I thought for my first entry in the new CF blogs, I would try to keep things tame. 
For the last year or so, I have been studying marriage in general and the masculine value and identity in marriage in particular. Below is a list of the books I have read along that journey. Enjoy.
To begin with, "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men" by Shaunti Feldhahn and the companion "For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women" by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn should be required reading for every woman (FWO) and man (FMO) who is either married or is in a season of life where marriage is a possibility.
Couples books that deal with gender differences, the problems they cause, and ways to deal with them, include:
"Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs" and "Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language", both by Emerson Eggerichs. These are written from a Christian perspective. Importantly, the concept of "respect" is the least understood and most dismissed concept by women in their relationships with men. The loss of this concept and attitude is the most destructive result of the emmasculization of men and derission of maleness which has occured not only in society but most disturbingly, in the church. These books are hard for women to read (my wife struggled greatly with anger and resistance when reading about respect) but that is why it is so important for women to work through this material.
(Added 7/31/2008)
Digging even further into God's design of the sexes than "Love and Respect" are two books by author Dr. Myles Monroe. "Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman" and "Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men" bring us all the way back to the Genesis creation account to explore how God originally designed "male and female", why God designed them that way, and what that means for gender interactions within our marriages and our churches. Be forewarned - this is challenging material. Dr. Monroe makes a strong, scripturally based argument which undoubtably will be considered "traditional" (in it's negative connotation) and therefore dismissed by many before they read the full text. My recommendation is that one reserve judgement until they have finished both books.
A great companion to the these books is a book by secular (I presume) authors who explore the actual physiological brain differences which result in the perceptable differences discussed in the two books above. Although this is a purely secular book, it is amazing how much it corroberates the Christian perspective. I do have some reservations about the secular approach in the book, especially on it's emphasis on evolution (but...see new entry below). Anyway, the book is "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" by Allan and Barbara Pease. And yes, it is as whitty as the title suggests. This book, above all the others, will help you with your goal to understand "how men solve problems, process information, etc.".
(Added 7/31/2008)
There is now a Christian equivalent to "Why Men Don't Listen..." which covers the same ground (and provides much more extensive scientific references). That book is "His Brain, Her Brain: How Divinely Designed Differences Can Strengthen Your Marriage" by Dr. Walt and Barb Larimore. This book alleviates all of the concerns I had about "Why Men Don't Listen..."
There are several books that are directed at men (like the quintessential masculine identity discovery book - John Eldredge's "Wild At Heart") but may help if you are looking for insight into the male psychie.
"No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice Instead of Good Hurts Men, Women and Children" by Paul Coughlin
"The Samson Syndrome: What You Can Learn from the Baddest Boy in the Bible" by Mark Atteberry
I recommend these two books together as they somewhat balance each other. I disagree with Paul Coughlin on some points the same as I do with Eldredge in WAH, but the Sampson book helps balance those perspectives by showing where manliness can turn into destructive machismo.
"The Silence of Adam", by Dr. Larry Crabb, Don Michael Hudson, and Al Andrews
Simply a great book. Helps to explain the falls influence on maleness.
"Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family" by Steve Farrar. Simply the best guide I have ever read on manly husbandship and fatherhood. even if you don't read it, give it to the man in your life.
And some more books for women to help them understand their men:
"In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: The One God Approves and a Woman Wants" by Michelle Mckinney Hammond. Do you want to get past all the nice guy vs. bad guy hype - this is a great start.
"Married But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire" by Paul and Sandy Coughlin. Another book by Paul Caughlin, this time joined by his wife. It is directed primarily toward women and is useful for both the married woman with a disengaged husband, and a single woman who wants to avoid ending up with a disengaged husband. It builds on many of the principles of "No More Christian Nice Guy".
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Be prepared to be challenged about everything you thought you knew (or your mother or girlfriends have told you) about having a happy relationship with your man.
(Added 09/17/2008)
"The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man's Language To Bring Out His Best" by Rick Johnson. Picking up where "For Women Only" leaves off, this book provides even greater insight into the inner lives of men: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also offers great tips on how to influence (which does not necessarily mean "change") your man to be all he can be.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
For the last year or so, I have been studying marriage in general and the masculine value and identity in marriage in particular. Below is a list of the books I have read along that journey. Enjoy.
To begin with, "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men" by Shaunti Feldhahn and the companion "For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women" by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn should be required reading for every woman (FWO) and man (FMO) who is either married or is in a season of life where marriage is a possibility.
Couples books that deal with gender differences, the problems they cause, and ways to deal with them, include:
"Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs" and "Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language", both by Emerson Eggerichs. These are written from a Christian perspective. Importantly, the concept of "respect" is the least understood and most dismissed concept by women in their relationships with men. The loss of this concept and attitude is the most destructive result of the emmasculization of men and derission of maleness which has occured not only in society but most disturbingly, in the church. These books are hard for women to read (my wife struggled greatly with anger and resistance when reading about respect) but that is why it is so important for women to work through this material.
(Added 7/31/2008)
Digging even further into God's design of the sexes than "Love and Respect" are two books by author Dr. Myles Monroe. "Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman" and "Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men" bring us all the way back to the Genesis creation account to explore how God originally designed "male and female", why God designed them that way, and what that means for gender interactions within our marriages and our churches. Be forewarned - this is challenging material. Dr. Monroe makes a strong, scripturally based argument which undoubtably will be considered "traditional" (in it's negative connotation) and therefore dismissed by many before they read the full text. My recommendation is that one reserve judgement until they have finished both books.
A great companion to the these books is a book by secular (I presume) authors who explore the actual physiological brain differences which result in the perceptable differences discussed in the two books above. Although this is a purely secular book, it is amazing how much it corroberates the Christian perspective. I do have some reservations about the secular approach in the book, especially on it's emphasis on evolution (but...see new entry below). Anyway, the book is "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" by Allan and Barbara Pease. And yes, it is as whitty as the title suggests. This book, above all the others, will help you with your goal to understand "how men solve problems, process information, etc.".
(Added 7/31/2008)
There is now a Christian equivalent to "Why Men Don't Listen..." which covers the same ground (and provides much more extensive scientific references). That book is "His Brain, Her Brain: How Divinely Designed Differences Can Strengthen Your Marriage" by Dr. Walt and Barb Larimore. This book alleviates all of the concerns I had about "Why Men Don't Listen..."
There are several books that are directed at men (like the quintessential masculine identity discovery book - John Eldredge's "Wild At Heart") but may help if you are looking for insight into the male psychie.
"No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice Instead of Good Hurts Men, Women and Children" by Paul Coughlin
"The Samson Syndrome: What You Can Learn from the Baddest Boy in the Bible" by Mark Atteberry
I recommend these two books together as they somewhat balance each other. I disagree with Paul Coughlin on some points the same as I do with Eldredge in WAH, but the Sampson book helps balance those perspectives by showing where manliness can turn into destructive machismo.
"The Silence of Adam", by Dr. Larry Crabb, Don Michael Hudson, and Al Andrews
Simply a great book. Helps to explain the falls influence on maleness.
"Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family" by Steve Farrar. Simply the best guide I have ever read on manly husbandship and fatherhood. even if you don't read it, give it to the man in your life.
And some more books for women to help them understand their men:
"In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: The One God Approves and a Woman Wants" by Michelle Mckinney Hammond. Do you want to get past all the nice guy vs. bad guy hype - this is a great start.
"Married But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire" by Paul and Sandy Coughlin. Another book by Paul Caughlin, this time joined by his wife. It is directed primarily toward women and is useful for both the married woman with a disengaged husband, and a single woman who wants to avoid ending up with a disengaged husband. It builds on many of the principles of "No More Christian Nice Guy".
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Be prepared to be challenged about everything you thought you knew (or your mother or girlfriends have told you) about having a happy relationship with your man.
(Added 09/17/2008)
"The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man's Language To Bring Out His Best" by Rick Johnson. Picking up where "For Women Only" leaves off, this book provides even greater insight into the inner lives of men: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also offers great tips on how to influence (which does not necessarily mean "change") your man to be all he can be.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
