I have spent the last 5 fireworks nights (Nov 5th) watching with tears in my eyes. Putting on a brave face.
The first because he had cancer and things looked good, but still had a slight what if.
The second because I knew he had 9% chance of survival from cancer but couldn't tell him or anyone what I knew. I was allowed to find out relevant information on the internet if only discussed useful information.
The next because he was in hospital having chemotherapy. At this point it was rather bleak because he was so ill by this point. I went with the children on the way home from an heartbreaking visit. He'd had a horrid day because the hospital nurses didn't realise he was now incapable of doing little things for himself. He lost his mobility when he returned home. I think I'm getting mixed up. I am, that was actually three weeks after the bonfire night.
The following day he went to a supermarket. He had to deal with people being rude as he was struggling, in intense pain and he was there trying to buy me presents because he wanted me to have things to unwrap on my birthday. I can't get over how kind he was and selfless.
The next year it was just me and the children. It was tough. The fireworks were our special thing. I don't remember it.
Last year was special. My youngest was old enough to enjoy them. He was three.
I do not know how I can do it this year. It is going to be really tough. I was in tears at college today when I thought of it and I'm so sad now. I said to my 16 year old today I didn't know how I'm going to do it. He said to not go. But my youngest actually knows bonfire night is approaching. How at the age of 4 I don't know! I will go and I'll be trying to enjoy his enthusiasm. Maybe I can hold him a lirtle closer too and thank God for my children.
Bittersweet are fireworks, for me.
The first because he had cancer and things looked good, but still had a slight what if.
The second because I knew he had 9% chance of survival from cancer but couldn't tell him or anyone what I knew. I was allowed to find out relevant information on the internet if only discussed useful information.
The next because he was in hospital having chemotherapy. At this point it was rather bleak because he was so ill by this point. I went with the children on the way home from an heartbreaking visit. He'd had a horrid day because the hospital nurses didn't realise he was now incapable of doing little things for himself. He lost his mobility when he returned home. I think I'm getting mixed up. I am, that was actually three weeks after the bonfire night.
The following day he went to a supermarket. He had to deal with people being rude as he was struggling, in intense pain and he was there trying to buy me presents because he wanted me to have things to unwrap on my birthday. I can't get over how kind he was and selfless.
The next year it was just me and the children. It was tough. The fireworks were our special thing. I don't remember it.
Last year was special. My youngest was old enough to enjoy them. He was three.
I do not know how I can do it this year. It is going to be really tough. I was in tears at college today when I thought of it and I'm so sad now. I said to my 16 year old today I didn't know how I'm going to do it. He said to not go. But my youngest actually knows bonfire night is approaching. How at the age of 4 I don't know! I will go and I'll be trying to enjoy his enthusiasm. Maybe I can hold him a lirtle closer too and thank God for my children.
Bittersweet are fireworks, for me.
