It seems that I spend so much of my life thinking about the future and wishing that it would come quickly. I am twenty-two years old, and I still live at home with my mother. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything that she does for me. Without her I do not know where I would be. I am ready for that next step in my life, though. Many of my friends are married with children; I'm not even close to having either.
I honestly do not know if I am entirely ready for marriage yet. Sometimes I feel that I am, and then other times the mere thought of marriage frightens me. I suppose it would be helpful to be in a relationship first. I miss JP a lot sometimes. I know that I am the one who ended our two and a half year relationship, but that doesn't mean that I do not still love him or care about him. I just need something tangible, something I can feel with both my heart and my hands. The obstacles between us were great. We live two states away and my mother was not very fond of him. The latter actually played a significant role in our relationship. While I still lived in the dorms I could call him and talk to him whenever I wanted. But, at home I am not permitted to call him. My mother does not agree with relationships that begin over the internet.
Hopefully someday soon JP and I will be closer, or perhaps God will find someone closer to each of us to mend our hearts. Everything works in His time and in His plan. I have prayed about JP, and God keeps telling me that I need time alone. Time to heal. Time to be closer to Him. I only pray that I have the strength to be as patient as He needs me to be.
I honestly do not know if I am entirely ready for marriage yet. Sometimes I feel that I am, and then other times the mere thought of marriage frightens me. I suppose it would be helpful to be in a relationship first. I miss JP a lot sometimes. I know that I am the one who ended our two and a half year relationship, but that doesn't mean that I do not still love him or care about him. I just need something tangible, something I can feel with both my heart and my hands. The obstacles between us were great. We live two states away and my mother was not very fond of him. The latter actually played a significant role in our relationship. While I still lived in the dorms I could call him and talk to him whenever I wanted. But, at home I am not permitted to call him. My mother does not agree with relationships that begin over the internet.
Hopefully someday soon JP and I will be closer, or perhaps God will find someone closer to each of us to mend our hearts. Everything works in His time and in His plan. I have prayed about JP, and God keeps telling me that I need time alone. Time to heal. Time to be closer to Him. I only pray that I have the strength to be as patient as He needs me to be.
"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven."
- Matthew 7:21
- Matthew 7:21
