Hello, and thank you for reading my blog. My name is Josh and I am 40 years old, and I have been a follower of Christ for 6 years. Before that I was in the new age, and before that I was secular and an agnostic to the existence of God I will tell my testimony some day soon, it is certainly unique and interesting the way that the Lord chose to save me.
Now, I can say that I am a new creation in Christ. The old is gone, behold all things have become new. There are certainly struggles though. I have heard a few Pastors say that the longer they walk with Christ, and the more they study the word, they less they know about it. I can begin to comprehend something of what they are saying.
When I first came to Christ, I was brimming with zeal. I had to convert everyone in my sphere, and I was dedicated to doing so. Unfortunately, I managed to push quite a few people away from me at that time. I also remember agonizing over witnessing to my neighbor and constantly beating myself up about it. I realized later, of course, that it wasn't from the Lord.
I grew though in grace and in His word. Eventually I got into ministry, starting out with teaching a mens bible study, then to working in a youth group and also a Celebrate Recovery ministry. Now a days I am preaching at a rest home and I am about to take courses to earn my credentials with the Assembly of God. I hope someday to be in full time ministry.
As I've walked with the Lord, my walk has undergone many changes and the training wheels seem to have come off. I got married a couple of years ago, and that added a whole new dynamic to the mix. My wife knows and loves the Lord, which brings a special grace to our marriage. It also has its challenges as my wife struggles with schizoaffective disorder. Lately, some precious news; the Lord led us to take her off the medication and she has been doing very well. She is still taking one for anxiety but everyone can see the amazing change the Lord has done in her.
For me, my walk with the Lord has gotten more challenging. To be honest, I feel like I am going through a desert time with the Lord. Although I see the signs around me of His working, there is also a sense of loss of intimacy that I had with Him before. I do not feel His presence as much as I use to, and I do not immediately discern some things about what He is doing as I used to. It definitely does not feel good but I feel also that I am growing in my faith because it requires more faith to follow the Lord when you do not see and hear Him as you did before.
I love the Lord with all of my heart, but there is a lot of immaturity and stubbornness in me that needs to be broken. My Pastor used an analogy of an old nag horse that you would take on a trial up a mountain and feel safe with her, versus taking a wild stallion that would end up hurting someone or himself. That wild stallion, without being broken, is utterly useless to his owner. We are like that to God, when we refuse to be broken. We have to be sensitive to the hand of the Potter, who molds us into an instrument which will bring Him glory; we must be careful not to ask Him, why have you made me this way?
So, that is the way I feel; I know God has to break me to be any use, and this is one way He is doing it. It doesn't feel good but I am praying it will bring Him glory. I thought I knew how to walk with the Lord but He is showing me to trust in Him with all of my heart and to not lean on my own understanding. I really need to grasp that apart from Him I can do nothing. I need to learn how to walk in dependence on the Lord Jesus.
Please pray for me that I will get into a deeper study of Gods word. Please leave any prayer requests you have here, or message me. I will update with some more of what the the Lord is doing in my life.
Now, I can say that I am a new creation in Christ. The old is gone, behold all things have become new. There are certainly struggles though. I have heard a few Pastors say that the longer they walk with Christ, and the more they study the word, they less they know about it. I can begin to comprehend something of what they are saying.
When I first came to Christ, I was brimming with zeal. I had to convert everyone in my sphere, and I was dedicated to doing so. Unfortunately, I managed to push quite a few people away from me at that time. I also remember agonizing over witnessing to my neighbor and constantly beating myself up about it. I realized later, of course, that it wasn't from the Lord.
I grew though in grace and in His word. Eventually I got into ministry, starting out with teaching a mens bible study, then to working in a youth group and also a Celebrate Recovery ministry. Now a days I am preaching at a rest home and I am about to take courses to earn my credentials with the Assembly of God. I hope someday to be in full time ministry.
As I've walked with the Lord, my walk has undergone many changes and the training wheels seem to have come off. I got married a couple of years ago, and that added a whole new dynamic to the mix. My wife knows and loves the Lord, which brings a special grace to our marriage. It also has its challenges as my wife struggles with schizoaffective disorder. Lately, some precious news; the Lord led us to take her off the medication and she has been doing very well. She is still taking one for anxiety but everyone can see the amazing change the Lord has done in her.
For me, my walk with the Lord has gotten more challenging. To be honest, I feel like I am going through a desert time with the Lord. Although I see the signs around me of His working, there is also a sense of loss of intimacy that I had with Him before. I do not feel His presence as much as I use to, and I do not immediately discern some things about what He is doing as I used to. It definitely does not feel good but I feel also that I am growing in my faith because it requires more faith to follow the Lord when you do not see and hear Him as you did before.
I love the Lord with all of my heart, but there is a lot of immaturity and stubbornness in me that needs to be broken. My Pastor used an analogy of an old nag horse that you would take on a trial up a mountain and feel safe with her, versus taking a wild stallion that would end up hurting someone or himself. That wild stallion, without being broken, is utterly useless to his owner. We are like that to God, when we refuse to be broken. We have to be sensitive to the hand of the Potter, who molds us into an instrument which will bring Him glory; we must be careful not to ask Him, why have you made me this way?
So, that is the way I feel; I know God has to break me to be any use, and this is one way He is doing it. It doesn't feel good but I am praying it will bring Him glory. I thought I knew how to walk with the Lord but He is showing me to trust in Him with all of my heart and to not lean on my own understanding. I really need to grasp that apart from Him I can do nothing. I need to learn how to walk in dependence on the Lord Jesus.
Please pray for me that I will get into a deeper study of Gods word. Please leave any prayer requests you have here, or message me. I will update with some more of what the the Lord is doing in my life.
