~ Joy in the stripping... and the shepherds I have known

Jesus, today this song from Puddle of Mudd came up on the rotation in my MP3 player at work. I guess I heard it in a new way today, in light of the recent wrestling You and I have been engaged in. I've been asking for greater anointing and a more abiding presence of the Spirit.... You've been stripping my life for years to make way for that. Have I grown passive to an extreme in being stripped ? I've grown accustomed to losing things, relationships, dreams, opportunities, posessions, positions, comforts, health, income, babies, churches... for years. TOO accustomed ? I expect to lose it all and wait for You to replace and rebuild my life into Your making....


I get fussy with You, cause the things You take are always dear to me, else they wouldn't be in Your way at all. So, I am learning to yield them faster.

Recently... the greatest wrestling has been over something dearer to me than me, Teknon, since he briefly surfaced again. RIGHT AFTER I LAYED HIM IN YOUR OFFERING PLATE on 8/1/08, I might add ! And, THIS has caused a real rift in me. IS he the 'Golden Calf' in my life, OR is it NOT YOU that is trying to take him ? Is it You? or is it him in opposition to You ? Or is it the enemy revelling in my passitivity? A passitivity, born of deception, regarding the source of this separation ? Are You the source, is he or is the enemy dancing a great jigg over this ? I SOOOOO wanna draw a line HERE ! and say, " NO, NOT THAT !" I wrestle in tears week after week, month after month. Can I put even him in the offering plate for You, Jesus, and trust You with that, because it's You who asks it? Should I ? OR: Is this wrestling coming from the sheer error in letting him grow more and more distant and separated from me ? Should I banish a Spirit of Passivity from mine, and regain ground in this battle, to keep him in my world ?

Lay down my life for him.... in a heartbeat. Am I being asked to lay him down for Your Life in me?
Or, am I being lulled into thinking it is You that requires him, by the enemy's deceipt ?
Or, is he forcing this separation by his own devices needing room or rejecting You and me ?

Mark THIS day as the day I asked You to spit him out of the offering plate if he is not being required of me BY YOU !

...and the shepherds...
WOW ! It's been a LONG LONG time since You have placed in my path a NATURAL BORN SHEPHERD. Today, I recognized the NAME for the quality in M that we ALL try to describe with an inadequacy for words.... shepherd. HE IS a shepherd.

Yesterday, and any day that it applies, You send him to me, so gently, to tell me that he is concerned, that I am not myself, am I OKay ? A few times yesterday, he came alongside me and asked. I was growing more and more crestfallen throughout the last few weeks, since Teknon has surfaced. The wrestling, the crying, the confusion, the mourning.... they have overtaken me in increasing ways... Hubbs, tries, and he's better at it than ever.... really better. Yet, M, NOW THAT GUY IS GOOD at it ! Not just for me, for everyone over whom he is boss.... about 50 people. He reads us and ministers to us all like a .... aaaahhh... yep, a shepherd. He's so amazing. He's the same age as Teknon, just a different color heehee, and a far greater demeanor than I've seen on Teknon in a long time, maybe ever. Teknon USED TO BE a great shepherd, back in the day, for growing periods of time, before the drugs... and for snippets between the drugs.... I don't even know if Teknon KNOWS that it is the shepherd in him that I am in love with so deeply. It is ALWAYS You in another that I am in love with, Jesus. They don't see that, usually, the ones I love. And, the ones that aren't of You, I never fall in love with them.... I only love them as minister to them. But M.... he's Your's, and he's ON IT ! Thank You. The last thing he said to me yesterday was, " BE OKay, okay? " I told him today that I worked very hard last night, in tears and prayer, to come to work today as my usual self just to please him and do as he asked." BE OKay, okay? "

It's the quality good shepherds carry. They propagate a will to please and obey in their flock, through compassionate overseeing. He saw that we succeeded, he said (me and You) in getting there. He said he was praying for me when he was behind me in his truck, on the way out from the office last night, too. What a complete jewel he has been in my walk these last 3 years, Jesus. Thank You for him and bless him in You.

I told him today, he has a shepherd's quality. He knows it, already, but I don't know if he had found a name for it until today. What a treasure he is to us all. BLESS HIM, Jesus.

Show me YOUR will in all things... amen.
__________________

[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]<--~~~-->[/FONT]​

[/FONT][/FONT]