I cut myself on Sunday, I hadn't done that for a few weeks. It's been a long time since I purged, which I guess is a good thing. I feel guilty for it, but I'm trying, I really am. I just...ache, I guess. Everywhere, in my heart, my bones...I finally managed to go to school last week, after skipping an entire week.
I can't even get myself to go to that non-Denominational church because of panic attacks, they're getting so bad again and I'm beginning to hate this.
It's just my life, I guess. It's a dance and a struggle, yet I try to remain positive and I do find myself smiling more since I accepted God back into myself. Has it really been two years now?
I'm waltzing with the Devil, though. He's in the lead, while I follow his steps and it's hard to pull away. I hate it when people think my asexuality is just a phase until I find someone, I'm sorry, but it's not.
My ex-boyfriend attempted to rape me, on multiple occasions, molested me, trying to turn me on.
I find nobody sexually attractive, I never have and never will. Why can't people understand this? Why aren't people more...accepting? Maybe if I cut up my genitals, get my chest removed, as well as get rid of my reproductive system and get my tubes tied, will they get the point?
My recent ex was obsessed with weight, obsessed over how "skinny" I am, and probably would have dumped me if I gained a pound. I broke it off with him before I started to fall back to bulimia, but she beckons me anyways. Mia is still there, whispering and awaiting me.
A YouTuber put up an original song, that I absolutely adore because she captured the voice of Ana/Mia so easily.
I guess this entry is pointless and not really focused on God, how horrible is that?
I think I'm feeling godless right now...wondering if I made the right choice to return to Him..
I can't even get myself to go to that non-Denominational church because of panic attacks, they're getting so bad again and I'm beginning to hate this.
It's just my life, I guess. It's a dance and a struggle, yet I try to remain positive and I do find myself smiling more since I accepted God back into myself. Has it really been two years now?
I'm waltzing with the Devil, though. He's in the lead, while I follow his steps and it's hard to pull away. I hate it when people think my asexuality is just a phase until I find someone, I'm sorry, but it's not.
My ex-boyfriend attempted to rape me, on multiple occasions, molested me, trying to turn me on.
I find nobody sexually attractive, I never have and never will. Why can't people understand this? Why aren't people more...accepting? Maybe if I cut up my genitals, get my chest removed, as well as get rid of my reproductive system and get my tubes tied, will they get the point?
My recent ex was obsessed with weight, obsessed over how "skinny" I am, and probably would have dumped me if I gained a pound. I broke it off with him before I started to fall back to bulimia, but she beckons me anyways. Mia is still there, whispering and awaiting me.
A YouTuber put up an original song, that I absolutely adore because she captured the voice of Ana/Mia so easily.
I guess this entry is pointless and not really focused on God, how horrible is that?
I think I'm feeling godless right now...wondering if I made the right choice to return to Him..
