I have concluded that discouragement is a big zapper of life. 
.... like I did not know that already.
This past year God has blessed me so much and yet I still find myself trying to pull myself out of the discouragement that I've been in. I know I have not really said much about it but yes I've been in discouragement. Probably for about the last 3 years or so.
It was in the end of 2005 that I was so financially strapped that I found myself having to file bankruptcy...something I'd been trying to avoid for years. LOL it showed too, 'cause the more I tried not to the worse it got. It was finely at the urging of 3 friends, one of them an accountant whom I gave first hand knowledge of all my bills and such to do what I had so long avoided doing.
I think I first became discouraged with myself. If I had just trusted God and not leaned on the credit cards to get me through just the basics of life then I probably would not have been in the position I was in.
Second, I think I became discouraged with my church. I became discouraged with the way they handled spiritual things. That one I cannot really even attempt to explain right now, 'cause it sounds like I'm picking too much. I just did not expect the leaders to be so negligent regarding accountability to God and the way they treated others. In that statement I'm not referring to myself only but what I saw overall. I was mostly part of the "in" group so I did not see it so much in refference to me but I saw it towards others a lot.
It's not that I expected them to swoop down and pay all of everybodys bills but I became discouraged in the way they were getting the church buildings all spiffed up (I'm not saying a church building should not be nice) but the people who were giving their money in tithes and offerings were going in want. But that little piece of chipped tile in the ladies bathroom made it necessary to replace the whole floor so we needed to give, give, give so that our church would look beautiful for all the visitors that came.
I left that church and I admit that I did not really do it the right way. I did not go to anyone and say I felt God wanted me to leave because I felt that God was leading me toward the Messianics and I did attempt once to talk with one of the pastors but he just went off on Messianics and how they believe this and that and all the this and thats he mentioned were not at all what was believed...so I became discouraged in the churches view and distortion of truth. There were others subjects they fell short on in this area too, it was not just this isolated incidence. I was "not there" for 6 months before anyone called to see if I was ok. About a year and a half being gone the second person called wondering where I've been. LOL
So, the end of 2005 I find myself fileing bankruptcy. I can keep my car and mobile home as long as I pay for them. I decide to let the mobile home go back to the bank. It was way too much and I could not afford to maintain the upkeep. Of course that meant I had to move. Moving is a very expensive thing. If you're moving to another apartment or house you have to put down a first and last month deposit plus pay for security checks plus uhaul truck plus other things so it can cost well over $1000 just to move.
Well, if I had that kind of money I would not need to be moving.
I hunted and hunted but could not find a place to move. It came down to 2 days before I had to be out of my house and a male friend whom I had not really known that long told me I could come to his house if all else failed. That was God sent I believe but 2 hours from work. So, since I had nowhere else to go I moved there. It was a huge house and I had my own bedroom and bath and there was nothing unkosher going on between us. We just shared the house.
I lived there for 2 months then circumstances warrented him moving up north to be near his family. That of course meant I needed to move too. So that is when I quit my job at the publishing company and moved up to PA. I loved PA and shared an apartment with a young woman and her two sons. I searched and searched for a full time job but the only place that called me was the local grocery store and I worked part-time (it was better than no money at all) in the deli.
It was then that I got the offer to move back down to Florida and be a live-in caregiver for a child placement facility. I loved the kids but all the people running the facility were very demanding and never were on the same page with each other. One boss would have one rule then the next would come along and have a different one and so on and so on. It was maddening. They would make us attend classes on how to handle the kids then forbid us to apply the majority of the training 'cause they personally, did not like it. I left there after a year. They said I was not motherly enough
So, that is how I've come to Kansas. Actually I believe God wanted me here sooner it's just that my family, like so many others I guess are very dysfunctional. My dad started a second family before he was finished with his first and the second family is up front now while the first is in the back seat...somewhere. Now that I'm here though, I'm wondering why I avoided it so long. It's really not as bad as I imagined and since moving here I'm actually doing much better financially than I ever did in Florida...this in spite of the fact that my wages are less than half of what I was making and I have my own apartment. I'm not in debt to anyone. God is good.
However, I still find myself with discouragement. Discouragement is a zapper of life.
I don't think I'm discouraged with God. I guess I'm just discouraged with myself. I have not found a regular (weekly) fellowship yet and I miss that. There is a small Messianic fellowship here in town but they meet only once a month. I don't have much contact with them throughout the rest of the month 'cause they are so busy. There is one lady who I am becoming friends with but it's hard to get together much with her 'cause my job is so sporadic...being on call and all that. I love my job and right now it's slow but I'm still working. Yah
Anyway, I just felt like sharing that. Discouragement. I'm coming out of it just slower than I like. Please pray for me. I don't like discouragement.
Also, regarding all the freebies and stuff here are some of the thigns I've recieved in the last few weeks:
Well, that is it for now. I try to keep up on this but somedays I just don't seem to have anything to say.
I can always say though, "God is Faithful and Good". All the time.
.... like I did not know that already.This past year God has blessed me so much and yet I still find myself trying to pull myself out of the discouragement that I've been in. I know I have not really said much about it but yes I've been in discouragement. Probably for about the last 3 years or so.
It was in the end of 2005 that I was so financially strapped that I found myself having to file bankruptcy...something I'd been trying to avoid for years. LOL it showed too, 'cause the more I tried not to the worse it got. It was finely at the urging of 3 friends, one of them an accountant whom I gave first hand knowledge of all my bills and such to do what I had so long avoided doing.
I think I first became discouraged with myself. If I had just trusted God and not leaned on the credit cards to get me through just the basics of life then I probably would not have been in the position I was in.
Second, I think I became discouraged with my church. I became discouraged with the way they handled spiritual things. That one I cannot really even attempt to explain right now, 'cause it sounds like I'm picking too much. I just did not expect the leaders to be so negligent regarding accountability to God and the way they treated others. In that statement I'm not referring to myself only but what I saw overall. I was mostly part of the "in" group so I did not see it so much in refference to me but I saw it towards others a lot.
It's not that I expected them to swoop down and pay all of everybodys bills but I became discouraged in the way they were getting the church buildings all spiffed up (I'm not saying a church building should not be nice) but the people who were giving their money in tithes and offerings were going in want. But that little piece of chipped tile in the ladies bathroom made it necessary to replace the whole floor so we needed to give, give, give so that our church would look beautiful for all the visitors that came.
I left that church and I admit that I did not really do it the right way. I did not go to anyone and say I felt God wanted me to leave because I felt that God was leading me toward the Messianics and I did attempt once to talk with one of the pastors but he just went off on Messianics and how they believe this and that and all the this and thats he mentioned were not at all what was believed...so I became discouraged in the churches view and distortion of truth. There were others subjects they fell short on in this area too, it was not just this isolated incidence. I was "not there" for 6 months before anyone called to see if I was ok. About a year and a half being gone the second person called wondering where I've been. LOL
So, the end of 2005 I find myself fileing bankruptcy. I can keep my car and mobile home as long as I pay for them. I decide to let the mobile home go back to the bank. It was way too much and I could not afford to maintain the upkeep. Of course that meant I had to move. Moving is a very expensive thing. If you're moving to another apartment or house you have to put down a first and last month deposit plus pay for security checks plus uhaul truck plus other things so it can cost well over $1000 just to move.
Well, if I had that kind of money I would not need to be moving.I hunted and hunted but could not find a place to move. It came down to 2 days before I had to be out of my house and a male friend whom I had not really known that long told me I could come to his house if all else failed. That was God sent I believe but 2 hours from work. So, since I had nowhere else to go I moved there. It was a huge house and I had my own bedroom and bath and there was nothing unkosher going on between us. We just shared the house.
I lived there for 2 months then circumstances warrented him moving up north to be near his family. That of course meant I needed to move too. So that is when I quit my job at the publishing company and moved up to PA. I loved PA and shared an apartment with a young woman and her two sons. I searched and searched for a full time job but the only place that called me was the local grocery store and I worked part-time (it was better than no money at all) in the deli.
It was then that I got the offer to move back down to Florida and be a live-in caregiver for a child placement facility. I loved the kids but all the people running the facility were very demanding and never were on the same page with each other. One boss would have one rule then the next would come along and have a different one and so on and so on. It was maddening. They would make us attend classes on how to handle the kids then forbid us to apply the majority of the training 'cause they personally, did not like it. I left there after a year. They said I was not motherly enough
So, that is how I've come to Kansas. Actually I believe God wanted me here sooner it's just that my family, like so many others I guess are very dysfunctional. My dad started a second family before he was finished with his first and the second family is up front now while the first is in the back seat...somewhere. Now that I'm here though, I'm wondering why I avoided it so long. It's really not as bad as I imagined and since moving here I'm actually doing much better financially than I ever did in Florida...this in spite of the fact that my wages are less than half of what I was making and I have my own apartment. I'm not in debt to anyone. God is good.
However, I still find myself with discouragement. Discouragement is a zapper of life.
I don't think I'm discouraged with God. I guess I'm just discouraged with myself. I have not found a regular (weekly) fellowship yet and I miss that. There is a small Messianic fellowship here in town but they meet only once a month. I don't have much contact with them throughout the rest of the month 'cause they are so busy. There is one lady who I am becoming friends with but it's hard to get together much with her 'cause my job is so sporadic...being on call and all that. I love my job and right now it's slow but I'm still working. Yah
Anyway, I just felt like sharing that. Discouragement. I'm coming out of it just slower than I like. Please pray for me. I don't like discouragement.
Also, regarding all the freebies and stuff here are some of the thigns I've recieved in the last few weeks:
- sample packs of Head and Shoulders shampoo and conditioner
- sample bottles of Pantene shampoo and conditioner
- sample pack of Good Bites multi-vitamin dog food (I'm sending it to a friend with a dog)
- a Mr Clean Extra Power Eraser
- a sample of Benefiber
- A sample Tall Kitchen 13 gallon drawstring trash bag from Glad
- and from one of the online magazines that I enter their freebie contests all the time I won a Ped Egg foot file.
Well, that is it for now. I try to keep up on this but somedays I just don't seem to have anything to say.
I can always say though, "God is Faithful and Good". All the time.
