Lol, a note I made when I was 20.
Growing up isn't easy. Right now, I feel alone. Perhaps, everybody does. Everybody knows how it feels to grow up, but no one is quite honest about their feelings. Honestly, I hide behind a smile. Outside I portray myself as an independent person, someone who is positive about life, no fear, and looking forward to tomorrow. Honestly, I'm just like everyone else. I feel insecure. I feel scared.
The world is a merciless place. It's strange why people can be so unforgiving when they know that they themselves want forgiveness. We all need forgiveness. Forgive me for my mistakes. Forgive me for my shortcomings. Forgive me for my insecurities. Forgive me for my failures. I forgive you for yours.
Some people make it through and some don't. In this lifetime, we are filled with tons of choices and decisions to make. It hurts to make the wrong choices. Regrets happen often. Despite the leading of the older generation, we the young ones, still have to learn on our own. Experience is a strict teacher. Life is not high school, there are no detentions. It's either success or failure.
Uncertainty brings fear. Is it wrong to be honest? Is it wrong to say that "I am afraid?". I realized that it is not wrong to admit fear, but it is wrong to live in fear.
I am a Christian. In my relationship with God, there were so many times that I told Him that I was afraid. As I poured out all my emotions out to Him, I always felt Him say to me that He still loves me despite my feelings. God has a plan for me and you. Fear comes to take our dreams away. But it cannot really take it away if you won't let it.
Despite the roller coaster ride of growing up, I learned that whenever I keep my eyes on God, somehow I'm able to overcome. He has the perfect shoulder to lean upon. People say that it's wrong to make God a crutch, but I think it's okay especially when we are paralyzed and unable to walk in the roads of life.
I am here today because of Jesus. I am here today because He listened, He cared, and He loved me. Of course, my family is precious to me too. My parents support me a great deal and their love keeps me going. However, just like everyone else, they have their limits. There are tears that only God can wipe away. There are pains that only He can heal. There are stories that only He can understand. Most of all, there is a room in my heart that only He can fill.
Yes, I am not perfect. Many times, I run, hide, and cry. I look to myself and wonder if I'll ever amount to anything. Life is not easy. Challenges and obstacles come in every corner. It is also painful to watch the people whom I love suffer. But my dad keeps telling me and my brother that we should never let anyone look down on us, because we are valuable in God's eyes. You are valuable in God's eyes so don't let life bring you down.
Deep inside the heart that trust God, despite the feelings of fear, resides peace that is quite unexplainable. I experienced this kind of peace. It is a different kind of peace. It's the kind that assures you that no matter what happens, trust God, do your best, and everything will work together for good.
After all, after every challenge, after every race, the harder it is, the sweeter the victory feels. Honestly, I feel afraid about tomorrow, but honestly, I trust God and honestly, I don't feel too afraid anymore.
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