Hi everybody, my name is Morgan. I'm a 24 year old (going to be 25 on Sunday) American guy. I am trying to reach out but I would like to share a little back story if you don't mind.
I was raised in a totally non-religious household. My mother is a lapsed Catholic and my father is an ardent atheist. I received no religious instruction whatsoever growing up from my family. Yet I believed in God, despite having many doubts, although I was by no means a Christian.
Around the time I was 18, two things happened. I started reading the "Left Behind" series and a Christian friend of mine from childhood named Ryan began ministering to me, for lack of a better word. It was more like we had discussions about theology, a subject which has always fascinated me. During this time, the seeds were planted in me.
When I got to college, I was invited by a girl I met to attend a Bible study. I fell in with a group of Christian college students living in Boston and was thoroughly converted to Christianity. I had high ambitions for myself as a Christian, including one day being a full time minister and devoting my life fully to God. Then my old friend Ryan, who suspected something was not quite right about this group, revealed to me that they are listed as a cult by cult watchdog groups. I read some material he sent me and decided that, yes, this was indeed a dangerous cult and I had to leave it. Fortunately, I was able to do so without much difficulty because my life was not so enmeshed in the church that I could not leave (unlike some of my poor friends who I had to leave behind.)
For the past 5 years, I have been in sort of a limbo of spirituality. I still believe in God, but I continue to have heavy doubts. I still consider myself a Christian, but my doubts there are even heavier. I feel like I'm sometimes waiting for something to push me in one direction or another (and I hope it's not the direction of doubt.)
So I am trying to reach out for help.
I am very wary of churches because I can't help but see churches as human, not divine, organizations. My faith is in God and in Christ, not in a group built by people who have agendas. I believe in a personal relationship with God and Christ, not a public one.
Yet sometimes I feel very alone. I've lost touch with my friend Ryan and I often feel as if I have no one to talk to, to answer my questions about matters of theology, or to help bolster my faith. I don't have any Christian friends and I'm afraid of joining a local church for many reasons (including those mentioned in the above paragraph.)
So maybe this post has been long and rambling, but I don't know what I'm really looking for. I guess I am hoping that those of you out in the cyberworld can help me find my way again. I want to be a Christian and I want to have faith, but it feels like a constant struggle sometimes.
Please help in any way you can.
-Morgan
I was raised in a totally non-religious household. My mother is a lapsed Catholic and my father is an ardent atheist. I received no religious instruction whatsoever growing up from my family. Yet I believed in God, despite having many doubts, although I was by no means a Christian.
Around the time I was 18, two things happened. I started reading the "Left Behind" series and a Christian friend of mine from childhood named Ryan began ministering to me, for lack of a better word. It was more like we had discussions about theology, a subject which has always fascinated me. During this time, the seeds were planted in me.
When I got to college, I was invited by a girl I met to attend a Bible study. I fell in with a group of Christian college students living in Boston and was thoroughly converted to Christianity. I had high ambitions for myself as a Christian, including one day being a full time minister and devoting my life fully to God. Then my old friend Ryan, who suspected something was not quite right about this group, revealed to me that they are listed as a cult by cult watchdog groups. I read some material he sent me and decided that, yes, this was indeed a dangerous cult and I had to leave it. Fortunately, I was able to do so without much difficulty because my life was not so enmeshed in the church that I could not leave (unlike some of my poor friends who I had to leave behind.)
For the past 5 years, I have been in sort of a limbo of spirituality. I still believe in God, but I continue to have heavy doubts. I still consider myself a Christian, but my doubts there are even heavier. I feel like I'm sometimes waiting for something to push me in one direction or another (and I hope it's not the direction of doubt.)
So I am trying to reach out for help.
I am very wary of churches because I can't help but see churches as human, not divine, organizations. My faith is in God and in Christ, not in a group built by people who have agendas. I believe in a personal relationship with God and Christ, not a public one.
Yet sometimes I feel very alone. I've lost touch with my friend Ryan and I often feel as if I have no one to talk to, to answer my questions about matters of theology, or to help bolster my faith. I don't have any Christian friends and I'm afraid of joining a local church for many reasons (including those mentioned in the above paragraph.)
So maybe this post has been long and rambling, but I don't know what I'm really looking for. I guess I am hoping that those of you out in the cyberworld can help me find my way again. I want to be a Christian and I want to have faith, but it feels like a constant struggle sometimes.
Please help in any way you can.
-Morgan