There's a quote from R. Zaccharias that says, "Sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay." I first heard my pastor say this during a sermon and it struck me particularly hard because it's true.
I first got into pornography when I was in eighth grade. It was a total accident. I stumbled upon a gay porn page and was horrified. But I remembered the website. And still do almost six years later.
In eighth grade, my faith was weak and I was beginning to question whether or not I really wanted to follow God. So when I finally did type that website into the search bar with the intention of watching pornography, I felt only excitement and not shame. It feels like I signed my life away, gave myself over to sin and, in a way, I did.
Porn is one of the hardest habits to break. Not only does it force a huge wedge between you and God, it also reprograms the brain. Porn changes you. I didn't realize this until I was already so far in that I thought I would never have hope of coming out.
There are days when I wonder how it got to be like this. I would never have expected this from myself and yet, here I am. This sin has taken me so much further than I wanted to go, kept me longer than I wanted to stay, and I'm still paying the price.
Praise be to God, I'm finally in a solid place in my faith now. I'm working with the Lord and learning how to walk in his footsteps again. However, I'm still a sinner and sometimes I allow my flesh to take control again. The past two days, I've relapsed in my fight against porn and masturbation. It's humiliating. It makes me feel sick. It makes me feel as if I'll never be clean enough to stand before the Lord.
How do you deal with relapsing? How do you deal with the pain of letting your Savior down yet again?
I'm still struggling, but I know that I can be free. In fact, I already am. I'm not a slave to sin any longer. It has no power over me unless I give it power. I have accepted that porn is something I will struggle with my entire life. But that does not mean I cannot be saved and I cannot stand strong against the desire.
God bless.
I first got into pornography when I was in eighth grade. It was a total accident. I stumbled upon a gay porn page and was horrified. But I remembered the website. And still do almost six years later.
In eighth grade, my faith was weak and I was beginning to question whether or not I really wanted to follow God. So when I finally did type that website into the search bar with the intention of watching pornography, I felt only excitement and not shame. It feels like I signed my life away, gave myself over to sin and, in a way, I did.
Porn is one of the hardest habits to break. Not only does it force a huge wedge between you and God, it also reprograms the brain. Porn changes you. I didn't realize this until I was already so far in that I thought I would never have hope of coming out.
There are days when I wonder how it got to be like this. I would never have expected this from myself and yet, here I am. This sin has taken me so much further than I wanted to go, kept me longer than I wanted to stay, and I'm still paying the price.
Praise be to God, I'm finally in a solid place in my faith now. I'm working with the Lord and learning how to walk in his footsteps again. However, I'm still a sinner and sometimes I allow my flesh to take control again. The past two days, I've relapsed in my fight against porn and masturbation. It's humiliating. It makes me feel sick. It makes me feel as if I'll never be clean enough to stand before the Lord.
How do you deal with relapsing? How do you deal with the pain of letting your Savior down yet again?
I'm still struggling, but I know that I can be free. In fact, I already am. I'm not a slave to sin any longer. It has no power over me unless I give it power. I have accepted that porn is something I will struggle with my entire life. But that does not mean I cannot be saved and I cannot stand strong against the desire.
God bless.
