Some thoughts on relationship KILLERS...
Clearly, " be angry and do not sin," and "don't let the sun go down on your anger," is a verse that I have heard and even studied several times. No doubt there is more juice to be squeezed out of any verse, given the stimulation of a day's circumstances and the inspiration of Ruwach, YHWH.
For one, I do NOT hear You saying to avoid being angry...
or, to ignore being angry...
or even to run away from being angry.
I only hear You saying to dispense of it in a proper and prompt manner.
Running away from anything, against Your will, only sets us up to be in a wilderness of our own making. Some instances call for running, like in the case of temptation that is harassing us. But, I do not hear You saying that anger is bad. There are clear examples of You being angry in the scriptures. The clearing of the Temple to rid it of money changers is one of those. You even took the time to create a whip to assist You in the assertion of that anger. Meaning, You took the time to give the execution of Your anger some thought.
In Hubbs' family there are very angry, often almost perpetually angry, people. I think that it is the number one reason for the rampant abuse of substances... they try to quiet their own secret, and not so secret, storms in social settings to have 'fun', drop their guard, facades, swords or whatever, though that backfires plenty.
I remember when Hubbs and I first got married and had oh so many troubles. We went to marriage counseling three different times. Hubbs went alone once. The second marriage counselor we went to was a Christian counselor, who was glad to witness the anger that Hubbs aimed at me in one of our sessions. He intervened in the midst of it and asked Hubbs some simple questions to learn more. Questions about what was his goal during the anger, what did he want to accomplish with me ? Hubbs said," I just want to squash her like a bug." Then, he asked him," Do you remind yourself of anyone when you are this mad?" Hubbs said , "Yes." The counselor asked who and Hubbs told him.
Later in the session, after more 'expressing' on Hubbs' part, the counselor looked at me and said, " You need to help facilitate him to release this anger." In other words, not to try to stop him from asserting it. Hubbs' big complaint to me, at the time, was that I wouldn't fight back.
That was years and years and two additional counselors ago. Now we fight with great ease and safety, on the spot. We have plowed through decades of Hubbs pent up, unexplored anger. It was exhausting at first, gradually becoming easier. Sometimes, I loathed the people who had failed to model this to him as a child. Sometimes, I didn't think it was fair that I was the one that had to go through all this with him.
But now !!! I adore our relationship for remaining so current and free to go to the full spectrum of emotions. We KNOW that no one is leaving, no one is out to destroy the other, and no one is a coward to say exactly what their heart wants to share. There is literally NO ONE on this rock, other than Hubbs, that I have all these freedoms with. I cherish that. We are as honest as two little kids in the full range of emotions that we are able to tap to date, discovering ourselves each day.
I see this same need in H. He also has been taught very poorly regarding assertion of anger. Despite decades of effort on my part, his earliest role modeling, from his youngest years before Hubbs and I married, are his default mode. He seems on the verge of breaking through that wall, sometimes, but he runs back into his substances and just plain runs out on conflicts. He thinks this gains him an upper hand or more time to think or something. However, on return, he wants to forget the anger ever happened. For this reason, he seems angry almost all the time when he is around me and Hubbs because he has so much history with us, and has not spoken his mind often enough. He still tries to be the boy scout when it comes to anger, building fires in himself that burn him alive, and going off into the wilderness rather than facing his demons.
So be it. You know him better than I do. He runs MOST from me and Hubbs, however, he does the same with just about everyone as far as I know.
So, today, I was thinking... like I always do while listening to a few great teachers on my MP3 player at work. I thought of one thing, honestly probably You crafted the thought within me...
I was thinking about obstacles to reaching the goal of dispensing of anger in a timely manner. Practicing Your command, is a healing in itself. Getting to the practice of Your command is usually the great obstacle, I find. ... especially the 'don't sin' part. We all fall short there. Thank YHWH for rescuing and bringing Your Divinity to bear upon me when I confess weaknesses. I'm just a woman, not an angel or You. Even the angels fall.
I see this obstacle as one that I know of and have never tried to put it into words:
Please spare me from unfaithful or self-serving counsel. Help me not to BE either of these when people come to me, for Your glory, YHWH. While counsel can serve a valuable purpose, if it has no goal toward resolution, it is faithless and selfish.
Pent up, unexplored, anger is a relationship KILLER. It can eclipse love, even prevent it from being, given the opportunity to fester.
Clearly, " be angry and do not sin," and "don't let the sun go down on your anger," is a verse that I have heard and even studied several times. No doubt there is more juice to be squeezed out of any verse, given the stimulation of a day's circumstances and the inspiration of Ruwach, YHWH.
I have been considering the swill of disdain that crops up in an absence of obedience to that verse, in my circumstances. And, today, Eashoa M'Sheekhah, I have come up with a few sentences that address a new wrinkle in the anger mill that I get ground up in, in the lives of those who handle anger poorly.
For one, I do NOT hear You saying to avoid being angry...
or, to ignore being angry...
or even to run away from being angry.
I only hear You saying to dispense of it in a proper and prompt manner.
Running away from anything, against Your will, only sets us up to be in a wilderness of our own making. Some instances call for running, like in the case of temptation that is harassing us. But, I do not hear You saying that anger is bad. There are clear examples of You being angry in the scriptures. The clearing of the Temple to rid it of money changers is one of those. You even took the time to create a whip to assist You in the assertion of that anger. Meaning, You took the time to give the execution of Your anger some thought.
In Hubbs' family there are very angry, often almost perpetually angry, people. I think that it is the number one reason for the rampant abuse of substances... they try to quiet their own secret, and not so secret, storms in social settings to have 'fun', drop their guard, facades, swords or whatever, though that backfires plenty.
I remember when Hubbs and I first got married and had oh so many troubles. We went to marriage counseling three different times. Hubbs went alone once. The second marriage counselor we went to was a Christian counselor, who was glad to witness the anger that Hubbs aimed at me in one of our sessions. He intervened in the midst of it and asked Hubbs some simple questions to learn more. Questions about what was his goal during the anger, what did he want to accomplish with me ? Hubbs said," I just want to squash her like a bug." Then, he asked him," Do you remind yourself of anyone when you are this mad?" Hubbs said , "Yes." The counselor asked who and Hubbs told him.
Later in the session, after more 'expressing' on Hubbs' part, the counselor looked at me and said, " You need to help facilitate him to release this anger." In other words, not to try to stop him from asserting it. Hubbs' big complaint to me, at the time, was that I wouldn't fight back.
That was years and years and two additional counselors ago. Now we fight with great ease and safety, on the spot. We have plowed through decades of Hubbs pent up, unexplored anger. It was exhausting at first, gradually becoming easier. Sometimes, I loathed the people who had failed to model this to him as a child. Sometimes, I didn't think it was fair that I was the one that had to go through all this with him.
But now !!! I adore our relationship for remaining so current and free to go to the full spectrum of emotions. We KNOW that no one is leaving, no one is out to destroy the other, and no one is a coward to say exactly what their heart wants to share. There is literally NO ONE on this rock, other than Hubbs, that I have all these freedoms with. I cherish that. We are as honest as two little kids in the full range of emotions that we are able to tap to date, discovering ourselves each day.
I see this same need in H. He also has been taught very poorly regarding assertion of anger. Despite decades of effort on my part, his earliest role modeling, from his youngest years before Hubbs and I married, are his default mode. He seems on the verge of breaking through that wall, sometimes, but he runs back into his substances and just plain runs out on conflicts. He thinks this gains him an upper hand or more time to think or something. However, on return, he wants to forget the anger ever happened. For this reason, he seems angry almost all the time when he is around me and Hubbs because he has so much history with us, and has not spoken his mind often enough. He still tries to be the boy scout when it comes to anger, building fires in himself that burn him alive, and going off into the wilderness rather than facing his demons.
So be it. You know him better than I do. He runs MOST from me and Hubbs, however, he does the same with just about everyone as far as I know.
So, today, I was thinking... like I always do while listening to a few great teachers on my MP3 player at work. I thought of one thing, honestly probably You crafted the thought within me...
I was thinking about obstacles to reaching the goal of dispensing of anger in a timely manner. Practicing Your command, is a healing in itself. Getting to the practice of Your command is usually the great obstacle, I find. ... especially the 'don't sin' part. We all fall short there. Thank YHWH for rescuing and bringing Your Divinity to bear upon me when I confess weaknesses. I'm just a woman, not an angel or You. Even the angels fall.
I see this obstacle as one that I know of and have never tried to put it into words:
**unless abuse is involved said:
Please spare me from unfaithful or self-serving counsel. Help me not to BE either of these when people come to me, for Your glory, YHWH. While counsel can serve a valuable purpose, if it has no goal toward resolution, it is faithless and selfish.
Pent up, unexplored, anger is a relationship KILLER. It can eclipse love, even prevent it from being, given the opportunity to fester.
__________________
Love; from above and within, Yasha'
Strong's:3467 ~ Xy yaw-shah' Definition : (Niphal) [*] to be liberated, be saved, be delivered [*]to be saved (in battle), be victorious (Hiphil) [*] to save, deliver [*] to save from moral troubles [*] to give victory
You're sons of Light, daughters of Day. We live under wide open skies and know where we stand. So let's not sleepwalk through life ... Since we're creatures of Day, let's act like it.
1 THESSALONIANS 5:5...8 ~ The Message Remix ~Shachah Shaqat [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ah Yasha'
PSALM 90:12-17
Love; from above and within, Yasha'
Strong's:3467 ~ Xy yaw-shah' Definition : (Niphal) [*] to be liberated, be saved, be delivered [*]to be saved (in battle), be victorious (Hiphil) [*] to save, deliver [*] to save from moral troubles [*] to give victory
1 THESSALONIANS 5:5...8 ~ The Message Remix ~Shachah Shaqat [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ah Yasha'
Shachah Shaqat Bi tchah Yasha !
