“Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
This post is kind of a follow up on my last one. If God puts us through trials and tests, then my current test seems to be about trust.
I am a controller. I need to have absolute control over every aspect of my life or I will panic. This includes my goals and my relationships. If I feel out of control, then I spiral. This is something that I've struggled with my entire life but I only became aware of it last night.
God has been testing me on trust for years. How can I trust if I don't give up my control? I realized this last night and I said, "I give up." Not in a hopeless way but in a hopeFUL way. I finally unclenched from my fists and handed my life over to God. It was an amazing feeling, like so much weight was lifted from my shoulders.
But the lesson isn't over. Today, I'm still being tested. I feel I'm losing a close friend and it's driving me crazy. I want to fix it. I want to take it into my own hands and solve the situation. I've had to keep reminding myself to step back and relax, for God's plan is always greater and higher than mine. I know he has my best interests in mind and I just need to lean on him. But not only is he teaching me to trust him in the big things, he's teaching me to trust him in the little things....even things like navigating traffic with my aunt who drives with a cement brick on the gas pedal!
I feel there's another lesson under the surface as well. Along with my control issue, I always demand that things happen now and when things that feel "right" don't work out right away, I start to fall apart. I think that God is also teaching me that good things are NEVER easy. There's a song by NF, a Christian rapper, called If You Want Love. God brought it to my mind today. I suppose that love takes sacrifice, time, and patience.
These lessons won't be easy for me. The road ahead is looking long, but I'm confident. He wouldn't have given me this task if I couldn't have handled it.
"I wait eagerly for the LORD’s help, and in his word I trust."
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
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The Lesson Of Trust/pain
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