Well, I originally intended to focus on one's ideas toward dating and sexuality, but I think it's been fanning out.
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A Dying Breed?
- Thread starter TriptychR
- Start date
Well, I originally intended to focus on one's ideas toward dating and sexuality, but I think it's been fanning out.
Oh okay... well then its no and yes.
If I get out more, I'm sure I can find someone with the same interests, as far as spiritually...very few people I connect with.
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T
tryingtobeagain
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I completely do!!! I actually wrote this a long time ago when I first tried to enter back into the dating world. I am a writer so I hope it's ok to post...
So I'm back into the world of dating at a reasonable age (I know I'm old but people think of me as young) and I'm nervous as heck and learning so much about myself. I've discovered that I'm a new kind of 'ol skool , and this, in essence has been my problem with dating. Since I have already been grown and settled, I find it hard to date someone who wants to stay up all night every night and sleep late all day with no ambition. My girls are somewhat of a mixed crowd, some of them in university and some of them well established professionals but we all roll to the same place, just socialize differently. I find myself naturally falling in with the reserved people but desperatly wanting to be a wild one. I'm watching these young girls parading around in almost nothing, doing some dance they got off BET (that I will never understand or be able to do) and I sort of shrink to the back of the club in a desperate attempt to drown my insecurities with tequila. I'm usually a Corona kind of chick but in times of desperation one does what one needs to do. So after a few shots, a few drinks, and a few lectures from my girls about how I need to loosen up, I proceed straight on the path to fun. I have a good time dancing and flirting, but I have a hard time distinguishing serious connections and flirtatious dancing. I mean, just cause a man dances with you dosen't mean he likes you, or does it? Either way I can't tell who is seriously attracted to me and who just wants to dance. Some are looking for hook ups for the night, and although I'm having a few drinks it doesn't take away my Christian values that make me sick with the thoughts of casual sex. I mean, why would I want casual sex when there's nothing casual about me at all? I envision myself as a strong black woman, who has a weakness for intelectual conversation, and sexy lips, but the weakness does not continue below the waist. So I do meet people, I do have a good time, I do embarrass myself wtih the way my brain is unable to separate things that should be thought from things that should be said and I accept my current stance in life. The next day I wake up feeling confident about my night because at least 2 people have called to see if I made it home safely (of course I'm not saying that they are male, but they cared enough to call). And I wake up to a new kind of reminder about my new breed of 'ol skool dating. "Good Morning Joi, welcome to text-dating". I'm pretty uneasy with this, because first of all I don't have so much patience to keep poking at the tiny buttons on my cell phone, but I figure it's good because at least this way I'll take my time and avoid saying something stupid, right? Wrong! Y'all should know me by now. So I'm stumbling over the messages after I send them and wondering why my wireless provider hasn't thought of a retrieve button to get back the message I just sent. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer to make my mistakes on the phone where I can explain what I meant by that stupid comment without getting a finger cramp. It's also really hard to feel someone's tone through a text message and I'm not sure if the people I text with will get my sarcastic sense of humor, and I want to avoid becoming so dependant on text messages in an effort to avoid saying L-O-L in conversation. There's also another issue that reminds me of my new kind of 'ol skool position. It seems that girls these days have come right out and are fighting for men's attention in any way that they can. The women are so aggressive they are pushing each other out of the way to sit in a man's face. I'm not that kind of girl. I still like a man who can be a man. I want him to approach me. I want him to call first, and I want him to ask me to go out on a date. I don't know what happened to chivilery but lets bring that back instead of sexy. What ever happened to some eye contact and a smile? I don't get this at all and the less I get it the more I fear the dating world because I realize my breed are slowly dying. I mean, we're old enough to remember when rap wasn't all about the video-strippers and who has more bling, but I'm young enough to still want to dance. I'm old enough to remember the monumental bars (derby and of course JJ's) but young enough that I still get word of the parties going on. I'm caught between 'ol skool and new school, so I created my own box of "new kind of 'ol skool" and I'm just gonna leave me on my shelf.
PS. If you text me and I don't reply, take it as:
a) My fingers are cramping
b) I never did know what that beep on my phone meant and might have just tried to charge it to make the beeping stop
c) I misunderstood your tone and think you're mad at me...lol
d) I'm not responding because I think I deserve a phone call
e) I'm too 'ol skool
So I'm back into the world of dating at a reasonable age (I know I'm old but people think of me as young) and I'm nervous as heck and learning so much about myself. I've discovered that I'm a new kind of 'ol skool , and this, in essence has been my problem with dating. Since I have already been grown and settled, I find it hard to date someone who wants to stay up all night every night and sleep late all day with no ambition. My girls are somewhat of a mixed crowd, some of them in university and some of them well established professionals but we all roll to the same place, just socialize differently. I find myself naturally falling in with the reserved people but desperatly wanting to be a wild one. I'm watching these young girls parading around in almost nothing, doing some dance they got off BET (that I will never understand or be able to do) and I sort of shrink to the back of the club in a desperate attempt to drown my insecurities with tequila. I'm usually a Corona kind of chick but in times of desperation one does what one needs to do. So after a few shots, a few drinks, and a few lectures from my girls about how I need to loosen up, I proceed straight on the path to fun. I have a good time dancing and flirting, but I have a hard time distinguishing serious connections and flirtatious dancing. I mean, just cause a man dances with you dosen't mean he likes you, or does it? Either way I can't tell who is seriously attracted to me and who just wants to dance. Some are looking for hook ups for the night, and although I'm having a few drinks it doesn't take away my Christian values that make me sick with the thoughts of casual sex. I mean, why would I want casual sex when there's nothing casual about me at all? I envision myself as a strong black woman, who has a weakness for intelectual conversation, and sexy lips, but the weakness does not continue below the waist. So I do meet people, I do have a good time, I do embarrass myself wtih the way my brain is unable to separate things that should be thought from things that should be said and I accept my current stance in life. The next day I wake up feeling confident about my night because at least 2 people have called to see if I made it home safely (of course I'm not saying that they are male, but they cared enough to call). And I wake up to a new kind of reminder about my new breed of 'ol skool dating. "Good Morning Joi, welcome to text-dating". I'm pretty uneasy with this, because first of all I don't have so much patience to keep poking at the tiny buttons on my cell phone, but I figure it's good because at least this way I'll take my time and avoid saying something stupid, right? Wrong! Y'all should know me by now. So I'm stumbling over the messages after I send them and wondering why my wireless provider hasn't thought of a retrieve button to get back the message I just sent. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer to make my mistakes on the phone where I can explain what I meant by that stupid comment without getting a finger cramp. It's also really hard to feel someone's tone through a text message and I'm not sure if the people I text with will get my sarcastic sense of humor, and I want to avoid becoming so dependant on text messages in an effort to avoid saying L-O-L in conversation. There's also another issue that reminds me of my new kind of 'ol skool position. It seems that girls these days have come right out and are fighting for men's attention in any way that they can. The women are so aggressive they are pushing each other out of the way to sit in a man's face. I'm not that kind of girl. I still like a man who can be a man. I want him to approach me. I want him to call first, and I want him to ask me to go out on a date. I don't know what happened to chivilery but lets bring that back instead of sexy. What ever happened to some eye contact and a smile? I don't get this at all and the less I get it the more I fear the dating world because I realize my breed are slowly dying. I mean, we're old enough to remember when rap wasn't all about the video-strippers and who has more bling, but I'm young enough to still want to dance. I'm old enough to remember the monumental bars (derby and of course JJ's) but young enough that I still get word of the parties going on. I'm caught between 'ol skool and new school, so I created my own box of "new kind of 'ol skool" and I'm just gonna leave me on my shelf.
PS. If you text me and I don't reply, take it as:
a) My fingers are cramping
b) I never did know what that beep on my phone meant and might have just tried to charge it to make the beeping stop
c) I misunderstood your tone and think you're mad at me...lol
d) I'm not responding because I think I deserve a phone call
e) I'm too 'ol skool
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sampa
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OHHHHH yes, in too many ways. Actually it's not until I came here that I started feeling normal and was like, wow other 30somethings never married. Or others that haven't dated much and are just starting out.
TriptychR, I have but haven't met many that have finished it. I haven't, there are some good points, but I'm not sure I agree with everything.(Cue replies of "Have you read this book called 'Wild at Heart'?")
Flashlight, There's one I know, army and lives out of a bag. He's Christain and didn't change his mind about marriage till this year. He's 34 years old. There aren't many I've met though.
Interesting use of the word alfrodull. Someone called me this last year and I was like "what???????", I think of Andy warhol when I hear this word. I've come to understand it more though. The guy that said it considered himself eccentric.
tryingtobeagain, thanks for sharing. Very interesting. I actually started a blog along the same lines, cuz I didn't OFFICially start dating again till last December. I mean I feel I'm at a healthier point in my attractions and cleaned up a lot of junk spiritually over 5 months last year. fAsting, drawing closer to the LOrd kind of thing. I started a blog myself called "kissed once in 15 years, my way to sort dating things out. I'm kind of at a loss if I wasted 14 years or if it was a good thing.
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no. you use whatever term you want. just because i think it is egotistical for someone to consider themselves a dying breed...it doesn't bother me. i'm sorry if i accidently gave that impression off.
but i do find it egotistical. there is nothing special about how anyone live's their lives that puts them into a dying breed of some part of society. now sure there isn't an exact another person of you, or me, or whatever but there are plenty of people out there like everyone else.
the population of human beings is too big. the way we live our lives is too similiar. people of all backgrounds and religions, live similar. things mentioned in the thread so far have been around so a long time, or if you search for it, you'll find there are plenty of others like us.
so to pick oneself out as part of a dying breed, just seems egotistical to me. why should i or anyone for that matter, think that i'm so special that i need to think of myself as a dying breed? seems like a problem with the ego and some self-insecurity problems.
but with that, i apologize for a late response to your question and i won't hijack your thread anymore.
God Bless you bro.!
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