sexually assaulted by co-worker

[California Dreamin']

I was sexually assaulted by a co-worker on Saturday, October 7 in the parking lot after work. I thought there would be cameras, I sure hoped there would be but there's not.

No one was around or seen anything, so my workplace couldn't do anything. I contacted the police on my own and they informed me yesterday, there's nothing they can do either, because he says he didn't do anything.

 

[Ruth~]

I think it would be a good idea to contact a rape crisis center in your area. They can help you know your rights for one thing. There is something you can do, I'm pretty sure. Most men say they didn't do it and get prosecuted anyway. Did you go to the hospital after?

 

[California Dreamin']

No I was not raped.

 

[BelindaP]

Even if you weren't raped, contacting a rape crisis hot line can be very helpful. They have a lot of contacts for counseling and the like.

Also, any kind of sexual assault can be prosecuted, even if it is a he-said/she-said sort of thing. Chances are that if he did it to you, he has done it to others. If you can get other women to come forward, you will have a strong case.

Legal matters aside, though. How are you doing? Have you been able to go for counseling? Just because he didn't rape you, it doesn't mean that you aren't hurting emotionally. It was a violation all the same.

 

[California Dreamin']

We don't have that here.
And he is a repeat offender. He told my boyfriend about beating and raping women in the past.

 

[BelindaP]

I don't have a good grasp of Canadian law, but I would think it was based on British common law. If that is the case, then you should be able to pursue a case against him. Depending upon the hearsay rules, your boyfriend might even be able to testify against him. He needs to be locked up before he can hurt anyone else.

In the mean time, try to stay safe and don't get caught alone with him. I will be praying for your protection and for comfort to be sent to you. Do try to get some counseling. It will really help.

 

[rocklife]

We don't have that here.
And he is a repeat offender. He told my boyfriend about beating and raping women in the past.

and your work is okay with this guy working for them?

I hope you and your boyfriend stay away from him as much as possible.

Do you have superiors you can talk to about this person? Isn't sexual harassment against their policy?

 

[California Dreamin']

Apparently a team manager heard him make a sexual comment to me the night that this happened, I didn't know that but I was told that last night. The Site Manager and Human Resources Manager said they are taking that seriously. Whatever that means.

I wanted to apply for a Coaching position and they won't let me... and it's because of this incident. I'm the one being punished here.

 

[rocklife]

Apparently a team manager heard him make a sexual comment to me the night that this happened, I didn't know that but I was told that last night. The Site Manager and Human Resources Manager said they are taking that seriously. Whatever that means.

I wanted to apply for a Coaching position and they won't let me... and it's because of this incident. I'm the one being punished here.

As one who has been sexually assaulted also, I know telling other people is extremely hard. maybe management just doesn't know how to deal with this, and maybe they would expect a victim to report right away, even though in real life, things don't work like that usually...

well, just keep being upfront and open about what happened and hopefully they will see who should be punished

 

[California Dreamin']

What? I did report it the night it happened.

 

[rocklife]

What? I did report it the night it happened.

oh, that's good, I didn't see you mention that

 

[rocklife]

Apparently a team manager heard him make a sexual comment to me the night that this happened, I didn't know that but I was told that last night. The Site Manager and Human Resources Manager said they are taking that seriously. Whatever that means.

I wanted to apply for a Coaching position and they won't let me... and it's because of this incident. I'm the one being punished here.

what kind of coaching is it?

just thinking, maybe management thinks this kind of behavior will happen again and are trying to solve this?

 

[California Dreamin']

Coaching new people, different part of the building.
I meet all of the requirements they list for the position. My boyfriend has also wanted a Coaching position, but he can't apply because of his attendance, it's poor. So neither one of us can have an opportunity to advance.

Also, they are not helping me. It happened in the parking lot so their suggestion was for me to have a designated parking spot, there are 3 designated spots beside the door for disabled people. Guess what. He's disabled. How would me parking beside him help this?

 

[rocklife]

Coaching new people, different part of the building.
I meet all of the requirements they list for the position. My boyfriend has also wanted a Coaching position, but he can't apply because of his attendance, it's poor. So neither one of us can have an opportunity to advance.

Also, they are not helping me. It happened in the parking lot so their suggestion was for me to have a designated parking spot, there are 3 designated spots beside the door for disabled people. Guess what. He's disabled. How would me parking beside him help this?

well, maybe it isn't just that situation that is not getting you promotion, I know here where I live, jobs are very competitive, even for just a little bit above the minimum wage. One of my jobs didn't want to lose me, but the 30 minute commute for little pay wasn't worth it, and they wouldn't give me the tiny raise I needed for gas to keep me, and promote me as assistant like they should have since I was already doing the work extra (and they were hiring for that position). I had to quit. my brother got demoted at his piddly job for someone who had a college degree in that field (he's working on getting his own degree)

well, about the parking situation, maybe they didn't exactly understand what was happening or connect the dots that the guy is in that spot?

I know here is USA, lot of people are on a National registered sex offender list, and people will share that information if they know the guy's on it. I would just continue to stay away and warn anybody you think needs to know, especially if he is bragging like you say he did to your boyfriend. maybe your boyfriend should try to tell someone at work about his talks too?

 

[California Dreamin']

Work won't let me talk about it to anyone there.

And it is this situation that is making me not eligible for the position. I am ranked 17 out of 91 people in the hi-speed internet department. My boyfriend has worked there over a year and he is 40 on the list. I meet all of the needed requirements.

And it is obvious he parks in one of those spots, everyone knows that. He's the only disabled person at work. So my Team Manager told them that won't be happening. My Team Manager and everyone else at work that I talked to, supported me going for the Coaching position. The Site Manager and Human Resources Manager said I can't apply for it because of my "emotional status".

 

[rocklife]

Work won't let me talk about it to anyone there.

And it is this situation that is making me not eligible for the position. I am ranked 17 out of 91 people in the hi-speed internet department. My boyfriend has worked there over a year and he is 40 on the list. I meet all of the needed requirements.

And it is obvious he parks in one of those spots, everyone knows that. He's the only disabled person at work. So my Team Manager told them that won't be happening. My Team Manager and everyone else at work that I talked to, supported me going for the Coaching position. The Site Manager and Human Resources Manager said I can't apply for it because of my "emotional status".

I never heard of that before, sounds like hearts of stone there

well, just keep praying and doing your best, Jesus says pray for those who mistreat us, hope things work out well in the end, hard things build character (Romans 5:3)

sorry I haven't been much help, I hope talking things out is helping you at least

 

[California Dreamin']

Oh you have definitely helped because I don't really have any close friends in real life.

 

[BelindaP]

It sounds to me like they don't believe your account of what happened. There is often a bias in people's thinking that disabled people couldn't or wouldn't do such things. The predators who are disabled will use that misconception to their advantage.

Their conclusion would then be that you got "emotional" and exaggerated what really happened. They wouldn't want somebody who is too "emotional" doing a coaching job.

I'm not sure what to say to you. It is possible that the whole thing will blow over in a year or so if you start behaving as if nothing happened. It is also possible that he may assault somebody else, and you'll be vindicated--if she comes forward. In the United States, they would not be able to get away with it, but I don't think those protections exist in too many places outside the U.S.

My only advice to you is to decide how bad you really want the job. If you can leave it at all, you could press charges against this guy and possibly bring him to justice. Or, at least, you would be away from him altogether. If you really must stay, leave it in God's hands and try to be as safe as possible and avoid him. Is it possible for you to go into the parking lot with a different coworker when it is time to leave?

God had a plan for you, and it may or may not include getting the promotion. There just might be another opportunity in your future. In the meantime, stay safe and take care. We'll be praying for you.

 

[California Dreamin']

Sometimes a manager walks me to my car.