Marriage, Divorce, & Remarriage

[ShermanN]

1 Cor.7.27-28a If you are divorced and you marry, you do not sin!

Well, I’ve saved the best for last. Let’s look at vs. 27 & 28.

“Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.”

As noted in the previous post, “loosed from a wife is best translated as “divorced.” Also, one must be aware that punctuation, verse and chapter divisions were added to the text and not part of the text. Thus Paul writes 7.27-28a, “If you are married, do not seek to divorce. If you are divorced, do not seek to marry; but if you do marry you do not sin.”

Previously in this chapter, vs. 8, Paul uses the word “unmarried” (agamos) as a broad term to indicate those who are single, divorced, or separated but not divorced. But he does not use the word (agamos) in vs.27-28; rather, he uses the phrase “loosed from a wife” to indicate one who is divorced. He immediately follows with the specific word for “virgin” (parthenos) and says that if a virgin marries, she has not sinned either. So the best modern translation, assuming that men and women have the same legal right to divorce, is:

1 Cor. 7.27-28a, “If you are married, do not seek to divorce. If you are divorced, do not seek to marry; but if you do marry you do not sin.”

So if a divorce' (one legally loosed from a wife) remarries he does not sin. And notice that Paul does not attempt to put any limitations on that. The reason for the previous divorce is not an issue.

 

[ShermanN]

For those new to the thread, the following are the topical posts that I've shared. I very much would appreciate others sharing what they believe and why, or why they disagree with what I've shared. What I've shared and much more (for those interested ) is in my book, "God Is A Divorce' Too! A Message of Hope, Healing, and Forgiveness."

Blessings,
Sherman


Previous Topical Posts on MDR thread:


1, Thread Introduction
2, Personal Introduction
7, Traditional Doctrine of MDR defined
26, MDR is under Civil Authority, not the Church’s
35, Marriage Defined
38, Fornication, sex outside of marriage
40, Mt.19.1-3 Any Matter Divorce
49, Mt.19.1-3 Any Matter Divorce B
50, Divorce – a type of lingering death
51, The Pharisees
58, The Pharisees, a little more
59, Marriage, Indissoluble or Breakable
106, Mt.19.1-3 Review Key Points
114, Mt.19.4-6 Jesus’ desire for us – heaven on earth
148, Mt.4-6 One Flesh
153, One Flesh, brokenness to wholeness
159, True Love vs. Romantic Love
172, “two” – Jesus Affirmed Monogamy
176, Authorial Context, Jesus and Moses, Jesus’ Attitude towards the Mosaic Law
178, Authorial Context – Jesus and Civil Authority
195, Sexual intimacy, does it create an unbreakable bond?
207, Mt.19.7 Why did Moses legislate the bill of divorce?
217, Mt.19.9 Multiple variations in early Greek texts
218, Mt.19.8-9 Meanings of apoluo, de, and porniah
220, Mt.19.8-9 Interpreted
221, Post Review
229, The Bottom Line, Principles of MDR that I believe are Biblical
236, Jesus Radically Challenges the Jewish Embedded theology that All should Procreate.
237, Mt.19.4-6 The Vision
239, Mt.5.31-32 The Sermon on the Mount
240, The House
244, Lk.16.18 Divorce in the Context of the Parental Love of God
257, Mk10.1-12 Jesus calls for a radical purity of heart
258, 1 Cor.7.1 Is it best to not be sexually intimate?
259, 1 Cor.7.11-12 Paul quotes Jesus on divorce.
260, 1 Cor.7.15 Meaning of “under bondage”
261, 1 Cor.7.27-28a If you are divorced and you marry, you do NOT sin!

 

[Spiritsong]

1 Cor.7.27-28a If you are divorced and you marry, you do not sin!

Well, I’ve saved the best for last. Let’s look at vs. 27 & 28.

“Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.”

As noted in the previous post, “loosed from a wife is best translated as “divorced.” Also, one must be aware that punctuation, verse and chapter divisions were added to the text and not part of the text. Thus Paul writes 7.27-28a, “If you are married, do not seek to divorce. If you are divorced, do not seek to marry; but if you do marry you do not sin.”

Previously in this chapter, vs. 8, Paul uses the word “unmarried” (agamos) as a broad term to indicate those who are single, divorced, or separated but not divorced. But he does not use the word (agamos) in vs.27-28; rather, he uses the phrase “loosed from a wife” to indicate one who is divorced. He immediately follows with the specific word for “virgin” (parthenos) and says that if a virgin marries, she has not sinned either. So the best modern translation, assuming that men and women have the same legal right to divorce, is:

1 Cor. 7.27-28a, “If you are married, do not seek to divorce. If you are divorced, do not seek to marry; but if you do marry you do not sin.”

So if a divorce' (one legally loosed from a wife) remarries he does not sin. And notice that Paul does not attempt to put any limitations on that. The reason for the previous divorce is not an issue.

I'm not seeing how this conclusion can be reached, in light of Paul's teaching that only death seperates a couple (1 Co. 7:39).

 

[ShermanN]

I'm not seeing how this conclusion can be reached, in light of Paul's teaching that only death seperates a couple (1 Co. 7:39).

Spiritsong, thank you so very much for your gracious reply.

The verse in question is 1 Cor.7.27-28a, "If you are married (bound to a wife), do not seek a divorce (to be loosed). If you are divorced (loosed from a wife), seek not to marry; but if you do marry you have not sinned."

I understand the difficulty which vs. 27-28a posses to many Christians because it challenges their embedded subconscious theology, their "assumption" that marriage is unbreakable (indissoluble) except by death the death of a spouse.

As you mentioned, vs. 39 says that "A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." But it does not say that divorce does not also break the marriage bond.

If I note that people die from natural causes (old age), it does not mean that people do not also die from unnatural causes (murder). In fact, when Paul gives the directive to not divorce, it means that divorce is possible, not impossible! In the same way the Law commands to not murder, why? Because murder is possible, not impossible.

Jesus said, "what God has joined together, man should not tear apart." Why? Because it is possible to tear apart what even God has bound together.

Part of the reason that the church has not been effective in making a significant difference in the Western divorce rate is because it has built its doctrine around the errant belief (fantacy) that marriage is indissoluble, rather than embracing the truth that marriage is breakable through man's effort (divorce).

Which does one treat with more care, an unbreakable cast-iron pot or a fragile priceless China-vase? The fragile vase of course! In the same way the church needs to recognize that marriage is breakable and can end in divorce if it is not treated properly.

We need to affirm both the value (pricelessness) and the fragility (dissolubility) of marriage. This is a bibilical foundation for marriage (along with the understanding that MDR is under limited civil authority and not under ecclesial authority).

In the context of vs. 15-16, where Paul affirms that Christians whose non-Christians spouses have left (divorced) them and thus they are no longer under bondage (lawfully bound), to affirm specifically that divorce'es may marry again is only reasonable.

I realize that much of what I've shared challenges one's embedded (gut-level subconcious) theology.

For healthy marriages, we must be both committed to make marriages last and recognize that we run the risk of our marriages not lasting and ending in divorce. It's good to have our head in the clouds (vision), but we must also have our feet on the ground (reality) otherwise we're just dreamers living in fantacy!

And please don't think I'm saying this about you personally for I understand how difficult it is to reason through and possibly change one's embedded theology.

I believe we all, myself especially, have errant embedded theology; but it's at a subconscious level which is rarely challenged deliberatively.

Blessings,
Sherman

P.S. Thanks again for your gracious and thoughtful reply.

 

[Rudolph Hucker]

How is Henry VIII's divorce seen here?

 

[ShermanN]

How is Henry VIII's divorce seen here?

Which one?

 

[Rudolph Hucker]

Which one?

The first one.

After that, he came up with an alimony avoiding plan.

 

[porterross]

The first one.

After that, he came up with an alimony avoiding plan.

Uh, yeah. I would think those wives he murdered might be a more serious matter.

 

[ShermanN]

Henry VIII's marriage/annulment (divorce by another name) with Catherine of Aragon, his brother's ex/annulled wife.

This relationship highlights a couple of the errors in the traditional doctrine of MDR. But before we note those, Jesus said that if a man divorces his wife so that he can marry another, he commits adultery; so Henry 8th committed adultery against CA by divorcing her to marry another woman. We could go on and on about how much wrong he did in his life, but I’d prefer not to take time to get into that. Rather, let’s look at a couple of the errors in the traditional doctrine that complicated the problems King Henry had:

Error 1 – MDR is under ecclesial authority. The Biblical truth and practical reality is that MDR is primarily a personal/domestic issue but with limited civil oversight. Lack of authority = lack of power. When King Henry decided to get rid of his wife, the church had no power to stop him and enforce their edict that marriage was indissoluble. Rather than correcting the errant doctrine and reclaiming the authority to divorce as domestic/civil authority, he split the church causing more problems. In Israel God inspired Moses to establish both religious and civil authority structures. MDR issues were handled by civil authority, not religious. If the Church had focused on empowering people to have happy marriages, instead of on controlling people, we would have all been better off.

Error 2 - Marriage is indissoluble. The Biblical truth and practical reality is that marriage is breakable (dissoluble) by man’s effort through divorce. Marriages break apart for a wide variety of reasons. Trying to control that through some arbitrary list of “acceptable” reasons is like chasing after the wind – useless. When it comes down to it, marriages end in divorce because of the disease of the hardness of heart. In fact, by teaching that divorce is not possible, it has kept couples from walking in healthy accountability to each other, having godly boundaries. We can “claim” unconditional love, but in reality there are expectations in married life; and when those expectations are consistently not met or broken, one can expect for the marriage to be broken. Thus teaching that marriage is indissoluble has actually weakened Christian marriages.

I often hear people say “Divorce is not an option.” What they mean by this is that a person should enter marriage fully intending to do all he/she can to make the marriage work. Good goal, but wrong wording. The truth is that divorce is a possibility and an option. If one continues to not meet the expected needs of one’s spouse, divorce is a possibility. And for the abused/neglected spouse, divorce is an option; though is should be considered a last option. The church and its doctrine should be both spiritual (visionary) and practical (earth-bound).

Another thing to consider is that one of the primary reasons for marriage is procreation. In 1st century Jewish culture, this was understood. In fact, if a couple was married more than 10 years and childless, there was even significant social and religious pressure for them to divorce and marry others so that they could have children.

To have children was a blessing. To be childless was considered a curse! If a couple was childless, it was considered a possibility that the union was not blessed by God and thus should be broken. Related to this is King Henry’s desire to have children, especially sons, to carry on the family line. Some people have a greater desire to have children than others do. This desire is also influenced by changing social norms. I find it fascinating that the older and more prosperous a nation, the lower the birth rate. But that’s for another thread.

Blessings,
Sherman

 

[cookiebaker]

what about spousal abuse as far as reason for seperating/ divorce? I understand already that adultery is a valid reason to God for divorce....and why that is. However iI have always wondered why there wasnt anything also stated about abuse? one involves a betrayal of the marriage bed, but doesnt abuse constitute a betrayal (not to mention other things)??
any thoughts on this?
I cant see how Christ would want little children living inenvironment where there mom is threatened or harmed..not to mention it puts THEM at harm... I cant figure out why there isnt anything stated about 'for adultery and abuse' could adultery be taken to mean any actual betrayal which would include abuse?

 

[ShermanN]

what about spousal abuse as far as reason for seperating/ divorce? I understand already that adultery is a valid reason to God for divorce....and why that is. However iI have always wondered why there wasnt anything also stated about abuse? one involves a betrayal of the marriage bed, but doesnt abuse constitute a betrayal (not to mention other things)??
any thoughts on this?
I cant see how Christ would want little children living inenvironment where there mom is threatened or harmed..not to mention it puts THEM at harm... I cant figure out why there isnt anything stated about 'for adultery and abuse' could adultery be taken to mean any actual betrayal which would include abuse?

Actually the bible does not specify "acceptable" reasons for divorce. The "except for porneia" clause in the Matthew passages, were in the context of Jesus explaining why Moses legislated the bill of divorce. A bill of divorce is not needed to break immoral relationships (porneia). If a couple is just living together, no bill of divorce is needed to break the relationship because the relationship has not been legally bound.

As explained in detail in previous posts, the purpose of the bill of divorce was to stop the oppression of women and legally free abandoned/expelled wives to marry other men and not fear their first husband reclaiming them years later after having abandoned/expelled them before.

So the purpose of the bill of divorce was to stop the abuse of women!! Sadly, the traditional doctrine of MDR has actually empowered abusers rather than holding them accountable.

Blessings,
Sherman

 

[ShermanN]

So does anyone have any comments or questions or other related scriptures or concepts that you would like to discuss?

Blessings,
Sherman

 

[Sojourner<><]

So does anyone have any comments or questions or other related scriptures or concepts that you would like to discuss?

Yes. Do you know of any scriptures that support this statement:

If one continues to not meet the expected needs of one’s spouse, divorce is a possibility. And for the abused/neglected spouse, divorce is an option; though is should be considered a last option.

 

[4Christ2]

Sherman,

Respectfully, I want you to know that I do not support in ANYway what you teach. I believe you are in direct conflict with the Lord Jesus and what He taught us about MDR. I also believe you are in direct conflict with the will of our God for marriage.

We DO NOT as believers have an excuse to divorce one another. Not even our frailties are an excuse. We have the Spirit of God. We have the blood of Jesus. We have the Word of God. We are the head, not the tail. I cannot allow anyone, including you, to lessen the majesty, power, and authority of God in a believer's life...in a believer's marriage.

You state that you spend a great deal of your time "ministering" in the black christian community. I can't help but wonder how your "doctrine" and beliefs affect MY community. I am a black woman. Are the statistics for divorce in my community a reflection of teachings like yours?

God is the authority of marriage and when He is the authority IN marriage...there is no failure. When we fail, yes, He is faithful and just and forgives us for our sin...but making His grace an allowance to divorce is willfully sinning. Hebrews tells us what awaits those who turn away from the commandments of the Lord and sin anyway.

I can't speak for all my black people. But when it comes to the family as the foundation of society and marriage being a reflection of Christ's relationship to His Bride... this is ONE black woman that shuns your brand of help and your book!

National Divorce Statistics
-In 1940, there were 264,000 divorces in the U.S.
-In 1992, there were 1,215,000 divorces in the U.S.
-Over 50% of first marriages end in divorce
-60% of second marriages end in divorce
-67% of all recent marriages will end in divorce
-84% of African-American marriages end in divorce
-40-45% of American children will spend part of their childhood living in a single parent home
-60% of children born in the 1990’s will live in a single parent family before age 16
-15% of the children will see their custodial parent divorce, remarry, and re-divorce before they reach age 18
-1,000,000+ children are effected by divorce each year
-In any year in the 1980’s, 12,000,000 children lived with a divorced parent
-80% of these children were not given an explanation on why their parents divorced
-50% of divorced people are back in court less than one year after the divorce is final. The number one issue is children.
-Less than 25% of all homes are composed of the biological unit of mother, father, and their offspring.
-80% of the time only one spouse wants the divorce
-66% of the time the woman wants the divorce.
-75% of all divorced people eventually remarry.
-65% of remarriages involve children from a prior marriage.
-80% of children of divorce are not given an explanation at to why their parents divorced.
-65% of children living with a stepparent live with a stepfather.
-75% of children of divorce end up going through a divorce themselves.
-When counselors and therapists who work with with teens asked "What do you see as the major stresses/problems facing today's teenagers?" 72% of the respondents listed "Problems arising from parental divorce/remarriage."
-A longevity study revealed that individuals from a divorced home live four years less than individuals from an intact home.
-If a woman is left, it generally takes her five years to get over the anger.
-If a man is left, it generally takes him ten years to get over the anger.
-Tragically, over 50% of children will grow up in families where parents stay angry.
-England’s divorce rate is around 40%
-Australia’s divorce rate is around 33%
-Much lower in Italy and many eastern European countries

 

[dayhiker]

Hi 4Christ2,
I've learned a lot of Sherman about marriage, divorce and remarriage in the time Jesus lived by reading Sherman's book. This has helped me personally to understand the Bible better.
Since you disagree, I was wondering if you have information that showed this wasn't the context that these scriptures were written in?

thanks
dayhiker

 

[brimac]

Sherman,

Respectfully, I want you to know that I do not support in ANYway what you teach. I believe you are in direct conflict with the Lord Jesus and what He taught us about MDR. I also believe you are in direct conflict with the will of our God for marriage.

We DO NOT as believers have an excuse to divorce one another. Not even our frailties are an excuse. We have the Spirit of God. We have the blood of Jesus. We have the Word of God. We are the head, not the tail. I cannot allow anyone, including you, to lessen the majesty, power, and authority of God in a believer's life...in a believer's marriage.

You state that you spend a great deal of your time "ministering" in the black christian community. I can't help but wonder how your "doctrine" and beliefs affect MY community. I am a black woman. Are the statistics for divorce in my community a reflection of teachings like yours?

God is the authority of marriage and when He is the authority IN marriage...there is no failure. When we fail, yes, He is faithful and just and forgives us for our sin...but making His grace an allowance to divorce is willfully sinning. Hebrews tells us what awaits those who turn away from the commandments of the Lord and sin anyway.

I can't speak for all my black people. But when it comes to the family as the foundation of society and marriage being a reflection of Christ's relationship to His Bride... this is ONE black woman that shuns your brand of help and your book!

National Divorce Statistics
-In 1940, there were 264,000 divorces in the U.S.
-In 1992, there were 1,215,000 divorces in the U.S.
-Over 50% of first marriages end in divorce
-60% of second marriages end in divorce
-67% of all recent marriages will end in divorce
-84% of African-American marriages end in divorce
-40-45% of American children will spend part of their childhood living in a single parent home
-60% of children born in the 1990’s will live in a single parent family before age 16
-15% of the children will see their custodial parent divorce, remarry, and re-divorce before they reach age 18
-1,000,000+ children are effected by divorce each year
-In any year in the 1980’s, 12,000,000 children lived with a divorced parent
-80% of these children were not given an explanation on why their parents divorced
-50% of divorced people are back in court less than one year after the divorce is final. The number one issue is children.
-Less than 25% of all homes are composed of the biological unit of mother, father, and their offspring.
-80% of the time only one spouse wants the divorce
-66% of the time the woman wants the divorce.
-75% of all divorced people eventually remarry.
-65% of remarriages involve children from a prior marriage.
-80% of children of divorce are not given an explanation at to why their parents divorced.
-65% of children living with a stepparent live with a stepfather.
-75% of children of divorce end up going through a divorce themselves.
-When counselors and therapists who work with with teens asked "What do you see as the major stresses/problems facing today's teenagers?" 72% of the respondents listed "Problems arising from parental divorce/remarriage."
-A longevity study revealed that individuals from a divorced home live four years less than individuals from an intact home.
-If a woman is left, it generally takes her five years to get over the anger.
-If a man is left, it generally takes him ten years to get over the anger.
-Tragically, over 50% of children will grow up in families where parents stay angry.
-England’s divorce rate is around 40%
-Australia’s divorce rate is around 33%
-Much lower in Italy and many eastern European countries

Statistics are no match for the word of God!

 

[ShermanN]

Yes. Do you know of any scriptures that support this statement:
"If one continues to not meet the expected needs of one’s spouse, divorce is a possibility. And for the abused/neglected spouse, divorce is an option; though is should be considered a last option. "

Of course, concerning divorce being a "possibility"; Jesus said "What God has joined together, man should not tear apart." Thus it implies that it's possible for man to break apart even what God has joined together (though we shouldn't). My point is that marriage is breakable and we should recognize that and do all we can in our power to protect our marriages. One of the ways to protect our marriages is to recognize the needs and expectations of our spouses. If we consistently do not meet these needs and reasonable expectations, we open the door, give room for Satan to work in our marriages and destroy them. Of course, 1 Cor.7 speaks specifically concerning a couple's need for sexual intimacy, but we have other needs to.

Concerning divorce being an option, again 1 Cor. 7 speaks specifically about neglect and abandonment, and specifically about the case of an unbelieving spouse abandoning the marriage, the Christian is not "under bondage."

Beyond that, the 1st century Jew would have also understood marriage in much more practical terms than we do. They actually had a marriage contract (the ketubah) including a pre-nuptial agreement (the dowry). Based on the Mosaic law of taking a slave as one's wife, which basically said that if a man had taken one of his slave's as a wife, and he took another wife, he could not diminish the slave wife's food, clothing, housing, or conjugal rights. If he did so, he was to set her free from being his wife and being his slave. Based on that, all rabbis assumed that the basic needs of support, provision, and initimacy were to be met. If the husband refused to meet these needs and expectations, they would actually presure him to divorce his wife, and they used an increase of the dowry to accomplish it. If the wife refused, they would threaten her with a decrease in the dowry (divorce settlement).

Sadly, because of the errant teaching in the church, we've become so "spiritual" on this issue that we've lost touch with "reality" and the "practical". Reality, divorce is a possibility and an option. False religious doctrine says that divorce is not a possibility or an option.

Please don't misunderstand me, I believe that by recognizing that marriage is breakable and divorce is possible and an option, we can and should position ourselves to guard and strengthen our marriages. By living in the illusion that marriage is "indissoluble", we often fail to heed the warning signs or take practical precautions to protect our marriages. We need to have a vision and goal of making our marriages last, but that is grounded in the reality that if we don't do the work of building the relationship, we run the risk of it breaking apart.

Does that answer your question or do you have other concerns?

 

[MezzaMorta]

ShermanNobles, did you get divorced and remarried? Or your wife? Or someone else close to you?

I am just trying to understand why you are going hand over foot to try and reword/twist the bible to support an institution that God rejects in the clearest of words.


[FONT=&quot]“the Lord God of Israel says that HE HATES DIVORCE” (Malachi 2:16)[/FONT]

 

[brimac]

ShermanNobles, did you get divorced and remarried? Or your wife? Or someone else close to you?

I am just trying to understand why you are going hand over foot to try and reword/twist the bible to support an institution that God rejects in the clearest of words.


[FONT=&quot]“the Lord God of Israel says that HE HATES DIVORCE” (Malachi 2:16)[/FONT]

He hasnt twisted anything! What passage do you believe condemns remarriage?

 

[brimac]

Malachi 2:26 says that he hates divorce, not remarriage!