ABUSIVE husband...

[myredeemerJESUSlives]

After praying for many many many years to my Lord Jesus Christ, I wonder what God's will is for my life, and marriage.Verbal, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, and sexual abuse throughout my marriage still not changing and i think he is unfaithful again, as he was at the begining of the marriage so many years ago. This loveless marriage has left me secretly falling in love with other Christian men who's only desire is to please the Lord, even just listening to male Christian artists leaves me falling in love with their spritual leadership and desire to please the Lord...I feel guilt but i cant stop it. I know the Lord doesnt want me to live like this but what to do?I submit myself to the Lord's will over my life, I cannot live like this anylonger.Help

 

[vjaine]

I agree that God doesn't want you to live in an abusive relationship. I would strongly recommend separation from anyone who is abusing you, and that you find counseling to get you through this. This website may also be helpful, www.drirene.com.
It's not your fault that you are being abused, but you are still able to take action!

 

[Mskedi]

I agree with the poster above me -- your first step has to be getting away. From there you can start deciding what to do next -- whether you want to divorce or try to reconcile through counseling or just remain separated is entirely up to you, but your safety comes before any of these decisions. There are groups out there whose sole purpose is to help women in situations like yours. I hope you're googling for ones in your area. Good luck.

 

[Tavita]

I agree with the above posters too. I was in an abusive marriage for nearly twenty years and decided that enough was enough about six years ago. It was the best thing I ever did. And what kept me there originally was the fear that I was going against church teachings and letting the Lord down. But do you know what I found? The Lord blessed my move away from that so-called marriage, when in reality it wasn't a marriage at all. He blessed me incredibly in ALL ways. It took a few years to be built up again as a person, because as you know it takes a lot out of you. And the Lord has been with me all the way, healing and restoring, and even setting me free from so many fears. If you are being destroyed as a person in a marriage like this, then He does not want you there, even if only temporarily. I hope and pray that He will make a way for you..

 

[Heartsncrosses]

i agree with what everyones saying, you deserve so much then what you have at the moment i would suggest that you seperate from your partner.It will be hard but the lord will be with you all the way even if sometimes it doesnt feel like it.God bless

 

[heron]

I agree. I know it's a massive leap, but you've prepared for it in your heart for so long.

When you talk about the faith of other men, it reminds me of times when I've watched people fall for another person just to use them as a stepping stone, a rescuer to pull them out. Sometimes we need other people to help us. But you are your own person, valid and capable of doing this.

It doesn't have to be a man that helps you out-- ask some friends, or look into family services and mediators and battered women's groups. There are people out there who are happy to help you through the steps.

Make lists for yourself, so the idea doesn't seem so daunting. Don't stop when you hit what seems an insurmountable obstacle, like finances. Keep planning it.

Remember that there are things he has done that aren't just an irritation-- he has broken the marriage contract, and possibly some laws. You have no reason to feel guilty for wanting to leave.

 

[myredeemerJESUSlives]

may all you who have taken the time to help be abundantly blessed amen. I worry about the children...ages 6-12...they say to me "please dont make daddy go";...finances are not the problem though he currently has all control...he controls of every single aspect of my life.

 

[Sketcher]

God hates abuse, but He also hates divorce. Go for counselling before you decide to sign the papers. Yes, he has problems and isn't treating you right. However, God has made clear in His Word what His will is regarding marraige and divorce. Just because we need to obey it doesn't mean that we can't take steps to solve the problem here.

 

[ChrisCountryGirl]

I'll be praying for you. No woman deserves to be abused. I would recommend to go through counseling if possible before getting a divorce.

 

[myredeemerJESUSlives]

i have been to christian councelling many many many times so has he over the years but still no love and abuse. he is diagnosed as a Narcissist(no empathy at all)he became a christian 15 years ago but no "fruits" of the Holy Spirit.he controls everything, i cannot even have some of my family over to my home. i am tired. He wont even leave i must get a lawyer if i decide to make him go. We have somes profitable businesses together PTL, but he will likely TRY to take it all and "punish" me as usual etc. i give this situation to Jesus...Thankyou for any prayers or further advice. Be abundantly blessed for sharing my burden.amen

 

[Theogonia]

God hates abuse, but He also hates divorce. Go for counselling before you decide to sign the papers. Yes, he has problems and isn't treating you right. However, God has made clear in His Word what His will is regarding marraige and divorce. Just because we need to obey it doesn't mean that we can't take steps to solve the problem here.

This man has already broken the marriage. There is no bond between them anymore except legal documents.

As far as I'm concerned, they're already divorced, just not legally.

And God hates divorce is a stupid arguement.

God may not like it, but if done for legitamate reasons, I think God's not going to be to fussed about it.

My mom is in a similar situation, not physical but verbal, and she's leaving and moving on with her life. A couple months ago she was actually thinking about suicide she was so depressed. Now she realized the depression was from him, so she's made the decision to leave.

 

[Sketcher]

This man has already broken the marriage. There is no bond between them anymore except legal documents.

As far as I'm concerned, they're already divorced, just not legally.

He hasn't broken the marraige unless he has had an affair with another woman. (Matthew 19:9) I'd say God's opinion has more wieght than yours in this situation, and we've got that in writing.

And God hates divorce is a stupid arguement.

"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,' says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith." - Malachi 2:13-16

Stupid? This passage tells me that divorce and remarraige is stupid because God will act against you as the witness for your former spouse. I'm not going to wish that on a brother or a sister. God has made them one, and they are HIS.

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." - Matthew 19:6

 

[Theogonia]

He hasn't broken the marraige unless he has had an affair with another woman. (Matthew 19:9) I'd say God's opinion has more wieght than yours in this situation, and we've got that in writing.



"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,' says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith." - Malachi 2:13-16

Stupid? This passage tells me that divorce and remarraige is stupid because God will act against you as the witness for your former spouse. I'm not going to wish that on a brother or a sister. God has made them one, and they are HIS.

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." - Matthew 19:6

Maybe God doesn't like it. But under certain circumstances I feel it's acceptable.

Like this one.

She doesn't need counseling, she needs freedom and a new life.

 

[Tavita]

(Jer 3:8 NASB) "And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also."

How do we reconcile the fact that God divorced the house of Israel with His saying that He hates divorce? There is more to adultery than sex, it's a heart attitude. I would think that God hates the treachery involved in a marriage where the terms of the covenant have been broken long before the divorce becomes 'legal'. The 'tearing unsunder', can happen in a marriage even though there is no writ of divorce.

 

[Theogonia]

(Jer 3:8 NASB) "And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also."

How do we reconcile the fact that God divorced the house of Israel with His saying that He hates divorce? There is more to adultery than sex, it's a heart attitude. I would think that God hates the treachery involved in a marriage where the terms of the covenant have been broken long before the divorce becomes 'legal'. The 'tearing unsunder', can happen in a marriage even though there is no writ of divorce.

Very excellent point!

 

[myredeemerJESUSlives]

BLESSINGS BE TO THE HOUSEHOLDS OF THOSE WHO ARE SHARING MY BURDEN AMEN! PTLi know iknow i wish more than anything i could just make it work here, but in case it was missed.... at the begining of the marriage he was unfaithful with aprox 20 women...and since then many times i have indications that it is repeated...he has also threated adultry on many occasions so that concern is mute.ameni worry though about the children, of course it isnt the best enviroment either way...but perhaps if the Lord is willing to provide a good spiritual leader to my home then it will be much better amen !i have told him that if we separate i will wait 6 months to date in case he wants to try to get his act together...but i have wasted so many years already and ultimatly its not God's will for me to be abused. amen!BLESS YOU ALL ABUNDANTLY AMEN!this is helping me sort it out in my mind thankyou soo refreshing amen!~

 

[Tavita]

Then you have very good grounds for leaving your husband. If he had committed adultery and was repentant then it would be a different story. Many people can get over that sort of betrayal by their spouses if the spouse is willing to turn around. Just keep focussed on helping the kids to deal with this situation. Talk to them a lot, but don't put their father down, and make sure you keep the channel open to them to see him regularly. It's very important that you keep strong, and become a new and happy woman. This will help them more than anything in this situation.

Blessings to you in your new life....

 

[Deborah6763]

You have received good advice and support here. Try to work with yoru church leaders here if possible.

Having been through a somehwat similar situation fairly recently, I know that my church was suportive of me and worked with me initially to try to hold him accountable. when that failed, I was released according to God's word. that helped my mental state enormously.

God bless you! He loves you and wants only good things for you and for your children

 

[Sketcher]

(Jer 3:8 NASB) "And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also."

How do we reconcile the fact that God divorced the house of Israel with His saying that He hates divorce? There is more to adultery than sex, it's a heart attitude. I would think that God hates the treachery involved in a marriage where the terms of the covenant have been broken long before the divorce becomes 'legal'. The 'tearing unsunder', can happen in a marriage even though there is no writ of divorce.

When God did that, He had every intention of bringing His "wife," Israel, back. (see Hosea 2:13 and following, Jeremiah 16:14-15, 30:3, 18, and 33:25-26). This is in every way consistant with His instruction to Christian couples for if they do divorce:

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

 

[~Nikki~]

When God did that, He had every intention of bringing His "wife," Israel, back. (see Hosea 2:13 and following, Jeremiah 16:14-15, 30:3, 18, and 33:25-26). This is in every way consistant with His instruction to Christian couples for if they do divorce:

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

Exactly!

Further on in the Jeremiah passage after God says He's given Israel a bill of divorce, He begs her to come back because He says He is still Israel's husband even though He sent her away.


As far as I can see from scripture, there are times when it is wise to separate (if in physical danger or something), but in those circumstances the Bible says to remain single or work on reconciliation...as twistedsketch already said...