possible or not?

[meebs]

http://www.rogernmeyer.com/adult_acts_and_consequences_as_characteristics.html

There is much that describes me on here - even as a kid (though i show signs of ADHD too)

However - apart from not being able to smile for cameras (not knowing how to put my face) i did have a range of facial expressions as a child and did play with other kids at an early age and even went on stage (i copied other kids dances), i became more of a loner later at 6/7.

I have social problems (though i like to try)
I have communication issues - cant tell expressions too well - unless exagerated, i look for other cues
I have obsessions but not repetative behavior (maybe minor OCD issues though but not that big and i dont have an ability to hyperfocus - except im not sure, i had an obsession with star trek at one point for example and watched it a lot everyday).
I have sensory issues.

I have been hyperactive all my life
i have already been diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia.

Ive been trying to go to the docs about this as my cousin who has a son with ASD (aspergers - and he's kind of like me) and ADHD thinks i have plus she works with kids with ASD who have similar symptoms to what i had as a kid.

my first doc has refused to ackinowledge it (he agrees about one or two things but say that aspergers tend not to have facial expressions) and another person with aspergers doesnt think i have it either.

I do know though a lot of what is said in that link (provided by unique tadpole in a sticky above) sounds like me.

I can appear normal, but i dont know how i appear to others its pretty difficult as i cant explain myself very well plus i dont show entirely what im going through in my head.

anyone have any thoughts? There is more to it but i find writing it tiring.

You've been through the system or have kids that have it.

It might be that im very mild, but its just enough to screw up my life a little.

 

[meebs]

Lets just say im at the end of my tether with most of my life and practically suicidal, i need help but im not getting it.

I may download a list, get my parents to highlight it and take it with me to the docs (going to get a second opinion).

 

[Q]

awww
I am so sorry ,I had no idea,as you are so lovely and cute on here!!I would never thing there is anything wrong with you,you appeared so confident and sure about yourself

I have no idea how to help,other than to remove stimulants from your diet,and go for natural,little processed if food,and getting a hobby close to nature,as that have very calming influence.

I wish I coud hug youhug:

 

[meebs]

I do karate

It has helped me soooo much - i used to be much more umm agressive and would take things too personally and fight or attack if i thought someone was attacking me.

i still do to a lesser extreme.

 

[meebs]

As for food im waiting to see the docs about that too

i shall ask him about it

 

[Fish and Bread]

You sound like you could have Asperger's Syndrome to me, but I'm not qualified to say. What I would suggest, and I can't stress this enough, is that you want to find a psychologist who has extensive experience treating adult Asperger's Syndrome patients to figure out if you have it or not. The syndrome just isn't well enough known, and differs in so many respects from other things, that your average psychologist is not going to be able to really understand it's ins and outs from reading a book or having 1-2 patients. Even some people who are experts primarily treat children with AS, which is different because children tend not to have learned to cope or mask their symptoms as well as adults and such. Psychologists in the latter two groups tend to just think "That persons looked at me a few times, must not be Asperger's because the book says they don't made eye contact and/or the children I work with don't make eye contact".

The other thing to remember is that AS exists along a spectrum. I smile at normal times and even have a sense of humor (Though I only get a small fraction of humor and make the same types of jokes repeatedly -- it's like there is certain types of humor I understand and come up with normally and certain types that I just don't understand at all), which is not always considered the norm for people with AS, but I am really "bad" in some other areas. It's not the same for everyone. So I wouldn't look at one or two factors and say you don't have it because of those factors.

At the same time, though, I wouldn't self-diagnose either. See someone who can really tell you. I see so many folks on forums like this who say they have AS and are "self-diagnosed" who really seem not to have it. Being shy or anti-social or a bit of a geek doesn't necessarily make someone an Aspie. Sometimes those are other things, or even within a fairly neurotically range of behavior. So I'd just say get checked out by someone good and find out.

I actually wound up tracking down someone an hour and a half from me for various reasons, because that was the only person I felt was qualified (Having dealt with lots of adult Aspies and listing it as a specialty) and had an atmosphere I felt I could deal with (I have trouble dealing with secretaries and formal office environments and paperwork and such [partly due to an anxiety disorder I have as well combined with Asperger's] and she answered her own phone and had a homelike setup where there were no middle people or crowded waiting rooms or excessive paperwork).

 

[Q]

sounds good that you have a way to get aggression out

ho and hug some trees as well

i will get back to you ...gtta go now:hg:

 

[rebel_conservative]

Hey It so sad that you feel so down, you are such a lovely person. I hope you know that you are not alone >-J-<

Whether or not you have Aspergers, if you feel that you need help, you do and the doctor was totally out of line to cancel your support like that (they keep doing that to my mum).

But I would be wary about self-diagnosis... I have 'realised' I had ocd, body dismorphic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and that I was depressed, bi-polar, co-dependent... blah blah blah... it seemed that I had pretty much every psychological disorder that was going... I did a lot of online tests, I guess I wanted a reason to explain why I felt the way I did. But I didn't really have any of these things, I was just trying to understand myself.

Lets just say im at the end of my tether with most of my life and practically suicidal, i need help but im not getting it.

I hope you can get the help that you need, but in the mean time, there are people here who are always here to listen

It might be that im very mild, but its just enough to screw up my life a little.

Even if you do have Aspergers, it really isn’t the end of the world. My cousin has it, and he is fine... he is probably better adjusted than me. he is one of the kindest little boys I have ever met. Last week, he went to town with my nan and with his own money, he bought his cousins a watch each, then he cut up one of his teddies to make a little pouch for them to go in. He is lovely.

Being diagnosed with something does not change your life at all, that is just a label. If you find that a lack of social skills are a problem, then there are ways to tackle that. A label won‘t change anything. Don’t worry about the label, it is essentially meaningless, just a way for the medical establishment to pigeon-hole you. they really don't know what they are doing.

I can appear normal, but i dont know how i appear to others its pretty difficult as i cant explain myself very well plus i dont show entirely what im going through in my head.

I understand this statement perfectly, that is how I feel in almost every social situation. I am uncomfortable, because I am very self-conscious, over analytical, anxious. I can't explain my thoughts and feelings to others, because I simply don't have the words, it is frustrating that it is impossible to articulate. But even if I could find the words, I couldn't share them anyway. As a defence mechanism, and to stop people thinking I am weird (or worse feeling sorry for me) I act like everything is fine, not a problem, I can handle it. etc. I act confident, despite crippling insecurity and self-doubt.

I don't understand the rules of engagement for social situations, I become particularly stressed and anxious when somebody does not EXPLICITLY tell me what they mean, I become frantic that I will get something wrong, because I have assumed incorrectly. I can't read body language or tone of voice and inflection, I think... does she mean X? well... she didn't say X...? but what did that smile mean? etc... etc etc...


I totally understand your desperation, I have been there myself. I considered suicide, for a long time. The reason I didn't is because I didn't think my mum could take it. So trust me when I say that I know how it feels to be so low, but this will pass. Although I couldn’t see it at the time, time is a healer. I got used to it, found ways to cope. The capacity of the human spirit is incredible.
The most important thing is that you are not alone, you have people here who know what you are going through and are offering you support. You are such a wonderful person, and it is tragic that you are feeling this way.

But please do not despair, and remember that you are not alone. From what you have said, I understand exactly what you are going through. I am here, just PM me anytime. There are always reasons to hope. Don’t be discouraged, things will improve. I wish there were more that I could do.

 

[rebel_conservative]

http://www.rogernmeyer.com/adult_acts_and_consequences_as_characteristics.html
There is much that describes me on here - even as a kid (though i show signs of ADHD too)

Ok... So you think I&#8217;m pretty normal right&#8230;? Hmmm&#8230; don&#8217;t answer that&#8230;
Anyway, I thought that I would show you how this list applies to me... (the brackets are my comments)

Social Characteristics
Difficulty in accepting criticism or correction (causes huge anxiety in me)
Difficulty in offering correction or criticism without appearing harsh, pedantic or insensitive (possibly)
Difficulty in perceiving and applying unwritten social rules or protocols (Yep! causes major anxiety in me)
"Immature" manners (not sure what this means... but if it means laughing at the word 'poo' than this is a yes too. rebel giggles at the word 'poo')
Failure to distinguish between private and public personal care habits: i.e., brushing, public attention to skin problems, nose picking, teeth picking, ear canal cleaning, clothing arrangement (I am the other extreme, very rigid and uptight about these things)
Naïve trust in others (very much at times)
Shyness ( )
Low or no conversational participation in group meetings or conferences (I will participate in gorup meetings if I think it is necessary, but I won't talk to people in a conversational sense. At training days I would take my paper and read it on my own, same as when I was at uni)
Constant anxiety about performance and acceptance, despite recognition and commendation (100% me)
Scrupulous honesty, often expressed in an apparently disarming or inappropriate manner or setting (does this mean tactless?)
Bluntness in emotional expression (what emotional expression?)
"Flat affect" (as a pancake)
Discomfort manipulating or "playing games" with others (certainly, I just can't do this)
Unmodulated reaction in being manipulated, patronized, or "handled" by others (English please? I don't like it... if that is what it is trying to say?)
Low to medium level of paranoia (it is not paranoia when they ARE out to get you )
Low to no apparent sense of humor; bizarre sense of humor (often stemming from a "private" internal thread of humor being inserted in public conversation without preparation or warming others up to the reason for the "punchline") ( at times )
Difficulty with reciprocal displays of pleasantries and greetings (yep)
Problems expressing empathy or comfort to/with others: sadness, condolence, congratulations, etc. (very much, causes considerable anxiety that I would be doing it wrong, I basically get through it with a nod of the head and a hug)
Pouting,, ruminating, fixating on bad experiences with people or events for an inordinate length of time (yep)
Difficulty with adopting a social mask to obscure real feelings, moods, reactions (not at all, I am very comfortable in my mask)
Using social masks inappropriately (you are "xv" while everyone else is ????) (not sure what this means...)
Abrupt and strong expression of likes and dislikes (yep)
Rigid adherence to rules and social conventions where flexibility is desirable (hehe, yep)
Apparent absence of relaxation, recreational, or "time out" activities (what are they...?)
"Serious" all the time (rebel frowns indignantly)
Known for single-mindedness
Flash temper (so I've been told... but I don't think so )
Tantrums (only when the stupid pc stops working, but that's normal... no?)
Excessive talk (I could never be accused of that)
Difficulty in forming friendships and intimate relationships; difficulty in distinguishing between acquaintance and friendship (100% me)
Social isolation and intense concern for privacy (intense doesn't begin to describe it)
Limited clothing preference; discomfort with formal attire or uniforms (yeah, I like what I like, but I never minded uniform)
Preference for bland or bare environments in living arrangements (otherwise known as minimalist chic )
Difficulty judging others&#8217; personal space (doesn't really apply, I like a lot of my own personal space)
Limited by intensely pursued interests (politics religion... is there anything else in life? maybe music...)
Often perceived as "being in their own world" (I call it Rebeltopia)

 

[rebel_conservative]

Physical Manifestations
Strong sensory sensitivities: touch and tactile sensations, sounds, lighting and colors, odors, taste
Clumsiness (no, I have the reflexes of a cat)
Balance difficulties (
Difficulty in judging distances, height, depth
Difficulty in recognizing others&#8217; faces (prosopagnosia)
Stims (self-stimulatory behavior serving to reduce anxiety, stress, or to express pleasure) (not sure what this means)
Self-injurious or disfiguring behaviors (only once)
Nail-biting (nope)
Unusual gait, stance, posture (awkward and gangly)
Gross or fine motor coordination problems ( I think I am ok here)
Low apparent sexual interest (yeah )
Depression (I've been told, but I am in denial apparently)
Anxiety (yeah)
Sleep difficulties (used to... not so much anymore, aside from a lack of it)
Verbosity (whilst I could simply answer in the affirmative, I choose, due to my verbosity and extend vocabulary, to write a passage on the subject instead.)
Difficulty expressing anger (excessive or "bottled up") (yep)
Flat or monotone vocal expression; limited range of inflection (yes, certianly, had to have vocal training)
Difficulty with initiating or maintaining eye contact (used to, worked on it for a long time, think I am better at this now)
Elevated voice volume during periods of stress and frustration (yeah, thought that was normal)
Strong food preferences and aversions (maybe, but I neither love nor hate marmite... weird)
Unusual and rigidly adhered to eating behaviors (yep)
Bad or unusual personal hygiene (what is unusual personal hygiene? I hope mine is ok...?)
Morbid (shared, dual, multiple) Diagnostic Conditions
Learning Disability (no)
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) (no)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (OCD, no. OCPD, yes certainly. OCPD is obsessive compulsive personality disorder, it is different))
Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) (no)
Hyperlexia (no)
Depression (so I've been told)
Anxiety (yes)
Non-verbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) (no)
Hypertension (no)
Semantic Pragmatic Language Disorder (no)
Tourette&#8217;s Syndrome (well... I've been accused of having this... but no)
Dysthymia (no)
Cognitive Characteristics
Susceptibility to distraction (so I've been... ooh look a fluffy cloud!)
Difficulty in expressing emotions (yeah, I don't - this is just being British though, surely?)
Resistance to or failure to respond to talk therapy
Mental shutdown response to conflicting demands and multi-tasking (yes, yes, yes a hundred times yes)
Generalized confusion during periods of stress (maybe)
Low understanding of the reciprocal rules of conversation: interrupting, dominating, minimum participation, difficult in shifting topics, problem with initiating or terminating conversation, subject perseveration (I find conversation difficult)
Insensitivity to the non-verbal cues of others (stance, posture, facial expressions) (don't read them)
Perseveration best characterized by the term "bulldog tenacity" (dunno...)
Literal interpretation of instructions (failure to read between the lines) (I take everything literally)
Interpreting words and phrases literally (problem with colloquialisms, cliches, neologism, turns of phrase, common humorous expressions) (I take almost everything literally)
Preference for visually oriented instruction and training (don't know)
Dependence on step-by-step learning procedures (disorientation occurs when a step is assumed, deleted, or otherwise overlooked in instruction) (yes, I need each step to be clearly presented)
Difficulty in generalizing (probably not)
Preference for repetitive, often simple routines (indeed)
Difficulty in understanding rules for games of social entertainment (very much)
Missing or misconstruing others&#8217; agendas, priorities, preferences (why can't they just tell me straight???)
Impulsiveness (at times, maybe... but not generally)
Compelling need to finish one task completely before starting another (I don't think so)
Rigid adherence to rules and routines (that is what they are there for)
Difficulty in interpreting meaning to others&#8217; activities; difficulty in drawing relationships between an activity or event and ideas (yeah)
Exquisite attention to detail, principally visual, or details which can be visualized ("Thinking in Pictures") or cognitive details (often those learned by rote) (not sure)
Concrete thinking (like cement)
Distractibility due to focus on external or internal sensations, thoughts, and/or sensory input (appearing to be in a world of one&#8217;s own or day-dreaming) (that is me)
Difficulty in assessing relative importance of details (an aspect o the trees/forest problem) (very much)
Poor judgment of when a task is finished (often attributable to perfectionism or an apparent unwillingness to follow differential standards for quality) (possibly)
Difficulty in imagining others&#8217; thoughts in a similar or identical event or circumstance that are different from one&#8217;s own ("Theory of Mind" issues) (I understand that people have different opinions, but I am convinced that they are just confused and would understand if I explain it to them)
Difficulty with organizing and sequencing (planning and execution; successful performance of tasks in a logical, functional order) (I am getting better at this)
Difficulty in assessing cause and effect relationships (behaviors and consequences)
An apparent lack of "common sense" (I have been accused of this...)
Relaxation techniques and developing recreational "release" interest may require formal instruction (if there are no instructions, how do you know what to do...?)
Rage, tantrum, shutdown, self-isolating reactions appearing "out of nowhere" (shutdown at times, self-isolating frequently, only rage at pc)
Substantial hidden self-anger, anger towards others, and resentment (yep)
Difficulty in estimating time to complete tasks (lol, I thought this post would take me 5 minutes...)
Difficulty in learning self-monitoring techniques (yeah, but hopefully getting better)
Disinclination to produce expected results in an orthodox manner (I don't think this applies)
Psychometric testing shows great deviance between verbal and performance results (unsure)
Extreme reaction to changes in routine, surroundings, people (no really, I generally adapt very quickly)
Stilted, pedantic conversational style ("The Professor") (that should be my custom title...)
Work Characteristics
Many of the manifestations found in the categories above can immediately translate into work behaviors or preferences. Here are some additional ones:
Difficulty with "teamwork" (yeah)
Deliberate withholding of peak performance due to belief that one&#8217;s best efforts may remain unrecognized, unrewarded, or appropriated by others (not sure)
Intense pride in expertise or performance, often perceived by others as "flouting behavior" (maybe at times)
Sarcasm, negativism, criticism (well, I don't externalise it...)
Difficulty in accepting compliments, often responding with quizzical or self-deprecatory language (me to a T)
Tendency to "lose it" during sensory overload, multitask demands, or when contradictory and confusing priorities have been set (yep)
Difficult in starting project (at times)
Discomfort with competition, out of scale reactions to losing (I am not competitive)
Low motivation to perform tasks of no immediate personal interest (I even have low motivation to perform tasks with high immediate personal interest
Oversight or forgetting of tasks without formal reminders such as lists or schedules (argh, I forgot about dinner... and it is 6pm)
Great concern about order and appearance of personal work area ()
Slow performance (maybe)
Perfectionism (not really)
Difficult with unstructured time (yeah)
Reluctance to ask for help or seek comfort (101% me!)
Excessive questions (only of myself)
Low sensitivity to risks in the environment to self and/or others (maybe)
Difficulty with writing and reports (no real problems here)
Reliance on internal speech process to "talk" oneself through a task or procedure (I am surprised, I thought this was normal...)
Stress, frustration and anger reaction to interruptions (at times)
Difficulty in negotiating either in conflict situations or as a self-advocate (I hate conflict and I advocate AGAINST myself...)
Very low level of assertiveness (yes, totally)
Reluctance to accept positions of authority or supervision (yep)
Strong desire to coach or mentor newcomers (I went into teaching)
Difficulty in handling relationships with authority figures (does deferring to their majestic )
Often viewed as vulnerable or less able to resist harassment and badgering by others (everyone told me that at my last job)
Punctual and conscientious (yes)
Avoids socializing, "hanging out," or small talk on and off the job (yep)

 

[rebel_conservative]

So... looking at all of that, according to that list, I would have Aspergers. I have most of the characteristics, even the ones that seem contradictory. I have problems with anxiety, social isolation, interacting with other human beings... However, I don't have Aspergers. My cousin has it, so I have seen Asperger's first hand. He has a genuine medical condition, I just have a big gaping hole where my social skills are supposed to be. I suspect that you do too (no offence...)
The list for diagnosis is very general and could apply to many people, like me, this does not mean that you or I have Aspergers. There is a ridiculous trend at the moment, well for the past 30 years, to medicalise every single aspect of human behaviour. If you deviate from the medical establishment's definitions of normal, then you are given a particular label and then shoved into the grasp of the pharmaceutical companies who has re-packaged speed as a miracle cure. Sorry, I won't go into a rant...
I had very little social interaction as a child. I grew up wrapped in cotton wool, almost literally... if we could have afforded it I am sure my mum would have loved that... I simply did not go out of our house, except to go to school or the shops with my mum. I didn&#8217;t play in the street like the other kids. I had a couple of friends, but the relationships were always strained and pretty artificial anyway, I never had anything in common with anyone in my school really.
So please, don't be discouraged!
I remember talking with you last year, you are lovely, fun, kind, intelligent and had a healthy interest in star trek ("live long and prosper").

 

[rebel_conservative]

sorry... didn't think that was going to take me so long to write... or that I would write a mini-novel...

you don't have to read it all... I just wanted you to know that you are not alone

 

[meebs]

thankyou - yes im accepting of the possibilty i dont have it.

i have some sort of diffulty i cant cope with though, i do know that. its preventing me with college and work lives, im seen as slow and stupid sadly.

so we'll see

 

[meebs]

Physical Manifestations
Strong sensory sensitivities: touch and tactile sensations, sounds, lighting and colors, odors, taste (yes to light, yes to some sounds and yes to touch and smells)
Clumsiness (yes - haha)
Balance difficulties (yes some but im getting better)
Difficulty in judging distances, height, depth (very minor)
Difficulty in recognizing others&#8217; faces (can recognise faces but not so much with expressions)
Stims (self-stimulatory behavior serving to reduce anxiety, stress, or to express pleasure) (i contantly poke people, and run my hands along walls etc, err if it means that)
Self-injurious or disfiguring behaviors (yeah sadly, several things)
Nail-biting (used to)
Unusual gait, stance, posture (poor posture, im not so sure)
Gross or fine motor coordination problems (writing)
Low apparent sexual interest (haha i have high though i dont show it)
Depression (i have depressive symptoms but i can be happy)
Anxiety (yeah)
Sleep difficulties (very very bad - all my life)
Verbosity (i talk a lot about things people are not interested in )
Difficulty expressing anger (excessive or "bottled up") (yes, excessive too easy -though thats calmed a bit)
Flat or monotone vocal expression; limited range of inflection (no, or i dont know family says a little, i have had speech therapy due to deafness)
Difficulty with initiating or maintaining eye contact (yeah, i do now though i try - my inabiltity with eye contact has stopped me getting jobs)
Elevated voice volume during periods of stress and frustration (yeah in fact even when im not stressed)
Strong food preferences and aversions (no to most)
Unusual and rigidly adhered to eating behaviors (yes but mild)
Bad or unusual personal hygiene (my hygeine is good)

Morbid (shared, dual, multiple) Diagnostic Conditions
Learning Disability (if you mean difficulty, yes - dyslexia and possibly dyspraxia)
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) (highly likely)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (i show minor symptoms but i dont class em as important)
Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) (major possibility)
Hyperlexia (no)
Depression (not sure)
Anxiety (yes)
Non-verbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) (dunno what this means)
Hypertension (no)
Semantic Pragmatic Language Disorder (dont know what it means)
Tourette&#8217;s Syndrome(no)
Dysthymia (no)

Cognitive Characteristics
Susceptibility to distraction (this defines me)
Difficulty in expressing emotions (naw, except some facial expressions i may appear down when im not, and i dont show it when im really really down)
Resistance to or failure to respond to talk therapy (huh?)
Mental shutdown response to conflicting demands and multi-tasking (yep)
Generalized confusion during periods of stress (very much so)
Low understanding of the reciprocal rules of conversation: interrupting, dominating, minimum participation, difficult in shifting topics, problem with initiating or terminating conversation, subject perseveration (a most definate yes here)
Insensitivity to the non-verbal cues of others (stance, posture, facial expressions) (no to the first two and yes to some degree of the latter, but i dont look at the face all the time - i can tell when people cry - tears - but i cant tell if people are mad at me, laughing with me or laughing at me or just smiling for internal reasons)
Perseveration best characterized by the term "bulldog tenacity" (what do you mean?)
Literal interpretation of instructions (failure to read between the lines) (i have been told)
Interpreting words and phrases literally (problem with colloquialisms, cliches, neologism, turns of phrase, common humorous expressions) (i have been accused of it)
Preference for visually oriented instruction and training (yes)
Dependence on step-by-step learning procedures (disorientation occurs when a step is assumed, deleted, or otherwise overlooked in instruction)( yes)
Difficulty in generalizing (yes)
Preference for repetitive, often simple routines (sometimes but tbh not a lot)
Difficulty in understanding rules for games of social entertainment (yes)
Missing or misconstruing others&#8217; agendas, priorities, preferences (why can't they just tell me straight??? - same answer as rebel))
Impulsiveness (haha yes)
Compelling need to finish one task completely before starting another (no wai)
Rigid adherence to rules and routines (not so much)
Difficulty in interpreting meaning to others&#8217; activities; difficulty in drawing relationships between an activity or event and ideas (dont know)
Exquisite attention to detail, principally visual, or details which can be visualized ("Thinking in Pictures") or cognitive details (often those learned by rote) (on some things yes, on others no)
Concrete thinking (huh?)
Distractibility due to focus on external or internal sensations, thoughts, and/or sensory input (appearing to be in a world of one&#8217;s own or day-dreaming) (100% like me)
Difficulty in assessing relative importance of details (an aspect o the trees/forest problem) (huh?)
Poor judgment of when a task is finished (often attributable to perfectionism or an apparent unwillingness to follow differential standards for quality) (im lost here)
Difficulty in imagining others&#8217; thoughts in a similar or identical event or circumstance that are different from one&#8217;s own ("Theory of Mind" issues) (i dont think so)
Difficulty with organizing and sequencing (planning and execution; successful performance of tasks in a logical, functional order) (certainly yes)
Difficulty in assessing cause and effect relationships (you mean scientifically or generally? nah i know cause and effect but learned this late - as a kid to teen it was another story)
An apparent lack of "common sense" (I have been accused of this...)
Relaxation techniques and developing recreational "release" interest may require formal instruction (yes to some)
Rage, tantrum, shutdown, self-isolating reactions appearing "out of nowhere" (very much so)
Substantial hidden self-anger, anger towards others, and resentment (self anger mostly - to others initially)
Difficulty in estimating time to complete tasks (yeah)
Difficulty in learning self-monitoring techniques (hmm?)
Disinclination to produce expected results in an orthodox manner (im lost)
Psychometric testing shows great deviance between verbal and performance results (i had this IQ test that did that, my verbal was way higher)
Extreme reaction to changes in routine, surroundings, people (depends - when i am stuck on a task i obsess on, like watch star trek or doctor who or a game or the net i freak - i dont like anything done or being invited somewhere on the spot i like to know in advance, however im ok with change in surroundings as long as i know in advance but i dont freak too bad with that)
Stilted, pedantic conversational style ("The Professor") (kind of but not the professer, i can be pedantic, as a kid however i couldnt speak well due to a hearing problem)

Work Characteristics
Many of the manifestations found in the categories above can immediately translate into work behaviors or preferences. Here are some additional ones:
Difficulty with "teamwork" (yes i find it hard)
Deliberate withholding of peak performance due to belief that one&#8217;s best efforts may remain unrecognized, unrewarded, or appropriated by others (has been known in the past)
Intense pride in expertise or performance, often perceived by others as "flouting behavior" (not really)
Sarcasm, negativism, criticism (yes)
Difficulty in accepting compliments, often responding with quizzical or self-deprecatory language (very much so)
Tendency to "lose it" during sensory overload, multitask demands, or when contradictory and confusing priorities have been set (100% me)
Difficult in starting project (100% me)
Discomfort with competition, out of scale reactions to losing (yes)
Low motivation to perform tasks of no immediate personal interest (I even have low motivation to perform tasks with high immediate personal interest - same here rebel
)
Oversight or forgetting of tasks without formal reminders such as lists or schedules (i need lists to do housework and coursework)
Great concern about order and appearance of personal work area (can be, but i lost that its a long, unusual story)
Slow performance (yeah)
Perfectionism (my mother thinks so)
Difficult with unstructured time (haha yes, but thats why i dont get things done)
Reluctance to ask for help or seek comfort (yes to the first, but i can get comfortable easily, im lazy!)
Excessive questions (haha yes, if im not to shy to ask them)
Low sensitivity to risks in the environment to self and/or others (as a kid this was very bad, but it improved - it can still be the case, im over cautious now)
Difficulty with writing and reports (yes)
Reliance on internal speech process to "talk" oneself through a task or procedure (im not sure)
Stress, frustration and anger reaction to interruptions (yes ive been known to)
Difficulty in negotiating either in conflict situations or as a self-advocate (i used to fight as a kid to resolve situations like this - i hate conflict now)
Very low level of assertiveness (i dont know that word)
Reluctance to accept positions of authority or supervision (yes)
Strong desire to coach or mentor newcomers (no im too shy)
Difficulty in handling relationships with authority figures (yes i seem to argue, especially if i dont like them much, but i have freinds who i try to behave with)
Often viewed as vulnerable or less able to resist harassment and badgering by others (yes sadly this is the case)
Punctual and conscientious (punctual yes, i have been describes as concientious before i lost that ability)
Avoids socializing, "hanging out," or small talk on and off the job (to a degree though i want to - i like to hang out at a familiar place)

 

[meebs]

justto make sure by the way

its not a self diagnosis im making, im just not so sure.

its why i want to see my doctors or a professional - because id rather not diagnose myself. I go to the docs because my family are concerned and that i also have paranoia issues and the potential that i might commit suicide (sounds awful even to me and i experience this).

my family want some of load of them, someone else i can go talk to.

i actually do not want to go to the doctors.

 

[meebs]

i agree with your reasoning

and had an atmosphere I felt I could deal with (I have trouble dealing with secretaries and formal office environments and paperwork and such [partly due to an anxiety disorder I have as well combined with Asperger's] and she answered her own phone and had a homelike setup where there were no middle people or crowded waiting rooms or excessive paperwork).

haha yes, i also have a similar problem.

 

[Q]

Can I ask how did you grow up..I mean,did you go out,had loads of friends,watched TV,playedgames...just paint me a pcture,no need to say too much,I am just wondering about something..

You see,all those symptomes,90 % could describe me some days especialy,but I never felt it as a disease,but rather being human

I think this is why te doctors dismis it so often,as they would have to admit,they fit 90 % of it too...
and cos they are 'normal' they just think youre bored and wasting their time..

one more q:
what do you really want and feel cant have in life?


(i dislike westerm medicine-but I admit,some may be good,and people work hard...just so no one gets ofended)

 

[meebs]

Can I ask how did you grow up..I mean,did you go out,had loads of friends,watched TV,playedgames...just paint me a pcture,no need to say too much,I am just wondering about something..

I went out to play no problem, i enjoyed playing. A lot of my games were solitary the more i got older - about 6 or 7 was the age things began to change. Before then i had freinds, both genders. My games were very active, i was ummm hyper

Freinds - it's an awkward one, after 7 ish freinds became a lot less but i'd make a few good ones, All my life i'd also fight if i thought i was being bullied or threatended (i used to be in a dance class and put on stage, after one incident i punched a lady for making a comment - i was 4 ). Erm yes, and punched kids if i thought they were threatening me. 8 or 9 i became even more on my own - that is when i was made fun of the way i spoke. I moved to a new school and things got a lot worse i played with other kids but i was still hyper and aggresive - the problems got more notciable then -i'd go round biting other kids, constantly bullied and fighting - they would make fun of the way i speak and ran, and i was a constant disruption in class. I used to steal, break things on purpose, run away and erm tried to set a building alight .

(yes i remember a lot from my childhood)

People tried to make freinds with me and i tried to make freinds with them. I went to brownies and guides and youth clubs and tried my best but you know...

School from 11 to 15 was bad. I fought a lot and still thought i was being threatened by other students. I was a disruption, i was suspended for fighting. I was told i would fail etc etc etc (my attention is going and you get the picture). Some kids parents asked to keep their kids away from me from 11 ish - so they could leave school with good grades (the irony being i left school with better grades than them and that was not what i could have reached potentially). Oh yeah tried to join clubs like the computer club but never stuck to it despite my best intentions. I was seen as stupid.

Haha TV yes, i knew how to set up a TV and VCR from the age of 2. I watched TV from an earlier age - but my mum limited our TV time sensibly. She however, could not stop me getting up in the middle of the night and stop me from watching a video (i was a deaf kid so the volume must have been loud). My TV watching became greated not much later on. I loved cartoons and i was a sci fi addict, especially those old ones that were on in the early hours (time tunnel, twilight zone and im sure star trek - though i was sat down to watch em in the day). I was hooked on one cartoon most and hooked on the soft toy range that came with it . I still played outside often.

Ive had a very complext childhood - it changed a bit at 16 but i made one or two freinds at collegebut still couldnt do my work, i was perveived as very socially awkward and innatentive. Oh yes, all my life ive been seen as to staring into space (away with the fairies). I get laughed at it now but not in a cruel way - i admit it amusing. Ive always felt like i was walking around in a mental fog too.

You see,all those symptomes,90 % could describe me some days especialy,but I never felt it as a disease,but rather being human

I dont feel like a disease either. Im told now that i come across as normal and thats good, but i know im having a block somewhere. I did ask a freind of mine who is older (was my youth group worker at church then i met him at karate later) he said i was quiet, a bit disruptive but looked like i really wanted to join in but didnt know how (or something to that effect).

I think this is why te doctors dismis it so often,as they would have to admit,they fit 90 % of it too...
and cos they are 'normal' they just think youre bored and wasting their time..

I am bored often, yeah they do.

one more q:
what do you really want and feel cant have in life?

Im not quite sure. I do know i have a love of physics and astronomy. I sooo wish i could get myself a degree in it or a masters. Workwise i'd like to work with computers though - or maybe go a different direction. Im one of those who beleive technology can help the world right now (building clean engines for example to counter "global warming" , or building a better energy system or something). However to get a physics degree will take a longer time - barring if i get enough money. After this year the LEA will no longer fund me and i have to get my maths right. I'd love to be able to communicate my thoughts and ideas better and i find it tiring to try. Like now - this is difficult. Yeah nice house and someone to spend my life with (kids or not). A good job maybe i can work by myself from home or find a place where they can be patient with me - i appear slow at first and vague.

(i dislike westerm medicine-but I admit,some may be good,and people work hard...just so no one gets ofended)

You are kind of right. I do agree with overdiagnosis occurs, but at the same time it helps people recognise that some people appear slow and stupid and weird are smarter and are just not given a chance.I have emotional problems too - like ive said before Karate has calmed me down though.

 

[meebs]

I apologise that was a rather detailed picture but its the truth

 

[meebs]

Ok... So you think I’m pretty normal right…? Hmmm… don’t answer that…

Awwww!

Oh hey i missed this bit :

Social Characteristics
Difficulty in accepting criticism or correction (HAHAHA!!!! - yes)
Difficulty in offering correction or criticism without appearing harsh, pedantic or insensitive (yes though i try to counter that with "dont be offended or get upset, but"
Difficulty in perceiving and applying unwritten social rules or protocols (Yes, yes yes yes).
"Immature" manners (not sure what this means... but if it means laughing at the word 'poo' than this is a yes too. rebel giggles at the word 'poo' - *joins rebel and adds the word "drippy" *)
Failure to distinguish between private and public personal care habits: i.e., brushing, public attention to skin problems, nose picking, teeth picking, ear canal cleaning, clothing arrangement (Yes though lately i have recognised this and tried to stop it)
Naïve trust in others (sadly yes and i have been hurt by this - at the same time im constantly paranoid its just after i get to know them i trust them and its turned out to be wrong)
Shyness ( )
Low or no conversational participation in group meetings or conferences (Low to medium actually - i can converse but only if i can find people on the same wavelength. Going up to people and asking them if they like star trek or doom does not work...)
Constant anxiety about performance and acceptance, despite recognition and commendation (haha yes but doesnt this apply to all?)
Scrupulous honesty, often expressed in an apparently disarming or inappropriate manner or setting (har har yes very much)
Bluntness in emotional expression (dunno what you mean)
"Flat affect" (none)
Discomfort manipulating or "playing games" with others (i dont manipulate others - games i can play games, or do you mean word games? i hate word games - what type of games SPECIFY!)
Unmodulated reaction in being manipulated, patronized, or "handled" by others (English please? I don't like it... if that is what it is trying to say? same here i dont get it - i have been manipulated ummm eh?)
Low to medium level of paranoia (it is not paranoia when they ARE out to get you - ha ha very funny rebel - actually paranioa is one of those things im going to the docs about - its quite bad but not schitzo bad)
Low to no apparent sense of humor; bizarre sense of humor (often stemming from a "private" internal thread of humor being inserted in public conversation without preparation or warming others up to the reason for the "punchline") (my sense of humor is generic i can laugh at or about a lot of things, however there are times when no-one gets me )
Difficulty with reciprocal displays of pleasantries and greetings (haha yes very much so)
Problems expressing empathy or comfort to/with others: sadness, condolence, congratulations, etc. (i can recognise when someone is sad or happy - i'll console verbally most people or try to intellectualise their situation to help them - find a practical solution - close freinds i can hug and do the same, i am empathic just dont know how to show it)
Pouting,, ruminating, fixating on bad experiences with people or events for an inordinate length of time (yes but i forgive easy - i always turn it inwardly and focus on what i did wrong - its like a lifelong grudge, the only one i hold)
Difficulty with adopting a social mask to obscure real feelings, moods, reactions (social mask? masks scare me )
Using social masks inappropriately (you are "xv" while everyone else is ????) (not sure what this means...)
Abrupt and strong expression of likes and dislikes (certainly but who doesnt?)
Rigid adherence to rules and social conventions where flexibility is desirable (im not sure.... wha?)
Apparent absence of relaxation, recreational, or "time out" activities (my life at the moment is one big time out - no i 100% do not have this problem)
"Serious" all the time (rebel frowns indignantly - no im not serious but i can appear so even when im not, no i am a playful being)
Known for single-mindedness (like the borg? im scatterbrained - i wish i was single minded so i can actually do ...stuff)
Flash temper (a thosand million gazillion times yes - it has calmed down)
Tantrums (embrarressed to say at my age yes, im working on it)
Excessive talk (ROFFLE!!! yes, about things im interested in - i once got my mum off the computer (while my own was broken - by talking about the Borg non stop, in other words in some ways i have learned to manipulate this to my advantage - i am known to waffle on for long periods of time and am quite adept at some forms of technobabble, my own brand of course - i find it amusing though that i know someone worse than me, he doesnt know im this bad though it is usually with family members who at first tell me to go away, sometimes though i think they might start throwing things at me, drone drone, blah blah blah *breathes*)
Difficulty in forming friendships and intimate relationships; difficulty in distinguishing between acquaintance and friendship (100% me squared)
Social isolation and intense concern for privacy (a mixture - meaning i dont mind people in the same house who i can annoy now and then (and vice versa) but i need personal and private space a lot - also loud music bugs me from elswhere i go nuts)
Limited clothing preference; discomfort with formal attire or uniforms (i hate uniforms unless they are comfortable and look cool - like army uniforms not the nasty starchy kind but combats - yes i hate clothes clinging to me - i go for baggy trousers/shorts and skate shoes, skinny tees but they need a little room - long sleeves are usually a no no lest i feel like my arms are being strangled - however my sister bought a tshirt long sleeved that feels good on my arms - i hate poloshirts are anything round my neck and i cant stand skirts and dresses - i could go on... to cut it short, yes)
Preference for bland or bare environments in living arrangements (i hate having a lot of stuff it drives me nuts, yes i prefer and want to be minimalist - my own style not in fashion sense)
Difficulty judging others’ personal space (I like a lot of my own personal space - i used to be bad and get into others but i calmed down - after realising it wasnt fair when i didnt have my own)
Limited by intensely pursued interests (TV when i was younger, internet now)
Often perceived as "being in their own world" (yes this is me to a T - sometimes im asked to come back down to earth but not in the midst of fighting the Romulans... ok i jest there but this is a 1000% me).