I am home.
After many agonising months, I have finally come to the realisation that I am pagan and always will be. Nothing I can do can change that fact, and it is something that I have come to terms with
As much as it saddens me to say (and I mean no offense to anyone here) Christ just wasn't enough for me (I know that alot of you may be wondering just how I can say that?!)
It goes like this...I never, ever felt "right" as a Christian...I didn't feel like myself, I felt like an alien, like I didn't fit my own skin. I started to treat my family and friends differently, and if anything I became even more judgemental and intolerant towards them. I was constantly trying to hold them up to Christian ideals, ideals that they had no chance of meeting as they don't live by them. It felt like I was wearing a pair of shoes that were too tight, and now that I have taken them off, I feel so much better...more alive and free...more like myself.
There are many things that I do not understand about my path, and that is fine...I am patient when I need to be. I am happy to mess up and make mistakes, just like everybody else. I also realise that if things go wrong, I have no-one but myself to blame. I will be the one taking the consequences for my actions, no-one else.
There are so many things that now make sense to me, and it has all happened since I stopped trying to squeeze myself into the Christian box. I am more relaxed and laid-back...just like I used to be, and I am realising that there was nothing wrong with the way that I used to be...I prefer me that way.
I am not ruling anything out...who knows...something may happen and I may eat these words, and if that happens, I'm fine with that (though I truly cannot see that happening)...it is all cool, but for now, this is me, and I am happy to be this way
After many agonising months, I have finally come to the realisation that I am pagan and always will be. Nothing I can do can change that fact, and it is something that I have come to terms with
As much as it saddens me to say (and I mean no offense to anyone here) Christ just wasn't enough for me (I know that alot of you may be wondering just how I can say that?!)
It goes like this...I never, ever felt "right" as a Christian...I didn't feel like myself, I felt like an alien, like I didn't fit my own skin. I started to treat my family and friends differently, and if anything I became even more judgemental and intolerant towards them. I was constantly trying to hold them up to Christian ideals, ideals that they had no chance of meeting as they don't live by them. It felt like I was wearing a pair of shoes that were too tight, and now that I have taken them off, I feel so much better...more alive and free...more like myself.
There are many things that I do not understand about my path, and that is fine...I am patient when I need to be. I am happy to mess up and make mistakes, just like everybody else. I also realise that if things go wrong, I have no-one but myself to blame. I will be the one taking the consequences for my actions, no-one else.
There are so many things that now make sense to me, and it has all happened since I stopped trying to squeeze myself into the Christian box. I am more relaxed and laid-back...just like I used to be, and I am realising that there was nothing wrong with the way that I used to be...I prefer me that way.
I am not ruling anything out...who knows...something may happen and I may eat these words, and if that happens, I'm fine with that (though I truly cannot see that happening)...it is all cool, but for now, this is me, and I am happy to be this way
