be a date or two to see if there is something there and then you would either continue dating her and stop dating others or you would not go out with her any more and keep dating others..is that right?

Dating more than one person seems to be an American thing and is certainly not that popular in the UK. That said I do see the benefit in it in that it can help keep you grounded and give you perspective in the early stages of a relationship. However, I don't think I'll be able to get over my cultural programming to actually do it.

I think that is interesting that it is different in the UK than here...hmmm...maybe I should've been born there!

*plays david hollister's One Woman Man for DB*

I personally only date one girl at a time but i do understand the difference between dating and a date ... you can go on a date or two with a person .. find out that they aren't what you are looking for and turn around on go on a date with someone else ... but dating long term side by side is a no no ... even the first example is kinda pushing it at times ... just depends on the situation

K
O
f

 

[Keri]

If I'm in a "relationship" I'm with one guy... but if I'm "dating" as in going out on dates, then I don't limit myself to one person. I'm seeing two guys right now.

 

[IamHeather]

I actually like dating multiple people in the beginning, well in theory anyway. My problem is my heart tends to take the lead sometimes when my brain should and this protects me from falling too hard for one guy too soon, again in theory anyway. The thing is I haven't dated in a while so it's all just theoretical for me.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I only date one woman at a time, but I am open to the idea of going on dates with a variety of women until I find one to be in a dating relationship with. I'm not talking about a rotating list of women I consider girlfriends, but getting out there and meeting people... something I don't do often enough. A date, in and of itself, should be a low pressure thing. IMO, it is a way to be friends first, with the purpose of figuring out if there is any romantic chemistry. A dating relationship, on the other hand, should be an exclusive thing, if that makes sense.

Agreed. I'm trying this with mixed emotions. Not getting to close while still in "the choosing phase" seems to be difficult for me, so I may have to go one woman only.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

If I'm in a "relationship" I'm with one guy... but if I'm "dating" as in going out on dates, then I don't limit myself to one person. I'm seeing two guys right now.

I actually like dating multiple people in the beginning, well in theory anyway. My problem is my heart tends to take the lead sometimes when my brain should and this protects me from falling too hard for one guy too soon, again in theory anyway. The thing is I haven't dated in a while so it's all just theoretical for me.

so then at what point do you ladies stop dating the others and only date one? Do you wait until you have an official "exclusive" talk? How many dates do you consider just "dating"?

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Agreed. I'm trying this with mixed emotions. Not getting to close while still in "the choosing phase" seems to be difficult for me, so I may have to go one woman only.

See...and for me, I don't see how that is possible...isn't the point of dating someone to become close to them? At what point is it ok to open your heart to them?

I understand that there are phases in every dating relationship and you become more emotionally vulnerable based on the stage you are at in the dating relationship but I think that in order to be a genuine and sincere person you do have to open your heart somewhat from the very beginning or you're not really showing your authentic self to that person - you are just showing them the guarded - walls up - arms length part of you and I don't think that is a good thing...at least not for me

 

[IamHeather]

so then at what point do you ladies stop dating the others and only date one? Do you wait until you have an official "exclusive" talk? How many dates do you consider just "dating"?

Oh gosh, I cringe at just the idea of having "the talk." I am more a fan of just going with the flow, just letting things be as they will be. I think it just takes time. I think you just know when things are getting serious.

 

[Niels]

See...and for me, I don't see how that is possible...isn't the point of dating someone to become close to them? At what point is it ok to open your heart to them?

I understand that there are phases in every dating relationship and you become more emotionally vulnerable based on the stage you are at in the dating relationship but I think that in order to be a genuine and sincere person you do have to open your heart somewhat from the very beginning or you're not really showing your authentic self to that person - you are just showing them the guarded - walls up - arms length part of you and I don't think that is a good thing...at least not for me

There are pros and cons, but I don't think it's necessarily inauthentic to put up a few walls at the beginning. The authentic me needs to let his head catch up to his heart. I'm all to aware of the extent of my own imagination. Although I would like to believe that every superficially attractive woman has the qualities that I'm looking for, wishful thinking won't make it so. After a few dates, I have a better sense of whether or not she and I truly 'click'. If we do, then those walls will come down naturally. If not, then it's just as well that I kept them up. That said, people are unique. We're going to have different approaches... and that can be a good thing.

 

[kingoffools13]

so then at what point do you ladies stop dating the others and only date one? Do you wait until you have an official "exclusive" talk? How many dates do you consider just "dating"?

dating to get to know people i understand but if a girl was into "seeing" more than one person at a time it would be over pretty quick .. i don't have time for that noise

K
O
f

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Oh gosh, I cringe at just the idea of having "the talk." I am more a fan of just going with the flow, just letting things be as they will be. I think it just takes time. I think you just know when things are getting serious.

Ok...so then at what point are you not being fair to the other men you are dating? How long do you keep dating them and letting their hearts get involved before you stop dating them?

I hope I'm not sounding confrontational cause I'm not trying to be I'm just really curious about this and how others handle it...thanks

 

[dluvs2trvl]

There are pros and cons, but I don't think it's necessarily inauthentic to put up a few walls at the beginning. The authentic me needs to let his head catch up to his heart. I'm all to aware of the extent of my own imagination. Although I would like to believe that every superficially attractive woman has the qualities that I'm looking for, wishful thinking won't make it so. After a few dates, I have a better sense of whether or not she and I truly 'click'. If we do, then those walls will come down naturally. If not, then it's just as well that I kept them up. That said, people are unique. We're going to have different approaches... and that can be a good thing.

I understand what you're saying and I think I'm saying the same thing...not sure but I think...lol

I was thinking more of if the "dating" went on for more than just a few dates to see if we clicked - then it would feel inauthentic to me to keep the walls up.

dating to get to know people i understand but if a girl was into "seeing" more than one person at a time it would be over pretty quick .. i don't have time for that noise

K
O
f

I'm with you...that's how I think too

 

[IamHeather]

Ok...so then at what point are you not being fair to the other men you are dating? How long do you keep dating them and letting their hearts get involved before you stop dating them?

I hope I'm not sounding confrontational cause I'm not trying to be I'm just really curious about this and how others handle it...thanks

Oh, don't worry, I wasn't even the slightest bit offended. It's a fair question.

Honestly, I just don't know. I mean, at this point, it is all just talk anyway. I guess it never occured to me that a guy would get attached to me.