Can I Stop Intrusive Thoughts? OCD Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit

[PARCmd]

Have you had something like this:

1. You are doing something, then you get the feeling of having an obsession, OR you just have some sort of an urge.
2. Then, You cancel it or fulfill your urge, by the pre-empting method: thinking about the blasphemy and the word "not".
3. So you go through the usual details of canceling it.
4. But then, when you reach this stage: "[Blasphemy]...[not]", you get a smattering of nots (THAT MAYBE ACTUALLY YOURS OR OF THE OCD - YOU DON'T KNOW) that makes you worry whether you have thoroughly canceled the blasphemy....
5. And you end it all while feeling rattled about maybe committing the UnP Sin - because it might actually be you who made up that smattering of "nots"?

 

[marcb]

As far as whether or not it's ocd - THE million dollar question - it is. We are still obsessed with this concept or possibility of the "unpardonable sin." We are obsessed with the possibility of blasphemy. We are obsessed with something that for the Christian is fundamentally impossible. If it were not OCD, we would accept the rational truth and move on. But we don't. We are so obsessed with this that it nearly defines us.

I pray that we become obsessed with the Gospel, not fears about judgement that do not apply to believers.

Marc

 

[PARCmd]

Hi!
There are times when I aim to prevent a blasphemous thought from occurring, and this makes me pre-empt the thought, which is thinking about the blasphemy itself and saying “not” (or even like this: “blasphemy”, then three “nots” (canceling the blasphemy)– I’ve already wrote in this forum about this. Is this the unpardonable sin? Maybe not, right?

But how about this: When I simply think about the blasphemy itself and think “not”, even if there is no need to pre-empt the thought – something like this: I was riding the subway and then I just did it – with no intention to blaspheme the Holy Spirit, just sort of an urge to do the “pre-empting” (maybe OCD maybe not). The question: Have I committed the unpardonable sin?

What if I forgot to say “not” or some instances just made it impossible to do so? Or if I said two “nots” (canceling the first not – and making the blasphemy true). Is this the unpardonable sin, if I did the “pre-empt” in my own will (but with absolutely no intention of blasphemy or maligning the Holy Spirit)?

 

[PARCmd]

As a kid I've had OCD - more of the Compulsion type. The ones you would think like: "If you do not hold this piece of handrail, you are renouncing God" or "If you do not crouch during this hour, you are saying this blasphemy". Sometimes I refused to obey that thought or obsession, so I was tortured for most of my High School years that I had renounced God or blasphemed Him.

Now, all of these disappeared before I graduated from High School, and I went to College virtually OCD-free. Then, as most of you know from my posts, it resurfaced three weeks ago, as a pure O - disease (pure obsessional thoughts) though some compulsions do come from time to time.

Just this morning, I was on my way to school (where I am a volunteer teacher) when suddenly I got sort of an urge to pre-empt (think about the obsession beforehand) - partly to prevent more serious thoughts to occur. This time it’s not a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit – a renunciation.

Thoughts came out like this: I renounce not Holy Spirit, I renounce not Jesus, I renounce not God the Father. (SO up to now, there is still NO renunciation, right?)


Then I don’t know, maybe its’ accidentally me or the OCD – thoughts sprung out, saying “not”, “not”… (it actually consisted of several nots – I don’t know how many “nots&#8221, then, becoming conscious again of what I had accidentally done / or what the OCD done (I don’t know if it was me or not), I thought a sentence, saying, “add another ‘not’ if it [the renunciation] is true” – so it quite follows that grammatically, the renunciation may now be invalidated (Since two “nots” cancel each other...)

Needless to say, I felt very bad, and I don’t know what to do right now. Though one thing I am sure is that I did not really planned to do it, and that I didn’t want to do it. Similarly, when I pre-empted the thoughts, my aim was not to renounce God the Father, but to prevent more serious obsessions to come to my head and/or just because I had the urge to do so.

As I was alighting from the car, it was raining, and I had an obsession that goes like this: “you should not put the maps (which I am bringing with me) in the plastic but just carry it or else you really mean that you did want to renounce God the Father”. So following my obsession, I had a compulsion: I did not put them in the plastic, and then the maps fell to the mud, which made me very depressed and angry – because they cost a large sum of money (and because I like them). Coming into the classroom, I feel that God might be starting to punish me because maybe I had actually renounced Him. What am I gonna do? I did not mean to renounce Him…

My scrupulosity is getting really hard to manage, and it ranged from blasphemies, renunciations, and curses (the ones that make you doubt your salvation) – worse is I don’t know whether it is me or the OCD saying it. However, during my entire bout with OCD I nevr meant/planned to blaspheme God nor to renounce Him.

Within the two weeks of OCD recurrence, I actually am afraid partly of Hell, and partly of the wrath of God during my lifetime, but I’m most sorrowful of hurting God – I feel that maybe I’ve hurt God enough.

 

[marcb]

PARCmd,

As a kid I've had OCD - more of the Compulsion type. The ones you would think like: "If you do not hold this piece of handrail, you are renouncing God" or "If you do not crouch during this hour, you are saying this blasphemy". Sometimes I refused to obey that thought or obsession, so I was tortured for most of my High School years that I had renounced God or blasphemed Him.

Now, all of these disappeared before I graduated from High School, and I went to College virtually OCD-free. Then, as most of you know from my posts, it resurfaced three weeks ago, as a pure O - disease (pure obsessional thoughts) though some compulsions do come from time to time.

Just this morning, I was on my way to school (where I am a volunteer teacher) when suddenly I got sort of an urge to pre-empt (think about the obsession beforehand) - partly to prevent more serious thoughts to occur. This time it’s not a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit – a renunciation.

Thoughts came out like this: I renounce not Holy Spirit, I renounce not Jesus, I renounce not God the Father. (SO up to now, there is still NO renunciation, right?)

As you know, these are intentional "canceling" thoughts. I still see a reaching for reassurance, parenthetically. I will leave that part alone, for your sake.

Then I don’t know, maybe its’ accidentally me or the OCD – thoughts sprung out, saying “not”, “not”… (it actually consisted of several nots – I don’t know how many “nots”), then, becoming conscious again of what I had accidentally done / or what the OCD done (I don’t know if it was me or not), I thought a sentence, saying, “add another ‘not’ if it [the renunciation] is true” – so it quite follows that grammatically, the renunciation may now be invalidated (Since two “nots” cancel each other...)

This is the kind of stuff that is classic ocd. You are really in the thick of this. You are playing right into the hands of the ocd (not the hands of the enemy or anything like that), just the irrational thinking.

Needless to say, I felt very bad, and I don’t know what to do right now. Though one thing I am sure is that I did not really planned to do it, and that I didn’t want to do it. Similarly, when I pre-empted the thoughts, my aim was not to renounce God the Father, but to prevent more serious obsessions to come to my head and/or just because I had the urge to do so.

My friend, you are overvaluing your thoughts by preventing "more serious obsessions." Remember Isaiah 55: "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are my ways your ways says the LORD." God is so above a mind game we play with ourselves....

As I was alighting from the car, it was raining, and I had an obsession that goes like this: “you should not put the maps (which I am bringing with me) in the plastic but just carry it or else you really mean that you did want to renounce God the Father”. So following my obsession, I had a compulsion: I did not put them in the plastic, and then the maps fell to the mud, which made me very depressed and angry – because they cost a large sum of money (and because I like them). Coming into the classroom, I feel that God might be starting to punish me because maybe I had actually renounced Him. What am I gonna do? I did not mean to renounce Him…

My scrupulosity is getting really hard to manage, and it ranged from blasphemies, renunciations, and curses (the ones that make you doubt your salvation) – worse is I don’t know whether it is me or the OCD saying it. However, during my entire bout with OCD I nevr meant/planned to blaspheme God nor to renounce Him.

Within the two weeks of OCD recurrence, I actually am afraid partly of Hell, and partly of the wrath of God during my lifetime, but I’m most sorrowful of hurting God – I feel that maybe I’ve hurt God enough.

Do you have greater fears at this time than offending God and going to hell? If you did, you'd likely be obsessing about those things.

Now, the truth is, God can handle Himself. If you perceive you have offended him, confess it. However, thankfully, God is not a big PARCmd. He does not sit up there with a blasphemometer and respond to the thoughts the way you do and then think of punishments. He is God and we are not. Sometimes, that's all we can realize. Anxiety makes us clumsy. Do you think if God wanted to punish you, He would do so by throughing your maps into the mud? He is the Lord of the universe, not a bully. I am merely trying to "speak the truth in love" based on some things I've realized by the Grace of God. I will take a compassionate hard line, because that is what my brothers have done for me.

As the truth about emerges, and it will, I pray that we see the LORD as we have never seen Him before: Greater, more merciful, more worthy of praise than we ever expected. We are captivated by self, sorrow, and guilt. Jesus came to set the captives free.

 

[lindsaye]

just in response to Parcmd, I have a real problem with my OCD because i have the compulsion of SAYING the blasphemy and curses etc, against the Holy Spirit..i think them but have to say them too..and I have TORTURED myself over it because i wondered that too-if it had to be SPOKEN to be the unforgiveable sin..then when i started having the speaking OCD and i was verbalizing the horrible things, i thought, oh NOW i've done it...with saying it out loud...its even worse than the thoughts!!!!

 

[ChristianGuitarMan112190]

Hello, sorry I didn't read all the posts, so the things I say probably already were stated. Your in the same boat as I'm in sortof, so I want to help you!! God knows your heart!! Blasphemy is meant ALL from the heart, NEVER put trust in emotions and feelings, that's where the devil will get you, the devil is the master deceiver, he hates you and everything and wants to destroy you, So ALWAYS cling to Faith in God and in his power to forgive!! Never in feelings, the Bible says all sins will be forgiven through Jesus!! I believe it's not so much God will not forgive this, it's just that these people have no interest in being forgiven cause there heart is forever hardened!! Don't beat yourself up over it no longer!! Ask yourself this Do you love Jesus and believe he suffered and died for you to be forgiven?? Do you love God!! If you feel guilty you did NOT commit this sin!! I live everyday like this since I was 14 I'm am now 17, I have horrible intrusive images and thoughts impulses but I know God loves me and Jesus died to forgive me!! Hope this helps!! God Bless!! Oh and just know that blasphemy is not just something you can just do it's pure hatred, developed over time, it's not a slip or slurr of accidental words... people who do it know they did it willing did it and wanted to and believe and have no remorse... your right how the devil wants you!! Don't let that go on anymore!! God is not a God of confusion he knows your heart as I said before he loves you!! I know what it's like to live with OCD it is horrible I'm going to the Drs. after Christmas to get on meds, hope they help!! But when you feel down Pray, it ALWAYS makes me feel better and read the Bible!! Resist the devils lies!! He's there to bring you down!! Anytime you may feel better youll proally get thoughts that make you feel sad and guilty thats cause the devil knows your weakness!! Never say anything you fear out loud, the devil cannot read our minds!! Hope everything works out though!! I will pray for you!!

 

[ChristianGuitarMan112190]

just in response to Parcmd, I have a real problem with my OCD because i have the compulsion of SAYING the blasphemy and curses etc, against the Holy Spirit..i think them but have to say them too..and I have TORTURED myself over it because i wondered that too-if it had to be SPOKEN to be the unforgiveable sin..then when i started having the speaking OCD and i was verbalizing the horrible things, i thought, oh NOW i've done it...with saying it out loud...its even worse than the thoughts!!!!

It's okay!! You feel convicted for it!! I don't believe it has to be verbal... I went thru a time and still am where I stay up till 8 AM and get up at 10 AM for the last week because of these thoughts!! What really helps me when I feel I'm torturing myself is reminding myself that the Lord is My rock my strong tower and everything good!! God Bless!!

 

[PARCmd]

The people here make sense I'm starting to get it all. I had obsessions before. Recently though, it's Mental Compulsions - I just get compelled to think about the blasphemy/renunciation against God, together with a canceling word (sometimes I do it to prevent obsessions from happening). I dunno maybe we do this sometimes: "I renounce Jesus not, but Satan", in anxiety, I misplaced the words several times in several days. Sometimes it would just be the accidental absence of a "not" or the presence of an even number "not".

The last four days were complete hell - I can't stop the Mental Compulsions, it's like my brain were justkeeping on deliberately thinking. Then I had a question, like "what if I really wanted to renounce God?" - then a tailspin of thoughts came rolling on. Mostly, I can't cancel thoughts - it was mostly renunciation thoughts I can't cancel. The others were thoughts that I couldn't even imagine that I'd thought - horrible, evil, and dark thoughts/compulsions that I wrote in the other threads. Come to think of it, I even had those blasphemous/renunciation thoughts even in sleep, just seconds after I wake up and even seconds before I sleep - it was a 24-hour war.

Today was somewhat peaceful - I had performed the Mental Compulsions again - I just feel really compelled to (not due to anxiety or something) do some sentences and then cancel it. Sometimes I wasn't able to cancel it - because I realized - I don't believe it anyway (MarcB was right in his "Intent" thread). While this may be somehow uncomfortable, especially when plagued by consistent thoughts that may be "I had actually wanted to renounce God" - I did not freaked out today and felt much better than the past days. THough I wonder if the relief I experienced today was a sign of my callousness which had developed from frequent exposure to my Obsessions and Mental Compulsions.

It's a blessing that the people are comforting and willing to share, for example:
Jc... replied to my long list of post ina thread that "you're OK, because I experience the same things" - that is a major relief, knowing that since both of us experience the same symptoms, it is really the disease's symptom and not us.
lindsaye: The Mental Compulsion part. It really bothers me a lot because while I wholeheartedly accept that Obsessions are NOT a sin, while Mental Compulsions and compulsions in general (that blaspheme or renounce God) are SINS because they are done deliberately and willfully (though as a neutralizer or canceling agent).

I don't know about today but I surely felt less bothered and more peaceful. The first day I had obsessions was pure hell. Before I reached this site, I was pretty sure that I was going to hell and that I lost God, and having read a statement that "If a Man lost GOd, the only good thing he could do is die" - and you probably guessed it right, I was getting a bit suicidal that time. And thank God for leading me to this site, where I got several realizations - that beliefs/intents are what matters, that Obsessions, Compulsions, and Mental Compulsions are nothing in the eyes of the Lord. While I still have difficulties in all aspects of my spiritual life - of course there's the lingering doubts about everything (including my intents) - it's clearing up now, and while I have to admit that I took God for granted before my pure-O (when I was younger I had basic, non-scrupulosity OCD), now I'm more serious in my worship of God and apply the Bible in my life as much as I can.

 

[PARCmd]

I also prayed yesterday that no matter what my thoughts are or intents are, I would always stick to Him (God/Jesus) even if He does not want me anymore because of the OCD. I even promised to Him that I would stick to Him no matter what may happen. I guess that's what caused me to have a relatively peaceful day today.

 

[ChristianGuitarMan112190]

The people here make sense I'm starting to get it all. I had obsessions before. Recently though, it's Mental Compulsions - I just get compelled to think about the blasphemy/renunciation against God, together with a canceling word (sometimes I do it to prevent obsessions from happening). I dunno maybe we do this sometimes: "I renounce Jesus not, but Satan", in anxiety, I misplaced the words several times in several days. Sometimes it would just be the accidental absence of a "not" or the presence of an even number "not".

The last four days were complete hell - I can't stop the Mental Compulsions, it's like my brain were justkeeping on deliberately thinking. Then I had a question, like "what if I really wanted to renounce God?" - then a tailspin of thoughts came rolling on. Mostly, I can't cancel thoughts - it was mostly renunciation thoughts I can't cancel. The others were thoughts that I couldn't even imagine that I'd thought - horrible, evil, and dark thoughts/compulsions that I wrote in the other threads. Come to think of it, I even had those blasphemous/renunciation thoughts even in sleep, just seconds after I wake up and even seconds before I sleep - it was a 24-hour war.

Today was somewhat peaceful - I had performed the Mental Compulsions again - I just feel really compelled to (not due to anxiety or something) do some sentences and then cancel it. Sometimes I wasn't able to cancel it - because I realized - I don't believe it anyway (MarcB was right in his "Intent" thread). While this may be somehow uncomfortable, especially when plagued by consistent thoughts that may be "I had actually wanted to renounce God" - I did not freaked out today and felt much better than the past days. THough I wonder if the relief I experienced today was a sign of my callousness which had developed from frequent exposure to my Obsessions and Mental Compulsions.

It's a blessing that the people are comforting and willing to share, for example:
Jc... replied to my long list of post ina thread that "you're OK, because I experience the same things" - that is a major relief, knowing that since both of us experience the same symptoms, it is really the disease's symptom and not us.
lindsaye: The Mental Compulsion part. It really bothers me a lot because while I wholeheartedly accept that Obsessions are NOT a sin, while Mental Compulsions and compulsions in general (that blaspheme or renounce God) are SINS because they are done deliberately and willfully (though as a neutralizer or canceling agent).

I don't know about today but I surely felt less bothered and more peaceful. The first day I had obsessions was pure hell. Before I reached this site, I was pretty sure that I was going to hell and that I lost God, and having read a statement that "If a Man lost GOd, the only good thing he could do is die" - and you probably guessed it right, I was getting a bit suicidal that time. And thank God for leading me to this site, where I got several realizations - that beliefs/intents are what matters, that Obsessions, Compulsions, and Mental Compulsions are nothing in the eyes of the Lord. While I still have difficulties in all aspects of my spiritual life - of course there's the lingering doubts about everything (including my intents) - it's clearing up now, and while I have to admit that I took God for granted before my pure-O (when I was younger I had basic, non-scrupulosity OCD), now I'm more serious in my worship of God and apply the Bible in my life as much as I can.

I went through the exact same thing!! Except when one stage of it was done I'd move to another set of bad thoughts!! That's good to hear your doing better with it!! Remember God looks past our thoughts and straight to our heart!! The devil likes to take advantage of people with OCD in my opinion and that is why 40% of people with it have blasphemous thoughts!! So your definately not alone!! It is common to have the urge to blurt out things you don't want to with OCD, you don't believe any of the thoughts!! So don't worry!! Like I said the brain is powerful, I believe OCD is a problem with the neurotransmitter Serotin which regulates anxiety. The brain scan of an OCD patients is far different than any one elses because theres constant activity in the frontal lobe, the frontal lobe is why were smarter than animals that have bigger brains than us cause we have a bigger frontal lobe, so its powerful!! But its full of thoughts!! That you acuire and well I started out fearing i was going to change!! ha now its on to this!!

 

[unpardoned1]

jc9992 wrote:"If an OCD patient blasphemes on purpose its their own personal choice not because of their OCD.but thats between them and God and its not something for u to contemplate."

This is why I know I still remain unpardoned1. When I thought what I thought about the Holy Spirit, I was angry and it wasn't from ocd it was from me. Ever since that day, 12 years ago, I've felt God has left me and I don't think He even cares. I think He will throw me in hell on judgement day.
I geuss feeling this miserable is part of my punishment from God. Yes, I do have OCD and yes, the day this happened I was having real OCD thoughts about God, I lost my sheet of paper with Bible verses on them and after panicing looking for them, in my mind I said that the Holy Spirit was the evil one. I don't even want to type it.
I examined my thought and still do to this day. My thought came from anger and I thought it because I was angry. I don't think that I purposly set out to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit but I said it in my mind. Maybe for the second I really believed it because of the pain I was going through, maybe I was angry at God and being vicious. Either way, I know it wasn't OCD and I don't believe I'm forgiven.
Part of my punishment is to live in this state of damnation until I die and then Hell for eternity.

This has always been in the back of my mind. I can't worship fully, pray fully, I can't trust God loves me, its like I'm dead inside.

 

[unpardoned1]

"A. Blasphemy due to anger against God due to having an OCD is debatable – it is directly out of one’s own volition, but with the added basis of Motivation. "

I guess everyone agrees.

 

[unpardoned1]

I wish I could just be turned off like a tv, like I never existed. I don't understand why I was born if I was just going to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and be damned to hell. Its bad enough with the ocd, but that my ocd caused me to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and damn myself I just wish I was never born. I'm so scared of God and Hell, I don't even know if there is any real desire to please Him or love Him, maybe I just want to stay out of Hell.

 

[jc9992]

pardoned1 i said that in response to the question "can an ocd person blaspheme unintentionally."

from what ive read in your posts it still sounds like your not 100% sure where the thought came from.

This is just my opinion but i believe that if you had blasphemed 12 years ago you would have gotten over it and be hating God and living in sin by now.

You need to examine yourself and ask if you really do want to live for God and be a Christian.if thats what you want,youre not condemned.

 

[Boxers1]

Hey Pardoned1:
We've chatted before and do you know that a lot of people have been helped by you starting this thread b/c you had the courage to be honest about your thoughts? Yes, thoughts about the holy spirit...we've all had them...they aren't controllable. You are so far from being the only person that has thoughts you don't believe or that feel agressive or angry. You have helped me with some of my previous obsessional thoughts that I have had before by reminding me that "I don't really believe the thoughts" so they really don't matter if they are in your head. Though you have false, unwanted thoughts, you still believe and it is your faith that saves you, your OCD thoughts have no bearing on your true beliefs. I hate the thoughts too, but for the OCDr they just don't go away so you have to accept their existence, but not their meaning. Your thought was false and so it can be ignored.
Boxers1

I wish I could just be turned off like a tv, like I never existed. I don't understand why I was born if I was just going to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and be damned to hell. Its bad enough with the ocd, but that my ocd caused me to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and damn myself I just wish I was never born. I'm so scared of God and Hell, I don't even know if there is any real desire to please Him or love Him, maybe I just want to stay out of Hell.

 

[gracealone]

jc9992 wrote:"If an OCD patient blasphemes on purpose its their own personal choice not because of their OCD.but thats between them and God and its not something for u to contemplate."

This is why I know I still remain unpardoned1. When I thought what I thought about the Holy Spirit, I was angry and it wasn't from ocd it was from me. Ever since that day, 12 years ago, I've felt God has left me and I don't think He even cares. I think He will throw me in hell on judgement day.
Pardoned one please notice that you begin with a statement that says you "know" which implies absolute knowledge of God's intention toward you but then you move very quickly into statements that say things like, "I think, or I don't think, or I've felt", which are more accurate. This is the beast of OCD,"the doubting disease which gets it's fuel from the emotions of fear and anxiety.
I geuss
More uncertainty

I don't even want to type it.
This is the real you the part of you that chooses God volitionally over the OCD thought/spike.
. I don't think that I purposly set out to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit but I said it in my mind. Maybe for the second I really believed it because of the pain I was going through, maybe I was angry at God and being vicious. Either way, I know it wasn't OCD and I don't believe I'm forgiven.
Here again the vasilating back and forth, ("maybe"), between knowing in your heart you didn't choose these things but fearing that... "maybe I really did - what if I did, OH NO -MAYBE I DID, I NEED TO BE CERTAIN I DIDN'T, I DON'T FEEL CERTAIN - I FEEL TERRIFIED - THAT MUST MEAN IT'S REALLY TRUE, HELP!!!" And the more we try to gain certainty to get reassurance to fight against these seemingly unsolvable urgent questions that we experience the louder they get and the more instense the anxiety will become as we spiral out of control in an OCD nightmare. (Remember nightmares are just that - they don't define reality.)
Part of my punishment is to live in this state of damnation until I die and then Hell for eternity.

This has always been in the back of my mind. I can't worship fully, pray fully, I can't trust God loves me, its like I'm dead inside.
What do you mean by"fully"? It is Christ that intercedes before the Father on our behalf. He does this when we are so weak that we can't even find the right words to utter. He does this with or without us having any feelings of emotional validation that He is doing it. Just as when Christ hung on the cross He had not a shred of emotional validation left to comfort Him in His obedience. We know this because he said, "My God, My God why have you forsaken me?!!" (Wonder why it was so important for that statement to be recorded in scripture?) And yet all along as He set His face like a flint and willingly went to the cross in obedience the work of God was being accomplished. Not because Christ felt emotional reassurance but because God's work is not dependant upon feelings.
You know what Pardoned1, I've had those same thoughts. Must be I'm condemned too - do you think so? What is really in the back of your mind and my mind is OCD. (Actually it's main activity is centered within the fight or flight center in the amygdala.)
What has helped me is to just allow all of these thoughts to be there -yes even the fearful thoughts of condemnation without battling against them. I've said to myself, "well even if I'm on my way to hell, I'm going to continue to serve Christ to the best of my ability while I'm here on earth. 'Though He slay me yet will I trust Him.' After all, 'shall not the judge of the whole earth do right?'" I choose to cling to Him and His cross to follow Him even if my OCD causes me to fear that I might be condemned - Nothing can rob me of this choice. The more I just walk on and walk away from the OCD thoughts without allowing them to waste my time and energy with their demands that shout things like- "pay attention to me!!, you need to solve this question!!, you need to get certainty!! blah, blah, blah"... on an on - the less power they have over me.
I believe that quite possibly your OCD grabbed a statement like the one you quoted above, took it wholly out of context and threw it in your face... pretty typical of the beast.
I'm so sorry for your pain and tortured emotions. But even your pain and tortured emotions cannot undo the work of Christ on your behalf. Set your face like a flint sis... and walk on!!
I hope you are getting the right help for your disorder through meds. and exposure/response. I needed the input of a professional therapist with my last bout of OCD in order to bolster me in my recovery.
Praying for you ... always.
Mitzi

 

[marcb]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am praying for you.

It is God's will to save US: that includes you and me who have done and thought the exact same things in anger, ocd, frustration, etc. Believe me, you have not done or thought anything I or most of these Godly people on this forum have. Anger can grab an obsession and twist it. If you are angry at God, He can take it.

I haven't seen a post from you in a while. Sometimes the holidays can make things worse. I had an Easter where I was convinced I was on the outside looking in because of my thoughts. Also, this has been a season of healing for many of us. I pray that you would be included.

I have been thinking about Peter the disciple quite a bit lately:

Jesus called Peter "the Rock" upon which the church would be built. Jesus also called Peter, or at least Peter's idea as "Satan." After receiving the title of "rock," Peter still prompted Jesus to say, "get behind me, Satan." In fact, I just looked, these are sequential stories in Matthew 16. Peter hung around Jesus for three years and still knew very little of the things of God. All Peter said was "Far be it from you, Lord" after Jesus told him he was to be killed and Jesus tells him "get behind me, Satan."

Peter in his passion, basically unknowingly was trying to disrupt God's entire salvation mission by keeping Jesus off the cross. And WE thought we thought of some pretty nasty stuff?

WAIT THERE'S MORE,

Later, Peter publicly denied he had anything to do with Jesus (and the rooster crowed).

First, why would Jesus choose someone like Peter? I think to provide us with a real, dirty finger nail account of what it is like to follow Jesus. We often don't get it right.

Let's go deeper. In Matthew 10:33, Jesus states, "whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven." This was before Peter denied the Lord three times before men. Does this mean that Christ was to deny Peter before the Father? This sounds like an unpardonable sin to me. Those words must have pierced Peter's heart in a way with which you and I are familiar. Peter's sorrow was great. Did he commit an unpardonable sin? I could see Peter on this forum. "But you don't understand, I denied Christ publicly, with anger, and with all sorts of curses that they won't even write in the Bible. I'm doomed, read Matthew 10:33." Back to the question, Did Peter commit the unpardonable sin? Answer: Of course not! But why? Because Jesus pardoned him. Why? Quite simply, Peter belonged to Christ. Why? Christ chose him. He chose Him knowing fully well what was to come. In fact, he told Peter he would do it.

Jesus is this to you pardoned1. He is this to you. Christ died for you, when He knew you would struggle with this.

God bless and heal you.
marc

I wish I could just be turned off like a tv, like I never existed. I don't understand why I was born if I was just going to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and be damned to hell. Its bad enough with the ocd, but that my ocd caused me to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and damn myself I just wish I was never born. I'm so scared of God and Hell, I don't even know if there is any real desire to please Him or love Him, maybe I just want to stay out of Hell.

 

[QUannie]

unpardoned1,

You are not a tv....you are precious in the sight of God Almighty....
He knit you together, He already knew all the sins you where going to commit even before you did them, ....and He still chose the cross for you.....in fact thats why He chose the cross for you!

I have one thing to say to you.....
God does not make junk......you are not a no-body! You are a daughter of a KING! You have an inheritance given to you by GOD HIMSELF!!
We are here for you pulling you and pushing you up this hill cause you cant see right now....That's what families do for each other.....
I know its hard and I am so sorry for your pain!!!
Just the fact that this is bothering you shows a tender heart....a blashemous heart wouldn't care!!!
He forgives ALL our sins!

My husband tells me, Jesus made it as easy as possible to be saved...He did all the HARD painful work, we need to have childlike faith...thats it, believe and trust HIM as our children do in us!

Your thoughts/OCD and feelings will betray you....being saved is not always a feeling, if it were we all would have a problem, when things get tough i literally put a scripture on a peice of paper and stand on it while i take a make-shift sword which is the sword of the Spirit and I tell God, I am standing on Your promise and I will repeat the scripture with the Sword of the Spirit!

Marcb brought up about Peter, wow how amazing for us with OCD...we can really mess up like Peter But because of the COVENANT Jesus has made we can not mess up what He did !!!!
How amazing...we should have a church for ocd Christians and Marcb can be our pastor!

Unpardoned1, God does not want you to think of your self in this way...He does not see you like this....we are justified...just as if we had never sinned because of Jesus!That is how God see's us we are covered by Jesus!!!

I am praying for you darling sister,
Q

 

[unpardoned1]

Hey Pardoned1:
We've chatted before and do you know that a lot of people have been helped by you starting this thread b/c you had the courage to be honest about your thoughts? Yes, thoughts about the holy spirit...we've all had them...they aren't controllable. You are so far from being the only person that has thoughts you don't believe or that feel agressive or angry. You have helped me with some of my previous obsessional thoughts that I have had before by reminding me that "I don't really believe the thoughts" so they really don't matter if they are in your head. Though you have false, unwanted thoughts, you still believe and it is your faith that saves you, your OCD thoughts have no bearing on your true beliefs. I hate the thoughts too, but for the OCDr they just don't go away so you have to accept their existence, but not their meaning. Your thought was false and so it can be ignored.
Boxers1

No, I didn't believe my thought after I had it, but while I was having it, I was angry and I meant it at the time. I was angry at the Holy Spirit and blamed Him for that split second. The thought went through my mind in my voice in the midst of an OCD attack but it was my anger, not my ocd that caused me to have the thought. It was like it was secondary. I was so angry about the misery I was in that I believed the thought and maybe even said it out of malicious anger.

I've never struggled again with the thoughts popping in my head. Don't get me wrong, I still have thoughts about the Holy Spirit pop in my mind, but htey are from ocd, this thought wasn't.(8/9/96 is when i thought this) I already had the worst thought that I could possilby have had in my book, so the other thoughts don't scare me. I know I could never think anything worse then that.

Yes, I'm obviously struggling again. While the thought I had wasn't an ocd thought that just popped in my mind, it was caused by the misery of ocd and my ocd causes me to dwell on it. I take Paxil and Klonipin. I've been sick the past few days and my medication has been going through me KWIM? So it hasn't had much of an affect of me and I've basically been living without it.

My medication basically makes a "fake me" that isn't concerned about blasphemy or anything. Most of the time my meds just keep me so "feelingless" that I don't care about much of anything.

This here, is the real me,no meds. I'm worried, scared to death. I get so scared of death becasue I'm scared I will go to hell.