I have had several people here on the forums ask me what I mean when I say I have PTSD from the years I spent in the sex industry. I have provided clinical sounding replies, but yesterday I had yet another real life example that I thought I would share.
I needed to have lab work done at our local hospital this morning. It was early (6 am), I was fasting and I had my 2 year old with me as my husband works nights. I had packed a backpack full of supplies for my son (snacks, books, etc.), as I did not know how long our wait might be. It ended up that we waited two long hours before I was set free to go home.
I was exhausted, hungry and unkempt, as I had not even showered before going. I was not wearing any makeup and was in an old t-shirt and jeans.
By the time the two hours were up I really wanted a cup of coffee before starting the 30+ minute drive home. So, I stopped into the hospital coffee shop on our way out. I had my son on one hip and the backpack on my other shoulder. When I went to pay for my coffee I was fumbling around all my son's stuff to try to find my wallet.
The man in line behind me then spoke up and said, "Don't worry, I've got it." and placed money on the counter for my coffee. I immediately felt a sense of gratitude and relief. I turned around to thank him and he replied, "No problem, anything for a pretty lady. I just ask that you sit and drink it with me." and he motioned to the chairs nearby.
I did not think. I reacted. I went from 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. All of the sudden I snapped and felt tremendous anger spilling out of me. I threw (Yes- threw!) the cup of coffee on him and said, "Thanks, but I can't be bought!" And stormed out of the coffee shop shaking. In a matter of seconds before I had time to think I had gone into "stripper mode" and he was a "customer" trying to buy me.
I walked to my car carrying my son trying to calm down. I felt horrible for acting that way in front of my son who seemed bewildered. I felt horrible that I did not have self-control. I cried most of the way home wondering if and when I will ever be "normal".
I needed to have lab work done at our local hospital this morning. It was early (6 am), I was fasting and I had my 2 year old with me as my husband works nights. I had packed a backpack full of supplies for my son (snacks, books, etc.), as I did not know how long our wait might be. It ended up that we waited two long hours before I was set free to go home.
I was exhausted, hungry and unkempt, as I had not even showered before going. I was not wearing any makeup and was in an old t-shirt and jeans.
By the time the two hours were up I really wanted a cup of coffee before starting the 30+ minute drive home. So, I stopped into the hospital coffee shop on our way out. I had my son on one hip and the backpack on my other shoulder. When I went to pay for my coffee I was fumbling around all my son's stuff to try to find my wallet.
The man in line behind me then spoke up and said, "Don't worry, I've got it." and placed money on the counter for my coffee. I immediately felt a sense of gratitude and relief. I turned around to thank him and he replied, "No problem, anything for a pretty lady. I just ask that you sit and drink it with me." and he motioned to the chairs nearby.
I did not think. I reacted. I went from 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. All of the sudden I snapped and felt tremendous anger spilling out of me. I threw (Yes- threw!) the cup of coffee on him and said, "Thanks, but I can't be bought!" And stormed out of the coffee shop shaking. In a matter of seconds before I had time to think I had gone into "stripper mode" and he was a "customer" trying to buy me.
I walked to my car carrying my son trying to calm down. I felt horrible for acting that way in front of my son who seemed bewildered. I felt horrible that I did not have self-control. I cried most of the way home wondering if and when I will ever be "normal".
