You'll make mistakes. Surprise, right? Just accept that you did some things you weren't proud of and learn from those mistakes..then move on. Keep pursuing Christ. I know you think God will abandon you after so many failed attempts of resisting the temptations in your life. I know you've experienced people abandoning you, giving you the cold shoulder, ignoring you, holding a grudge against you.. But God isn't like us. God is love. And love is patient. Love is kind. It is not easily angered, It does not keep record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. If God is love, then that means His character is exactly what is mentioned in the verse above. Anything against that is a lie from the enemy. Accept God's forgiveness for you. Accept that you sin. Accept that you'll stumble. Accept that you're not perfect and can never hope to obtain a sinless perfection all by yourself. Christ is our righteousness. Put your faith and trust in Him. Allow yourself to be forgiven. It'll take time. This whole thing is a learning experience, a process, a sanctification. God is not done with you yet. You're still alive. You're still breathing. Now is your chance. To start again. To pursue Him again. To strengthen your relationship, your time with Him again. Get back up. Learn from your mistakes, confess, and repent of it. His mercies are new every morning. If what the Bible says is true, then you need to stop beating yourself up over it and allow yourself to move on. Acknowledge that you messed up. Don't deny it or cover it up or make excuses. You did it, it's in the past now. All you can do in the present moment is to ask for forgiveness; ask Him to help you through this, to give you the strength you need to get back up, to move on, whatever it is you're feeling, pour your heart out to Him. He's extending forgiveness but you need to be willing to receive it. Don't let the enemy's condemnation and accusations hinder your walk with Him. God Himself wants you back. No matter how many times you wander. Keep going back to Him. Don't ever lose that fire in you. And if you ever find the flame weakening, if you ever find your zeal and love for Him subsiding..pray that He'll help you ignite it again. And do whatever you can (sing, pray, worship, read His Word, journal) even if you don't feel like it, even if your feelings don't quite catch up to what you're doing. Keep pursuing Him.
[a little reminder/letter to myself]
[a little reminder/letter to myself]
