This is my seventh and final letter which I wrote whilst in hospital. I was discharged late in 2018 and have been at home ever since, nursing the chronic wound on my ankle which is dressed three times per week by my marvelous wife. My doctor visits once per month to inspect the wound and to change the in-dwelling urethra catheter, which is now a permanent feature of my life. I am either bed-ridden or in a wheel-chair, but I can still feed, toilet and bathe myself. This is the life that God has given me and I thank Him for it, and hope that my thoughts and writings bring some folk closer to Him, and away from their fixation with worldly activities, like going to Church.
A Seventh Letter From Hospital.
I am now in my fifth week in hospital. The doctors inspected my wound on my ankle, the donor site on my hip for the skin graft has healed, and they do not appear to be moving towards a second attempt at a skin graft. The healing is very slow, therefore the reason for attempting the graft, to speed up the healing of the chronic wound, now there for five years, appears to be unfounded. Continual regular dressings may again be all that can be done. I may be an invalid, mostly bed-ridden, for the rest of my life, although I can still wash myself and get to the toilet. I continue to enjoy my food and drink, and bowel movements are usually regular and comfortable. My in-dwelling urinary catheter may well become permanent, if the enlarged prostate medication is ineffective. I will cross these bridges when we come to them, we are all in God's hands. I will not go for any other surgery at all, just put me on morphine and let me die, please God. (But unlike Job's wife, I am not saying that I should curse God and die. It may be God's will that I get a little better. I have added this comment during my typing of this letter).
Yesterday I became quite depressed. Issues over my care in hospital upset me but I rode them out. Unfortunately the depression set in and I have tried to deal with it over the last twenty four hours by praying to God and sharing my unhappiness with some other patients here on the ward. My bout of depression last year after the removal of a bladder stone gives me the strength from that experience to deal with it again, with God's help.
I am writing again, but I am not going to share this with Malvina. She has enough to deal with on her own now, and there is little I can do to help. Strong and effective practical help is not forthcoming from family nor friends. We get some support but they do not appear to notice what we really need. It all comes down to money in this world, if we had money Malvina and I could pay for the things we need. Perhaps a trip to America to get good wound treatment is necessary, but that is out of the question. I do not mean material pleasures, but essential day-to-day medical care and physical assistance. We do not have the money therefore we rely on God to help us with only our meagre pensions to rely on in this world.
Another reason that I am writing, apart from my resolute determination to pull away from my depression is to relieve the boredom which has set in because my internet connection on my smart phone has gone down. We do not have the financial means to maintain a good connection. A laptop would be better. Some may say I could be reading, but now that I have exhausted my motivation I only have the SDA Quarterly and a KJV Bible. I will try again with the Book of Acts to support my interest in Christian Anarchy, and I have always wanted to read Isaiah to pick up on his prophecies. (The Bible is a very clever collection of books. Prophecy may be the supreme example of the evidence that the collection was inspired by God, but we do not really know, not in this world. I have added this during my typing of this letter). 1 Samuel is also good in its support of the idea that only God is our Supreme King, and how we do not need human kings nor intermediaries (priests) between God and ourselves. I need to pray to God and ask Him for the strength and motivation to do these readings, as I reach out to draw closer to His Word, which is Jesus.
A Seventh Letter From Hospital.
I am now in my fifth week in hospital. The doctors inspected my wound on my ankle, the donor site on my hip for the skin graft has healed, and they do not appear to be moving towards a second attempt at a skin graft. The healing is very slow, therefore the reason for attempting the graft, to speed up the healing of the chronic wound, now there for five years, appears to be unfounded. Continual regular dressings may again be all that can be done. I may be an invalid, mostly bed-ridden, for the rest of my life, although I can still wash myself and get to the toilet. I continue to enjoy my food and drink, and bowel movements are usually regular and comfortable. My in-dwelling urinary catheter may well become permanent, if the enlarged prostate medication is ineffective. I will cross these bridges when we come to them, we are all in God's hands. I will not go for any other surgery at all, just put me on morphine and let me die, please God. (But unlike Job's wife, I am not saying that I should curse God and die. It may be God's will that I get a little better. I have added this comment during my typing of this letter).
Yesterday I became quite depressed. Issues over my care in hospital upset me but I rode them out. Unfortunately the depression set in and I have tried to deal with it over the last twenty four hours by praying to God and sharing my unhappiness with some other patients here on the ward. My bout of depression last year after the removal of a bladder stone gives me the strength from that experience to deal with it again, with God's help.
I am writing again, but I am not going to share this with Malvina. She has enough to deal with on her own now, and there is little I can do to help. Strong and effective practical help is not forthcoming from family nor friends. We get some support but they do not appear to notice what we really need. It all comes down to money in this world, if we had money Malvina and I could pay for the things we need. Perhaps a trip to America to get good wound treatment is necessary, but that is out of the question. I do not mean material pleasures, but essential day-to-day medical care and physical assistance. We do not have the money therefore we rely on God to help us with only our meagre pensions to rely on in this world.
Another reason that I am writing, apart from my resolute determination to pull away from my depression is to relieve the boredom which has set in because my internet connection on my smart phone has gone down. We do not have the financial means to maintain a good connection. A laptop would be better. Some may say I could be reading, but now that I have exhausted my motivation I only have the SDA Quarterly and a KJV Bible. I will try again with the Book of Acts to support my interest in Christian Anarchy, and I have always wanted to read Isaiah to pick up on his prophecies. (The Bible is a very clever collection of books. Prophecy may be the supreme example of the evidence that the collection was inspired by God, but we do not really know, not in this world. I have added this during my typing of this letter). 1 Samuel is also good in its support of the idea that only God is our Supreme King, and how we do not need human kings nor intermediaries (priests) between God and ourselves. I need to pray to God and ask Him for the strength and motivation to do these readings, as I reach out to draw closer to His Word, which is Jesus.
