"I DO NOT want just any guy as one poster said. I precisely want the OPPOSITE! I want a special guy who is right for me. And so I need to be as varied and diverse in my approach as possbile.. I will not settle! My question to the viewers was not "am I doing to much or am I desparate"? I by no means am desparate...i have turned down many a man because we were not compatible.. My question is DO YOU HAVE ANY FRESH IDEAS on how to meet other people/men as to increase my chances of meeting the right man for me. " - Kiddo, 37.
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Kiddo, you're not understanding what people are saying. If you're already out there and doing all these activities and you're not meeting anybody then the only common denominator is you. If you're reasonably attractive and friendly and positive and confident then you should be having a heck of a lot more luck than you are. I can tell by the way you talk that you have some kind of ideal guy in mind. Here's the reality. You're 37, NOT 27.
Dating is going to be more difficult and, by our age, we have to learn to make some concessions. I don't care how you look or how much you work out or how beautiful & charming you think you are. You're 37. Which means you need to open up the door to more possibilities. You're holding out for some kind of uber-boyfriend and they just don't exist - at any age.
When I hear a woman say she "won't settle" I can sum up in two words why she's single - inordinate expectations. No self-awareness.
I see and talk to so many women in this city in their late 30's and mid-40's who use that exact same excuse. They won't settle. And, while they are at home or at a party or at the gym "not settling," another woman is out charming the pants off every man she meets because she's not expecting or looking for perfection. Or she's done the work necessary to alleviate the anxiety and craziness that many of us experience after too many bad dates or too much rejection.
Women need to get rid of this idea that there is a man out there that meets all of their needs and every single characteristic they have on their little laminated list. Bottom line, in every case, the women who hold out for these ideal men don't bring nearly as much to the table as they think they do.
Here's an early Christmas gift for you ladies. From me to you:
- Stop with the "I'm 40 but look 30" schtick. Nobody cares and at the end of the day you're still 40. The younger guys who are taking you out, for the most part, are "dating you" to nail you. Now, if you're okay with that then go on with your bad self. But if you're goal is to get married and have children stop wasting your time.
- Stop reading every single self-help book about finding Mr. Right. It makes you over-analyze ond over think every guy you meet.
- Come to grips with your past and deal with your bagagge. If you're in your late 30's or older and never been married or come close, there is a reason and it is NOT that you're just picky. Take a look at your life and the people in your social circle. We attract who we are. Do a cost/benefit analysis of your behavior and see if you come up with a profit or a loss. Then come up with a new plan.
- Stop resenting men for being men. They want someone younger because they want to have kids. Yes, they are a bit ignorant in assuming that all women in their late 30's and 40's will have trouble can get pregnant. Big surprise. Men don't fully understand the female body. My Dad is 82 years old with 5 daughters and he still get's uncomfortable when I talk about having cramps.
- Stop swimming against the tide. You want to keep bashing your head into a wall because you think a certain type of man should love you and will if he just got to know you? Have at it. If he wanted to get to know you, he would.
- Learn from your mistakes and grow from them.
- Let go of the Brass Ring idea.
- Don't be so quick to judge....give a guy a chance! How often do we say that we wish people would do that for us? Well, be a trendsetter.
- Reevaluate your priorities and ask yourself if what you seek is truly what you need.
- Stop thinking you're just so special because you look a certain way at a certain age or because you work out or because you're cultured and educated. Nobody cares. Men want someone that makes them feel good about themself. That can come in the form of an out of work actress or a chubby science geek. Many men are inherently lazy and don't want to work too hard too early.
- Stop using the "he should love me for me" excuse. If you're overweight and not having success with men, then make a change. Either go for different kinds of men or lose weight. And STOP with the curvy/voluptuous thing. Curvy is a way for a woman to describe her body because she doesn't want to say she's overweight. I know, because I did it. If you have to dance around how you're shaped or built, it's because you know that the guy will likely consider you chubby or overweight. And...
- Stop hating on men because they prefer slimmer/slender women. It's biology. If it's so aggravating to you then lose the weight. Men don't have to date an overweight woman because they have more options than we do (and this statistic is the same in many other major metropolitan cities.)
- If you live in NJ/LI, date in NJ/LI. (Meaning if you live outside the major metropolitan area of your state date closer to home.) Go to events in your area. I'd say 8 out of 10 people want someone who lives close to them. If it takes longer than 45 minute to get to you, then you will likely be disqualified. I listen to so many women from Jersey saying that they want the financially stable, cute, charming guy so they throw their nets into Manhattan. Reality - there are plenty of women who live here. Men don't have to travel and if given the choice they won't.
- Stop making excuses.
I will be really really really silent about this topic now..
to dluvs hopefully I didn't make you 
)
